What Should I Do? Please Help!!!

Your husband needs to grow up and stop being jealous! That is what it sounds like to me is going on. Jealousy.

If your ex pulls out of this, I would recommend family counseling. At the very least, marriage counseling. Your current husband has no right to exclude your ex out of your sons life.

Go to the hospital. This is an important person in your life, whether your hubs likes it or not, bring your son to see his father! Make no appolagies.

Good luck to him and you!

Would your husband go with so that it is not YOU going but WE because we are together. Visiting and paying respect to somebody critically ill is the decent, humane, & Christian thing to do.

Hi, Erica - this coming from a senior Mom/Grandmother so I hope you can understand my advice. First - I am assuming your son (6) has had some relationship with his bio father. If he has not and accepts your husband as his father, this changes the dynamics greatly. Second - assuming you and your family have kept in touch with the father of your first child - I think you need to have a one-on-one with your husband and explain that you love and respect him, but that you feel a need to visit your EX due to the circumstances (his critical condition) and the fact that he is your son's father. Would you consider taking your son to visit his critically ill father? He probably understands more than you think -IF he is aware that his father is sick and in a hospital. Your visit should probably be very brief and maybe accompanied by another family member. If you have 2 children by your current husband he should be understanding enough to allow you this freedom without feeling threatened (does he have anger issues - jealousy issues?) If it were him in the hospital would he be open to a visit by an EX or former girlfriend to just show some level of concern and compassion. Only after a one-on-one should you make your decision.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you have answered your own question at the end of your statements. You said your EX wouldn't even know you were there... Your husband ( whom you would be hurting) obviously would. Let the past be the past. Deal with your EX only when it comes to your son unless you want to risk your current marriage. The fact you and your EX parted on such good terms only makes it more easy for loving feelings to resurface. Avoid temptation. Say a prayer for your EX while he is in the hospital and send a card.

I'm not exactly sure what to tell you except that I know the dynamics of your relationship with your ex. I still keep in touch with my ex-stepdads ex-wife, and my husband's family is even worse, we just did a Christmas at his ex-stepdad's ex-wife's house, and my MIL was there also with her current husband (she's on #4, but we hope to keep this one). All I can tell you is that you have to have the talk (for probably the millionth time) and let him know that you love him very much and you are not going anywhere except to visit your son's father in the hospital, maybe try to reason with him that it's something you have to do to make it easier on your son. You will still be coming home to him. I hesitate to call it ultimatum, but I mean if he doesn't give a little here and quit throwing such a fit, then it will end up coming between you in the long run. Would he be open to going with you to the hospital, so that he isn't feeling like such an outsider? I think that would be a good compromise. Good luck!!

Honestly Erica if I were in your husband's shoes I wouldn't like it either. I suppose if you are taking your oldest son so that he can see his dad then maybe I'd be ok with that, but if you are going alone because you feel some need to be there with him and his family it would bother me. You said it yourself, your ex won't even know you are there, so the only reason you would be going is because of your own needs. On this one, I would put my husband first and not go to visit the ex. You're right he will be in your lives forever because he is your oldest son's father, but that should be where his role in your lives ends.

Good luck,
K.

If this is truly life and death your husband will have to get over it. It is important for your son's sake (who may soon lose his father) to see that his mother was their in his father's time of need.

My mother-in-law was in ICU for 6 weeks last summer and her ex (my husbands father) went to visit. Neither his wife nor her husband had a problem. I agree you shouldn't be by his side everyday, but you should go every few days or once a week to visit. You should also encourage your son to go as often as the ICU allows even if he goes with your exes family to visit.

If your husband can't "trust" you to see a man who is in ICU and incapable of doing anything to illicit jealousy you are in for a very unhappy marriage. Marriage is nothing without trust.

If you're not already married to your soon to be husband firefighter, you might want to reconsider the pending nuptuals.

Your soon to be husband is controlling, possessive and jealous. He will not change - this is who he is and this is what you will deal with your entire life with him. Think about it. Is this the type of relationship that you want with someone. Someone telling you who you can and cannot see and putting limitations and perhaps even punishment on those restranits.

You have a son with your ex - and you are correct - he will be a part of your life for the rest of your life. New hubby cannot change this. It is a fact of life.

If you feel that you should see your ex while he is in the condition that he is in - you should see him. God forbid something should happen - you will hate yourself for the rest of your life for not seeing him before hand.

