What Makes You a Good Person? Mom? Spouse?? Etc?

Being sober.

I never knew I had a "choice" not to drink.

Now I know that everything about me is a "choice", and I can change those choices. :)

For me the biggest thing is unflinching rationality. The times when I've done something I'm not proud of, it was all because I let my emotions get away from me.

I think for me, it's important to be present in the lives of those around you. My son knows that I will always be here for him, as well as my husband, family and friends. When I am lacking in patience, time, and strength I make sure to communicate it to my son, husband and anyone else it might effect. It lets them know what I am feeling, and what to expect out of me. It ensures others that although I love them, I need some time to recharge.

Because she says I am... ;) I definitely need 'ME' time to make the rest of my world function. It took me a while to realize that I could step out of the picture for 30 minutes, an hour, half a day, a day, whatever it took to get me grounded and centered. For some it just takes time alone, some it may take time away. But regardless, I promise you the rest of the house will function without your presence. Good luck in your new endeavor.

I have learned (and am continuing to work on) the fine art of biting my tongue. It is ridiculously easy to cut down those closest to us and while the wounds to that person can be lasting, I believe the damage to me is even greater. I think of a biting remark to a loved one as voluntarily throwing away of a piece of myself. I can't get that part of me back and I have also hurt someone I love in the process. We are both diminished by the experience. That view helps me remember to think before opening my mouth and/or to think before acting.

I also remind myself daily both my husband and my son love me just because. I remind myself to respond to them and interact with them in ways which demonstrate my own love for them but also my appreciation of their love. I have learned at the end of each day to ask what I have done for both of them which was unasked. It helps me remember we all matter in equal ways and small gestures can go a long way in keeping the focus on what matters most.

I make time for myself to recharge. My recharge needs are low so a long hot bath occasionally does the trick. My husband is great about leaving me alone during bath time. I ordinarily read before bed which is a big help too. I am learning to cut myself some slack too. Unreasonable expectations from me on me only adds trouble to the dynamic. I am happy with me and I know what I am not so I have learned to be more patient and understanding with myself. I will never be perfect but at least I live my life with my eyes open and wanting to do the best I can.

I do not treat my husband in any manner in which I don't want to be treated. I don't nag. I try very hard not to scream but we are both working on that part since he is phenomenally good at pushing my buttons. Finally I make sure to give him my undivided attention in whatever we may be doing together.

I am not a social person so I don't have demands of friends on my time so I can't be of help there. In general with friends and family outside your immediate family it is important to learn when to say no to a request or an invitation. Sometimes your immediate family or you needs you more than anyone else.

Great question!!

I think for me, being a great person means that I am emphathetic, giving, kind, warm and a good listener. I give good but honest advice and people know they can all on me anytime for pretty much anything and I will be there for them however I can.

Being a good mom means that I am sometimes strict when I don't want to be. I am not always the fun mom because we have things to get accomplished, it's bedtime, etc. We have structure and routine but also a bit of sporadic fun times. I am organized and so is the house (not all parts but for the most part). The kids know before going to bed what to expect the next day - who is going where with whom. I am a good mom because I read to my kids and play with them. But I'm also good because I give them time to play with each other or alone.

As far as being a good spouse, I think this starts with open and honest communication. I respect my husband and give him his free time to do what he wants and he does the same with me. We support each other in our quest to eat heathly and work out. We don't always parent the same but we address it without the kids. I try to compliment him when he cleans the house or does the dishes or looks like he's lost weight.

Making time for you is imperative and very important for your marriage and your family life!! My kids are in bed by 730-8pm every night. I go to bed by 1130. Some nights the hubby and I watch tv together. Some nights I watch tv alone and work out. Sometimes I'll just read in bed. The bottom line is I have a few hours to do what I WANT. I do not do any housework, laundry or dishes after they go to bed. If it didn't get done before they go to bed, it doesn't get done until the next day.

Good luck and great job on bettering yourself!!!!

