What Should I Do? - West Haven,CT

I hate to say it, but it looks like he's been playing you for a fool. I find it hard to believe that he would not offer to help you with the bills. Do you have any "friends" that you speak to that often? Sounds like something fishy is going on. You might be better off without him.

My biggest issue with this situation isnt the fact that hes talking to another girl. It very well could be innocent, a firend, someone to complain to. My issue is the deceit. Lying never did a relationship good.

I'm sorry but I think it's time that you confornt him, and if he gives you the same answer, then maybe it's time to do some house cleaning girl.

Wow. Flash backs. I have to tell you from experience, if you think he might be he is. But never mind the cheating. Never support a man! Not unless you have been married he becomes unemployed. This just sounds horrible. Get out!

i am so sorry you have extended yourself to this man and brought him into your home around your child...from an outider looking in i am telling you he is totally taking advantage...you need to kick him out and break it off...i understand its easier said then done,,,but do you really want your girl to witness a freeloader who is taking advantage of you and most likely cheating. i guarentee if he isnt physically cheating yet his is definatly emotionally cheating...you deserve better!!!!
i read your what happened...and i think thats great it you want to work on things but just remember...he can contact her other ways then the cell phone you give him...alls i am saying is just be cautious.

C., it's time to face reality and see all the red flags popping up all over your message. Let's start with the money issue. Sometimes we run into problems with our finances: a large, unexpected repair or medical bill is usually the culprit. You didn't mention what his specific money issues are, but if they're the result of his running up large debt I'd seriously reconsider supporting this guy. His debts will soon become yours. You say you pay all the bills because you're a couple and that's what needed to be done. Couples support each other through the tough times but the partner that's down has to pull his/her weight in the household one way or another. If your BF is working there's no reason why he can't contribute some amount of money to your living expenses, even if it's not an equal share.

Moving on to the cell phone calls, even if this other woman is "just a friend" as he claims she is, then why does his story constantly change? Why does he lie to you? What else is he lying to you about? Tell him that you'd like to invite this woman to your home for dinner because you're always interested in meeting his friends. His reaction will tell you what you need to know about the nature of their relationship.

Finally there's your daughter to consider. It doesn't sound as if she's in any danger of being hurt by this guy but she's watching you even if you're not aware of it. She's learning about adult relationships from the way you handle yours, and you don't want her to grow up thinking it's normal for men to walk all over her and take advantage of her generosity.

I can't tell you to break up with this man. If you honestly believe there's something worth salvaging in your relationship then by all means try to work it out with him. Otherwise you need to ask yourself some very hard questions and figure out what you're going to do about the answers. Good luck.

You have her number. Call her and find out from her what is going on. If she says that their just friends that's one thing but if she says something else get rid of him.

There are a few things that I see going on in your posting.
First I want to say that he is cheating on you. No man that I know has a woman that the call 8-10 times a day and they don't have something going on with them. Even if it is nothing sexual it is emotional. Now if he was as close of a friend as he say they are why is it that you have not met her or that he isn't calling her when you are around. My best friend that I have known for over 10 yrs I only talk to 2-4 times a month!!! He is adveraging 224-280 times a month!!! And you are questioning if they have something going on...really!!! Common. The only thing I think you should be questioning is if you will alow him to continue and if you are okay with that kind of communication. You have to determine if that is okay.
Second, I wanted to say that the first thing that you said struck me as very important. You said "He has been having some issues money wise and with his family, so I decided to let him move in with me..." Now my question is what made you think that he would stop having money problems with you. If you have money problems with you family you will have money problems with anyone. That is why he is okay with you paying all the bills while he is not even respectful enough to make sure that he doesn't go over on the cell phone that I hope your not paying for.
Third, If you guys are a couple you share in everything. Love, lust and life. Bills need to be paid he should share in that. He should share you love with you and let you know his problems and talk it out with you. And lust...well I don't have to explain that one...lol
But seriously, it sounds like he is using you. Sorry to say it like that but that what I see. On top of it all it sounds like he doesn't care.
Thats just my opinon. I hope it was helpful.

Friends or not, he should pay the cell phone bill. If you're asking the question, you already know the answer. You deserve better. Find someone who will respect and love you and be more of a partner to you.

Regards,

D.

When someone is investing their emotional intimacy with another woman, it becomes moot whether they are having a sexual affair or not. I agree with you, his first stop should be you if he's having problems, even if they are problems with you.

