What Should I Do? - Springfield,IL

Make time for her. Go to lunch together get her and you away from everyone and talk about her plans for college etc.

Invite the boyfriend over more often have a meal with him, play board games. invite him to Sunday Brunch and then church..

Have her help shop for Christmas gift with you.. Have her help you write up the list.

Help her plan some sort of gathering at your house..

Go into her room at night and for 5 minutes ask her how she is doing, how was school, what are her plans for the weekend, what is going on with her friends.

Didn't you ask this question a couple of days ago? If not you, someone else did, including the comment about the gynecologist.

It's normal for you to feel less close and for her sister to know more than you do. Your daughter is pulling away from you on her way to independence. Becoming an adult is more difficult when we stay too close to our parents. So, you are a good parent, allowing her to do what she needs to do to grow up.

Yes, going to the gynecologist is sort of bonding. You're sharing in a rite of passage. This is also part of keeping the lines of communication open.

I suggest that she is more apt to share the serious stuff with you if she feels able to also be independent. Independence shows confidence in herself and in your love for her. So, keep on doing what you're doing. It seems to be working.

I don't have any personal experience with teenagers but some of my friends have told me that their best source of info on their teenagers is their siblings and their friends. So, just be involved, be there and listen. If you are the one driving the kids to the movies or the kids are hanging out at your house, you will overhear things and eventually be able to use that info to strike up a conversation.

I also think Laurie A has good idea- make a point to develop a common hobby or task. Good luck!

I'm not really sure what to tell you. I guess I would recommend that you spend more time together, teaching her skills you want her to know around the house. Real life stuff. I went out to dinner tonight with my 19 year old son. We have a very close relationship, we talk about everything. However, we also homeschool, and our children don't date. When they are prepared for marriage, then they will start looking more seriously for a spouse. Until then, they concentrate on things they need to be doing to be able to be prepared for a spouse. I know that is different than most people. But, we're very happy with this arrangement. Even the children are. But, all their friends think this way also, so it is normal to them. (and they have a ton of friends) They get together with their friends frequently in large groups to eat dinner, play games, go to the orchestra, play hockey, go skiing, etc. They aren't missing out on these social opportunities, they just do it in the context of friendships rather than in lust or relationships that they aren't ready for. So, I'm not sure about what to tell you about the bf thing. It sounds like you are fine with that though. I guess what I'm trying to say about the dating thing is that we aren't displaced in their lives by girlfriends and boyfriends. One day, we will take a backseat to a wife or husband, as is good and right. But, until then, we have a relationship with them that is extremely close and open.

I'm a therapist. I work primarily with teengers. I see so many parents disconnected from their teens. I just think that the older kids get the more of an effort parents need to make to stay connected with them, especially teens.