Sometimes my daughter tells me things that happens to her at school that I wish the teachers had mentioned to me during pickup/drop off. She doesn't always tell me these things right away; she waits days, weeks, or sometimes months to tell me. For instance, she just told me last night that one of her classmates intentionally pushed her into cat poop during outdoor playtime (there are a few stray cats around the school). She told me that one of her teachers had to help her get the shoe off and clean it. Had I known, I would've given her shoe a good cleaning.
She has also told me on multiple occasions that a certain child in her class have pinched, kicked, and/or hit her (he does this with everyone, not just my daughter). When I casually asked the teachers about it, all they said was that they are working on it with him.
Although she will be going to TK next year, my son will start preschool in September so I'm curious to know what sort of things teachers generally report to parents and what they're supposed to report to parents.
Never thought twice about the cat poop thing, but maybe I should ask if the school can do something about it. The sandbox in the play yard is covered, but I can't expect them to cover the entire outdoor play area. It's fenced (I estimate it to be around 4.5 feet tall), but I'm sure cats have no problem jumping/climbing over it.
The cat/cat poop is a huge no no in my book. If they have stray cats who leave poop I would not want my preschooler attending that place.
The pushing is something that happens quit often with certain children. I actually do not know the rate of being told if someone was pushed or did the pushing.
When my oldest was in Kindergarten, the teacher joked that if you believe everything that your kid says happens at school, they'll have to believe everything that your kid says happens at home. So keep that in mind - kids this age are wildly inaccurate reporters.
That said...I got reports from daycare/pre-school if one of my kids was involved in a biting incident or needed to be disciplined for something unusual, and that was more out of concern/a heads up to me that someone might be overtired or coming down with a cold or something and it was affecting behavior. I really only recall a couple of incidents being reported - in one, my 4 year old had been bitten by another child, who happened to be my 2 year old. Per protocol, I had to review and sign incident reports for both of them LOL. In the other, one of my kids was unusually crabby so he spent 30 minutes hanging out in the director's office listening to U2 with her until he cheered up. He ended up having an ear infection.
I did have the benefit of having two sets of eyes there so when one of them told me a story that seemed off the wall, I'd be able to ask the other and get feedback on how accurate the reporter was. Hitting, kicking, knocking each other over, etc. were pretty routine happenings, just like they are in my house. The teachers were quick to intervene and redirect, but kids that age are physical with each other.
These people are WAY too busy with our kids to report every single negative or unpleasant thing that happens throughout the day.
That's part of the CARE you pay for, their due diligence and common sense.
And whatever they "report" is spelled out in your contract, so review that.
Our school only did incident reports if there were significant bumps or bruises, or if there was an ongoing problem with a particular child
Also you can't really trust a preschooler's memory after a few hours let alone a few months! I remember my daughter very seriously telling her 3's teacher "my mommy always lets me have cake for breakfast" when of course it had only happened once, when we were on vacation on her brother's birthday.
We had something called 'incident reports'. Generally, it was if they were bitten or something like that, or if they got hurt (accident) on the play structures, etc. We only ever had a few in all the time my kids went.
I am sure there was pushing and shoving going on at times, or fighting over toys. I was never made aware of that kind of thing.
Perhaps the "cat poop" incident did not actually occur just as your child described. Maybe the teachers didn't see her get pushed, maybe it was more of an accident that she landed in it. Maybe it was just mud, but the kids decided to call it "cat poop" I would just say "oh, that sounds yucky, I'm glad your teacher helped clean up your shoe" I would not expect to have been informed by the school.
On the aggressive kid, it sounds like the teachers are aware. This is fairly common in a preschool setting. I would not expect to be notified, unless there was a more serious incident, or one which caused my child injury or distress at school
It would have been helpful if they had mentioned that cat poop to you, but they honestly may have thought hey had done a thorough cleaning & it didn't matter.
Hitting & pushing might hurt your heart a bit, but it is common kid stuff. Preschools usually report bites and accidents to parents but not pushes and shoves. If they say they are working on it, they are likely paying a good deal of attention to this student and working hard to protect the other kids as this student learns self control (not entirely uncommon at that age).
It's hard, but your daughter is learning so much through this experience.
We only heard about things that resulted in injury - mostly biting incidents and accidental falls, sometimes hitting or pushing (a little tap or push no, but enough that there were tears or push hard enough that the child fell yes).
