Myself What Should I Do?

Hey L.!
I work at home and I love it! I have three great kids and I love that I can be home with them everyday and meet my daughters bus every day! it is so important to them that I be there... and soo scary to rely on day care centers these days! I work in online marketing, and it is very easy to do around my kids and my other responsibilities. If you would like to learn more about what I do, you can visit my website at http://www.freedomunitedteam.com/MC6889 and request more information. I would love to be in contact with you, and show you more about what I do every day.

First I want to say that in my opinion, being a SAHM isn't a privilege, it's a choice in life. A lot of people say that I am "lucky" that I "get" to stay home with my kids. It isn't something that just fell into my lap because we have a whole lot of money. No, when we found out we would be parents, we immediately started budgeting to make sure we could make it on one income. Sometimes(most of the time)money is tight, and we don't buy a lot of extras for ourselves. For instance, I got really excited the other day because I got to buy the two matching flower pots I've wanted all Summer, but they were way too expensive during the season. I got them on clearance, and I can't wait until next Spring to use them. We just made a choice that while the money was nice, it was more important to struggle sometimes so that I am home with the kids. I'm not telling you this to put you down or make you feel bad. I'm telling you this because if you have the "want" to be home with your baby, and you are unhappy where you are at work, it will take a lot of budgeting and planning, but you can make being a SAHM happen. Especially with a baby, the kind of nonsense you are talking about with your job is not worth risking your marriage. You said it is taking a toll on your marriage, so, were I you, I would sit with my husband, hold his hand, look him in the eyes and tell him you NEED him to take care of you and your baby. Men love to take care of women(unless you married a man that was raised by a feminist Mom). And women are wired such that we like to be taken care of. Tell him that you will be quiting the job that is hurting the family, and you would love to help him search the "want ads" for something that would help him take care of his family. You can even crunch the numbers and make a budget on paper for him to see what exactly you will need every month to live on. Approach him in a sweet, loving way, but also very informative that you need to be home with your baby. You have to be firm and follow through if you really want to make it happen. I've always said, you can be replaced in a micro-second at your job, but you can never be replaced as Mommy. However, if this is something you are not willing to do, there are other jobs out there that pay well and have benefits, you just have to take the initiative and look for them. Whether it be to stay home with your baby, or to work somewhere else, I would definitely quit that job.

I am sorry that you are going through this. How much money do you make at your part time job? This is the question I asked with my job and decided to do something else. Here is what I did. With my husband's "OK" I quit my job and decided to stay home with my child. I do jobs at home. I babysit which makes me almost half of our monthly income. I also make things and sell them online and in local stores in our town. I also decided to become a distributor of a product that I believe in. With all of these things I am truly very happy with what I do and will never go back to work at a "job". I LOVE! working on my schedule and not on someone else's time. If you are interested in maybe seeing what I do you can write me personally and I will tell you what is. With these I make enough money to pay our mortgage with little effort and time. You can quit your job (with you and your husbands total agreement) and still make money on the side. I hope you find something that makes you happy. I so know how you feel. Blessings!

L.,

I was in your same boat last year. The company that I had worked for for almost 4 years had turned into someplace that I DID NOT want to be, for the same things you are dealing with now. On top of that, I also was dealing with a bunch of people in my department that were not the least bit interested in actually working for their paychecks (gaming, sleeping, extra long lunches...), but management didn't want to see what was going on, and most certainly didn't want to fix the problems! In the end, it was easier for the boss to get rid of me, since I was the only one bringing up the issues (the only one not sleeping and playing, lol), and to this day they still exist there. Don't wait until it gets to that point like I did - if you are really that miserable, LEAVE. I made the mistake of thinking that the extra work that I did made a difference even though I was not valued as an employee in the least, and I also was making great money, so I stayed when I should have run and never looked back! Now, the old boss had made it impossible for me to find work here, so I stay home until I will be able to afford to go to school. In the long run, it is better for me to be able to do something I really want to do, instead of doing something that I feel that I HAVE to do just because my husband and I needed the money. We have gone through some pretty rough financial times the last year, with me not being able to find work, but now things are starting to work out for us. I am trying not to feel like such a slacker because I am so used to working full time and then some, and enjoying the time with my daughter while researching some schools and programs so I know what will be the best fit for me when I am ready to go to school and return to work in a different career field. Staying home has been very hard for me because I am not used to having to depend on someone else for anything! Guess I'm just a little set in my ways. :) I do view being able to stay home as a privilege; however, it is not all it is cracked up to be at the same time. I really miss interacting with other adults and really feeling like I am contributing to the household - I understand that I AM contributing because now my job is taking care of our daughter and the house, but I miss the time away from this that having an outside job provided. I would recommend looking around for a new position - just from experience I know how miserable hating your place of work can be and how that misery can leak over into all other aspects of your life. If the company you are working for isn't willing to fix the issues, I would move on. Good luck!

