What's the Best Advice Someone Has Ever Given You About Parenting?

Once you make a rule and spell out the consequence, enforce it every time or you lose credibility.

And relatedly, one I learned on my own, is before making that rule and setting the consequence, take a minute to think about the issue - is this really a battle worth fighting?

Really like ℜ❀$eღud❧ 's advice. Mirroring what kids are feeling back to them. I try to do that, but forget - but that's a great bit of advice there.

The best advice was my mom telling me to chuck the baby book. She said no one could mother my baby any better than I could. I finally relaxed and enjoyed being a mom.

Great question :) Enjoying reading the responses.

Apologize to your child when you are wrong. It does not take anything away from your authority. Instead it will promote trust and respect in you and encourage them to do the same.

Such good comments! This one may seem contradictory to ones previously mentioned but really it's not: Teach them that they are not the center of the universe. Far too often parents structure their entire life around the desires and whims of their children and that breeds unrealistic expectation & entitlement thinking. Our children are appreciated and held in high esteem but they are by no means the sun around which our family orbits.

may grace & peace be yours in abundance.

The best advice I ever received was from a speaker at my kids' preschool. She worked with troubled teens and knew what she was talking about.

She told us about mirroring kids' emotions, otherwise known as reflective listening. It solves many parenting problems. That means that whatever you believe the child is feeling, you put words to that feeling and say it back to them. The speaker explained that you rarely get true compliance without mirroring their emotions, and this simple act is often all you need to do. It goes to the core of people's need to be understood, and it works on everyone, adults included.

People commonly want to try to get kids or other people to see things differently, or to pep talk them out of their feelings. But this rarely works. Usually the act of mirroring people's emotions makes them instantly feel better, with no other words needed, and, ironically, it always brings people closer to your way of thinking, even if you feel the opposite of the other person or child.

I wish I'd understood this right at the beginning of my parenting, it would have made some things much easier and corrected some of my parenting mistakes.

Although not directed at me specifically, I once heard someone say, when you take your child to a restaurant (particularly a toddler) and expect a toddler to quietly sit still for an hour or more, it's really not fair to the child.. It's important that we take into account, the child... So in our case, we knew our child would sit down for about 1/2 and eat his meal... beyond that, he'd naturally get fidgety.. rather then constantly INSISTING you must sit here, we worked with his natural tendencies.. and really, I realized that kids are naturally born to MOVE.. in society, we constantly train them to sit and be still.. yet when they are, we then complain about our kids being lazy or won't get off the couch..
I am not saying kids shouldn't sit down to eat a meal and not run all over.. but I am saying, it was good advice that caused me t to compromise with child... things worked out nicely

A good friend of mine said, "The best place for baby to sleep is wherever baby WILL sleep." In a crib, in your bed, in the swing. As long as baby is safe, it doesn't matter. If baby sleeps, you get to sleep, and that's huge!

I needed to hear that, because my son wasn't sleeping. When I wasn't so focused on where he "should" be sleeping, I relaxed and learned ways to help him sleep. He's 9 now, but what that advise helped me do was look beyond what "should be" and look at what actually is. I can't tell you how many times my husband or I said to each other, "This is what it is, and we need to deal with what it is and not what we wish it was or think it's supposed to be or how it is for someone else. This is it. Now, what do we think we should do."

Go with your gut/instinct. It's not an advice I've gotten; it's something I came to realize a few months after my daughter was born. In the beginning, I often ignored by gut feelings and regretted it afterward. After the umpteenth time of not following my instinct and feeling regret afterwards, I told myself that I need to take my instincts more seriously.

Good question! I'm eager to read the other responses.

Everyone is parenting by the skin of their teeth - just when you think you know what you're doing, your kid will do something else. Apologize when you need to. It will be OK.

Couple of them:

•Never wake a sleeping baby.
•Everything is NOT a big deal.
•Trust your gut.
•Do not hesitate to call the nurse. That's why they're there.

Our son's preschool teacher told me that our son reminded her too much of her own, who had ADHD. She urged me to continue being persistent in getting answers from doctors to our son's behavioral issues when I hit roadblocks. She was right on in that advice, when others were poo-pooing my concerns. She really knew. I get it now and can pretty quickly identify kids with ADHD now, too.

My mom also gave me good advice in telling me not to let others pressure me what to do; do what makes sense for our family. This came when the hospital was pressuring me to breastfeed our baby and made me sit down with a nurse and a lactation specialist to explain why I wasn't going to do it. My mom was livid they forced that discussion on me ("It's none of their business!") and really empowered me to stick to my guns.

