Just need your honest opinions.. thanks.
I was asked to sing at wedding the first of October this year by a mother of a bride who happens to work in the building next to where I work. She just popped over one day about 2 months ago and asked if I was free that day. I couldn't think of anything that I had going on so I said yes.
Also.. every year a group of my high school friends get together on a weekend in either September or October for a girls weekend away. Last year I made reservations for our group and told everyone where we were meeting and where we were staying and the weekend I picked worked for all of us!
I looked at my calendar last night and THEY ARE ONE THE SAME DAY. I honestly cannot imagine how I could have screwed this up. I was so careful to make sure that ALL of my high school friends could go on that day and planned for it all last FALL. How could I not have thought of it when she asked me to sing at the wedding or even think of it between then and now.
So what do I do... I am totally torn. I know that I should sing because I told the mother yes but I also would upset up to 11 high school friends because I honestly don't think there would be another weekend we could all get together. I talked to 2 of them and they said they wouldn't go if I wasn't there.
The wedding is at 1:30 in the afternoon so there is no way I could go to the weekend away (which is a 2 hour drive from here) and then come back to sing for the wedding and then go back with the friends.
There is already a piano player and a male singer for the wedding which the mother arranged that has no affiliation with me. I am just a voice. I thought maybe if I found someone else to do it maybe they wouldn't be so upset.
Just let me know your thoughts. My guts hurt, I don't know what to do.
Thanks.
I had called some other local singers to see if anyone had that date available. A couple did. I then contacted the mother of the bride and told her my dilemma. After her initial shock she said that she totally understood. I then offered her the two names of the singers and she was greatful. I apologized several times and she took it very well. I hope that there are no hard feelings.
Either way you are going to disappoint someone, so you have to decide who it will be, and do it ASAP so whoever it is can make other plans.
Ouch that is pretty touchy...If you want to back out of the wedding to go to this getaway I would tell the Mother of the bride or bride so sorry and do it quickly. I also like the suggestions below to help them find someone else. After all you did commit at one point for the wedding and we all know how important weddings are. Good luck!
I would just tell her ASAP, and if you can recommend someone to fill in for you--even better!
Just tell the mom what you just told us. I am sure she will be understanding. The sooner you tell her the better so she can make other arrangements.
In the future you may want to "check your calendar" before saying yes. :)
You know, I see no problem in being honest with this woman that you over-scheduled for the day and didn't realize you double booked yourself but you have to honor your prior commitment. You don't have to tell her what the prior commitment is. Yes, it's going to suck, but you'll be honest and you'll also be giving the mother of the bride sufficient time to find someone to fill your spot to sing.
It's fixable for the wedding. It's not fixable for your gathering with your friends.
This is an honest mistake. Since the reservations for the girls getaway had already been made, AND since there is still 2 months before the wedding I give you license to break the date with the wedding apologetically. I would also recommend, as an act of good faith, recommending a few singers instead (do not offer to secure the singer yourself though). Like you said, you are just a voice and someone can easily replace you. And I am surprised that another post suggests that programs have been printed already.
Note this comes from my experience as a wedding and event pianist for years. In my experience, planning the music is often neglected at weddings. There are so many occasions when I have been asked to perform far in advance, never to hear from the hosts until just days before regarding times, music selection, rehearsals, or not at all. Or, showing up to weddings and being asked to play on the spot!
Personally? I would sing at the wedding then hop in the car for the second night of the friends weekend.
You made a commitment and your lack of attention to detail shouldn't ruin someone else's wedding. Whether the programs are printed or not, it's up to you to make this happen.
If you really don't want to sing... it is now YOUR responsibility to find someone who can. If that person is going to charge a fee, you need to pay it.
Just advise them that you had a prior engagement and apologize. Suggesting someone else would be a nice gesture. The wedding isn't until October so they have ample time to get someone else. Have fun with your friends and best wishes!
Tell her as soon as possible so that she can start looking for someone else. Do you even know this person?? Do you know anyone that you could suggest for her??
I think you should go to the mom & explain the situation to her. Im pretty sure she would understand, and trying to find a replacement would be a good idea but its not really your job and they do have another singer so they wont be out any "entertainment". You could also volunteer to sing at the bridal shower or any other party.. Your young, go have fun with your friends. You only get a small time to live out your youth. Best of luck!
As a bride who lost one of her quartet just weeks before our wedding...that would suck big time for the bride...luckily we new lots of singers since my hubby and I met in concert choir so finding a replacement although not super easy happened. if the family doesn't know of a another singer it's going to stink big time for them. But at the same time I understand where you are going with the reunion...don't want to miss it! Especially if you planned it. Now if you found someone yourself to replace your voice then I see no big deal with it at all.
You made a commitment to the wedding, therefore that comes first. A wedding is a once in a lifetime (hopefully!) event. That comes before a yearly gathering of old friends. They cannot change the wedding, but maybe your friends will understand and change their date. If your friends don't change the date, you are out of luck and must do the wedding. It was a mistake to plan both the same day, but YOUR mistake. If you were not 100% positive when you were asked, you should have said you would check you calendar and get back to her. But now that you committed, I feel you must sing the wedding and I am very surprised only one other person (so far) feels the same as I do. Wedding committment comes before your fun girls weekend - sorry.
S.
I sing at weddings and have had a similar problem. I apologized for my scheduling mishap and then offered to find a replacement for me. They did have me find someone to replace me and everything went well! If this had been a close friend or relative I would say to sing... but from the sounds of it, you don't even know the bride. Good luck!
just be honest and explain it to her-im sure she can find someone else-she has time-its not like its the day before.
I would find a replacement who is available, then tell the mother what happened. Let her know you already lined up a replacement if she wants one - and make sure she'll charge the same (or less) than what she would have paid you. Be very apologetic but say that you shouldn't have committed without looking at your calendar.
wow....the programmes may already be printed for the wedding! How awkward.....
is it possible for you to sing at the wedding & then join your old friends much later....at least you wouldn't be a "no-show" for either commitment.
& honestly, the wedding is a commitment you made...a promise. It doesn't matter what else they have planned in addition to you...what matters is that you were asked, you committed, & you are part of their "dream" wedding. Putting your own needs/desires before this....even if it is a previously-planned & forgotten event involving many others.......I think the wedding takes precedence. So much is hinged upon your performance, including the bride's happiness. Peace.
As a printer, I don't know anyone who prints programs two months in advance, it's usually the week before!
I would say you had a prior commitment and I agree if you know others who could sing in your place, a recommendation to the bride would be helpful for her.
I would go on the trip you have had planned. I would talk to the woman who "hired" you (the mom that works near you) and just be honest and humble and explain that you double-booked yourself and you are very sorry, but you will actually not be able to sing at the wedding. She might take it well and that would be the end of it. If she "puts up a fight" I would just apologize again but say that you are going to be out of town, two hours away from the wedding venue, and there's just no way you can make it work.
Please do NOT ask someone else to sing in your place! You don't even know if the bride wanted YOU to sing (since the mom asked, not the bride) let alone whomever you happen to ask that she truly doesn't know. If the mom is upset about only having six weeks to find someone, offer to give her names of people you think would be interested in filling in for you, but DON'T ask them yourself!
I'm a professional pianist and have found myself in various situations over the last fifteen years. Weddings are very tricky, emotionally charged events and I wish you the best of luck staying strong when talking to that mom!
I would stay in town to sing for the wedding and then head up to hang out with the hs gang. 2 hours is not a long drive. 1/2 a weekend is better than none!
