Do You Ever Deal with Difficult Situations Anonymously?

I really like Gracie's response. I think it's much more effective to confront problems and issues by offering helpful suggestions and possible solutions. No one's going to see you as a trouble maker if you have that kind of attitude, and you'll not feel the need to be anonymous. And anyway, anonymous calls, emails and messages usually aren't taken seriously anyway. Plus they offer no chance for dialogue.

Eh--different strokes for different folks, I guess.
I normally choose not to do things anonymously.
But certain situations, I can see that it might be necessary.

Just my point of view, I take nothing given to me anonymously seriously. It has zero value to me. I look at answers here, harmful ones that thankfully most ignore, still they have nothing vested in giving you an answer of value.

Same thing for anonymous letters or emails. You don't believe in something enough to attach your name? If you are correct, if you are trying for the greater good, then you are not a trouble maker, why should you worry about attaching your name? Because you are a trouble maker and no one should take your emails as anything but nonconstructive criticism?

I get not wanting to confront but if your fear is being seen as a trouble maker, chances are you are being a trouble maker.

If I have a problem with my children's school, I don't email, I don't confront, I walk in, state my concern and ask how can I help. Sometimes after hearing their point of view I realize I was wrong, other times we work together to solve the problem. Seems a little more productive than a nonconstructive email.

Even a coward has no problem asking how they can help. I mean, you want to help right?

Anonymity has its place. One must take care that they aren't being passive aggressive though.

I take huge offense to the poster below comparing the President of the United States to dictators, mass murderers and religious zealots.

Please take your hate mongering elsewhere, she asked a question about sending anonymous emails to her school.

Sally-I think not using your name will make the message less effective. I just pick my battles when it comes to school "complaints" if they hear from me it's rare and important.

Administrators take you more seriously when you do have a complaint if you have a record of mostly positive feedback.

I never deal with situations anonymously. If I'm passionate enough about something to address it, I'm brave enough to put my name on it while addressing it.

You develop these skills by practicing communicating under stressful situations. The more you do it the better you can get at it.

As others have said, many put no weight behind an anonymous note and won't even respond to it at all. I wonder how you would handle things if your notes were ignored. Something for you to consider because this approach may not work for you in the future.

Yep, you are right: It is cowardly. I can see posting to forums anonymously or under a screen name. But dealing with a school administration that way? Seriously? You may think those messages got action, but can you be sure that any changes really came from your communications or from others' input instead?

If the issue is one you think will end up giving your kid or you a "label" (troublemaker, helicopter mom, etc.) then I'd think again about whether the issue is one you really need to be addressing. Or you need to find a constructive way to handle it. It takes a lot more work and creativity to come forward with recommendations that have your name attached to them.

If your school is one where the administration and teachers really do retaliate, and take parents' comments or issues out on the kids, then you have real reason to fear retaliation against your child. But if that's the case, .you have a MUCH bigger issue than whether to write to them anonymously and should get your child out of there or take on the adult bullies openly. But if you're just worried that those in authority merely won't like what you say -- that's not a good reason to hide behind anonymity, especially in something as important as dealing with your child's school.

If the issue is conveying potentially damaging information about an individual, such as an allegation about a teacher, you need to take great care because it could end up damaging someone who's innocent. If it's just about programs or policies or teachers not following up on stuff - why not put your name on it?

Sally:

When I get stuff anonymously? I disregard it. If the person doesn't have the fortitude to come up and discuss it like an adult? Why should I give their "information" any credit?

So yes, I think it's cowardly of you to do so. Why not just write it down, come back later - re-read and then press send? Schools can use IP address trackers so they can find out who you are...you may not be as anonymous as you believe you are.

You realize you're not really "anonymous" here - right? People have reached out to others here and gotten to know them personally? Some have even met up...I've met several from here.

You don't have to be confrontational. You can tell someone your feelings without being confrontational. Oh well. That's the way you choose to behave...

The articles written to convince the country to adopt the Constitution were written anonymously.

I'm not saying your notes are worthy of the Federalist Papers...but you're not alone in being anonymous.

I agree with another poster who said she disregards anything she gets that is anonymous. I'm the same way. There is nothing wrong with putting your concerns in writing instead of face-to-face, but you should at least sign your name.

As I see it, if you feel the need to make it anonymous than you either have no business complaining about it or you should be picking your battles more wisely.

As far as using an 'anonymous' e-mail address...NOTHING is anonymous in the computer era.

if it is a real complaint it deserves your name. I would disregard anything without a name Maybe you are a troublemaker. I mean why else bring the issue up if you don't want it solved. Own your issues so they can get solved and moved on from

8kidsdad, putting the president of the US in a group with mass murderers is a little bit outrageous doncha think. But anyways...

No I don't think being anonymous is good. It is cowardly. BTW I am not anonymous on this site, I am using my name.

School administration issues should be handled with your identity.

