We have 4 daughters and I was never "wishing" for a boy or "trying" for one. I just enjoy being a mother more than anything else. I sometimes wonder why. They test our patience and do the exact opposite of what we want. But they are also pretty, creative, fun, funny, and awesome to be around. Of course, my grandson is handsom as all get out!
We put 10 years between our 3rd and 4th. I'm so glad we had her and would do it again, even now at 43. But my husband does not agree at all. He's gone so far as to freeze me out of the bedroom since he is too gutless to do the snip-a-roo and I won't tie my tubes because I just won't in case....well in case he has a last minute change of heart.
I actually do daycare in my home and I've often wondered about woman that have 3 children and then come to me wanting some huge discount because they can't afford the 3rd child. When it comes to daycare and children you do have a few possibilities. You and hubby can work opposite shifts. That seems hardly worth it in the long run because then family time is out the window. You can do daycare like I am doing. But that's a huge can of worms and I'd never suggest to quit a good job for it. Too many woman try and never even get the first child. Competition in daycare is fierce. I've really never struggled getting kids. But I know many that do and have recently met 4 woman that are not making it. 3 of them have never gotten even one and one of them only has one after many months of advertising.
The other alternative would be to find someone else in the same situation and swap out daycare with them. Maybe you could pay your normal sitter during the day and then offer night and weekend care to off set the costs of regular daycare. You wouldn't need too much to make a huge difference. Many parents are willing to pay 40 bucks for 2 kids or 60 for 3 kids just to go out on a Friday night. If you did that 3-4 nights per month it would go a long ways towards paying at least part of your daycare for the 3rd child.
Also, don't forget to sit down and look at the tax implications. A 3rd child means another 1000 off the tax bill directly plus another 3500 dollars you don't pay any taxes on. I'm not sure what the maximum amount of daycare you can deduct is. A 3rd child in care might not change your taxes much. If you have the dependent daycare thing at work where they take it out of your check though, then you don't pay taxes on any of your daycare.
Also, remember that the 4 year old will start school one day and it takes 9 months to have a baby. So that gives you time to at least have one of the kids in 1/2 day care or even just before and after if your district has full day Kindergartin.
As for the costly and time consuming outside lessons/activities with the kids...I think people put far too much emphasis on those anyway. We are becoming a society that thinks we need to schedule our children to death and more family time around the table, walking in the park, riding bikes, or watching a movie together would go FAR in putting family back as a priority in this country.