I'd hash this out quick, and get him out of your house if you don't feel you can trust him. From what you've written, I feel certain that in your shoes, I'd be packing his bags.

Whether he is cheating or not is not the real question. He doesn't have his act together obviously. First priority is your daughter - and the stability that she needs (and you need for that matter). Unfortunately, prior to him moving in it sounds like red flags were sent out early on...

He is not providing the "stability" you require - emotionally or financially... and don't underestimate the financial aspect in this case as well. Time to get your life back - don't have ANYONE jerk your chain and take you on an emotional rollercoaster. He is not ready to be in a "relationship" - cut him loose and find someone more worthy and someone you can find stability with for you and your daughter - and of course trust with money and your feelings. Reduce your risk factor in the future. Your life and your child's development depend on it.

This man sounds like he is hiding something from you. I had this same thing happen to me. I didn't trust my gut feeling and decided to trust the guy only to find out almost 7 months latter that he was cheating. This is also a man that I thought loved me. I hope for your sake that he is telling you the truth. I don't think that it is right for men to have female friends. Once they are in a relationship with someone they should not talk to other females especially if he is talking to that one girl many times a day. I hope everything works out for you.

Dear C., I am very sorry but I don't have good news for you - he is cheating on you like hell! Even if he doesn't sleep with her. He is just using you, your generosity, your good heart, your feelings towards him. Protect yourself AND your daughter!!!!! The money you are spending on his cell phone should be your daughters college fund!!!!! OUT with him from your house and your life! There are decent men out there! Don't waste your time on a jerk. Good luck!!

You have been had my dear, and it is only going to get
worse (more humiliating, embarrassing, painful, financially burdensome).
You have shacked up with an immature man who is living and behaving in his "girlfriends" house as though he is still a high school kid living with his parents. There is no question he is having sex on the side. Make sure you are wearing protection with him, god knows who he is having sex with and where she's been! Do you value your life? Where would your daughter be without you, think about it! We all know what it means when someone is spending constant time on the phone with someone of the opposite sex, stop kidding yourself. Get this man out of your life. You managed before you met him, you'll manage just fine without him. You deserve much better than what you are settling for, not to mention your daughter! Move his stuff out now and give him no more of your time or attention, Move on!! Let someone you can trust know you may seem some extra support during this time and maybe even help moving his stuff out. Don't answer his calls. If it gets bad, don't hesitate to call the police. Don't believe anything this man says before or after you kick him out of your life, he has no backbone, he's a coward and a cheat, you will see.
Go girl, take back control of your life!
N.

I think you definitely have the right to be concerned! It's kind of you to want to help out your boyfriend by paying the bills and letting him move in but don't be taken advantage of. If this girl is such a good friend then why haven't you met her? Maybe you should invite her over for dinner and see what happens? (w/out your child being home) If they are just friends then it shouldn't be a problem right? Like you said, he is talking to her more than he is talking to you. That isn't right. Sorry. Let her pay his bills! (even if they do not have a sexual relationship I would wonder about why he isn't sharing his problems with you instead of her) You have to listen to your gut though, what is your gut telling you?

Good luck to you.
-D.

Put in this situation my self I would do one of the following, I would either throw his butt out, bag and baggage or I would pick up the phone and call her myself. This man's lying has, in my opinion, destroyed your relationship. The fact that he first told you it was work related, and then told you she was an old friend. Personally, I don't think she's either a co worker or an old friend. Even though you are not husband and wife, you are living as husband and wife. I have been married for 17 years and have always told my husband, and I truly mean this, that if you ever give me a reason to wonder where you are, or who you are with, our relationship will be over. Plain and simple, if he ever lies to me about a woman he sees on a regular basis or about his whereabouts that gives me reason to not trust him. When that trust is gone, the relationship dies with it. You say he works but does not help you pay the bills? Sounds to me as if he is using you like his mother. JMO, I would get rid of him and get rid of him fast, that is not the kind of example that your daughter needs in her life. Call her yourself, she may not even know that you exist.

I don't think there is a little about me with my account so I'll post that seperately

I am a 43 year old mother of two, a 16 year old boy and a 13 year old girl, I have been married, happily, for 17 years, for I truly found my soul mate. I currently drive school bus and go to College full time to obtain my Bachelor's Degree in Accounting.

