What Makes You Brave?

"Bravery is simply doing what has to be done, even when you're scared shitless." (Fuzzy)

best answer ever!

I don't know if "brave" is the word I would use, maybe perseverance and survival!

Most people on here know that I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack at home last October. We own our company and we are the only ones running it. Thankfully I have been very involved and we worked as a team, divided the jobs so I was familiar with everything in detail. He died on a Saturday and on Monday, his phone was blowing up as usual for a Monday and I had a choice to take the calls, start working and continue the company or go crawl in the grave with him which is what I wanted to do at the moment. I did take those calls, I have continued the company by myself. I don't see it as bravery though... We worked very hard for this company to get to the level it is and I was not ready to see it go. I refuse to let competitors "take" it away from me. I have received unbelievable support from customers and vendors being loyal to me. This is because of the type of businessman my husband was... honest, ethical and always stand by your word. I believe my husband would want me to get out of my comfort zone and move forward. Honestly, it is probably what has kept me going these last months. I am happy to say that I am meeting the forecasted goals we had in place for each month and I just got 2 new customers through word of mouth in July!!

I am very fortunate that we were great planners and I am not faced with losing my home and not having retirement or complete providing for my daughter's college like some people thrown into this new situation are facing. It is scary as hell..... even when you think you are prepared.

Now... moving away from me...... I am in a relatively small grief support group of people who lost a spouse. I am in AWE each time I go and see these parents who are surviving and moving forward. Some of the moms never held a permanent job, they were SAHM's and they are moving forward for their children. In may ways, I am the fortunate one because my daughter is 21 and I do not have little ones to tend to at home. As heartbreaking as it is for my daughter, I am SO thankful she got 20 years with her dad. I can't imagine how these moms handle the children and grief 24/7 with NO break. I CAN go to my room and sob all day if that is the type of day I need, they can't. I've had some of the moms tell me they worry about me because I am home alone in this big house with 2 dogs. My daughter lives about 20 minutes away and we see each other almost daily, we do talk daily. Our grief group pulls strength from each other and each time we meet, you can see some growth, some setbacks but over all everyone is still putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward, as hard as it is.

One mom in particular lost her husband in a military accident last year, she has young children and in October, mere 2-3 months after losing her husband, she was diagnosed with cancer. I have never witnessed someone with such a positive attitude as she has fighting for her life, her children and grieving the loss of her husband. Oh, and due to some sort of conflict, no military benefits so she is on her own.

Another SAHM mom lost her husband in a freak accident and that night she was planning to tell him she was pregnant with their 3rd child. She starts her first real job since becoming a SAHM mom when school starts this year.

There are men in our group as well who have nursed their wives through long illnesses and are now wondering what to do with a little girl, how to talk to them, etc.

I'm sorry for the novel. Before my husband died, I probably would see some people being brave, growing through adversities and admiring their strength. In my new normal, it is life and I have to adjust and I don't see it as bravery or strength....... I see it as survival.

Like TF, you deal with the hand that is dealt.

About eight years back my husband was flown on a flight for life to another state for medical help. He had emergency brain surgery in the "golden" hour and survived. He was able to gain back 95 percent of who he was and can function. Two days after the brain surgery he had a hip replacement due to cancer which has spread. So my income went from nice to small and paying a weekly COBRA payment o keep him covered with medical insurance (we already had two others but it was nice to have the third).

During this time finances had it so I made sure we had the necessities and not much else but we did make it. He is doing much better today but we know one day there will be no turning back and we will have to do other things including chemo again.

I feel like I went through the fire and was forged and came out stronger and know what I can and cannot handle. Two years ago I had lung surgery and was given a clean bill of health. I work to keep my personal identity as to not lose myself as a caregiver. One day soon I will retire but I will have my own business or projects to keep me occupied.

I am making lemonade out of the lemons and stopping to smell the roses.

the other S.

Yes, I've dealt with some very hard things. I don't consider it bravery, I consider it self-preservation. Like many paths in life, you take it one step at a time and know that you just have to do it. You do it because your sense of integrity will not allow you to do differently, to avoid or ignore or wish a situation away. I want to clarify that, in the moment, what others might see as 'bravery' may feel like defeat to the person experiencing it. This isn't to diminish what others might see as bravery, but my own experience of having to make some hard choices because they were the only right ones and I just couldn't sit with inaction.

Actually, I'll make one exception to the "bravery" definition: parents and others who must make deliberate, hard choices for the well-being of those other than themselves. I had a sister who did foster care for a while. I have an immense respect for foster parents and parents of children with medical/mental health issues. Or those who are facing the hard work of caring for an elder. Whether they follow any religious practice or not, they do step out in faith, sometimes daily, that their efforts will make a difference in the world. Sometimes, against great obstacles. And I'd also tell you that my sister would never say she was 'brave' to foster; she'd say she was 'led'. :) We leave the word 'bravery' for the stories of others...

