What to Do? - Mesa,AZ

This sort of thing is the school's responsibility. I would contact the attendance office and just put a bug in their ear.

Perhaps contacting the principal. Explain the situation to him/her and let them decide on the best course of action that won't involve you or your daughter. Talk to your daughter before hand and work it all out so you're both comfortable with your decision.
I hope It all works out for you. May God bless you~
Chell

tell the mother. this is a no win situation. she will be mad at your daughter but that is a small price to pay if letting the other mother know now helps her fix the issue before something worse happens.

Since your daugher is a junior and this girl is a freshman, I can't see how it would negatively impact your daughter if you were to tell this girl's mom. However, if you feel that anonimity is important for your daughter, then you could always contact the school. Let them know what's going on and urge them to call her mom at her work number or emergency contact number and let her know. Let them know that you don't want your identity known because you are close to the family in question and don't want it to impact your friendship. The school will shield you from discovery.

Seems to me the school should know about the class skipping. If the Mom's number has changed, you and your daughter seem to know about it, so could you drop an anonymous note off at the school office to update their phone records? Then the school (and the truant officer) can deal with who they need to directly rather than anyone else getting caught up in the middle.

How does your daughter know she is ditching? Does the school know this girl is ditching? If the school knows this girl is ditching I would make sure the office has all the contact #'s for Mom. Mom's work # and Mom's cell #. Mom may know. Ask the girls how school was and really listen. Ask fun questions...where did you go for lunch, who did you see, any tests. Talk about the furture and importance of education. They are both at an age to understand no schooling no skill no higher paying job. Not preaching, just casual chit chat about life.

Ask your friend how things at home are. Parents can be blind to their childrens faults.

Good Luck. Prayers are always good too.

You can either contact the Mom directly and be non-judgemental, but honest......if you trust her not to tell her daughter where the info came from, or........contact the school counselor and ask that you or your daughter be kept anonymous. At our high school this would be no problem. Either way should work in my mind.

Your daughter did the right thing and is not a tattle tale. She is concerned. Now you are doing the right thing to help get this 14 year old on the right track. You are a good Mom and modeling a good person to your daughter.
Way to Go!

I would call your friend and tell her. It's what friends do. I am honestly having a hard time truly understanding why this is a problem. Wouldn't you want her to tell you if the tables were turned? Wouldn't you want to be able to deal with it before the school jumps in? I think it is great that your daughter told you. Our society is so afraid of getting involved in the lives of other people. It's a sad trend. Just tell her kindly and in love, not in a rude way, which I'm sure you wouldn't do.

If somebody knew one of my kids was ditching class and didn't say anything to me, I'd be pretty mad. I'd be madder at the school though, whether the kids intercepted the phone calls or not.
My kids high school is pretty strict about getting actual parent verification of absenses. They make it pretty impossible for kids to just ditch with no explanation.
If you have contact numbers for the mother, I would talk to the school office and just make sure they have the same numbers you have for her home, work, cell, etc. They won't give out any information to you, but you can share the info you have with them. You don't have to give your name, but you can simply say you've heard that so and so may be ditching class in such a way that her mother isn't aware. Then, let them take it from there.
If she has unexcused absenses or she's had lots of frequent ones from certain classes (let's face it, kids can only have so many dental appointments, etc) they can get in touch with the mother. They can send home a letter requesting updated emergency contact information or a conference and if mom doesn't respond to it, they'll know something is up.
I would let the school handle it. That way, you're out of it, your daughter is out of it. It it's just a rumor, no harm done. If the girl gets caught, better it happens now than later. I would let the school handle it.
That's just my opinion.
I have friends who would be pissed if I didn't just tell them, but I also know people who would be pissed about pointing out anything their child might do wrong and shoot the messenger, so to speak.

.

I would vote for calling the school attendance office and tipping them off. Ditching is a bad habit to get into and, with all of that unaccounted time on yor hands, you can get yourself into a lot of trouble, especially if you are hanging out with the wrong crowd. She's still young enough and it's early enough in her academic career that she can probably get her act together and turn it all around with very little effort or consequences. But she needs to get caught and held accountable for what she is doing otherwise she will never learn the lesson.

Good luck with however you decide to approach this.

If you don't want them to know it is you so that your daughter cannot be identifed as the source, call the school, and tell them what you know so that the school can call Mom directly next time, and just politely ask if Mom has been ignoring all the automated calls about her daughter's absences from school, or if the automated calls were not reaching her. I would expect for the school to contact me if this went on too long without me doing something about it, so I am sure that if you ask the school to not identify you, the Mom will just assume that the school initiated the contact.

I tell my kids that it is only tattleing if you are doing it just to get the other person in trouble, but if you are doing it for the safety of the other person, it is not. That is probably why your daughter told you too.

M.

My daughter goes to a school with the same type of system. It is irritating for me because the system calls both my house and my cell # and my email. Usually it is about stuff i am not to crazy about, pta meeting reminder...but once in a while it is something important, school gas leak so early dismissal...
I would casually ask your friend about one of these general automated messages and see if she knows about it. Let her know that you get it from multiple sources which is handy in case of emergency (like gas leak or a teacher trying to get a hold of you).
You can also lie/fib and mention all these automated messages you and everyone else have been getting.
last year an entire school was sent an erronuous message that their kid was absent because the person in charge of it was not there.
When she mentions that she doesn't get these messages then tell her to call the school right away and give alternate contact info.

Ask your daughter! Since she is intelligent and has a good sense of morals (shown by her bringing this to you) maybe she knows of a good way to handle her friend. If she is up to it, perhaps she could inform the girls mother herself with your support. It would be an excellent way for her to learn to stand up for her morals and do the right thing for someone else, even when they don't think so.

If she's your friend, I don't see the problem with simply telling her what's going on and then asking her not to mention to her daughter where she got the information. As a parent, I'd certainly want to know if my kid was missing school.

Also have a conversation with her about her daughter's influences. Again, if she's really a friend, this should be an easy thing to do.

Send an anonymous note telling the mom what is happening.

Call the school counslor. If you tell them you do not want the mom to know it is your daughter or you that is getting involved they CAN NOT tell them. The counslor is much easier to deal with than the front office. You should call your daughter's counslor since you probably don't know the other gir's counslor and she will know exactly how to proceed.

If the situation was reversed, what would you want your friend to do?

I guess I am the odd man out on this one...

I say you do nothing. Sorry to sound so blunt but what if your daughter is mistaken and she hasn't really ditched any classes? What if the Mom already knows and is taking care of it, what will she think of your need to tell her about her "bad daughter"? What if she only ditched once (like you said, all kids cave to peer pressure once and awhile and I honestly think that if a kid goes all the way thru school w/out ditching at least once, those kids might be wound a bit too tight) and you make a big deal out of it for nothing, then she finds out your daughter ratted her out? This really is a job for the school, that's what they are there for, I say let them do there job and you do yours and worry about your own kid.

Your concern about your daughter seeing her friend get away with it and then think its OK to do herself...well, she told you about her friend didn't she? You guys obviously have a great line of communication going...didn't you take that time to tell her not to try it, it wouldn't be worth it that you'd always find out, not like the other mother? I am sure you did!

If you are truly concerned for your daughters friend's future I say keep tabs on her and have a conversation with the Mom if things get a little worse...but I personally think you are making a huge leap from her "allegedly" ditching some classes to getting kicked out of school!

I would definately tell your friend when the kids aren't around. Maybe suggest that she call the school and check out her daughter's attendance or maybe she can check it on-line. If the mom wants to tell her daughter how she found out, she can say she checked with the school. Ask her not to say it was from you.