What Should We Do? - Denver,CO

What do you mean by "real man's" personality? Biologically, men and women are different. He will be who he is. Love him and model the behavior you want him to have.

I recommend googling Jackson Katz and his film 'tough guise'.

Edit: ha! I see he was already recommended! EXCELLENT!

Real Men.
It's a 1987 movie starring James Belushi and John Ritter.
It's kind of corny, but pretty funny actually.

What is a "real man"?
How can anyone answer that?
Some people think that "real" men hunt and fish and get greasy working on the family cars and do all the yardwork and bring home the income.
Some think that "real" men can be sensitive and caring, not afraid to show their tender emotions and are loving husbands and fathers.

I have a son and I want him to be a good person. He will be a man by virtue of his age eventually, but I want him to have a good heart and be successful in obtaining true happiness in his life. I want him to be thoughtful, kind and caring. I hope that he can figure out for himself what being the best person he can be means.
I divorced my husband over his views on what a "real man" is all about before my son was even two years old.
That was 14 years ago. I get constant compliments on what a gentleman he is. But I also get compliments because he's not afraid of work, he will offer to help anybody, he opens doors for women, he's very protective of his friends who are disabled, he's hilarious, honest, chops wood and does laundry. He knows how to cook, iron, and sew. He knows how to change tires, work on cars, and repair almost anything.
I have raised him not to think in terms of what is "men's work" or "women's work". In order to be independent, he needs to know how to do everything for himself.
It happens to be the same way I raised my daughter.
I don't know how old your son is, but when it comes to certain things, I think gender has nothing to do with it.

It's hard enough as a child to figure our your place in the world without the pressure of being labelled a "real" this or that.
No offense, I'm just not sure what your definition of a real man is.
Let your kid have the tools to be confident in himself as a child first and the rest will hopefully come naturally.

Just my opinion.

Best wishes.

You can't develop personality, your son was already born with the personality that he has.
You CAN, however, develop character. Instead of machismo, focus on manners, kindness, honesty and all the good character qualities that any human should possess. Both of you will play and integral part.

The most important thing is to remember.......raising kids is all about bringing out the best of their own natural qualities and abilities, not trying to fit them into a mold that we think is best.

Good luck!

Edit* I agree that women cannot bestow masculinity, but please remember that the role of a mother in a boy's life is not inferior. You have an equal role in raising your son.

I have no idea what a real man's personality is like. That is a subjective question. He will be his own person. Both of you provide the guidance, support, love, encouragement, safe environment, a safe place to fall when he fails and a safe place for him to be himself. If he picks up on all of the good stuff and learns from the bad - you will have a real man.

I feel like this question is from the 1950's.

that's a really vague, seemingly loaded question. my advice is to love your son, let your husband love your son, and work together in caring for him. he will be who he is meant to be. this is just basic family dynamic stuff. don't worry about trying to make your son a "real man". just be a loving family.

What's a "real man's personality" ??

What is a 'real' man????
There is no one 'template' for that.
Every Man, is different.
Should he be a "Budweiser" Man & athlete... all tough and 'macho and treats women like objects? Ugh. That is not a 'man' to me.

Or a "MAN".. .like Bill Gates... who is a doer in society and very intelligent... and very... very... successful? HE is a "real man" TOO.

For a child or any person... they grow/develop/gain confidence and passion for life... when they are "allowed" to be who they are... AND accepted for who they are... and are nurtured in 'their' talents and interests.
That... combined... allows a child to flourish and to have his/her own 'identity'.... not the child trying to be like someone else....
nor being a sheep or a follower.

But Boys... NEED to learn, how to express themselves AND to have feelings... and that it is okay to say it, to their parent(s) without being chided about it.
I have a son. 4 years old. Very expressive about his feelings and ideas... and caring... and ALL boy... very very much a boy.
He already... has his own, self-identity. And KNOWS 'himself.'

Even just a Mom, can teach her son that. And/or the Dad, if he is around... and is a GOOD role-model himself.

But do not ever... compare your son to others, or tell him to be more like other 'boys.' He is himself. And even a child, needs to be respected for that.

Your son, has his own personality... he will not be JUST like his Dad or any other man.
Teach him good values... Do not teach him to just be a "stereotype."
THAT is what a real man, is. Himself. Not a stereotype. And guided by good values and respect.

A Mom AND a Dad... has an impact, on a child... for better or worse... and it will impact 'who' they think they are... or if they are just trying to be what "You" want him to be. Which will mean... he is not a 'man'... but just being what others want him to be. Which is not good... for a child.

all the best,
Susan

I recommend the following books:

Wild at Heart - John Eldredge
Raising boys - CDs - John Eldredge
Bringing Up Boys - James Dobson

I - and the above authors - agree with Grandma T: a woman cannot bestow masculinity.

Do a Google search for the movie Tough Guise by Jackson Katz. It is a fantastic video about how culture and media influences males in our society.

My husband and I always say that when boys are younger the mom is more involved but when they are older the dads are more involved (we have two boys). I think as Mom's we definitely have a huge role in developing our sons but truthfully a boy's world is very different from a girl's world and I feel that moms need to realize that and not assume they always know best. We need to sometimes let the dad, uncle, friend, etc. help or be more involved (and that means sometimes letting go even if we don't agree). I also think that while we do want to allow boys to have emotion, empathy, etc. we do need to understand and nurture the warrior, adventurer, super hero etc. that is in them. Not let it get out of hand but understand it is a part of most boys wiring. If you are open to a Christian book, Wild at Heart by John Eldredge is a great book for both men and women to read.

both should what do you consider a real mans personality????

Kids of the gender usually pick up from their same gendered parent.

What exactly is a real man's personality?

I guess I should have read through the other posts first. I'm not the only one to ask this.

Looks like you've gotten some good advice anyway.

Have you read The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian?

I would highly recommend the book "Real Boys" by Pollack.