What to Do

I understand fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed with it about 11 years ago. I had been the sole caregiver to my mother for 7 months as she battled cancer -- this while I was with her in Ohio while my husband and 9 yr. old son where here in GA -- so that added to the stress. Poor diet -- who could cook or find time to eat while being the sole caregiver!!!!! and poor sleep -- who could have regular sleep while being the sole caregiver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus then getting back into the "swing" of my family once I got back to GA -- we even wenet through family counseling to help!!!!!!!! I had throught I was having a mental and emotional breakdown until dr. gave me the diasnoses of fibro. Then I began researching about it.

You are VERY right about STRESS being a trigger. I found diet also caused a trigger -- fast food, fried foods, products containing wheat, and WHITE potatoes. Since I began yoga, meditation and regular reflexology (I am now a reflexologist!!!!) I remain almost trigger free. It also helped when I found some info about fibromyalgia and left it for my husband and then 10 yr. old son to read so they learned it was "real" and wasn't "just in my head being a hypocondraic -- did I spell it right? -- anyway you'll know what I'm to spell.

Dont you have any family you can go live with.Can you afford to pay someone to help with the house work.Is there any way you can go away for a few days

Hi D.,

If you haven't done this already, you can find sites online that give support and/or information about Fibromyalgia. Google it and it should give you numerous sites. One site I know of right off is www.fibrohope.com.

Hope this helps some. I have fibromyalgia also, Diagnosed 10 years ago.

D.,

I am so sorry that you are struggling with all of these issues. I am a Realtor, if I can help you find a rental home please let me know. I also can get you connected with a group of people that can help w/meals when you are suffering and maybe help with kids. You need to be surrounded by good people, friends, family, etc.. I live in Duluth, if you want to meet for lunch or a cup of coffee let me know. You have choices. Dont believe that you dont! You are stronger than you know, especially , if you are at home w/three kids and not feeling well and living in stressful relationship. Please let me know how you are and how I can help.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understandings. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path."
Now if you just take this matter to God in prayer He will lead you in the right direction. In all things we must pray. Always go to God about all situations rather big or small. I wish you the best and will be remembering you in pray. Be encouraged my sister and know that this battle is not yours, it's the Lords, so let Him do the fighting.

Hold on, S.

I am sorry you are going through so much trouble. I have fibromyalgia and have found that my worst trigger for the pain is sugar. I cut out white sugar last year and have had wonderful results from that. Sugar is an inflammatory agent, causing the muscles and joints to inflame. The difference in pain just from eliminating sugar is astounding to me. I can move again! It took about a month of being off of it before I saw huge results, but was worth the loss of sweets just to be able to function again. Also, I added an acai containing product to my diet which also has helped tremendously. You can find that in various forms from Xocai chocolate to Monavie juice to others. As for your husband, if you eliminated your disability, would things be much better? Does he hit you or threaten to hit you or the children? If so, you need to contact a SAFE house and get out. But it sounds from what you wrote as though you want to leave not only him, but the kids, as well. I am wondering how you would support yourself and two children if you leave, though it sounds like your husband may very well leave if things do not improve. Do you belong to a church? Do you have faith in God? Many unanswered questions from what you wrote. If you do not belong to a church, I suggest you find one and get help there. At church, there is counseling, community help, and faith-filled people who will pray for you and your children. Good luck to you. Your family will be in my prayers this day.

You may not want to hear this, but you need to pray (to God). It's time to trust in the Lord for your health and your marriage.

Proverbs 3:5&6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.

My prayers are with you.

D., My heart goes out to you! I know what it's like when life seems unbearable and the changes that need to happen feel way too big.
The first thing to do is nothing. Set aside time, even 5 minutes, to put aside all your worries and just get as quiet and calm as you can. When things inside have settled, Affirm what you want in your life. Try not to get too specific about details. State it in the present. "My life is peaceful and I receive what I need" FEEL how that feels to have what you need, to be peaceful.
Second, draw around you a support team. Find a group of like-minded people. Hang out with people who have come from where you are. Did you grow up with an alcoholic relative? Do you have a friend or is your spouse alcoholic/addicted? Alanon is a really great program. Some of the daytime meetings have childcare. Go to playgroups, koala mommas, Laleche . . . anything that gets you out of the house and in the company of others who have upbeat, positive energy, will listen, and can offer the emotional support you will need to navigate through this transition time.
Third, remember you only have to take baby steps! One day you will look back and see how far you've come but for now just trust that little by little your life will unfold into the beauty and love you and your children deserve. Just for today, do a small thing that empowers you, is kind to yourself, reminds you of the goodness of life.
And my last bit of advice - Keep reaching out! Don't isolate. Everyone is needy at some point in their lives. You won't be in this space forever. Open a little more to receive.
I'll be thinking about you!
With Love,
E.