Any time a man (or woman for that matter) lies about who they have been speaking to or spending a significant amount of time with, it's time to reevaluate the situation. While it may well be that he is only speaking to her about his problems, he should have been able to be honest with you about that. The fact that he lied places doubt on the true nature of their relationship. The fact that he only speaks to her when he is not around you suggests that the topic of conversation is one he does not want you to overhear. It sounds like you have already confronted him with what you found out and he changed his story mulitple times. There is no reason why a boyfriend of two years who is now living in your home should not feel comfortable talking to you about his problems or being honest about who he does address these issues with. You have every right to doubt his latest classification of their relationship. If nothing else he should have been open with you from the beginning. From my personal relationship experience I would recommend you end the relationship and ask him to leave as soon as possible.

Whatever your decision stay positive and be blessed.
R.

Wow, you have gotten a lot of responses for this post, people sure do feel strongly about this!
Don't ever doubt yourself. If it smells like a rat and sounds like a rat, it's a rat. The only reason you posted this request isn't because you don't trust your intuition, it's because you're hoping enough of us will say you're wrong and you won't have to deal with the fact that he's breaking your heart. Men aren't talkers, not like women. If he's calling a girl 8-10 times a day, it isn't to discuss his inner emotions or to be a good chum. Men only spend that much time on the phone if they want something. He'll tell you what he knows you want to hear so he can stay on this free ride he's got going on. I know two years seems too long to just break things off, but in the long run, you're saving yourself a lot of headaches. Better to kick him out now and give yourself to someone who truly deserves you.

C., C., C....I feel for you!
I went through this same situation a couple years ago. I was with my eldest’s father still and he had hit rough times so he moved back in with me. Things were great till he couldn't pay his normal bills so I picked up the slack. I used to get the detailed billing for his cell phone as well and noticed more calls on the line to a specific number than usual. Come to find out it was his ex gf's number, they had been seeing each other for months, and this whole time I was none the wiser. He kept telling me his paychecks were low because they would make him clock off for an hour here and there because of no work. Come to find out they were low because he would be taking 1/2 days off to go see her so I wouldn't find out. She knew about me and didn't care. Basically, you have a right to know. If he is not giving you answers, you call her up, and ask what is going on. He should be satisfying your questions. Right now it seems like he may be using you just like my ex used me. He has it made at home with finances, so he’s out and about when it comes to lust.

wow, I think something is up. But, do not jump the gun though. If you are FEELING it, it's because it's happening. I know this might sound like a crazy question but how is your sex life? You being 29, I think it should be pretty active. That being said if you skip a week or 2 without sex, I really think something is up. What I think you should do is sit down with him, talk, communicate, if you guys are not on the same page move on, think about you and your daughter. You & your little one should be priority, not a man.

just my thoughts.
L.

I read your response, regarding checking his phone for her number. Lets not forget that he doesnt have the only phone in the world. There are friend's phones, work phones, pay phones he can use, that you cant check. And what is stopping him from stopping by 7-11 and picking up one of those prepay phones that you'll know nothing about it???
He seems shady to me. You know in your heart what is best for your family. Just be careful!!!

you are fooling yourself. You think he is not using another phone to call her? What about his work phone? or a friend's phone? He knows you are going to check his cell phone and he is not stupid. In fact he is very smart. He has somebody paying all of the bills and probably does nothing around the house either. You have a parent child relationship with him and who wants that? You should put your energy into your child and your mental health.

He IS cheating on you because he is getting emotional support from somebody else, that is NOT you. He feels closer to this person on some level and in my world that is NOT acceptable. You should be FIRST in his eyes. You deserve somebody that is totally into you and supports YOU.

Hi C., I'm sorry you are having a hard time!

You have lots of responses, I can not read them all so sorry if I repeat.

From the outside (but of course through my own bad experience), it sounds like this man is just not a team player. Unless his legs are broken, he can pull some financial weight, though this need not be 50/50. It's not always the cash dollars, but comes down to being treated with respect, fairness, and getting the support that should be part and parcel to such a relationship. It sounds like he moved in for the wrong reasons (to lean on you, to be rescued by you, not to stand side by side with you), so you are already setting yourself up as his caregiver. A partner is just that, someone to share the hardships of life with (not just the great sex). You should also think carefully about what your child learns about relationships if you are carrying all or most of the weight.

