What Should I Do? - Phoenix,AZ

There is only 11 years between myself and one of my neices (I'm 31 and she's 20). She doens't call me Aunt, but all the younger ones do - ages 5, 3, and 2.

Sadly, the titles of Aunt and Uncle are outdated these days. Lots of people don't use them.

Like all titles, "Aunt" is earned. Even if you were not in her life by choice, the fact is you weren't, and she doesn't feel comfortable calling you Aunt. Let it be. Just be happy that she's calling you Aunt to her baby. You have another chance to be Aunt Diana.

Let it go. Yep she should call you aunt out of respect. It annoys me that people in my Dh's family are lax about proper names but we can't sweat the small stuff. If you are working on establishing a relationship great. She is an adult now and it seems like there is a spark of respect there since she is referring to you as Aunt D to her child. Go with that.

2 possible reasons I can think of for her doing this:

you guys are too close in age and she feels weird calling you aunt

her own parents never referred to you as aunt-only your first name. This is all she heard so that is how she knows you and what she wants to call you.

If your interest is in the relationship, I think you should let the title be whatever she is comfortable with and focus on getting reacquainted. Perhaps over time, if you're kind, she'll soften toward you and feel more like family again.

Does she know that you had no choice in being an absent aunt? Sometimes kids don't know the details & may hold a slight grudge. But I would say it's because an adult would have a hard time adding the title since it didn't start from childhood.

I say let it go & you keep referring to yourself as Aunt D, she seems to enjoy having her new baby grow up with giving you the title, which should show you that she has feelings for you but this is her way of showing you that she enjoys having you in her life now.

I would let this one go. It's really not a big deal. The point is that you are part of her life and her child's life now.

You're not close, so she never got in the habit of calling you Aunt Diana. She likely only heard of you as a reference... "I talked with Diana yesterday and...".

I am very close to my aunts and call them "Aunt ___". My youngest Aunt is 5 years older than I am. I was 22 when she got married. Her husband is my uncle, but I do not call him Uncle PJ. That's just not the relationship that I have with him.

My husband's nieces are our age (mom was remarried) and they do not call us "Aunt and Uncle" despite being very close. However, their children call us "Aunt and Uncle".

It doesn't matter "why" you were absent, the point is that you were. You're not close and this isn't something to force. Personallly, I wouldn't even mention it. Unless you have reason to believe that she has a very different understanding of the whole situation, in which case it's time to explain where you were all of those years, just enjoy that she and her family are back in your life.

Maybe mention it to her casually, asking why she doesn't refer to you as 'Aunt'... but you can't be offended by her answer. Just be honest, and expect brutal honesty in return. I think it's wonderful that you two have any sort of relationship now! That's hard stuff that you've conquered!

On the flip side, I have one aunt that I call by her first name (don't know why, I call all her sisters 'aunt so and so')... I think because she's more on 'friend' terms with me than 'family' terms. Like she's 40 something and newly dating, so we can talk about guys and going out and stuff... it's not like she's any sort of example for me ;) If anything, I'M the good example! Plus, I have 2 aunts with the same first name, so to distinguish between the 2, one is 'aunt' and the other is just her first name. It's not a disrespect thing by any means ;)

does it really matter? What harm is there in you not being referred to as "aunt"? & honestly, if you had wanted to be her aunt, then you should have pursued, continued, & furthered the relationship....regardless of the situation! Even if you didn't see each other, letters & phone calls could have kept the relationship together.

All of this is in the past.....& you need to move on! To accuse her of trying to penalize you.....serves no purpose & harms your relationship. Be thankful for what you have....& accept her choices.

& as a heads-up: my sis & I both refer to our uncle by his given name. He is married to a woman our age (he's 14 years older).....& it simply eases the dynamics of our relationships. (on the other hand, we do like having our kids - especially the 23yos - call his wife "Great Aunt..."! She hates it, we love it.....yep, we're mean!) Peace!

let it go...it's a title - it's a label....be active in her life and put the past behind you - you are holding on to what could be conceived as petty things....make a difference now and in the future...learn from the past and make the future brighter and better!