If my child mentioned something concerning, I always casually brought it to the teacher the next day much like you did. Sometimes the teacher responded like yours did (yes, we're working on it) and sometimes they were surprised. In a classroom with a bunch of kids, even the best teacher can't have his/her eyes on every single child at every moment. As long as you aren't being accusatory, I think it helps them to know if something is going on that might have gone under their radar.
If they reported every shove or kick, they'd have to hire a new staff person to cover the class while the current teachers write up the reports to notify the parents. I think that it actually creates a terrible dynamic if parents come in assuming that little Johnny is a huge problem all the time, and they wind up saying things like, "Now, Susie, stay away from Johnny" or (worse) commiserating with other parents about whether Johnny is a problem for them too. Soon, Johnny is ostracized and acts out even more. My guess is that they are notifying little Johnny's parents about the problems and what they are doing to work on it, so it's not like it's being ignored.
And the fact that your daughter didn't even think to mention it for a long time says that she's really handling it okay. Kids have to learn to cope and to let the appropriate adult handle what hey cannot handle themselves - in this case, it's the staff who need to handle things.
I can only remember one time when an incident was reported to me, and that was when another child bit mine, and the bite marks were visible.
That said, I do think the cat poop issue should have come up. Yes, maybe they felt they cleaned the shoe thoroughly, but still, you should have had the option. And I'm actually more concerned that stray cats are roaming the play area and defecating. One of the common problems in any playground or back yard is an open sandbox - do they have one? It's a giant litter box for all kinds of animals. I live near the woods and we all cover sandboxes due to various wild cats (feral, strays, outdoor house cats, and larger wild animals). So I'd explore what they're doing in this area. If this an unfenced play yard for preschool, that's unusual. However, in public schools with large open school yards, one has to expect that animals (unleashed dogs, outdoor cats, deer, rabbis, coyotes, etc.) are going to roam through the area, and we all just have to learn to deal with it. I walk my dog 3-4 times a day, and I'm always finding poop from pets whose owners don't give a damn. So, we all learn to clean sneakers. When I was a kid, there were no leash laws and everyone learned to take a stick to their sneaker treads when needed.
I think most daycares use incident reports. From what I've seen, they're usually filled out when an injury occurs that is significant enough to leave a mark on the child's skin. You need to remember that kids that age are still learning, and its not unusual for pushing, hitting, or hurtful words to occur. Teachers deal with the incidents when they happen and then move on. It's not feasible to tell parents about everything that happens, and they'll absolutely refuse to tell you who the other child is.
When your daughter starts TK next year, you'll receive even less feedback. Right now, you see her teachers every day. That doesn't happen in elementary school. Unless there's a serious issue or you're volunteering there, your interaction with the teacher will most likely be limited to occasional emails and parent-teacher conferences. You at some point just have to trust that the teachers know how to run a class.
That didn't stop me from worrying thought! I finally realized that instead of looking at individual events, I needed to look at patterns of behavior. So if someone shoved him one time, I let it go. But the same person did it multiple times, then I took it more seriously.
The pre-school would report to the parents if their child was pushing, hitting, pinching/biting etc, or if their child was injured. As a parent I really don't need to hear about everything that goes on between pre-schoolers in a day. As for the cat poop, that would be a non-issue. I would assume the staff had taken care of it, and if there are stray cats in a neighbourhood there is no way to keep them out of a yard. My kids spent a lot of time outdoors and in natural areas, so they encountered all kinds of poop. We just take our shoes off in the house!
Don't expect an answer to a question you don't ask. (Would be nice, but not a realistic bet.)
When you pick your child up, try asking the teacher: "Hey, did anything violent happen to my child today that you are aware of? Shoving/hitting/etc?" If that is your concern, I mean. Ask a specific question, expect a specific answer. If you then later conclude that the teacher has developed a pattern of "lying to you", you can move forward accordingly.
Usually hitting and biting are causes for communication.
I always use to tell my son to never be the one to hit anyone first - but if someone hit him and wouldn't quit it - he could hit him or her right back.
No kid should ever have to be anybody s punching bag.
He started taking taekwondo when he was in 2nd grade.
He's a 4th don black belt now and although he can certainly handle himself, he's never had to use his skills to stop any aggressive classmates.
My daughter is in kindergarten.
She told me that there is a girl in her class who hits/kicks/pushes kids in the class. She and I talked about her standing up for herself and about her talking with her teacher if there is a problem.
When there was teacher/student conferences I spoke with her teacher about it. Her teacher told me that due to privacy laws they cannot tell me if a particular child is having issues.
The only time I have heard from my child's school is if my child is the one with the behavior issue (my 5th grader!) or if my child has been hurt.