I know that life is full of challenges. I know you have gotten lots of advice and I want you to know that people care. I know it may be hard but try looking at it from your husbands perspective, he is overwhelmed and frustrated as well and niether of your needs are being met. FM is a tough disease because of the mystery around it. So I am sure your husband doesn't have a good understanding of whats going on. I know something that really helps my husband and I when things are hard is moving the problem from between us, to in front of us, so that it is us against the problem. Both of you need someone to lean on, and who would be better than each other. Probably more than anything he needs you to tell him you understand it can't be easy from his point of view and him to tell you the same. My mom always said, the first husband might have problems but the other ones were always worse. I just don't think divorce is necessarily the answer. Most problems can be worked through if you are willing. Be strong, this too will pass.

Sounds like you are very unhappy and need to do something to fix that .Divorce would be the first step , as long as you have tried to repair the things wrong in your marriage. Sounds like your husband is a good "provider" but that is about it . Be strong, even with your illness and do your best to work and provide for your children , your husband, soon to be ex (?) WILL PAY FOR THE KIDS and do the best with what you have . You will find that you will probalby be happier WITHOUT him , may not have the material things but you will have YOUR KIDS and HAPPINESS - that is worth so much more . Your illness may even do better because you will most likely be less stressed without someone mistreating you all the time, not to mention your kids sense all that is going around them and what type of message are you sending them if you remain in a marriage that the MAN DOES NOT RESPECT YOU ....just think about it and I wish you all the luck.

I also have a lot of medical problems but am thankfully able to work (I have a very understanding boss). Although my husband knew this before we got married, he still doesn't understand either. He is very healthy-never had any problems. Among other things, I have had migraines for 27 years and they are very dibilitating for me. I was hospitalized in April b/c I had such bad cluster headaches that they mimicked a stroke and the doctors(and my husband) thought I had one. Even though he sees what happens to me, he still sometimes gets frustrated and says that it is just a headache. Anyone with migraines knows that is not the case, but he has never had one. I know that it frustrates him that I can't do a lot of things or make too many plans in advance, but I also know that it bothers him that he cannot help me or stop the headaches. He, too, works all the time and sometimes if I get a headache and cannot take care of our daughter, he gets "mad". I know though that a lot of it comes from his feeling helpless.

That being said, it sounds like you may not have a supportive husband. Only you know what is right for you and your children. Don't ever let anyone tell you to leave or to stay-you have to make that decisiion and anyone that loves you should support your decision whether they agree with it or not. There are a lot of options out there. Maybe a part time, flexible job would help. I have found that working for corporations doesn't work for me with the amount of sick time I take. However, working for a smaller company or a private individual does work for me(I just make sure they see what I good job I can do when I am there).

No matter what happens, you will be ok. As mothers, we can do anything-especially when it comes to the well-being of our children. I have no doubt that you will make it work one way or another. Good luck and take care of yourself.

D.-

My heart goes out to you...my aunt has fybromyalgia and I know it is a terrible disease. Chronic diseases like that can certainly put a tremendous strain on a marriage and family...I do have to say however that coming from a broken home myself divorce is even worse. I know it is incredibly difficult to be in a marriage that is not functioning well but I personally think it is worth trying to work it out for your children. That is not to say it won't be difficult - my husband and I have gone through our hard times...some I thought we may not make it through but when we do I am always happy that I have had the joy that comes from being together as a family. Considering your disease I think you both likely need each other more than you think and your children especially will benefit from seeing you work it out and working to make your family stronger.

