What to Do.... - Weatherford, TX

If my son had just had surgery, I would uninvite the guests if my husband refused to do it. Your husband may be upset, but he'll get over it. Your child's health is more important. If children acted badly in my home, they would not be invited to return. If they were family, we would visit them instead of them visiting us or we would meet somewhere neutral. Maybe a picnic at the park. Good luck and remember that you are the only person who your son has to stand up for him. Happy Mother's Day!

You child comes first. Tell your friends, your son had surgery and is not feeling well and your just not up for company. If they are true friends they will understand. Your husband needs to stope worrying about what other people think your family comes first before any one else. My son has severe ADHD and I would never want anyone to feel like they have to visit with us if they are not feeling up to it... My middle son has had 3 ear surgeries and when we are not feeling like company we are not afraid to say it...

Good luck and don't worry, friends will understand and never want to impose.

A. J

I would uninvite them. Your son's health is much more important. The other parents should be very understanding. If they're not, then they are not good friends.

I would say "I am so sorry but our son just had surgery and the doctor said that he has to be still for the next week in order to heal" I really hope that you can understand. I think that anytime you say "the doctor said..."people back off and are more understanding than normal. Take a raincheck and take care of your family first.

Call and cancel...they should understand. Just tell them your husband was not thinking. Make it another time, you can be gracious.Start out with a compliment to the mom, and how much you enjoy "her" company, then tell her the situation, she should understand.

T., you are not rude, you are being a good mom! DOn't let your husband make you feel guilty for putting your child first. How bad would you feel if he ruptured his incisions because you went against the doctor's advice only to avoid an uncomfortable phone call? I just know your friends will understand. If I were you, I would just call and say how sorry you are that you can't put them up this trip (no wishy-washyness...just "WE CAN NOT DO IT."). You can always embellish the doctor's orders a little too...NO play dates, or something like that. ADD or no, seems like just normal boys-being-boys play is risky. If your friends (or husband) don't understand, that is THEIR shortsightedness, don't sweat it:)

Next time try evaluating how your son feels, if his ear is making him physically uncomfortable then as politely as possible explain that your son's health is not up to par and he needs a "time out" from playing. A child with ADHD can be hard to handle with or without medication, both me and my youngest son take medication for ADHD, but more so when the child is not yours. Just remember that you may need to explain the situation to the other child a few times and offer something else to do....maybe an art project..to keep his mind occupied while he is in your care. And remind your husband that his aggrevation does nothing to help the situation, take 10 slow deep breaths and help you out.
Hope this helps....

You definately step up as the more mature half of the relationship apparently and tell the couple, I would really love for you to come(uh-hum), but (you'r sons name) just had surgery that's left him unable to play and jump around and that he needs some rest until he heals and is able to get out and play with (thier son's name), so you hope they understand and you guys can reschedule a time for a visit. Period. Your husband will get over it, and unfortunately men sometimes just don't get it.

I would ask my husband why he invited people over to the house when he knew his son was sick? and why those people and their feelings were more important than the well-being and healing time of his son? and why couldn't he just tell them this was a bad time. if they invited themselves then he should have said it wasn't a good time for the kids to play. or that only the adults could come based on the instructions from the doctor.
if they were your real friends they would have understood.
if that didn't work. then i would take the kids and go to a hotel and let your husband entertain "his friends" and put up with their behaviour. if he had to, then he would stop inviting them over.
i am also curious why he left you to do the dirty work of telling them no. And I am also curious why you didn't tell them "NO", but hell no.
So what I get, is that, their feelings and how they think of you is more important than the well-being of your son. which isn't what you probably think, but definatley how you acted. because you didn't tell them no anymore than your husband did. so you ran the risk of setting the healing back on your son, did not follow doctors orders, and exposed him to a wild child, because why????
perhaps a compromise would have been for the hubbies to get together at your place and have a family event when your son was better.
frankly, if they couldn't control their son with meds or without they wouldn't be at my house period. that is not fun to me nor SAFE for anyone involved. same with the 2 year old. obviously they use it as an opportunity to let them run wild while you chase them and babysit and they do what????? and when their son does something really bad and someone gets really hurt you will wonder why you didn't say or do something before. and they will be what chagrined and sorry? to late after the fact.
sorry, i am not meaning to be rude. i just don't understand why you are asking how to handle this situation when you say you don't have a problem telling them no and obviously knew what you should have done but didn't choose to do what you knew to do and why your husband didn't support his son first. it just sounds like you are looking for an excuse to justify you or your husbands behaviour because you feel guilty giving in and not fighting about the visit. when you knew that you didn't need to have them out to begin with so that your son could heal. or you are venting about your husband and the fact that he didn't make a very good decision based on the needs of your son and putting your family first above these friends. i would suggest the problem isn't with your "friends" but with your husband.
if i had a friend who's son had surgery, i would have canceled myself and not put my friend in the position to have to choose. i would gather the kids up, pick up a get well card, a small toy, taken them a frozen lasagna, visited just long enough to drop that stuff off and let them know if they needed anything to call, and LEFT. the parents know their son has problems but gave you little thought by not canceling. and that shows that they are not really your friends. especially, if i know my son had issues and he would be around a sick child? no way.
i hope that you can resolve the situation and that your son heals nicely.
good luck,
L.

I think I'd have to ask the family to reschedule. It obviously will be too stressful on your youngest who would have know idea what it would be like to 'stay calm' at the age of 3.
I suggest that you buy your visitors washable markers/crayons along with a new coloring book. Maybe that 'newness' will help along with the word washable. Tell them to leave theirs out in the car. Although, it could be a good lesson for him to learn how to clean up the walls if he makes a mess.
Good luck!

I'd say that your first priority is your son & his health. Your family/husband may be put out, but as adults they'd have to understand that the child needs to heal. I don't think you need to say that the reason is their misbehaving son; rather, any company right now would get your son a bit too excited so soon after surgery & he's under doctor's orders to take it very easy.