Manners Question Re How Kids Address Adults

I am not from the south, so in NY, people don't say Miss Firstname or Mister Firstname unless we are talking about a child's preschool teacher. I am 47, and most adults I knew were first name people. Relatives are never Mr or Miss or Mrs, it is a casual relationship. My mom was Grandma Audrey to the grandkids, to separate her from their other grandmas. My sister's MIL insisted that the grandkids call her Grandma Davis rather than Grandma Ellie, because she felt that it was disrespectful for them to use her first name. She didn't budge even when my sister pointed out that her grandnieces and grandnephews, same ages as her grandkids, called her Aunt Ellie.

With my own kids (HS and college aged now), I taught them to call neighbors, friends' parents, etc by Mr/Miss/Mrs Lastname and if the adult invited the kids to use their first name, that was fine.

I am fine with my kids' friends calling me by my first name.

I prefer to use titles and honorifics. DH is kind of meh on them, but I think it is important. If it is AUNT Sue, then she should be called AUNT Sue, not just Sue. We refer to the grown cousins as "Cousin Ray" or similar. Friends are Miss/Mrs/Mr first name, generally. Most of the time cousins are just first name, but we have 2 generations of "first cousins" so to differentiate a cousin from an aunt, we routinely use "cousin" and their name for DD.

I'm southern and I believe that people should be called what they wish to be called.
When my daughter was growing up, she called most of my friends Mr or Ms First Name. If they told her to just call them First Name, then that was fine. Mr or Ms was the default unless otherwise instructed.

Teachers were Mr or Ms Last Name unless the teacher preferred something else. Some of her teachers preferred Mr or Ms First Name, or just First Name, one preferred just Last Name, and one preferred a truncated form of his last name (it was Mc___, and he told the kids to just call him Mac).

Cousins were just First Name.

My sister and bil preferred to just be First Name without Aunt and Uncle in front of it.

Most of her friends called me Ms Fuzzy. I was fine with just Fuzzy, and told them so, but if their parents insisted on Ms, that was also fine with me.

I am down here with TF. Children are taught to adress men and women by Mr. Or Ms. IF the person gives them permission to call them by their first name that is then fine.

Teacher in day care are usually called Ms. Susan, Or Mr. Rob. But once they get to school, they will learn to call the teacher by Mr. or Ms. Surname. Or Coach Surname.

I encourage your family to call Aunts and Uncles, Uncle Joe or Aunt Carol.. Or their family nicknames, Like Uncle Bear.. For a few reasons.

First, they will eventually understand how they are related to these people. My husband cannot tell me how he is related to certain relatives vs family friends, because his parents were always so vague about all of it. I am not kidding.

When your children in day care, the children will probably call you "Bobby's mommy!"

In elementary school, they are going to call you Mrs. Whatever your child's last name is. IF your last name is different, you will need to explain this to these children. Some will understand this, but others may be a bit confused, but generally it is encouraged on school campus that parents be addressed as Mr. and Ms. Or Mrs. Unless you are super close to a child.

It is just always better to always teach our children the best manners or best practices and then if given permission you can lessen the manners.

FYI, when our daughter was on her college interviews. They have these when you are being offered Certain type of scholarship. At the end of one interview, the Gentleman told our daughter, he was very impressed with her manners. They were obviously natural to her and he had never interviewed anyone else with such great manners. And yes, she was offered the scholarship in the end.

So they can make a difference!

I suppose it depends on your area.

Around here... Neighbor children address me as Mrs ____ my first name.

When subbing for the last 14 yrs I'm addressed as a teacher by my last name. Mrs. ___

However, most students know me as a neighbor and still address me as
Mrs. First name

It's funny because I end up in classrooms being addressed as both Ms first and last name.

My husband and I were just talking about this this morning. Our take is: all non-related adults should be called Mr Smith or Dr Jones or Mrs Whatever - especially parents of friends. Aunties, uncles and cousins should be called by their first names, with Aunty or Uncle being used if Aunty or Uncle wants it. Cousins only by their first name.

