My 8 year old son stole money from a girl in his class to buy something at the Christmas store the school is having. What to do with him? I gave him money yesterday to spend and he did spend that money. I am at a loss, not sure what to do. Help!!
He got caught at school, the money was returned and he has been suspended.
Thanks for the input. My husband and I had a talk with him about stealing being wrong and how if he wanted or needed something he should come ask us. He is punished from everything and I made him write an apology letter to the little girl. He knew that stealing was wrong and I think he has learned his lesson. While we were talking to him he had tears running down his little cheeks and it was so hard for me not to just love him but he needed to understand the consequences for his actions. The sad yet sweet part is that he wanted to buy me something from the Christmas shop and that is why he took the money. We told him that dad was going to take him shopping to buy me something for Christmas but I guess he didn't understand. Which does not make what he did right, it is wrong irregardless of the reason.
Thanks Leslie about the photos! I enjoy photography a lot just haven't had much time for it lately.
I will go to the classroom and make him apologize to the girl and if he has his own money make him bought a prsent for her, plus take something from him like tv or video games
On Monday march his little behind right back to the school and make him give back the money in front of the entire class, apologise for taking the money and then suffer whatever punishment the school deems fit.
Nip this stealing in the bud and don't cover it up and you will have a much better child.
Advice from a former thief. My mom did this to me when I was about 10 or so. It was very embarrassing but I never stole a thing again. I was cured.
You are his mother, and your job is to teach your son life lessons, even the hard ones.
Here's what I would do, and I only suggest this because this is what my mom did and it got my attention. (I was in 4th grade when I stole some items from a classmates desk, and my mom caught on.) Call your son's teacher and explain the situation. Arrange a time outside of classtime for your son, yourself, the teacher and the girl to meet for five minutes. Your son needs to give back the money and apologize in person. And he needs to give the item he bought with her money to the Goodwill. Then you are done. This way of making amends in person is punishment enough and gets a kids attention. You can decide if you want to tell your son in advance, and let him know that's the plan, or if you just want to arrange it with the teacher and surprise him.
Imagine, too, how that girl must have felt, to have lost her money. You might mention how upsetting it must have been for her to have lost the money, because parents get pretty upset with their children about this sort of thing and he may have gotten her into trouble, too. In which case, he might need to write a letter to her parents to apologize for causing trouble for their family.
Sometimes, not adding groundings, spanking, etc make the experience of returning the money more profound. If you punish, it's usually the case that the child will feel this is "unfair", because they've already given the money back. I'm glad my mother did what she did (only, it was the principal. Yikes.), because while my friends in high school were shoplifting, I was too scared to do that. I'd already been thoroughly shaken up by the humiliation and embarrassment of stealing a mini-stapler and a cute eraser!
At 8 years old he is old enough to know that stealing is wrong.
Since the school has already suspended him, you need to re-enforce that punishment at home. Take away all of his privileges....not just his favorite things to do or play with, but everything. Strip his room if you have to down to a bed and dresser. Set him up with household chores - not as punishment, per-se, but as a way to make him contribute to the household that provides him with everything he has and/or wants. Also, as a way to begin earning his own money...I would explain that there will be no more freebies from Mom and Dad for awhile. If he wants spending money, and takes what is given him granted, then he will have to earn it now.
Have a very serious talk with him about his behavior, explaining that he will slowly regain privileges as he regains the trust of his teachers, classmates, and you.
With that being said know that this is not the end of the world and he is not headed for a life of crime.
Oh, I checked out your web site - very nice photos!!!
My son actually got a WRITTEN apology from a classmate last year (about a week after the 'on the spot verbal one'). As the parent of the "injured child", it TOTALLY melted my heart, and I was so impressed by the concept that when my son does something that falls in the realm of "completely unacceptable" I now make him write an apology and deliver it as well.
I also have to 2nd that the suspension be as boring as possible, even though that will make life hard for you (at least the few times I've had to ground my son those days are hard on me). No electronics, no park, no entertainment of any kind. Chores, work, and groundedness.
I had my son draw a picture for the girl he kicked in kindergarten and bring her a flower.
My sister made her son at 5 or 6 return an item to the store and then give the store the money for it, I think it was candy.
Make him return the money with an apology. If he has his own money, make him use that, if not than lend it too him but make him work it off.
Since its still fresh, steal something from him (like his next cookie or pb&j) and ask him how it makes him feel. Since he's already returned the money and hopefully apologized and feels kinda crummy about it, I think a few more stern lectures and examples would be all you need to do to get the point across. Maybe one night without tv or vid games or whatever his favorite thing to do is. The returning of the money and the apology are the most important part of the equation.... followed up with reasons why stealing is just wrong, until you feel he "gets" it.