ETA: TF Plano.... I really appreciated your contribution to this thread. Thank you!

I'm going to chose to answer the question I think you're asking...which may not be the one you are actually asking: What makes you brave when you feel apprehensive or afraid? For me, the answer is my parents. They were immigrants who came to this country with less than nothing...they had a baby, couldn't speak the language, didn't know a soul. They couldn't look back, because back didn't exist. They soldiered on no matter what, worked unbelievably hard, persisted when others would have been crushed. When I feel that I'm going to be overwhelmed, I remember how nothing stopped them.

Do I consider other women around me brave? It depends upon the women! I do some work in literacy (see my profile) and I meet teachers who teach in war zones to kids who live in incredible poverty..and they do it cheerfully. I know women who live in great wealth who seem to be crushed by the prospect of just getting dinner on the table. I don't question other people's reactions...what you feel is what you feel..I would just say what I've noticed with women I admire is that they don't think of themselves as remarkable or as life as hard. They get on with it, they do what they need to do. To me, I think that is bravery.

Finally, my motivational adage to myself when I feel my store of bravery ebbing is something I read on a refrigerator magnet: What would you do if you knew you would not fail? I think what saps our bravery is that critical voice..not that we should plunge into adventures thoughtlessly, but I have found the more I extend myself that greater my life satisfaction.

I found out today that my friend has stage 4 pancreatic cancer with metastisis. In struggling to speak to her, she's comforting us.

TF may not consider herself brave, I do. She has an incredible spirit and I know her husband is proud of all she's done. Her writings humble me.

BP's parents demonstrate the human spirit in a beautiful way. True grit, in my opinion. When I read her post, I am reminded that there are so many people who've come here seeking freedom and a better life and would not be derailed from their vision.

Thanks for giving me food for thought today.

I am brave because I am independent. I know many women who seem to depend on their husbands to go anywhere or do anything, I'm not afraid to venture out on my own.

I am brave because, although it is scary, I allow my children age appropriate independence, because I want my children to also be brave.

Yes, I've faced something very difficult and it changed me greatly. I am now more focused on the things that REALLY matter in life. What made me brave was absorbing the difficulty so my kids wouldn't have to. Bravery is facing the battles and walking through them and not around them. Great question.

I love TF's answer. I feel like there have been times in my life where I have been brave - I guess those are times when I feel like a had a choice and chose a path that was harder but had the potential for reward. When I was pregnant at age 22 and single, I chose to move forward with my pregnancy, break up with my nightmare boyfriend, and parent my child alone. I could have terminated, I could have chosen adoption, I could have stayed with that awful guy. I chose what I thought was best for my son - it was terrifying and hard, so to me that felt brave. Choosing to become a gestational carrier was also, in retrospect, somewhat brave. In answering the call to help a couple become parents, had to step past my doubts and fears and tell them to place their trust in me and that with a lot of medical help, I would be able to grow their babies for them. I was scared of something going wrong the whole time but put on my confident, reassuring face so that the parents wouldn't add my worry to theirs. Luckily it all worked out.

I've gotten some credit in the past year or so for handling my separation, pending divorce, and the forced sale of my home and move to a rental home with grace. To me, that's not brave - that's life whacking you upside the head and choosing, when most options are gone, to not make things worse for myself and my kids. Yes I'm stronger because I've added to the list of things I know I've survived but I didn't really have other options here.

Insofar as what allows me to be brave? For me, it's my faith. I believe in God, I trust in God and he hasn't failed me yet.

Being brave is being scared to death and doing it anyways. Yes, I am brave I do things that make me nervous or scared all the time. But pushing on through it makes you stronger.

Brave moments - Going out on a limb with authorities to help folks and children in trouble.
Not brave moments - Compromising on my own needs.
Go figure.

Brave to me is facing the fear, and pushing through it anyway.

My kids made me brave.

I was terrified to watch scary movies before my dd was born. After, I realized nothing could he scarier than holding a tiny life in my hands.

For my kids, I found the strength to stand up to my sociopathic and abusive husband, and ask for a divorce.

For my kids, I didn't give up when he kidnapped and took them to a foreign 3rd world country for two years.

For my kids, I fought tooth and nail to make sure they were returned, (even though everyone said it was impossible).

For my kids, I started us completely over, new names, new places, new everything, just to make sure they'd be safe.

I was never brave before, but I am now.