If you have a steady solid relationship - one that withstand the storms - with the soon to be hubby - you seeing the ex should not be a problem. But you should ask yourself - and answer honestly - do you have this type of relationship or are you caught up in the notion of being in love.

First of all, my apologies for not wading through all the answers. I read only about half.

I am a mother of three also with my oldest being from a previous marriage. My husband, too, would not understand my need to go to the hospital or the need for my oldest to go. I have had countless experiences of my own (however none in the midst of an ICU situation).

First, I would say that yes, it is wise to ascertain whether your feelings for your ex are unresolved or truly good friendship.

If in ALL honesty, you are truly friends then I would say that it would be to your own benefit to go and see him but only under the circumstances that your husband goes with you and you take the child born of your ex.

The way I see it is this: if you do not go, you risk holding a grudge against your husband if your ex does not make it and you later feel guilt. You might even hold a grudge against your MIL for her attitude towards the situation. If you go without your husband, you risk your husband having wild fantasies about what really happened that are nothing similar to the truth and any number of people giving him their two cents worth about what they think your intentions were. If you do not take your son, you will regret giving him the opportunity for closure (if necessary and assuming they already have a relationship). If someone else takes your son, you risk feeling guilty for not providing your son the support and guidance he will need to deal with such a situation and also will feel at a disadvantage when he tries to describe his feelings or what he saw.

As for how to encourage your husband to go, I would say reminding him that you chose to marry HIM and bear two children with him shows your commitment to living your life with HIM alone. Asking him to go with you because you NEED his support and guidance for your oldest son shows that he has a place in your life AND your oldest. He is needed and an integral part of not only your life but your son's.

As far as the mother in law goes...I would say that she has some unresolved issues and nothing you can do will fix those. Her answer that "well..." only goes to show that your husband grew up in a very defensive environment and that she most likely cannot even comprehend the situation you have.

I wish you the best...be honest with yourself and those around you and make sure you have your own boundaries for what is and is not acceptable.

If your husband loves you, he may not appreciate your actions, but if you explain them, offer him the opportunity to participate and be completely upfront and honest with him and yourself, he will respect you for standing up for what you believe even if he does not agree. Be supportive of him, let him know you understand where he is coming from...how difficult and threatening it must be to be in his shoes and how grateful you are to have him as your husband. Acknowledging his feelings, encouraging him to be honest with you and showing him your unconditional love will goes miles further than anything else.

I think you should go see him. What if something happpens and you and your son don't get to say goodbye. Would you be okay living with that? If not for you, let your son see his Dad, if you think he can handle it at such a young age. Mabye you could just send your son with his family up to the hospital.

Good Luck and God Bless

I would ask him " if it was you in ICU and I was your ex and we HAVE kids together what would you want me to do?" Its that simple, but I know you dont want to here this but if your husband just doesnt want you to go then you should not go, respect his wishes. Im sorry you are having to go through this, and the whole MIL thing i understand mine can be the same way sometimes. Best of luck and God bless you.
K.

My opinion, it is great that you are still friends with the father of your first, however if there is already a tension about this topic with yopur spouse you really should not "add fire to the flame", however, depending on his condition I think if not too serious just give him a call after the surgury. If more serious talk to your husband and ask him to go for a quick visit with you and your son.Honestly it sounds like you still care for your ex in that special way, it ended because of unexpected circumstances not because the love was gone just put yourself in your husbands shoes.....

Hi Erica, I think you should go see your ex. Invite your husband to come with you. He needs to understand that you will always have that bond with your ex because of your son. If he can not trust you then your husband has some issues that he has to deal with.

I also think that you still have feelings for your ex and your husband probably senses that. Be true to yourself and don't cover your feelings. I bet your husband senses that you still have feelings for your ex. Try to analyze the whole situation.

Good luck,
Elisa M

I would go and take your son!! He may be only 6 but if he is that critical, he should be allowed to say goodbye to his dad! If you don't, you will regret it the rest of your live!
Your husband can even drive you and stay in the lobby.
This man is a part of your live and always will be if he lives. I would take note for the future.
The Bible tells us not to have jealousy and this is just ridiculous on your current husband's part.