That some kids play of the emotions around them. My second son is like this. If I am stressed or angry, then he becomes the same, and behaves accordingly as a child. Which by the way is a vicious circle of me becoming more stressed when he misbehaves. When I realized this, my world changed. Not that i can always control it or its always great, but just knowing this and realizing it in the moment can make all the difference on my mood and reactions.

Honestly, I can't think of anything. Why? Not because I wasn't given advice, and not because it was bad advice... but because as a new parent, and an independent person, I lacked the perspective to recognize it for what it was. Most of the valuable information/advice I would pass on to other parents are things that I figured out or learned on my own, sometimes completely independently of any advice, and sometimes only with the added perspective that only comes through time.

So, with that bit of perspective, I would say, "Cherish every day, because they grow up so fast." It's difficult to grasp the truth in that statement, in the moment, without the benefit of years gone by perspective. But it's oh, so true.

Great question! I can think of 2 things that rang true for me. "This too shall pass" :) and to feed into them early because once they're about 10, they're opinions/internal compasses are pretty much formed.

Listen to my instincts. My children's pediatrician really stressed this. He said to never discount a hunch. Pay attention to your instincts and don't ever hesitate to take action.

1) If your baby is waking during the night, feed him/her more all day long. Once they aren't hungry, they won't wake up at night. It takes a few days for it to register.

2) If you are diligent with discipline from ages one to 18 months, you'll be smooth sailing by three. A child's character is pretty much set by three. You can loosen up and give more freedom to older kids if they get a strong foundation in early years.

3) Never discipline when angry. It teaches that the consequence of the behavior is due to your emotion, not their action.

4) Love is what matters most. All the discipline in the world means nothing if a child does not love and respect you and know that you love and respect them.

5) Go with your gut and don't worry what other people think.

6) Brighten up and look at your kids with love like you're so happy to see them when they enter a room. Even if it's morning and you haven't had coffee.

One thing stands out. I'm picky about what the kids watch but not as picky as most on this site. Our girls dance teacher told me once about how she got her eyes opened and turned off TV and to this day they hardly watch it.

She said "look at how they portray the parents on kids TV shows, or even on regular TV shows. They make them look like idiots most of the time".

So I started watching for that. Hannah Montana was the ONLY show where she appreciated her dad and he gave her good advice and he showed he loved her and was her true support. Sure, he was goofy and could act ignorant sometimes but overall that show made most parents out to be loving and supportive parents. Like when she was on the date with the boy, she'd stood her dad up to spend time with him but when "his" dad called he dumped her to the sidelines to talk to his dad. She felt angry and that she'd set her dad aside to be with him, he should put "his" dad aside to spend time with her. But then he explained his dad was in the service and might not be alive to call another time and that he was always going to take his dad's calls because it might be the last time he got to talk to him and he loved him. So she realized how important her dad was to her. Then she went to spend time with him too.

Some shows are funny and the kids love them but they have the stupidest and unparentlike adults in the household. We loved China and the whole "be smart" sitcom. BUT the dad was a police officer that would just wander in to the evidence locker and take stuff out to give to the kids....ummm, ignorant. Then he'd act like a goofy schoolgirl when someone wanted to do something with him. Mom was always absent and never there.

In other shows parents aren't so bad but if you look, really really look, at what they portray them as you won't ever let your kids watch those shows.

So by her telling me she turned off TV years ago I started looking deeper into the symbolism in the shows. How they showed living situations, who would watch them while mom or dad went to work at 11pm and leaves the kids home alone where they can go out and do what ever they want. No one does that!

I think she influenced me and opened my eyes to what the underlying messages of TV shows are. I was so surprised! I loved China for the most part but didn't really like the kids watching it...lol. Other than seeing her being successful with her music the show didn't offer much.

We don't watch a lot of kids shows now.

Feed a need to extinguish a need.
Pick your battles (aka "Is this really a hill you want to die on?").
Do what works for your family.

'trust your kid.'
we're all protective of our kids, and want them to be happy and healthy and never ever hurt. so we try, when they're small and we're new at it, to protect them from everything.
but building resilient kids is better for everyone than keeping safe kids.
khairete
S.

Making sure I make my kids feel special when they walk in the room, greeting them with warmth and energy. Telling them how much I enjoy watching them play a sport, instead of worrying about winning or losing. Also, for schoolwork, telling them that I'm proud of their hard work...rather than the result.

God gives you the one(s) you're supposed to have.

NEVER ignore your mom alarm.

NEVER give him a choice you can't live with.

Don't burden the kids with things over which they have no control.

and, this one may be controversial and it's not really advice I received but I'm not a spanker. I was spanked as a child and it went a long way toward breaking me down as a person rather than guiding my behavior and preparing me for the next challenge.

fun question. :-) S.

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things!