Don't be offended where no offense is intended. It's just a name. Work on being a good aunt to her now and a good great-aunt to the baby, and forget trying to fix this one. Obviously if she tells her child you're Aunt Diana, she gets it. And that's nice of her to do that.

My nieces and nephews and I are very close. I adore them, and I think they like me a whole lot too. And I really couldn't care less what they call me. As they've gotten older (they're in their 20s), my nephews often just say Bobbi and leave off Aunt. Doesn't bother me a bit.

I wouldnt worry or be upset by this. Some kids just grow up not using that title for aunts and uncles. It doesnt mean she cares any less for you, she just doesnt use the word. Be happy she is willing and open to seeing you at all after the distance between you for her younger years. I have many neices and nephews I barely know. I wouldnt expect them to call me Aunt, but if they even know my name Id be happy.

I have gone through similar situation....
my niece has been kept from seeing her dad and her dads family... not to the family's fault.

Not sure what happened between mom and dad or if it had something to do with the fact that her baby daughter had died and found she could no longer have kids.

Anyway, she refuses for us to see or talk to my niece and we wait for the day in Feb she turns 18 so we can see her again.

I have not seen her since she was 5 1/2.

She has made it known she wants to see her dad's side of the family again.

I do not know if she will call me Aunt but I hope she does.

I still call my aunts and uncles using the title aunt and uncle. I feel it is a matter of respect and I will continue to do so.

I guess it is just a matter of how you were raised.

What a gift to have her back in n your life. Do not insist she call you Aunt D. When you call say "its Aunt D", sign cards from Aunt D but dont obssess about such a small thing

I have never called my aunts "Aunt Debbie" or uncle .... I don't have any respect for them as people. They are terrible people and don't deserve that title. Except for 1 of them. I LOVE her. She did live far away, but even now I just love her so much. I'm sure if you could have been a part of her life growing up, you would have been a great aunt! I'm sorry that was out of your control. I wouldn't worry too much about her not calling you aunt.

I think you are being too sensitive about your "aunt" title. Some of my neices call me aunt, some don't. I think it depends on what they are comfortable with, and I am fine with that. Part of the reason I think some of mine do and some don't is because I was only 11 or 12 when my sister had her first kid, and I refused to be called aunt at that time. My oldest niece did grow up calling me aunt, but has gotten away from it as she has gotten older. Just because they don't call you "aunt" doesn't mean they don't love you, they just feel more comfortable calling you by your name. Do you insist your little neighbor kids or your kids friends call you Mrs. Lastname? Aunt seems more formal these days to me, maybe that's how your neice feels too.

I agree with Jessica Wessica. I don't call my aunts or uncles by that title anymore. I just call them by their first names. You sort of outgrow it when you get older I guess. If I were you, I would not worry so much about what she calls you, just that she is calling you. Maybe put some effort into being a good aunt to her now since you missed so many years prior. Good luck.

Well, all things being equal - she should ask what you'd like to be called and then she should respect that and use it.
My Uncle Johnny was my uncle from the minute I was born till he died about a month ago. He was outrageous (black sheep of the family and proud of it) and often drunk, but he'll always be referred to as Uncle Johnny.
As far as Uncle Johnny's kids go (8 of them, 1 set of twins), there's an aunt who's actually 2 weeks younger than her niece.
Your parents siblings are aunts/uncles regardless of the ages involved.

I have two uncles, my father's brothers, that I do not call "Uncle Kevin" or "Uncle Chris"...I call them by their first names. They were not involved in my life, are still not very involved (live on the other side of the country, have seen them 3 times in the past 10 years). To me, Uncle or Aunt is an earned title..one of love. That's why some of my best friends are my kids "aunts". For whatever reason you were not involved in your nieces life. You are now, but by now (20 some odd years later) she is used to calling you by your first name. sorry
L.

My first advice would be to let it go. In the giant scheme of things, it's not truly important. My children address my sisters as "Aunt", but only for the same reason I don't allow them to address any adult by their first name. It is simply a matter of respect. If their mother didn't insist on it when your niece was a child, it's too late to do anything about it now.