I haven't been in that exact situation but my husband is also very uneasy with me even speaking to my ex which is funnyto me bc there were times that I couldn't stand to even hear his name so I'm glad that we are on good terms right now and hopefully for a while. Not as severe but I have had to tell my husband that I was going to talk to my sons father and would like for us all to have a good relationship and that he shoudnt worry bc if my sons father was the one I wanted to be with I would have been but he's not. Not sure if your husband could handle that direct but your situation is even more needing of understanding from ur husband. Your ex may or may not make it and just bc y'all used to be together doesn't mean you want to go back to him and you still see him as a friend and just like if any other friend was I. The hospital you would want to go see them and he needs to be understanding of that and trust you. My MIL wasn't much help either when I asked a similar question. You just have to put your foot down. Mine threw a little tantrum and then got over it a day later. Good luck

It sounds as though you have many different emotions to deal with right now and that it is difficult to think clearly. You feel compassion for you EX and his family. You also feel a sense of loyalty and fear of hurting your husband. These are normal human feelings and there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. It is a very emotionally hard decision but it sounds like to me you have already made your choice you just don't want to face your answer. You know that your husband comes first and that your marital happiness is your priority. You were possibly thinking along those lines when you said " I'm afraid that if I go and visit at the hospital it's gonna cause some MAJOR problems here at home, and I don't want that". He feels the way he feels and you can't force him to change, even if it is extremely frustrating to you. If you put him first I can almost guarantee that it will speak volumes to him about where your loyalty lies and will help to calm his fears. With regard to your EX if you feel it is important to show you are concerned in some way then send him a card, get well flowers, or something else along those lines. It's a little more distant but it still shows you care. Hopefully what I have suggested will work as a good compromise that you can live with. Best of luck to you.
p.s. As far as your son goes send him with your parents to see him it is after all his Dad and what your parents do is none of your husbands concern.

If it bothers your husband, I say stay away. I am so sorry to hear that you son's father is in ICU and I truly hope he recovers. If you feel at any time your son should go and see his father should things take any downward turn then I would talk it over with your husband and see if you guys can go as a family. Of course you have to maintain a level of relationship with him and his family due to the fact that you have a son, but really I think your son should be the focal point of that relationship. Past lovers are a sensitive area for a lot of people and sometimes it can prove to be a problem when it comes to affairs etc, though I am sure not in your case. I think if it were me I would stay informed by calling and checking on him and pray for him and talk things over with my husband if at any point there was a need to go and see him like for a last time, though I so hope that is never the case. I believe if you honor your husband in this it will make your marriage stronger and cause him to feel more secure and he will be more open should you absolutely need to go up there. Best wishes and so sorry that you are going through such a hard time.

First and foremost is the family you have now. You may feel a desire to be at the hospital, but it sounds like it would not benefit anyone, but your own comfort. and that is debatable. Focus on the family you have. If your son does not understand any of this, then don't complicate it. Once you let go of the decision to go to the hospital, the urge will subside. peaceful thoughts.

Erica I say go to the hospital.

If you don't want you husband to be your new EX husband then you need to respect his feelings. Maybe you can talk to him and figure out what exactly bothers him about this, but regardless, he should be your priority. I hope you can figure out something that make you both comfortable. Good Luck.

Sorry, this is also not going to be what you want to hear. My husband is overly involved with his ex and her family and it makes me crazy! Yes they have a child together, but that should be where the relationship begins and ends, and it has taken me years to make him understand that. And I still don't think he understands it, he just humors me. If you are taking your son to see his father, fine. But that's not what you said.
Your interactions at this point (because your husband should be the priority) need to be very limited. "hi, how are you? Here's the kid. Here's pertinent information about the kid. Have a good time. See you at our next meeting to exchange the kid"
Stuff like that.
You say you were with him for 3 years! But that's not very long, and it's only 1/2 as long as the time you've been away from him. It sounds to me also that you're not really over it.
Perhaps yhou need to be more honest with yourself so you can better evaluate the situation.

Wow! If talking about it with your husband doesn't help, then I wouldn't go out of respect for him and your relationship. I'm sure your ex would understand. But, I would make sure your son gets to visit him. It's a sad situation that your husband can't agree with you. But, he has a right to be jealous. He is your husband and he is your priority. Be thankful that he is a little jealous. It just shows how much you mean to him. If he can't see your side and give in willingly - then let it go. It's not worth messing up your relationship. Let it go.