If names are unknown, then Sir for a gentleman, and Madam or Miss (depending upon their age) for a lady. At school we used to call all of our gentlemen teachers Sir, and all of our lady teachers Miss - nomatter their age.

I think it *used* to be more regional.

We currently live in the south (Tn) and whenever adults tell my DD their name, they introduce themselves as their first name. I had read about how southern manners meant addressing as "mr/mrs/miss" and either first or last name depending on how well you know the person... Yet when I had my DD use the honorific, they usually chuckled and said that just first name was fine.

It seems like Texas is still a stickler for it though. ;) I did notice it from children when I was living there... But it's the only place I did. I never heard it at all when I was in Georgia or North Carolina (the other southern states I have spent enough time to have a chance to hear it in.)

Sooo... People we see casually are first name only, people we see professionally are mr/mrs/miss first or last name.

Personally, I LIKE the idea of the honorific first name for anyone not family... I feel like it just adds a layer of respect/politeness. But, because people make such a deal out of it when I try to get my dd to do so, it hasn't really stuck much. (I still introduce new people as mr/mrs/miss... But they usually correct it to just the name and I don't want to override their preference.)

We actually do refer to some family as "cousin so-and-so".. But that's because my family is so huge and inclusive that sometimes it's needed. Lol. (But for the most part, it's just plain first name.)

I grew up in the burbs, and we called adults with a mr or mrs last name, unless they were close friends then they were aunt and uncle.

I have my kids call other mama friends miss and mr. first name...and my real close friends are aunt. We have close neighbor friends and they called them mr and mrs last name first initial.

For cousins, we just say first name.

What is appropriate is what your family and the adults around you prefer. There is no one right way. Personally, my children address all adults by mr/mrs last name unless the adults have told them to use something else. I hate children calling me by my first name, but if that's what their parents are teaching them, I don't correct. It's their job to teach their children, not mine.

When my children were growing up their friends called me Mrs D. Now that they are all in their mid 20's to early 30's they still call me Mrs D when I run into them around town (as do their spouses lol). My friend's kids called me D. or Auntie Di.

The teachers told the class what to call them so it's ok that it's Miss Michelle. Teachers will always tell the children how to address them. As far as other neighbors and friends? Ask the grown up how they would like your child to address them and then make a point to correct them if they say it wrong. Children will remember because people have different names so it'll be ok even if you have more formal friends vs just call me by my first name neighbors.

It's regional. I grew up in CA and we used first name or mrs. Last name. Cousins were first name. Now I live in TX, hubby grew up in the south. Our kids use mrs. First name or mrs. Last name. Cousins close in age are referred to by their first name, adult cousins are aunt/uncle first name. The same goes for how their friends address me.

Our kids know our neighbors by their first names. (Though our school superintendent lives a few houses down, so we might need to call him Mr. Last Name.) They address school teachers and Sunday Schhol teachers has Mr./Ms Last Name. They address daycare teachers and some other professionals as Miss/Mr First Name. I guess I just kind of go with the flow and let the adult decide what he/she would like to be called.

I have to agree that this is somewhat regional. I've never met anyone who called their cousin "Cousin Mike." I did hear that on the movie "North and South," but I wasn't sure if that was a Southern thing or a 19th century thing.

I would try to pay attention to what your neighbors say and do. If you're really not sure, just ask the adult what they prefer to. E called. I've been asked that question many times, and I've never been offended.

ETA - Sorry, what were you asking with the cousin question? If the cousin is a teacher at the school, I would instruct my kids to call them Mr/Ms Last Name. Otherwise a cousin is just Bob.

My kids call teachers by Mrs/Mr Last Name and friends of ours by Ms./Mr. First Name. It's what most of our friends prefer. I would not want a 10 year old calling me by my first name only, I feel it's a tad disrespectful. I grew up in a military household, so my view MAY be a little different on this...not sure.