My suggestion would be to try and remember what things were like when you fell in love with him and the qualities you love about him. That may be hard at first but it would give you something positive to focus on. I would then talk to your husband and see if you can get him to agree to marriage counseling. It may also be helpful to make a pack that you will not argue in front of the children as I agree that is hard on them! Do you have family or close friends near by? Getting some extra help from people would probably be helpful to give you both some time alone, help you rest when you need to, etc. I would also see what things are possible for you to do and try to communicate that to your husband so that he sees you are trying in spite of the illness you are battling.

I wish you the best of luck...I know it is extremely hard especially when you are not feeling well! I really would see if you can get an outside support system around you and see if there is a way to work things out!

W.

I am not going to tell you what to do, but you are a human being and not a door mat. First of all do you go to churc? I became a single parent and GOD, my church, family and friends help out more than you can imagine. Please don't give up. Please get on the internet and find out something natural for your sickness. Medicine wasn't design for the human body. Please the other main point is think of your children are they living in a healthy environment. Keep you head up help is on the way. Also try women shelters they might be able to help you.
GOD Bless You
W.

I was in a similar situation but was not ill just abused. Part of your sickness could be you are just not in a happy relationship. It's hard but I left with two kids and believe me when you close that door other doors will open. Sometimes you just have to step out on faith and do what you have to. Your quality of life is not only important to you but also your children. They do not need to see their mother suffering. Maybe you could stay with family or friends just till you get your feet back on the ground. Maybe with less stress of your marriage you will feel better. Good luck.

D. I am very sorry for what you are going through. I have been a single mom for 18 years raising three kids on my own. I didn't do it alone. Don't focus on your situation right now. Get on your knees and seek God and tell him all about it. One thing for sure he will never leave you or forsake you. You just got to trust him and let him work this out for you. No advise anyone are going to give you is going to be as powerful as you seeking the face of God. Trust in knowing God is a great God. He made your husband and only he can change the mind set that he has. God is waiting, go to him and let him know what you are asking advice on. That great answer comes from him.

"Today is the dawning of a new day. My season of frustration and failures is over, and I walk in a season of success and prosperity. Old things have passed away; all things have become new. Today I press toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Anything or anyone assigned to undermine, frustrate, hinder or hurt me, I command to be moved out of my sphere of influence in Jesus' name. I command my day to fully cooperate with your plan and purpose for it. I greet today with great anticipation of the good things you have prepared for me. I decree and declare that a new day is dawning for my ministry, job, business, for my finances, my relationships and my health. I download success, prosperity, health, wealth, vision, direction, ingenuity, creativity, spirituality, holiness, righteousness, peace and resourcefulness from Your Spirit into my day.

God loves you, go to him.

I'm not familiar with the illness that you have, but the circumstances are understandable. Have you applied for any assistance like food stamps, health insurance for your kids, anything that may take some stress off your husband? He may be burnt out, but at the same time if you could get some assistance this may take a little stress off of him. Also, do you pray? I am walking and living proof that God can and will answer prayers and help you, if you ask. How many times have you applied for disability? I know some people who have had to apply for as many as 5 times before they were approved. It takes a long time for anyone to get on disability. My cousin has gout and it's very severe. He can hardly walk most of the time and his legs look horrible, and he's been turned down. But he's not going to give up, he has to keep trying. Don't focus on the negative and what might happen. Ask your husband what you could possibly do to help make things better for him when he comes home. Do you help figure and sort out the bills, run his bath, cook meals, etc. I know you are hurting but if there are times when you can do these things they may help. I hope your situation becomes easier, and I pray that God would touch your body and heal you in the name of Jesus. God bless.

Keep your head up! I don't have any legal advice but as a mother heading towards 'single mom' life, I'd recommend starting your own savings account. I don't have much money left over after bills but I'm making a few spending changes in order to save as much as I can. I hope this helps!

Hold on, God is on the way. If you have to let your husband go, then do that. You must pay attention and be alert, so that you can see your blessing.

I talked to a woman at the SOC convention and she used to be in Nikken. She pointed out one of her team mates who had your illness, and with the Help of Nikken the woman is normal. What a wonderful feeling that must be! My suggestion is find a Nikken person. I have one, but not sure where you are.

