What's Wrong with Me? Embarrassing and Personal!

Every conversation I ever have, I tend to run it over in my head...over and over...wishing I had said something different, suddenly finding that witty answer, etc...I think it's fairly normal. At least for some of us. ;)

I think you should do the class more!!!!!!
I just started martial arts training and LOVE it! Class is 2 or 3 times per wk. After class, sometimes for days, I'm still thinking about class and the Sensei and other instructors, fellow classmates that I worked with, etc. I think it's normal.....I like it, so I think about it. Like if you had a really fun day at a Birthday party or something.....you'd keep reflecting on it. And yes, you hold appreciation and respect for this man.

You're an introvert who took a huge step way outside of her comfort zone. Of course the events of the day are going to stick with you and take a while to completely process.
Perhaps getting out of your shell even felt good once you got into the swing of the lesson. If so, then this person did you a huge favor, not jsut in teaching you how to punch and kick, but in letting you see what the world can hold for you if you're willing to reach for it. I would say that what you're feeling is most likely extreme gratitude, maybe even a touch of awe/hero worship.

As a fellow introvert, when I bond with someone, it kinda scares me how MUCH I feel the bond. When I meet someone that I hit it off with I think about that person constantly, until something else distracts me.

When I was working there was 1 guy in my department who drew me out of my shell, and we really hit it off. Of course, I was married, and realized I shouldn't have been thinking about him so much. I was relieved when he got a new job, and have purposely not stayed in touch with him much over the years, even though he has since gotten married and suggested our families getting together. Not a preoccupation I wish to renew.

I don't think you need a therapist--I think you are having a normal reaction to an introvert letting her guard down.

It's not uncommon for people to have obsessive thoughts, matter a fact, being in a 12 step, I am finding that it seems to be VERY commonplace for many. However, it's what we do with those thoughts.. let's break it down..
you tried something new and weren't sure you were necessarily good at it in that you needed some extra coaching.. ok, that is actually VERY natural to have such feelings...In trying something new and out of the norm for you, it meant you began to experience some anxiety and that alone can cause discomfort.... (again, natural) you keep thinking about what the instructor may have thought of you because perhaps he had to spend more time with you than others... and too, he may be seen as someone to be respected and therefore his opinion of you matters to you...

All that said.. consider this.. the instructor does this for a living and trains MANY different types of people... Also, although we can't know for sure what he thought about you... let's pretend for a moment we can.. and instead of running this scenario through your own filter (which as you noted, you are quiet and don't trust easily) and therefore, the impressions you have of YOU will define your reality.. let us look through another lens..

Instructor's lens: I train many people.. all shapes and sizes.. WOW.. these people have a lot of courage in coming to my class because many of the people I train are sometimes shy and wouldn't ever dream of getting into a confrontation.. yet, because they think this is essential class and are paying me to train them, I sure want to do good by them... There was a woman in my class who needed some extra coaching, but once she began to trust, this woman was amazing... you know, trying something new and with other people around isn't the most comfortable situation, yet this woman gave it her all.. It's women like this that inspire me to teach..... and even though I am considered the instructor, I learn just as much from my students... I hope K. found my class useful.. I very much enjoyed having such a dedicated student .. I hope she went home and felt more confident in her abilities.. if I can impart that to any student, I feel my job was well done..

Thanks students for allowing me to be your instructor for the day..

See.... your instructor thinks very highly of you :)

don't be too hard on yourself..

You are shy and introverted, and probably a little insecure. You had an intense personal, physical experience with someone male whom you didn't know. It pushed you past your comfort zone, and you persevered and were successful. For someone with your personality traits, this is a big deal.

You have just had an experience where you went way outside of your comfort zone, but since it had a positive outcome, you are buoyed and exhilarated by the experience, and the male person that you shared it with.

It's fine if you dwell on it a little! This is a step in your personal growth, and your feelings are normal. It will subside.

Keep pushing your boundaries! Good for you.

Completely can relate.
I did something similar (but it was a group class and it wasn't just one class, it was for a month). I am also pretty reserved and introverted. Any direct personal attention from the instructor stayed in my mind for a bit.