Sorry, I didn't read all the responses. I just wanted to say that perhaps you should do only what you need to do for the child you share with your ex. So, if he improves and your oldest child would like to go and see his dad, then you can take him to visit. But if you value your marriage you shouldn't go on your own to visit him. This makes your current husband feel as though you still have a 'thing' for your ex. And that is never good for any marriage. I understand this is difficult...I know that if you had an old female friend suffering in the hospital your ex wouldn't question you visiting her, and so it feels as though you should be able to visit your old male friend too, but the fact is that you previously had a romantic relationship and your husband can't forget that. Good luck--hope you can figure out how to make everyone happy!

To those who would agree with your husband...

My husband and I are still friends with exes and still see them on occasion (but not alone, and hospital visits we did together but would accept a solo trip if one of us couldn't go) and we email but nothing private, nothing we wouldn't want our spouse to read. We don't have a problem with it, we trust each other. The ONLY time I put my foot down was when we were engaged his ex kept going to his house and asking to borrow things (like a hammer, after an hour drive to borrow it.) He kept fixing her computer, and she would call him several times when we were together even when he told her that we were on a date or something, she just kept calling. I knew that how they got together was...she was engaged to a friend of his and she had an affair with my (now husband) and broke things off with her fiance. I saw that this could be a continuing pattern (for the both of them.)

If this kind of past is NOT your history or that of your ex, I don't think that your husband should tell you not to go. And, this is the father of your son so like it or not, he is ALWAYS going to be a part of your lives, even if he dies! I agree that family counseling may be in order.

Wishing you the best,
S.

YOU stated 'I love my husband very much and would not do anything to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable'...

Then DON'T!!

I took the liberty of reading some of your profile 'questions'...and having read them...REALLY DON'T!!!

the 'ex' has family with him.

if the son needs to be there...then have ex's family include son...IMO

as another poster put it...do NOT go...unless you want current hubby to be your ex...

michele/cat

Erica, Your relationship with your ex is over. The only contact you should have with him at this point should be related to your son that you have together. Does he pay child support, and have visitation? Let your son see him if it is comfortable with your son. But you don't need to go visit him by yourself, and for yourself. Let go of that relationship, it's hurting your marriage! I say put the shoe on the other foot. The best way to decide what is "OK" to do in your marriage is to be honest about how you would feel if the tables were turned. If you would be Ok with it, then it's probably Ok, if it would hurt you( And be honest here) then it is wrong and you know it in your heart that it is wrong! If your son is asking to see his dad, or your ex is asking to see his son, then bring your son,and invite your hubby to come with you, but don't go alone that is for selfish, self indulgence purposes! Bless you and your family.

If you are going so that your son can see his father, than go. If not, he won't even know you are there? Then why risk upsetting your marriage? If he knew you were there AND you were taking your son to see his father I would say go. Good luck

Erica~
Out of respect for your husband, please do not go. But what if he came with you and your son? Might he consider that? If so, great if not send your son with another relative.

I know that you decided to send a card and that is great for now but, I suggest that you and your current husband get counseling immediately. These kind of situations are a part of life and will not EVER go away. Your son must be allowed to have a healthy relationship w/ his real father and his relatives and you must be allowed to have a healthy and civil one with them as well. The bad feelings, ideas, etc. from your current husband can and will destroy all that. This will leave your son w/ serious issues as he gets older. It sounds like your husband has a problem w/ your son any way (just because he is not his biological son). That is a grave issue that you should have had ironed out before even marrying your current husband. If he is going to treat your son like a step-child instead of like his own child for the rest of his life then there will be problems in your family forever. Get counseling now. This is for the sake and the betterment of your whole family now and in the future.

Never life your life with any regret. If you x doesnt come through this whatever he has you will regret not going to see him for the rest of your life. Your husband is obviously very insecure about himself and your relationship if he is not understanding that you need to go see him before God forbid he passes. Your x is sons father and your husband needs to understand that. Dont ever live life on regret and yes I speak from experience. Good luck to you

Erica,

Your loyalty lies with your husband. From what I read, your "ex" was an ex-boyfriend and not even an ex-husband? Your responsibility to him, because you had a child from (not with) him, is only a kind, civil relationship. Because your husband has told you he is uncomfortable with the relationship you have with your ex boyfriend, to visit him in the hospital would be inappropriate and deceitful to your husband. It would, however, be acceptable if your ex's parents wanted to pick up your child and take him for a visit (if, indeed, your child has a relationship with his biological father).