K.
###-###-####

D.,
You do not say if you are being treated for your fybromyalgia. I understand there is medication now that can help. I believe you are right to say stress bring it on. Try to pace yourself with your housework. If you feel the pain starting up, stop what you are doing. Do only the basics till you feel better. Fybromyalgia does not go away, nor can it be cured. You will need to learn to manage your pain. Hopefully medication will help you. The quality of your life will be mind over matter. Keep positive thoughts, count your blessings, be happy you are able to be at home with your children. Play and laugh with them. Keep a journal of the good times and small notes of how you managed your day.
As to your relationship with your husband, that is difficult to address. But, turning a leaf of new attitude will help. Even if in pain, great him with love. Remember the man you fell in love with, remember he gets up everyday to go off and meet his challenges and difficulties at work. Try to listen to his troubles. Do not argue or raise your voices. Stay calm keep disagreements to specifics. Work on resolving the issues with a plan of action. Remember to be thankful for the good things, keep focused on the positive. Good Luck B D

Is there a support group you can join with husband if posible so he understands what you are going thru?

Hi D.:

My good friend has the very same conditions as you & is going through VERY SIMILAR stuff. Wow. I told her about your email and she said she would love to talk to you if you want because she definitely understand how you are feeling. You can email her at ____@____.com or call her @###-###-####, she lives in Mt. Pleasant. I hope this helps.

A.

Ask doctor if you can try Lyrica for fibromyalgia. Pray

I'm sorry to hear about this..I can't imagine what you are going through. I do have suggestions for your illness though to help better that part of it.

The first thing that I would do is use herbal remedies to help in this situation. I do have two members of my family that have this as well as a few friends and herbs can help out a lot! You aren't that far from me, but closer to the health food store that I would use and it's called 'Good Nutrition'. The closest one is off of Beaver Ruin Rd off of I-85. They can help you get started.

But a few of my suggestions would be to build up your immune system...some probiotics. I could list a whole bunch of things that you can do to help with the tiredness and pain, but I'd rather you talk to them at the store instead. If you have joint pain, you could use serrapeptase for that. I know different people's FMS varies from person to person.

As far as nutrition/eating, your diet should consist of mostly living foods, such as raw foods (or at least 50% of it). Pomegranates and the juice from it can help with inflammation. Drink plenty of water to help flush out toxins (not tap water). Dairy products and meats can increase pain. NO SUGAR...#1 enemy, as well as caffeine and alcohol. There are a few foods that you should limit or eat smaller amounts, because it too 'can' cause pain...white potatoes, eggplant, green peppers, and tomatoes.

Also, taking a good protein drink (not cow's milk based) and/or chlorophyll with it in some form can help give you the energy you might need. I have a friend that has FMS and she makes smoothies (the kids love them too) with fruits and she throws in some fresh spinach. It's tastes great, but is just green. lol

Definitely exercise..that automatically gives us more energy anyway....nothing strenuous...something mild.
Also, try massage therapy if you can.

Another thing to think about is the kind of shower you take. A hot shower upon rising can help relieve the stiffness and relax the muscles, but a cold shower can help relieve pain for some, so go figure!

Good luck!

Check out www.emofree.com for pain management techniques that are free and really work. It explains "tapping". I have used it and it is wonderful.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through all this. My sister has fybromyalgia and stays home with four children ages 2 to 9. I know it's tough. She has a number of medicines she takes that help her, but it's still a challenge that varies from day to day. She knows exercise has been proven to help, but it's so hard for her to get up and move when she feels so terrible. It can be a vicious cycle and is hard on the family as well. Be sure you are doing all that you can for your health (eating well, exercising little by little, getting on the proper meds for you, etc). You really need support emotionally and a plan for your family situation, as well. I suggest you see a family counselor, a therapist, or perhaps someone from your church. Perhaps a woman's group, friends, relatives could help too. Your husband should see a counselor. I'm sure he needs someone to talk to as well. If there is abuse, you need to get out right away. There are women's shelters that can help or at least point you in the right direction. How old are your children? This is a deep and complicated issue. I'll pray for you. Please keep us posted.

Darcy. I was touched by your post. I have a friend that lives out west that went through the same thing. I emailed her your request and this was her response.

Y.

Girl I would tell her to leave him. However, it is very hard not having the monies needed to make ends meet but if you are dead (from stress and Fybro) it wouldn't matter anyway. Remember I had high blood pressure as well that went away after my divorce. Once I left him my symptoms eased up on me, but I do feel it at times when I worry about how I will make ends meet but it isn't the same pain and stress. The kids are very happy and I'm just trying to figure out what to do next. If she doesn't have a support system then that will be hard. Even though mom was here for me she stressed me the hell out too. You have to make up in your mind that you have to save yourself. Just like on a plane the flight attendant ask you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping your child or another person. Save yourself.