Some of it is wanting to gain approval--he was the instructor after all. And I've always been one to want to please the teacher and be at the top of the class. So, the teacher approval was one aspect. But, it is pretty intimate, in a class of this type. You aren't sitting in a desk writing or having a discussion. You are very vulnerable physically (no props in between you creating physical space/barriers) and the actual physical acts are very vulnerable also (normally people keep their bodies more "closed" around strangers--arms close to the body, legs closed/crossed, etc).

To have been a private class (just the two of you and no other students) must have been extremely intense.

You are exactly right, though. You need time to mentally process this. It is more difficult to process though, because you have conflicting feelings. You were BOTH empowered and vulnerable--at the same exact time doing the exact same thing. It wasn't this part gave you power and this part made you vulnerable--it was the same acts that did both. Punching/kicking/grabbing made you strong AND vulnerable at the same time. So yes, I think it takes our minds a little longer to process it.

Realizing it helps to move it along... but your brain will figure it out. Just be sure to practice what you learned! I remember coming home one night and telling my husband to stand near the bed and kicking him over onto it (per our instructions to practice at home). :D

Well... That's what ADHD is like, all the time. I'm constantly replaying scenes in my head. From the very first time (age 4. I can blow by blow the entire) to this morning. Scenes constantly running & repeating. Sometimes in layers. I've gotten pretty good at not moving my mouth as I walk away (repeating the conversation out loud). But I'm not perfect, I still end up repeating phrases in my car, or the entire conversation, from time to time.

This kind of recall is typical in any adrenalin fueled moment. Its survival, repeating what you did wrong, or right, so you know for next time.

Its one reason ADHD folk tend to either be totally blunt or conciliatory. We KNOW we're going to have to live with this moment for the rest of our lives (no fading or tabling), so to avoid the constant regret we're either compulsively honest, or compulsive peace keepers.

So.... I can personally vouch that you're not crazy.
Your brain is simply processing and storing this conversation in heightened awareness.

It will probably NOT fade for some time.
But you'll get used to it.

Think
- first dates
- Disneyland (if you don't live near)
- 9/11
ANY adrenaline fueled event. The memories are sharper & more insistent than the rest, yes? But in the past, they've PROBABLY been either things to gush or gripe or worry about WITH OTHERS.

In this case, you're on your own.

(If you were in a chatty group setting, other participant would also be bemoaning/ waxing excited/ totally embarrassed/ etc. Which diffuses se of the adrenaline.)

Go on a date with your husband, do a nice craft or make a gift for him, do something that brings your focus totally on him. There are a lot of things going on here and you did something new, something you weren't confident in. This guy made you feel awesome and it might be a feeling you haven't felt in a while. So you are focused on his, the feelings he made you feel. That's all. You're not having an infatuation or any other emotional thing.

You just feel good because you succeeded at something you didn't think you could do and you have associated him to that.

I think what you are experiencing is completely normal. In high school, I took a self-defense course, and it was a very intense experience. I know I had trouble processing the events of that class, as did many of my friends. Think of it this way - in those classes, your "fight or flight" response is provoked (again and again and again). And even though your first response is "flight," you were forced to fight anyway, which your brain is going to have some trouble with. That takes a lot of getting over, for your brain. It's a traumatic experience, even though logically and rationally, nothing bad happened. Give yourself some time to let this experience settle in. You will get over it. :)

I have no words of wisdom, but wanted to tell you that I appreciate that you asked this and that people made observations and gave advice, especially the ones that are similar to you this way. Your question and answers have helped me to understand myself better and thank you for it!

I think you must be introverted, like me. People think introverts are shy, but that really isn't accurate. I find the anonymity of a class more comforting sometimes than the intensity of one to one contact, and that is a common trait of the introverted. I feel vulnerable and exposed by intimate encounters, which would include the kind of tutorial you described. I also would be prone to obsessing about and reprocessing the encounter. I don't think you need therapy. If you do that kind of thing more, you'll get used to it, but don't feel you have to. Sometimes I think our views of what is "normal" are skewed by the extroverted image of the world, which is based on the idea that sharing emotions and having intensely personal encounters is healthy. Great for some people, but in no way the ideal to which we all need aspire. Have you ever taken the Myers Briggs personality test? A version is free online. It is based on Jungian psychology and has to be taken with a major grain of salt, but I do think that when you read the descriptions of the introverted personality types, you will feel some aha moments. For example, I am INTJ and I definitely identify with most of the description for that type.