We do Miss or Mr first name. If it's cousins, sometimes we do do Cousin Sue. My cousin's little boy calls me Aunt. It just depends on the relationship you have with the kids, I guess.

i grew up in bermuda, which is on the formal side, so all adults were mr or miss last name. uncles and aunts were called 'uncle first name.' cousins were peers so no titles appended.
by the time i had babies in MD it was by far the most common practice to teach them to call adults 'mr or miss first name', with teachers, doctors and other professionals defaulting to the more formal address.
i'm with your husband. i think children should learn the basic courtesy of adding a title unless specifically invited to do otherwise.
khairete
S.

I think making kids call regular people anything but their name is humiliating to the kid. It basically tells them they aren't as good as that adult and that every adult in the world is above them. That reinforces that they are to always obey those people. I don't go for that.

I have a friend who requires my grand kids to call her Miss First Name or Miss Last Name. I don't refer to her by those names when I talk about her at home, it's her first name I use. The kids think of her as Her First Name.

In a school/child care setting the person who cares for them is an authority figure. They do need to call them a higher status prefix such as Miss First Name or Miss Last Name. I personally prefer for them to call caregivers by Miss First Name so when they start elementary school they call their teacher Miss Last name or Mrs. Last Name. It makes a difference to me.

So, if you are around people who require their kids to use proper official names then you need to copy that or your kids will be looked down and and have even lower status. If you are around kids who do not do that, EVER, then making your kids do something so prim and proper is going to make them targets for bullies.

I go with Mrs. ____ (last name) unless and until the adult suggests something else. I am fine with my kids calling adults by their first name or by a title, it's just a matter of what the adult is comfortable with. It is just common courtesy to allow the adult to decide. I ask my son's friends to call me by my first name. All of the kids at the daycare where my little one goes (and older one used to go) call all of the adult parents Mommy ____ (first name) or Daddy ____. So my husband and I have gotten used to being called Mommy/Daddy ___ by little kids.
My kids do call their adult and child cousins Cousin ___. It distinguishes them from friends :)

I also grew up in Chicago. Growing up, I never addressed anyone as Ms/Mr besides teachers. Now that I am a parent and more interested in teaching my kids *manners*, I have them address everyone as Ms/Mr UNTIL that person tells them to call them by their first name.

I WOULD say, "Cousin Sue". This is how I grew up referring to adult cousins, and I still call them that. Not Sue, because I don't have one of those.

I think that whether or not you use first or last name depends on the relationship and preference, but Mr. and Miss/Ms./Mrs. are always appropriate. (Mrs. and Ms. only go with a last name. First names get Miss, no matter the age or marital status.)

I always taught my kids to call adults Mr. or Mrs. unless the adult specifically said oh you can call me Sue, or Bob or whatever.

I grew up in the south, and I did just what you did. Teachers were Mrs/Mr. Last Name, friend's parents, neighbors, etc were just their first name. My son is 3, and the play group we joined a couple years ago always refer to the moms as Miss First name. It kind of bugs me, but we go with the flow. I only called my aunts and uncles by their first names too, I still chuckle a bit to hear my 30 year old husband talk to his as Aunt or Uncle so and so.

It's a regional thing. I grew up in the northeast and everyone was Mrs./Mr. last name.

I now live in the south, and everyone is Miss/Mr first name. Once the kids hit elementary school, the teachers then become Mrs. Last name.

I don't think there is a general rule. It's up to you to decide whether you want him to show the respect that some people believe comes with calling someone Mr/Mrs Jones or if you're comfortable allowing him to have a more casual relationship and simply call them Sue or Miss Sue.

I always called my friends' parents by just their first name when I was growing up, since my parents were ok with it. Now, most of my children's friends either call me by my first name or Miss First Name. I'm totally fine with either but would feel weird if they called me Mrs. Last Name.

The exception, of course, is if the person your son is speaking to expects to be called a certain name. If someone really feels that children should address them as Mrs. Last Name, then you have to respect that.

Preschool teachers tend to go by Miss First Name. Elementary teachers and above go by Mrs. Last Name.

Mr. and Mrs. around here. Miss Michelle or something if her last name is Wizalewskoniwatsi.Just easier.