If I were her I would see about signing up for section 8 in her state. The list is long but she would have that as a back up. Go back to school, which is hard to do under stress with the Fybro. But I did better by just leaving the marriage.

She could qualify for medical, food stamps and etc if she ends up with absolutely nothing. They even have a diversion program that would help her but a car and everything. She needs to research her options. Ask her doctor if there are resources out there. You gotta ask. A closed mouth can't get fed. I ask like crazy about different things that I, the kids and even Derek (my big boy in college) need. I'm on that phone
like I work in tele-marketing. Lol

As my high powered attorney said "You can't put a price on peace of mind". Yes I had the beautiful home, nanny and big time money in the bank but wasn't happy. I didn't fight for a thing and just left. I'm sure the ex is still surprised. I'm barely making it but happy as hell.

Cut and paste this to Darcy. Tell her that it came from your friend.

Hi Darcy,

I just wanted to write on behalf of you trying to get disability. My sister didn't have enough work to get regular disability either but she did qualify for SSI. She to suffers from Fybromyalgia. That is one of the most misunderstood diseases there is. It can be very painful and debilitating. Don't give up on your benefits and in the mean time; continue to pray about your marriage. I don't know your walk with Christ; but I know that's it's an all out attack on marriages lately. Continue to pray and trust God. God Bless you, Lenay

D., don't give up hope. Fibro can be treated and does not always lead to disability. Talk to a doctor that has treated (successfully) Fibro patients. Their are new drugs and lifestyle changes that can help. Also a lot of good books out there to help you understand Fibro. One of the most important treatments is sleep - good solid 8 hours sleep. If your issues are causing you to lose sleep then the Fibro will be worse.

Getting people to understand Fibro is very difficult. You don't look sick, and sometimes you can do your normal chores and other days you can't dress yourself.

See if you can find Fibro support groups in your area. It helps to know you are not alone. Just be careful about getting in a group where everyone is just asking for a pity party.

I don't have Fibro but my daughter and 2 sisters do.

D.

I am not sure if you are religious or not, but I will offer as many prayers as I can for your life to brighten up. I was in a bad marriage once that involved mental and physical abuse. Help is out there...you have to go get it. If you can, seek counseling. I am Catholic and part of the perks are free counseling by the parish priest. Even if your husband does not want to go, you need to vent to someone that is not partial to your situation.

I see you have lots of advise and read some of it but not all so I hope I am not being repetative here. I kept you in my in box as I really wanted to respond but the family has has a hectic week with school starting and getting used to a new curriculum. Anyway... God is good all the time and all the time God is good. He has a reason for allowing you to have fibromyalgia, and having kids, and all the other stresses good and bad in your life. We are to learn and grow from these.

On another note I beleive I have some info on fibromyalgia if you are interested in it. It would be from a natural perspecitve because that is how our family has approached everything that comes our way. Let me know if you want me to look for it.

K.

Have you thought about starting your own home business?

No selling, no inventory, no large investment and not an MLM.

You can request free information at... http://www.4thedinkins.fourpointmoms.com/

I have this also and a lot of things wrong with me.Get you cymbalta its a anti deperssion but wow it so help with the pain of fibro.Also exercise really help i know that sounds strange but it does.Also they have a new med on the market now for fibro,not sure how good it is but you may want to check that out.Also at night take a good hot bath heats helps really well .I got me a hot tub for winter time.A electric blanket helps alot if you dont have a tub.M.

Well, Darcy,
What does your husband NOT understand about "for better or worse"? He wasn't promised exuberant health from you when you said your "I do's". It is a package deal. It would be the same if it were him suffering.
I think about my poor sister who was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease at age 29. My brother-in-law and his family were totally devoted to her and they have since had a miracle child, as they were told that she couldn't get pregnant due to the radiation.
At 44 she suffered a heart attack and has congestive heart failure from the chemo and radiation that she had to take. She had no choice.
People who are devoted to each other work through these things. It is up to you to use your resources to try to find what is new for treatment in this disease. It is up to him and your children to be supportive of you and for Pete's sake, show a little compassion.
I get so put out with hearing how this spouse or the other isn't "happy" with the home situation. I truly do not think that you would BE THAT WAY if you could help it. he should be man enough to know that.
Stand your ground and if you do separate, put your heart on the shelf and go for the jugular.
Best of luck,
Cathy

I have a disability and can't get disability either.I understand.Make sure you build a circle of support for yourself PM me and i'll tell you more about that concept.People who support you is crucial.

