What's an Appropriate Gift for a Med-school Grad?

Updated on October 02, 2012
B.K. asks from Carol Stream, IL
8 answers

Next May my significant other's middle daughter will graduate from medical school. We are all very proud of her. Her older sister is a high school teacher with two master's degrees. Her younger sister will also graduate in May and continue on to grad school in psychology. These girls are all high achievers, obviously.

My significant other raised them himself because his ex left him about 18 years ago for an internet fling when the oldest was 12. I've been in their lives for about 8 years but we have no plans of getting married at this time as I still have a 14-year-old at home and we're both pretty set in our ways. (That's just a little background to let you know I'm not some new girlfriend here ticked off about how he spends his money.)

Anyhoo...... His ex is still in their lives and they all get along just fine. She's on her 4th marriage and is a little wacky, but I do like her as a person. Last week she asked him if she and he could buy the med school graduate a car for graduation. (This woman has never really contributed monetarily to her kids all these years by the way). He bought each daughter a car when they turned 16, and the oldest got a car when she graduated from college, but she took over the payments right away. He just helped with the downpayment. His ex is thinking that a med school graduate deserves a big gift like a car, and wants to put $500 down and have him put $1,000 down and then they split the monthly payments until she finishes her residency in two years.

He doesn't want to do it. First, he's not made of money, although he gives and gives to his kids when they need it. And second, he thinks it's a little unfair to do that for one daughter and not the others. Granted med school is an amazing feat, but is it worth a car? And if it's not worth a car, what would be an appropriate gift?

What do you all think?

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So What Happened?

Thanks Rae. That's a good idea. He actually wants to send her to Hawaii and split the cost with her mom. But her mom wants to give her something tangible. So the car is what she came up with. I think the vacation would be nice too.

Yes, she has a dependable car. A Honda CRV that she has taken very good care of and it runs very well. So the car isn't a NEED. Especially if she gets a residency in a city where she doesn't need one.

And money is an object for dad. He isn't rich by any means, and will have to save to do whatever he decides to do. But he wants to do something nice.

And it isn't just their decision, although the ex would like it to be HER decision and we just contribute. I'm in the mix as well, and neither of us wants to contribute toward the car. Mom might end up trying to do that herself, but we would rather we all agree on something that won't put us all in debt. Splitting a vacation would be a lot more feasible than splitting a car.

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X.O.

answers from Chicago on

My husband graduated from medical school 7 years ago, 2 weeks before we got married. Two things would have been nice:

1) Help with student loan debt (he graduated with about $150k in med school debt, thankfully had a full scholarship for his undergrad and grad school)

2) A fantastic vacation - the 4 weeks between the end of med school and the beginning of residency is the last time we recall being well rested.

I think it will be easier to decide what to give her after Match Day, so if she needs anything for a new city you could take that into consideration too.

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R.A.

answers from Boston on

Oooh, that's hard. I understand not wanting to purchase a car. Since it is medical school she is graduating from, I would think I would want something with a medical theme. Or something that will help financially during her internship and resident years. Besides a car. She is going to be completely busy, tired, and basically live at the hospital til she completes her boards. It's a very busy time. How about a vacation somewhere cool? Someplace she can go and just relax and do whatever she wants before she has to start her busy career.

Added: Umm, HELLO, HAWAII!! Good call. She's got a car, give her a break! That will mean more then a tangible gift. Especially to freakin' Hawaii. Oh, and your welcome. :)

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

She has a car, doesn't need a new one.

I would look into the supplies she will need as a doctor. Stethoscopes, lab coats ect are not cheap. I would ask her what she will need. Also, where is going do to her Resident program. She may need to move to a different city and get set up in an apartment, need furniture, and all other essentials. I think that would be a better gift.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If money were no object for the parents, and they could BUY (not finance) a car--sure! But that's not what it sounds like.
I vote vacation.
But either way, it's THEIR decision.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

ETA: Sorry - I just realized I didn't answer "what the appropriate gift" would be...I would do something like a personalized stethoscope - there is one mom on here who is developing medical supply stuff like that!!
________________________________________
No. Way.

Medical school is GRUELING...I would rather take a vacation to rest and relax before I start my internship/residency.

If she already has a dependable car - then she doesn't need a new one. Especially since the "mom" will most likely choose something expensive...who is going to pay insurance on it?

No. I would contribute towards a vacation..but NOT a car.

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

My bil just finished med school and is now in his residency (both very difficult and time consuming). His family would rather take the vacation! But, dad should do what he can afford. If she doesn't need a car, than don't get her one. If her mom is so wrapped around the idea of a car, than she can get it herself.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

If she doesn't need a car, then don't buy it.

Yes, graduating from medical school is a huge accomplishment (congratulations to your SO on a job very well-done), but there's no need to splurge in this way... especially if they will be turning the payments over to the Doctor!

What's an appropriate gift? Cash. Cash. Cash. I would give her a large check- she's going to need that way more than a new car. Med students leave school so far in debt that they can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel (most of them) and they don't make any "real money" until they've been out of school for 5+ years.

He's correct. If he does this for her and not the others, he is essentially saying that she is "more valued" because she's an MD, which is not likely how he feels.

I would suggest a beautifully crafted, hand-written letter telling her how proud of her he is... and a nice big check.

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S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

I graduated from law school. Know what I got? A degree.

I don't believe anyone should be purchasing a car unless they can pay cash for it (or at least a HUGE amount down).

There are plenty of things a med student would appreciate, or any grad for that matter. Does she have any student loan debt? Why not offer to pay some of that down? Or, open a CD or MO or purchase Stock or something for her so she is able to begin her investment portfolio. The car sounds whimsical...like their mother.

ps - I like the vacation idea as well, SO LONG AS dad isn't going into debt to do it!

GOOD LUCK!!

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