If your husband felt differently about this, then by all means, do what you have to do. But your husband has made it very clear that he does not support you visiting the hospital and you need to honor your husband. You said you love your husband and you don't want to cause any problems at home. You've recognized that this WILL cause problems. Don't do it.

Apparatly, your family is abreast to his condition and you should stay updated, through them, for your SON'S sake.

If, in the event, there is a funeral, then it will be your responsibility as a couple to take your son to honor his father.

I hope this helps.

First of all, your husband is NOT being supportive at all w/your situation. Although it does affect both of you in a way, he already knew you had a child w/another man prior to you two getting married, he chose to accept that when he decided to ask you out then ask you for marriage. Ask him why is it different now than it was when you first dated. Ask him what is it exactly he's insecure about? Is he afraid of 'losing you', you going back w/your ex-husband? He's being very selfish, insecure & non-supportive. Remind him of what I stated earlier, that he knew that you had a child already w/someone else & he accepted that fact when you started dating & got married & now your oldest child needs his support in this time of need. All of your children needs a father who is supportive no matter what the situation. Good luck & hope this helps!

Hi!!

It sounds like some chapters have never been closed with your Ex and memories still linger on and can hurt your relationship with your present companion. A wise woman will always keep their house in tact!!!! Leave the past alone and move on. If you must see the EX, go and keep it to yourself about the visit. An open discussion regarding the past will cause you hardship and heartache. Don't ever try and force in your household that does not fit!!!! Write back your thoughts.

P.

This is a tough situation. I fully understand you as my ex and I are still friends and we have a child together. Plus we still invite he and his current wife to our family get togethers during the holidays, birthdays etc. If something was happening to him like what is happening to your ex I would go see him and his family as there are no hard feeling between any of us. However my husband likes my ex and is not jealous of me if I did go do that and he fully would understand and knows I don't love my ex in the same way I love my husband, but I do love my ex for who he is and for being the father of my child. Now in your situation it would cause a lot of problems with your husband and you need to ask yourself is it worth going through all of that. You are probably not going to get your husband to understand or accept your visit and if I have read your entry correctly, it would upset your ex and his family as well. If all of that is the case I would not go. You can call the family and tell them your prayers are with your ex or if you can send a card do that. You certainly don't want to disrupt everyone's life just because you want to be there. You can make your feelings known so many other ways. When you married you gave up your ex and both of you went your seperate ways and it should stay that way in your circumstance even though your intentions may be well founded. Why would you want to upset your marriage and cause a rift or possibly worse than that. If he opinion or feelings do not matter to you, then do what you want to do but be ready to pay the price. You can not expect your husband to think or feel the same way you do, however it is a shame he doesn't support you in anything you do. I state you love your family, then respect their feelings also because there is no sense in trying to get them to come around to your way of thinking. Maybe you shouldn't have said anything and just gone over to the hospital for a quick visit but if he is in critical condition and is say in ICU then they probably are not going to let you in to see him anyway since you are not considered immediate family. All you would be able to do is visit with the family in a waiting room. Just send your thoughts and prayers or give the family a call and that to me would be good enough. You seem to want it your way or not way and that is not healthy for you or your husband. Good Luck to you.

I agree with you husband. I also have children from another man, and agree with you that there will always be ties to him, but only because of the children. Have someone take your son to go see his dad at the hospital, maybe someone from his side of the family. Been friends with an ex is normal and your new husband needs to understand that, but you need to work that out, and if you have problems now, it is not worth it. Showing respect to your ex for your child's sake is something your new husband has to do also, but it is not something that is easy. Put yourself in your shoes and just in his shoes. Good luck.