D. I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you would not be able to support yourself & your children on your own, so that leaves only a few options that I can see. You could either live with another family member or try to get help for your marriage. Not sure if you have family that could help, but you might think about it. You could also try going to church & seeking help there through the other church members, the preacher, and praying about what to do. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you - again I'm so sorry.

Hi, Darcia
My name is B.. I understand your situation. Its hard sometime when things are not right at home. You need to find you a common place to be and think. I sometimes go a quiet park and just walk. If things are over between you and your spouse, then you would need to see if there is a way that you can agree to split the bills until you can get out on your own. If not then you may have to go stay with someone until you can do better. I had to move all the way to Atlanta to make new start. I miss home but its for the best. I am not sure if your condition is a disabity by the law, but you should not have to be working to get it. My sister has worked one month in her whole 32 years and is getting over $600 a month. You would be suprise what you can accomplish when you have the will- power to do it. Ask GOD what to do and wait for your answer. Then do it!

D.,

I hate to tell you to leave your husband right off the bat but, your husband should support you more than ever right now. I'm not informed on your illness however i'm sure you can find a support group in your area on how to deal with your illness, and counseling with your husband would be the ideal thing to do. My mom was a single mom of 6 girls and if she did it anyone can. Reach out to your friends, family,and church for help don't be to proud to ask for help. Your children should be your priority and making sure they are safe and happy. If your husband is not treating you right beleive me they know what's going on no matter how young they are. It's better to be from a broken home than in a broken home.

Seek Counseling before making any life changing desicions.

Good Luck and GOD Bless.

Xanax, that's the only way I get thru it. I have a wonderful husband albeit he's self centered as crap. IF he has had a bad day at work, then he goes on bike rides to relieve stress. I have a chronic illness too. I stay tired and I even hire someone to clean the house and wash all the clothes once a week. No i'm no rich girl. It's my stress reliever, let's say.
If he is abusive to you or the kics get out now. MEN who Beat or Cheat never change, in my experince.

Hello Darcy,

I am so sorry for all that you are going through but the first thing I want to tell you is to breath. You have a lot on your plate and since it's impossible to eat everything at one time you have to eat one bite at a time, and breathe in between each bite. Although you didn't mention it if you are taking Cymbalta for your Fybromyalgia I urge you to do some research on that medication. If not thats a good thing. As far a s a divorce you should plan it like an army going to battle. Since you say that he is not the nicest person don't expect a divorce to change his behavior. In fact it will probably worsen nothing brings out the worse like a divorce. Please take a moment and list your resources. I know you may not think that you have a lot but a time like this is not the time to withdraw reach out to your family and friends tell them what's happening and ask for HELP. Most of us don't do this to well but people who love you won't mind. Make a list of what you need and not what you want. This is about survival. Please talk to an attorney who will tell you the truth about getting out of your situation. Check the internet for support groups and resources for people who suffer with Fybromyalgia. This won't be easy but fighting for a better life for you and your children will give you the strength you need. Good Luck

Hi D.,
I did not know what fybromyalgia was until I looked it up on the Mayo clinic site. My best advice to you is see a psychiatrist.. You need to try and balance your sorrow plus the sorrow of others.. I know you are in pain but a lot of the stress is on your husband.. Now you say it is over but you don't have a plan so I suggest you stay with your husband use his insurance and see a psychiatrist becuase if you think it is hard now imagine doing everything on your own and holding a job. :)
Plus you are right you might not get assistance from the government I am not to familiar with that either... Did you talk to social security? Even if you get assistance from the government how will you take on the load of what your husband does now and your own?
I have a feeeling that you are very frustrated and need someone to talk to about how to control your frustrations and to balance out your household.. Please go see a psychiatrist.. I don't think you are looney but they will help you...