The other aspect, the women, the phone.. You don't trust him. You should not have to check up on someone you love enough to live with and expose your beloved child to. Your detective work only teaches a dishonest person to be more clever. If you don't trust him, he should not be living with you.

If you are not yet ready to end it, you might consider living seperately until he can show you he is able to stand on his own two feet, and until you don't feel you need to check his phone, or any other records for that matter.

I have shared some of your experience and when you are inside it, it is all so unclear. Being lonely, and raising a child alone makes it even harder. Hang on to the big picture. Keep in mind that we can never fix or recue others! You deserve the best!

C.

OMG...GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!! He obviously has "friends" he could be staying with for help. You should not be supporting a fully grown man, especially when you have a child to take care of. I'm sorry, but WAKE UP! Of course he hasn't stopped talking to this girl. Especially if they were calling each other a ridiculous amount everyday. You think he just put a stop to it overnight?!? I guarantee he is using other ways to contact her. Besides, if she was calling as much as you said she was, why would she just try calling once the whole day. Obviously, he spoke to her, just on another line. Or else, I'm sure there'd be more than one missed call. You need to get him out of there. Or better yet, call the girl. Don't act crazy when you call, just tell her you want to know the truth. You have a daughter to take care of, and if something is going on between them, than she can have him. You don't want to deal with this. You're being a detective in your own house and your losing in the long run. Your money, your confidence, and your trust in other people. You can do better than that. Follow your heart...PLEASE!!!

p.s. If you've been dating for 2 yrs, how have you not met this girl yet?!? And why has he not introduced you if their "friendship" was so innocent? Why was she hidden until now...

I am 30 yrs old and have a 6yr old girl. From experience...you need to get him out of your life now!!...No more excuses. I know easier said than done, but sweets he is taking advantage of you...I know its not what you want to hear but think of whats best in the long run for both you and your daughter.

I'm not a professional, however, it sounds like he's using you. If you think he's cheating, you have to go with your gut & assume that he IS cheating! I've always gone with my gut & it's never been wrong! (Not yet anyway!) He should appreciate what you're doing for him, even just offering him a place to live is a big thing. Then paying his bills, that's not even you're responsibility...
Have you discussed your relationship with him? You say that you "feel like you're a couple now". Does he feel the same? Maybe if you know that he is committed to you then you can discuss the "other girl" phone calls. What he did before you lived together, including phone calls, is one of the many things that you'll learn about eachother.
If this was happening to my sister, I would tell her that she is being used!
You can find yourself a guy who really appreciates you, dont forget that!
Good luck, R.
P.S. If she IS really no one for you to worry about, tell your boyfriend to invite her over for dinner sometime. Say that you would love to meet her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sounds bad, sorry. If it were me I would believe whole heartedly that he is cheating and end it. Call her up, you have the number. Just be cool about it nad tell her.. "look here is the deal, and I just want to know what's going on because I think I am being kept in the dark" she'll probably tell you that he told her you were a friend, he was staying with and...

UPDATE: since I readyour update.. I must say it sounds so fishy. Here honey look at my phone! PLEASE. wait til you find that pre-paid cell phone he has hid in his car :) I would definately call her. %100. you will never know otherwise. He would NEVER tell you if it was a fling or whatever. Also, you know in your heart what is true. I don't think you even believe yourself.

I don't want to sound mean - But you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You are paying HIS bills and your are NOT getting straight answers. If he needs to talk to this girl about his problems - then maybe she should open up her door and pay HIS bills.
First thing you ALWAYS have to remember is your daughter. You don't want to get yourself in a situation that is going to leave the two of you short. You need to pay your bills and put the money you use to pay his bills in savings for you and your daughter.
Don't let his sweet talk win you back - like saying "I won't talk to her anymore" ALWAYS go with your gut feeling. I hope all works out for you. S.

Are you really asking if you have the right to feel that way? If you're not a doormat, then YES you have the right to feel that way. The guy is a user. Dump him and insist he move out. Trust is already an issue. No guy talks to a girl that many times a day on the phone (NOT even a co-worker). Don't fall into his trap and become a sucker. He will pull you and your daughter down financially before moving on to his next victim, and YOU will be left to pick up the pieces.

Wow, I think you already know. You're probably in denial at this point. You have all the proof you need. Apparently this "friend" is someone very close to him, since he talks to her all the time. My friend had gone through this, and ended up paying alot of money because he had trouble too. He ended up just using her because she had money. Don't let this happen to you.