It could be that you took such a huge leap since you're extremely introverted so you are feeling an extra strong bond to the person you "let in".

I would try something like this:
-give yourself today as your last day to spend so much time thinking about this
-label your feelings "grateful" & "progress" & mentally file it away

This is totally, absolutely normal and healthy and fine. It happens to everyone in one form or another.

I'm not sure I'm using absolutely the right words, but you bravely put yourself in a situation where you stepped outside your comfort zone. Doing that heightens all your senses, including the senses that make people attracted to each other. There are all kinds of stories of people (previously uninvolved) who survive terrifying experiences together and then fall for each other, hard, breaking up their prior marriages and all kinds of things. In other words, it's so normal it'd be strange not to have this kind of reaction at some point in your life.

Just relax and enjoy the class in spite of (or, maybe just a teeny bit because of) these feelings. They'll pass.

If you want to go into therapy for any other reason, sure, go ahead, but this by itself really doesn't sounds like a reason to seek out psychological treatment.

Your feelings are perfectly normal and understandable, and you've already diagnosed the issue. (This is how innocently affairs can start.) Direct your new feelings toward something that you want to feel passionate about. Use the confidence of the momentum to venture out and do something that you've been too afraid to do. Even share with your husband that certain parts of you have come to life and you want to direct that energy toward taking some chances.

I have been in this exact situation. You are normal. He made you feel powerful. That is all. You should talk to your husband. If you just can't bring yourself to do that then look for the small ways your husband takes care of you or rescues you such as putting the kids to bed when you have had a hard day. There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. You seem like a "withit girl" and as long as you can continue to see the difference in what you feel now and how you feel toward your husband you will be fine. When. Was in this situation it was about my personal trainer. It wasn't even a one on one situation. It was a group class. But it seemed to go away once I talked to my husband about it. He completely understood that it was innocent and I was just reacting to feeling powerful. Practice the moves with your husband. Teach them to him. Practice when you can be alone and take advantage of each other in vulnerable positions. ;) You can turn this to your advantage. Most importantly, remember you are safe and normal. Almost everyone has admired another person at least once.

You found a person who enabled/allowed you to open up and assert yourself. People who guide us to get past personal blocks, do, I think, occupy a special place in our souls. They are our helpers and we feel a sense of gratitude.

This instructor may have opened up other areas for you, including exposing you to some of your triggers which (maybe-- and I'm only saying maybe, I don't really know) you've ignored/buried for a while. *If that is the case* (and I'm not saying it is) , if this has stirred up some old stuff, old experiences for you, then yes, do talk to a counselor or therapist. There are times in our life when we take a big step and other stuff starts to come up for us. I don't know your past or if there were incidents/issues you left on the back burner because life at that time just didn't allow you the emotional space to deal with it then. I do know, though, that this is true for many people I know. Some seemingly unrelated occurrence (like writing a paper or applying for a job or taking a trip) will pull up old stuff and catch us off guard.

It may also be that you feel sort of liberated and liked asserting yourself. It would be worth some self-reflection to figure out if that is part of why you are thinking about the instructor. He was able to help you do something which made you feel good. For some of us, establishing a safe trust relationship with someone like that is huge. So do try to keep it in perspective, enjoy the 'good' feelings and remember, this is just one moment. It will pass in a few days and if it doesn't, then go talk to someone. Perhaps there's more in there that needs to come out.:)

ETA: I found AL's 'instructors perspective' very worthwhile, so read it again if you need to.

Go to a woman self-defense instructor. That will help erase what you experienced with the guy. And it also sounds like this physical activity is good for you. It has gotten into your head and spun you around. Rather than dwelling on it like it's something bad, turn it into something good. But go to a WOMAN. That will help you not get "confused".