If it truly bothers you, perhaps you might simply ask "is there some reason that you don't want to call me "Aunt D"? It might not change things, but at least you wouldn't be left wondering. Perhaps it's nothing, in which case, you might just state your preference. "I love being your Aunt, and I'd like you to call me Aunt D".
Good luck!

Many people stop using the titles of Aunt and Uncle once they become adults because they feel that the titles represent an imbalance of equality in the relationship or that they've outgrown using such titles. I use the titles and I'm in my 30's but I mainly use the titles for my and my husband's great aunts since they're in their 70's and 80's. I use the titles when referring to my closer aunts and uncles in conversation but when speaking to them I just use their first names. I do have my children use the titles though.

I don't think you should feel offended, especially since you spent so much time apart and are just now getting to know each other again. Plus she's encouraging your great-niece to call you Aunt D or Aunt Diane means she does feel connected to you. She's encouraging that connection with her daughter. I wouldn't pressure her on it. She knows the relation and isn't denying it, and she's not being "obstinate."

I would let it go. I have a teen nephew who Never Ever calls me Auntie H., whilst his other cousins from my other sister do. You can refer to yourself however you like.

When I was younger, I didn't like those titles because I was a dumb teenager and felt like I was an 'adult', and 'didn't have to' show that sort of titular respect. Some of my relatives were a bit vexed about this, some didn't care at all. I got it together as an adult and try to remain flexible. So long as the niece or nephew in question isn't being disrespectful to me as a person (and I don't think dropping the title is the same thing), I just let it go.

My kids don't call any of my siblings aunt or uncle. They all have special names and they go by that. I dont think anyone has to be called Aunt or Uncle to have that title. Shoot, my niece calls me GG...and my name is Rachel. LOL. And I think even if you live out of state you can have a VERY good relationship and a close one. My older sister has only lived near me for about 6 months of my kids lives, but she is as close to them as my sister and brothers that live here. My other brother didn't even meet my youngest until he was 9 months old and then only every so often after that. We made sure to have phone calls, letters, emails, pictures, etc. So I don't want to be mean, but how it is not your fault that you were absent? Unless her parents refused to let you have contact, you certainly could have fostered an amazing relationship with her. My husbands family lives far away and they don't make the same effort as my family to foster relationships with the kids, but not by our chocie - that's on them.

Umm. . I don't call any of my aunts or uncle's Aunt M or Uncle D. To much of a mouthful. The only reason why I say Aunt B (my sister) to my son is because it has this retro old feel. Just like I'm Auntie M to my niece or nephews. They don't actually call me that. Just M.. But it's a little nickname for me sometimes.
Don't take offense, it's a rather silly thing to be offended over. It's a title that isn't professional or required for us to say. I'm decently close to some of my aunts and I don't say Aunt Lisa. WAY to formal for the situation and it means I'm close to her. :D Enjoy the fact that she is comfortable enough to be informal with you.

She was an adult when she met you. My uncle (mom's brother) got married when I was about 25. She is Marcia to me - not aunt Marcia. She is Aunt Marcia to my 5 year old son. I don't think it is strange at all, nor do I think it is obstinate or disrespectful. If they had married while I was a child, she would have been Aunt Marcia. My uncle gets to keep the Uncle in front of his name since he met me when I was born.

Diana,
My Mother's father has never been apart of my life, yet when we do have contact, he refers to himself as grandpa. I on the other hand do not see him as that. Thus I don't name him that. I refer to him as my Mom's dad, if I am with him I do out of slight respect for giving my mother life, call him Grandpa.
I also have a few aunts that I call by there first name too. and that also is from lack of contact when young and I don't feel like I knew them as an aunt. To me we are more like equalls, and I don't mean that to be offensive in anyway.
Then I have my favorite aunts that I feel we are really close and I call them by their first name too. But that is because I feel more like we have a sister or friendship thing going on.
After reading your question it has opened my eyes, and I might just ask them what they prefer to be called:)
If it really bothers you I would just ask her why? I am guessing it is similar to my feelings as more of a sister or friendship then lack of respect.
Good luck!
E.