You're not going crazy. You're just asking for some respect, which looks like he's not giving you. Ask him to stop it, that it makes you very uncomfortable, see what he says. If it's nothing, than he should respect your wishes. Good luck.

Get rid of him, he is a lemon.You have managed sofar, so do respect your feelings and nobody is in charge of your feelings but you.If someone ocupies their day with calling a so called friend 8-10 times, I would assume there is more to his story than he likes to admit.I think he is using u.So be good to yourself and get him out, even if it hurts for a little while. You will get over it.Good luck

I have been in your shoes, and unfortunatly for me, or fortunatly, depending on how you look at it, it did not work out. I see you say he isn't speaking to her, and look, there is the missed call... When you inspect the next phone bill, look not just for her number, but also another number that happens to pop up around the same times daily, or have the same pattern of calls that you have already seen. You can never be too safe when it comes to the well being of your daughter and you.

I am so sorry to hear you are having difficulties with this guy. Seems to me though that you don't want to face the truth. Who could blame you, you want the fairy tale love story, right? BUT everyone here seems to be on the same side of the fence. Someone said that it's not ok for any man to have any friends that are girls...I 100% disagree with that, of course men can have friends who are girls and vice versa....but it truly does seem that yor man and this girl got something else going on other than a friendship. You can defend him all you want but be careful. This girls number might not be on his next cell phone bill, but there are plenty of other ways to make phone calls. Or even worse they could be getting together in person. GPS or not, it can happen. If he wants to see her bad enoguh he'll make it happen. TRUST YOUR GUT, like most woman here are saying. Why should you be in a relationship that you have to doubt even a little bit? Respect yourself and your daughter to the max before you stand up for some guy that clearly isn't. Good luck, and be strong!

C. your gut is the best thing you have TRUST it. Also you are the only one that knows since you are the one that lives with him. I can see how it will be easy for everyone to conclude that he is using you, but you are the only one that knows and if your gut is telling you something you should listen to it as 9 out of 10 times it will be correct. It could be true that they are just friends but wtih time it could evolve to something else specially since he feels that he can confide on her vs. using you as the partner that you are to discuss his problems. It is great that he helps around the house and perhaps that is his way of thanking you for what you do for him. But don't settle for less than what you deserve, you are the one that knows what truly makes you happy. Also keep in mind that your daughter will also start to get vested on your relationships as she gets to know and fall in love with this person, spare her the trouble and heartbreak as well if you can.
Hope this helps.

O.

C.;

take this from me as a big sister who has been married once before and also has lived with another guy as well, who are like this guy you are with, before finding the fabulous husband i have now; this man is taking advantage of you and he's lying to you and you must get rid of him. you are setting a terrible example for your daughter. there are PLENTY of other good men out there for you but he is not the one. this situation will not get better. you have the right to feel ANY way that you feel, but that's not even important. what's important is that this man is playing you for an idiot. please get rid of him before he actually hurts you, or your daughter. obviously he has no morals. please don't set your daughter up for a life time of bad habits with bad men.

Dear C., I hope since you have written your question..you have your problem soveld. Although if you have not, I am sorry to hear you are goin through it still. It is possible that he may just be friends with this girl, but if this man loves you...he will be completely honest and if he knows this bothers you (if they are only friends) then he will not be talking to her anymore. If they are more than friends he may become very defensive of her or start making excusives to leave...being a single Mom can be tough, I was one for the first two years of my child's life, but it i much better to be a single Mom than to be betrayed. Your daughter is seven you say... she is old enough to understand adult problems. It may effect her also. Good luck to you and Merry Christmas.

C.-

It is hard for you to look at this situation objectively since you are right in the middle of a very emotional, hurtful mess. You must have him move out! He is cheating on you! Even if it has not become a physical relationship between him and this other gal yet, it will soon. He has emotionally cheated on you by spending energy with her instead of you. He is already taking advantage of you financially, please don't let him continue. Last but not least, this is not the example of the type of man you would want your daughter to marry, is it? Don't let her see you settle. Good Luck!