L.,
First, you are not alone in finding yourself between a rock and a hard place, and it can feel awful.

Second, if you're thinking about making a career shift or transition, don't quit your job just yet. You will be in a stronger position to find a new job when you are currently employed.

Also, there are many options available to you, from addressing how you react to situations at work, seeing how you could improve your current situation, flexible arrangements, a new job, a new career, etc.

I do this for a living (career and life coach) so if you'd like to chat further, feel free to contact me.

Good pay is still not worth the stress on your marriage, family and health. Maybe there will be a silver lining. This could be the impetus to go get a job you ENJOY, and then you may not mind working so much. :)

Life's too short to deal w/ a miserable job. However, find a new job before you quit the old one! Its much easier. So, sit down w/your husband, talk to him about this and figure out how he can help you get out of the situation - he might need to take on additional child care or household duties while you devote time to job searching. Also, crunch the numbers with him and include ALL the costs of two people working - the childcare, the clothes, the extra meals out, the extra commute, perhaps even the second car. You may find out you can work a lot less - or he could, dependent on who has the better earning power. Its important that you solve the issue as a couple and I also feel its important to provide an example to your daughter that you are working as a team. I disagree with a previous poster talking about a husband taking care of you, its incredibly important to make sure you still have earning power - you may have the strongest marriage in the world - but if he gets hit by a car tomorrow, you need the ability to provide for you and yours and most of us don't carry the life insurance to provide for a lifetime. I'm a mostly SAHM, but work 12 hours per week to keep my foot in the door in my profession (I also love what I do and who I work with!, so that helps!). Good luck!

I haven't found a simple answer to this work issue myself. However, I have found a great outlet. I use yoga to help refocus my energy and let go of my stresses. I go 2 days a week (currently prenatal yoga at Asana Studios in Golden because I am due in Feb, but there are several different types of classes). I suggest doing something of that nature. Or maybe on you lunch break, if you get one, take a shorter time to eat and than go out and go for a short walk. It will help you re group!

I am also envious of the SAHM, but realize that I need to work as well once my baby comes. My hours are often unpredictable and long & my boyfriend travels often for periods of 20 days. So whether it is one problem or another we need to find a release. This is the only thing that I found that remotely helps! Good luck & hang in there! Remember the grass may not be greener at a new place of employment.

It sounds like time to start looking for another job. It is easiest to look for that new job while you still have a job, rather than quitting and then looking. Good luck.

hi L.,

contrary to the poster who said women are wired to wanting to be taken care of, some women are not this way. and some women are in situations that flat out require their ability to earn an income outside the home. there is so much pressure on moms who work outside the home, i felt i needed to post a comment in support of those of us who work outside the home. we are not all the same and please do not let general statements like that influence how you feel about yourself and any decision you might make.

having worked in a company with way too much drama, i know the anxiety that this causes and how it does follow you home. it would be ideal to find a different job before quitting this one, but that may not be possible. if you have a spouse the way mine once was, he may not be able to understand the stress you are experiencing and hence this may be why you are posting as you feel that you are letting him down if you just quit. that causes another stress, doesn't it.

what i did-i quietly networked with everyone i knew. in time, i was offered an outstanding job and to this day i feel so blessed. what a RELIEF to not work in a drama place anymore! definitely, do what it takes to get out of that. it also would help for your future if you can learn ways to let drama bounce off of you. but that is hard because sometimes the drama queens make you the point of their drama.

take a lesser paying job if it comes up. remember the master card commercial? some things are priceless. you stated that you must work and so i don't think it's fair of me to coax you into considering staying at home. you must work- but yes, it is worth it to take a lesser paying job. your mental health will benefit and therefore so will the atmosphere in your home and marriage.

best to you,

S.

Hi L.,
I'm a SAHM who works at home and I love it. I would be happy to share what I do with you.
-J.

I would recommend visiting www.DaveRamsey.com to get a better understanding of your family's financials (current situation, goals, budget, etc.) He has podcasts you can listen to or books that are super helpful. If you do end up taking a lower paying job, Dave's advice will help you get in a better position to utilize the money you do have in the best way for your family. He says he isn't a genius and that he is only telling us what he learned from God and his Grandmother, but it makes sense and has helped our marriage a lot. We both work and I am glad to be in my career, but in a world where money is one of the biggest reasons for divorce, it is worth checking in to. Good luck!

HI L.!

I am a WAHM and I LOVE it!

Email me and we can chat about how I stay home with my 2 kids!