Erica,

It sounds as if YOU have some unresolved feelings for your ex. I totally understand that you have a friendship. Being friends with your ex when you have children is critical to your children's well being.
My advice would be to 1) Take your son to the hospital if you see fit. This visit would be for your son and you would be his support. 2) Go to the hospital and don't let your husband know you went. 3) Go to the hospital and don't hide the fact that you visited and work through issue with your husband. The common theme to this advice is to "yes" visit your ex in the hospital. I would advise option 2, only if it would cause major struggles in your marriage over time. If the event will be discussed and you and your husband can work through it, then go for option 3. I will pray for you and your ex in his recovery. If you choose not to go and visit, pray for your ex and your husband. I wish you the best.
Take care,
Danabeth

personally i would never go see my ex. even if he was in the hospital. put yourself in your hubbys shoes. what if he had this great relationship with one of his ex's and there really seemed to be no good reason that the both of them broke up. how would you feel if he was going to see another woman that he thought of so fondly. it wouldnt be nice. at the most you should send some flowers and sign from the whole family not just you. i think its rude to visit your ex. its also odd that your family visits him. i am glad your civil with him for your childs sake. but for your husband sake you shouldnt be quite so chummy chummy with him. i would even be more affectionate with your husband when the ex is around. reassure him...because if i am not sure why your not with the ex than i am thinking your husband might have some issues there too.

Hi Erica,,
Life throws us curve balls ,,and it throw you one but you answered your question ,,you said EX was upset that your mom went to see him.So i think that says it all,,you can call and check on him but you should not go see him,,if your son was older then yes you would take him to see his father.I would just let it all rest and just make calls every other day .If your ex's think that he might need to see his son then do that but other ways keep your home life safe and happy dont throw a curve in that .
Good Luck
L.

I'm glad you decided not to go yourself. It's not worth the bad feelings you'll create w/ your husband. Also, are you sure it's wise for your son to see his dad in this condition? I lost my dad this year & the images of him suffering in the hospital will remain - & I'm alot older than 6! Please consider the trauma that may cause your child at such an impressionable age. Prayers to your family, and your son's father.

Your current husband is correct. You still have feelings for your son's father and you are jeopardizing your marriage by going to your first husband's bedside. The only reason to visit should be to allow your son to see his father...especially since he may be saying good bye.

If you love your current husband, as you say, reassure him by not sitting in the waiting room with your ex's family. Respect your husband's wishes.

Do what you think is right. The best gift you can give your child is to love his father; married to him or not. Your husband is going to have to come to terms with the fact that your ex will always be a part of your life and that the two of you have remained friends because that makes the situation better for you, your ex and your child together. If your husband can't except that then you need to reevaluate what your relationship is doing to your son. Your husband knew what he was getting into and if he wasn't man enough to deal with it then he shouldn't have married you in the first place. As a child of divorced parents I can tell you that your son is very aware of the friction between his dad and stepdad.

Your husband needs to understand that you are doing this because you ONCE had feelings for this man. And that you do have a child together, you are getting and seeing for yourself the information that your son would like to have. He needs to know that this child does have TWO fathers and that the first one is very sick and in need. How would he feel if there was a split between the two of you and the new person in your life or his would not let either of you see you children. This is part of being a grown up and he does need to know this also. Hope that he is better soon and that things get ironed out between the three of you....

Erica,
It sounds as though there are a number of things going on. Your post sounds like there was no real closure for you in regards to your ex and that could leave you with feelings beyond friendship. Your husband may need to be reassured more often (in action not just words) that you truly love him. This is a long term issue though and does not address the now. He may also just be over-reactive and insecure but you truly know how you feel and probably emit your true feelings (just think about it). That being said I would say go. I would take your son for a visit (esp. since you dont know if he will come out of ICU). I have a six year old daughter by my ex and trust me they understand WAY more that people give them credit for. I would say is does need to be you that takes your son to see his father. As for going on your own regularly, that could send the wrong message. You may want to try explaining to your husband that you and your ex are still friends and even though he does not understand it you would appreciate support and ask him to go for a short visit with you. Many husbands would support you even if they do not understand what is going on in your head. Leaning on your husband and requesting his support will probably go a lot further than becomming combative.
As for all the posts telling you that you shouldnt go because you made a vow to "honor" him and forsake all others etc here is a thought. He made the same vow. He married you knowing you had a son from another man, who would be involved, and presumably knew the condition of the breakup. He still vowed to honor you, to support you in time of need and he made all the vows you made. Marriage is not all sacrifice of just the wife but of each party to make one solid inpenatrable partnership. This requires hard work, love and trust from BOTH the wife and husband.

Do the right thing--your ex has a child and perhaps he is dying or close-- your chld should see his Dad. You do not want any regrets. Take his child--now if your are just going by yourself--that is a different issue and brings up red flags. This is the message you need to relate to your husband. In doing this reassure our husband the motive because it sound like he feels threatened by your EX.