Easier said than done but BE DONE. The writing is on the wall. Money issues or not he should be somewhat responsible for himself.
.. I know your in love and love can be blind but enough is enough. I don't mean to sound harsh but I am so sick of the way some men take advantage of women its sicking. My mother has put up with the same situation for a very long time (22 yrs) to be exact which is completely stupid I know but shes stuck for some reason. Nip it in the bud now. C., if he can't give you a straight answer about this then what else has he been lying to you about.
Just by what you are saying you already know whats what. You just have to find some iner strength and make a decision. Good luck

Good for you! You need to stand up for yourself and protect you and your daughter though I know how extremely hard it can be at times. Maybe you can be a little gentle though. If, assuming he told the truth when he said she was an old friend or just another opinion, her number is there a few times but he has drastically cut down on the # of conversations with her either incoming or outgoing then maybe he really is trying. It is hard for men to just stop doing something. If you see a major effort then give it another month or so and check the next bill to see if it is any less. But of course, if there is no improvement or her number is there a lot then by all means- kick the bum out! And on top of all this he should be helping you with the bills, especially when he is the one going over the minutes. He is the guy and should be the leader of the house. You do not need another child to take care of but a loving partner! I wish you all the best. Please let us know what happens.

C.,

i am usually the one to say, stick by your man, even if he is cheating, BUT

In this case, I think you need to just call her and ask her

SAY, Hello , this is C. James's Girlfriend,

I just wanted to intoduce my self,

SEE What she says,

If she is polite, just tell her, Say I just wanted to check that he isn't pulling the wool over my eyes,

---

IF HE IS then you need to send him on his merry way,
You have a daughter to think about,

NO man, NO SEX, NOTHING is more important than her,

and NEXT time don't be so quick to pay all the bills
half th point of a relationship is SHARING the burden

Becareful

Good LUCK

M

You absolutely have every right to feel this way. And honestly, from an outsiders perpective, it doesn't sound good. There is a lot of lying and stories being told... and that, in and of itself, is damaging to the trust between you. I don't think any relationship can work without trust. I wish you good luck and much clarity while you figure things out. Ending a relationship with someone you love or finding out that someone you love is lying to you can be devastating. Rely on your friends and family to help you get through this time. Wishing you all the best always.

You know what needs to be done. The hardest part is gathering up the strength to do it. More importantly, once it's done, it would set a fine example for your little girl.

I read your post & it shows how much you care about him BUT, the emotional roller coaster he's going to put you & your daughter on is NOT worth it. You said yourself, he has $$ problems & issues w/ his family....WHY?! As hard as it may be, let him get his life together, then include you & your daughter. You hae a child to nurture, you don't need the burden of an adult. Repect is #1 in a relationship, when trust is an issue, where's the respect?
I'm sorry! I wish you luck & true happiness in your future.

I would trust your gut. Personally, I think there's something fishy going on but you would know better than me. Just trust your gut...not your heart on this one. If you aren't sure, find a way to find out. The fact that he's lied already about it does't make it appear like there isn't anything to worry about. If nothing was going on, why lie?

As for thinking he didn't seem like that kind of guy, I hate to break it to you but you can't ever be that sure. I dated a guy who was the same way. I had been cheated on before and he was completely different. I thought for sure he "wouldn't be the type". Not only did he cheat on me but he did so with his best friend's fiancee. You just never know but you certainly don't gain someone's trust by lying to them.

Whatever you do, don't let him tell you you are crazy or don't have a right to feel the way you do.

C.,
This is hard for me to say, but with an objective point of view, I strongly suggest you tell him to move out until he ends the relationship w/ this woman. It is a relationship if he calls that many times and YES, he should be calling YOU.
As women, we always want to help others. Please don't let this stand in the way of doing what's best for you and your daughter. You deserve respect, someone who cherished you and your daughter and this man is not doing either.
I wouldn't trust him if he says he has ended it or won't call her. A man who calls someone that many times (even if it's another family member) is emotionally involved. Please value yourself and put you and your daughter above everything else. Your little girl needs you to make the best choices for both of you. As hard as it may be, I don't think he is the man for you and I say go find someone who will give all of themselves to you. You deserve nothing less!! You are stronger than you think you are.
Best wishes,
T. H.

I would call her yourself and see who she is, your the one paying the bill so i would question it. I have guy friends too, but i don't talk to them all day. My husband comes first. Just hope he's not taking advantage which alot of people do. I would be angry too. I just think something is going on since there are so many lies being told. I'm sorry.Good Luck!

this guy is a loser from the start , brake it off now ,
and find someone who will love you and your 7 year old ,
and can help you out , do not let anyone move in that will not marry you frist.