I'm like you- I have sent a letter or two to the school for situations that I felt needed attention but didn't want to be labeled. I figured that I'm already a bit of a squeaky wheel when it comes to my daughter, and for those things I have to summon up the courage on her behalf to deal with things directly. I guess I thought addressing everything all the time would 'dilute' my effectiveness! :-)

For instance, my daughter was coming home almost daily with reports of the horrible behavior and disrespect in her classes, and the teachers didn't seem to deal with it. I sent an anonymous letter to the principal with these concerns. It did get handled.

I used to worry that this makes me a little less brave, but I'm over that now. I don't send tons of notes about everything. And like I said, I am saving my courage for my daughter.

That said, if it was something mean-spirited or personal about someone else, I wouldn't do that. But it doesn't sound like that's what you do either.

It's not like the internet people who bash overweight news anchors and things because they can do it without using their names. You are looking for positive results.

I believe in taking responsibility for my actions. If I have a problem, especially anything affecting my children, I don't care if others think I am a "trouble-maker." It's called being an adult. If it bothers me enough that I feel it needs to be addressed, then, I will always put my name and face to it. There is nothing wrong with taking a stand on something. Then again, I am not the type of person to seek approval for everything or to do whatever it takes to be on someone's good side. When it comes to my kids, my goal is not to win a popularity contest, it is to do what is best for my kids.

I have connected with several mom's on here via FB, and met with one several times and I love her! She's become a great friend to me and a support through some difficult times in my life.

I would NEVER deal with anything with the school without my name. I don't care if it makes trouble, I am afraid of nothing when it comes to the welfare of my kids. I'm assuming if the problem was bad enough to go to the administration, it was rather big. So why hide? That makes no sense to me.

Yes, it's nice that some people on here don't know me, but the ones I have met even just virtually, are definietly friends of mine.

Hi, Sally:

I understand your dilemma. I had to learn how to stand up for what I believe in. To help me learn, I went to Bethlehem, PA, and received my Masters' Degree in Restorative Practices and Youth Counseling. There I learned to stand up for what I believe in.

Here are some questions to think about when a situation arises that causes you some passionate feelings:
1. What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3.What has been the hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?
www.iirp.edu

The other thing is this: Are you going to any Constitutional studies meetings? When you understand the purpose of our Constitution, you will have the backbone to stand up for our liberty. When you stand for liberty, you stand against evil.

Good luck.
D.

(I'm new around here, before I begin)

I generally don't feel the need to hide behind anonymous shields. If I have a problem, whether with a person or an organization, I prefer to deal with it straight on.

But there are some situations in which attaching your name to something could lead to you (or your children) being "punished" for what you said/did. In a situation like that, where you know the situation needs to be dealt with but the repercussions on you or your family would be more than you want or can handle (because they're unfair or would be so severe that they would have a major impact on your life, then I think it's better to handle it anonymously.

At the same time, though, depending on how it's handled, I do agree that anonymous reports/complaints/etc. are sometimes seen as "less." Whether less important, less valid, or whatever, they can be ignored.

I don't know that anonymous complaints really get you very far. In general, I tend to say what I think and let the chips fall where they may. The trick is to wait for the right moment to say something, and to say it in a non-emotional way. Also, if you're trying to change something (a policy, for instance), think about a better way to do it. For instance, if you think the elementary school drop-off is dangerous, is there a better way it could be done? If so, write something up, draw a map, and present that to the Principal for consideration. Then, you're not just whining or complaining, but offering a viable solution. I have never found that anyone perceived me as a troublemaker for saying what I think, as long as I say it in a mature, rational way, and offer a possible solution.

According. I hate it when a boss calls some coworker out because someone said ... A man should be able to face his accusers.

I prefer to receive to send an anonymous note when it affects my child, but a savvy principal knows that a savvy teacher can figure out who is behind the issue and thus a child does indeed suffer. So parents should go to the teacher first. We do not get upset if we think that you are giving us a heads up, but to go over our heads to the principal is not smart!

Some parents were just talking about a suggestion box at school. I think this box is for the purpose of suggesting something anonymously.

The school will most likely address real people who talk directly to them about a specific concern. Email is also nice if you think verbally you might not convey your idea correctly.

Sometimes I have a friend proof read (my husband always says it is great). When I write i change my train of thought and the sentence is cut and pasted into a disaster. I do that a lot on this site and go back and delete...Then some 'detective' will freak out you change your post. Yes, "we are was into back" to "We are going back into" so the flow is better.

I think when we do something anonymously we can be totally honest. We can try and be objective and tell what the issue is and what we'd like to see done to fix it.

When you send an email you are not in the ""hot seat" per say and can think through what you are wanting to convey, not get side tracked when someone butts in, and string your sentences and paragraphs together to make a flowing argument.

SO I think you're doing a good thing IF this is something general. Such as a parking lot issue at the kiddo's school, a staff person who is rude to every child they come in contact with, a teacher that is doing something in the community that might be questioned with her moral's clause if he/she has one.

But if it's something pertaining to only a few or less then you probably need to report it personally.