I have a 9 yr. old and 3 yr. daughter. My son's friend, who is 8 yrs. old, slept over at our house. I came to find out after we brought home the friend that he told my daughter to kiss him and he stuck his tongue into her mouth. I am so furious and I told my son that I don't think it's a good idea to hang out with that friend anymore. My husband thinks I'm overreacting and overprotective that he is just a kid. Want to know what other mothers think and what to do?
He probably sees others, like his parents, kissing this way and tried it. Weird that it was with a 3 year old though. I would talk to his parents and let them know what he did. They need to teach him about boundaries and what is appropriate.
I also wonder why the 3 year old was hanging out with the 8 year olds.
I think if it was MY 8 yo, I'd want to know so I could talk to him about it.
I would want to know. I've talked to my 9y and 4y about how they should only kiss on the cheek, or nose. Kisses on the lips are boys and girls who are old enough to drive.
You should alert his mother to this. She needs to know - I'd want to know so that I could look into why this behavior is happening. Not sure how she will react - but it's best to say something.
And I don't think you are overreacting. You are the mom. You make the decisions about who your child associates with.
I think your husband is right on this one. Kids do this sort of thing. He's seen it on a movie or seen his parents and it's really not a huge deal.
before I answer your question I have to respond to a previous answer. My boys are almost 9 and the 3 1/2 and my older son and his friends include him in everything so why wouldn't a younger sibling play with the older sibling and their friends. The older boys include him in everything from cub scout activites to sports practice I find it odd that you would not allow them to all play together.
Now J. I think I would definately speak with the parents. I have a friend that went through something similar and it turned out the boy involved had been sexually assaulted by an adult. It could be just kids being kids but it could also be something else going on. At the very least I would speak w/ the boys mom.
I would keep him away, she is 3, this was not childhood experimentation. What might he get her to try next time? I would also tell his mom.
Well, you will never know 'why' the boy did that.
But... it was to your 3 year old daughter.
If anything, the Mom should know... and they need to teach their son that this kind of thing is not appropriate.... and by telling the Mom.. you will also be telling her that you do not approve of this... and that you are looking out for your kids.... the boundaries will be drawn.... and in the least... it will be giving the Mom a head's up on what her son is doing.....which I think any Mom would want to know....
No, it is not appropriate. Yes, children at this age do this. It does not necessarily mean the child has been abused. They see things on TV and talk with classmates and experiment. My 8 year-old daughter did this to me recently. I told her I didn't like it and not to do it again. I told her that, yes, teenagers and grown-ups do this and she could, too when she was older. She wrinked her nose and said "Eeewww!" End of story, no big deal.
If your daughter was 6-9 years old too, I would say "he's just a kid" too but have a talk w/ the mom and just ask that she remind him that your daughter is too young to be "kissing" him/explain boundaries.
Since he is 8 and your daughter is 3, although it could just be him being a kid, I suggest you have a chat w/ his parents. It may be nothing but at this age, five years is a lot and it could be something. Hopefully it is just him being mature but young kids are hurt all the time by older kids and you have to protect your daughter.
I would say, at this point, it is ok for your son to be friends with him but not to have him around your daughter unless you are right there.
It's not appropriate but doesn't mean he has been abused , just more than likely has seen something on TV that he shouldn't have. Have you talked to the mom at all? Maybe just tell her what happened so that she can talk to him and discuss what is and is not appropriate.
I dont think this is in ANY way normal for an 8yo boy to do...NOT to a girl that young. The boy has issues and I wouldn't let my son play with him.
J.,
I'm kind of with your husband on this one, I do think you might be overreacting a little bit. But it is of course not appropriate, I wouldn't tell my son it's not a good idea to hang out with this friend, because, in his defense, I do think he just saw someone else do it, and tried o imitate it. I would of course tell his parents, so that they are aware that their boy needs to learn about boundaries, and things like that.
I don't think there's any malice in it. I just think you should talk to the parents and watch him more closely. I do find it weird that he tried that with the 3 yo instead of the 9 yo. though.
Good Luck!