C.,
You need to trust your gut on this one. He is taking advatage of you both, you and your daughter. He needs to grow up and hang that phone up, and pay his own way! How dare he. I would asking him to leave if it were me. NO WAY would I be paying bills and he be talking to another woman about problems. If the roles were reversed, you would be out too. Tell him to see a therapist if he needs to talk things out. You have to be the strong one and ask him to find his own place again...see then what kind of a relationship you have. I am sorry that he is taking advantage of you. You need to take care of you and your daughter. That is what is truly important.

Wow sweetie, daddy always says " If it smells like Fish, it's probably Fish" right? But the hard question is, what is going on with him? He is obviously in a bad place right now, emotionally, and maybe he really isn't cheating, though, if it were me, the bags would have already been packed. But it's your life, and
they are your feelings, and you should ask yourself if this man is worth the emotional turmoil you are in right now. If you can say, " yes, it's worth it" , then fight for it. Go to him and tell him how you are feeling, find out his intentions, you will see his reaction and you will know. If you know in your heart that this isn't worth fighting for, or the trouble , then I think you already know what you should do.
And it doesn't mean he is a bad guy, he could just be in a little funk right now. I am glad you are getting help with chores though. :) Best of luck. Follow your heart..

Wow, I'm really sorry you are going through all this right now. It sounds really tough. I'm also sorry to say this, but I think he is definately cheating on you. The same thing happened to a friend of mine last year. Her husband was calling some girl everyday and kept denying that anything was going on. Eventually my friend kicked him out and he promptly moved in with the other woman. To this day he still denies that he ever actually cheated. Either way, he's lying about the relationship and he's totally taking advantage of you. If I were you I'd pack his bags and tell him to move in with her, since he seems to NEED her soooo much. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Hi C.,
You names sounds so much like 'caring'. Is that why you are so caring?
I am so sorry that you have allowed your heart to care has fooled you into this situtation. But all is not lost. We women often love our men so grealty and deeply that we enable them. You already have a child, she is 7 years old. Caring for her is the only responsiblity you have and he needs to man up and take care of his own self. You are doing more than his own mother is doing. I have a 26 year old who was to stay with me for 6 months and I recently had to push him out. HE was doing the same thing to me. We don't help men be men when we do so much for them. He is to providing for you, and protecting you. And the fact that he has a friend he confides in saids that something is wrong. Lastly think about the long term impact this making on your daughter. You are the role model she will look to the most. I hope you find the courage and strength it will take to stand up for your self and your daughter. You have to realize what your self worth is and how much you deserve the best. You are not the first one of us and won't be the last one of us to be blinded by our love. Make him love you as you deserve by having standards and expectations. He needs you more than you need him. Be encouraged that it will be ok eventually, but at first you will be lonely and confused.
My prayers are truly with you.

hi C.,as for cheating on you, you really have to go with your gut on that one. i dont want to affect your decision but i feel like if he lied about talking to her to begin with something else is going on. maybe she is an old friend and he is talking about his problems but how many problems can he have if he is calling her 8-10 times a day on a phone that you pay for. personally i think he is taking advantage of you and he needs to get up, put on his big boy underwear, pay some bills and grow up. but that is just my opinion. my ex boyfriend cheated on me and i was so blind to the signs. i didnt think he ever would. when i found out he was cheating on me( with a mutual friend) all the signs became obvious. i think that you dont want to accept the fact that he could be well, such an idiot for lack of better terms. is your daughter attached to him? best of luck!

Open the door and let him out!
Watch Judge Judy...she would tell you not to be so quick to hand over money, make any loans or pay for someone without his signing a legal document to return any money etc.,. And, with a 7 year old, impressionable child living with you, you are modeling behavior that is unacceptable and inappropriate. Value who you are and have respect for yourself. If you don't, no one else will...

Single is not soooo bad when u consider the alternatives. There are plenty of good, decent hardworking men out there who will not take advantage of a woman. It may just take a bit longer to find a great one, but keep looking. Relationships are built on respect, trust and intimacy.Let the 'friend' take care of him. See how fast she opens her door when she knows she has to foot the bill. He should be helping with household chores anyway....Don't make excuses for him.

You know the right answer...just get up the courage to do the right thing for you and your daughter. Boot the slug OUT! and do it NOW! Let him know you don't have "stupid" written on your forehead! Good Luck to you!