For me, it's really all about balance, and overcoming my own desire to 'do it all' by delegating, which includes asking nicely for help.

Being present is important, and always something I am striving to do 'better' at.

I understand the idea of needing 'me' time. On weekends, I have more help around the house from my husband. Some days, 'me time' is going to bed early with a book or really choosing what I do during my son's quiet time thoughtfully.

I also try to look at the big picture and remember that while I'm in the parenting trenches pretty deep right now, this isn't a forever thing. I also try to cut myself some slack that I am not doing exactly what I want to be doing right now professionally (not working out of the home at the moment) but that I am contributing with childcare, making good healthy meals at home, and doing work in the garden and scraping the house (which, honestly, for every hour I do this, I think to myself that it's one hour we won't have to pay someone else to do it).

I try to thank people when they make my life better. Showing appreciation to those who have taken time to make my life better is important to me. (Yesterday, two CMAs gave my screaming, freaked-out son his shots. They are getting a note of thanks for their professionalism and for not making an already-difficult day worse.) My husband gets a note of appreciation from time to time, or I try to make a dinner he might especially like, or to wait until he's settled in for the evening before addressing bigger issues. Sometimes he feels very loved just by making him a nice martini. :) We make sure to get a sitter once every few weeks to go out and catch up on all the little details that don't get addressed on our busier days.

Lastly, I have good people to talk to. A few close friends (and yes, we prioritize both of us going out) and, if need be, a personal counselor or marriage counselor for 'tune ups' when needed.

I know what helps me be a better Mom and Wife. It is time spent in scripture, adoration of the blessed sacrament, and prayer.

It's important to remember that you can't really take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself! (airplane oxygen mask training!)
MAKE time for yourself. Seven if that means a sitter for your kids for date night with your husband or a mani/pedi for you.
Treat others as you would like to be treated is a very basic rule.
With kids, it's a matter of keeping things in perspective overall.
Think of yourself as the pebble tossed into the pond...consider the ripples your actions, lessons and beliefs will make.
And if you feel cruddy--time to do something for someone! (that person might be you!)

I go by and judge by first do no harm. It may seem easy but when you think about what drives what we do as people it is rather difficult. It sometimes means putting aside what you would like to do or have done for the better of everyone else. It means putting aside what is easy for what is best.

The one thing about that philosophy is that it means taking time out for yourself. What is best for your friends and family is not to always be on their call. What is best for them is for when you are available to them you are as healthy, mentally and physically, as you can be. How good is an overstressed mom with eyes bulging, no patience, ready to go postal.

Nope, what is best is a balanced approach to everything. :)

To me it sounds like you're giving all your good away and not keeping anything for yourself. Do you say "no" enough to activities that aren't necessary? You may be a great friend, but friends have to say no sometimes. Is there ANY way you can eek out more time for yourself? Maybe hubby can even give you 15 minutes after dinner to sneak away and recharge? It's amazing what even 15 minutes can give you!

To really answer your question, my first thought was, it means doing the right thing when I can just as easily do the wrong thing. It means asking myself, what would God want me to do right now and doing that. Even if it exhausts me more physically, mentally I'm better off because I've probably pleased my Lord. I obviously have no clue what your religious beliefs are, but you remind me of someone who is searching for more in life and the Lord has exactly what you're looking for. It's amazing how reading the bible or devotionals feeds one's soul and results in more patience and peace. My mother-in-law is proof-haha!

I really believe organization skills make me a better person. When I am organized, all the "unneccessaries" in life are cut out, thus giving me more time to spend in more important things, like quality time with my husband, quality time with my son, not being stressed when milk is spilled or tired when every single toy is taken out and has to be put away, things like that. I don't lose my cool so much bc the people in my life and my household is under control most of the time and I don't feel like things are getting out of hand.

All that, and of course my God, my man, my son and my family and all my life experiences and travels have made me a well rounded person, which has helped me be more aware of humanity and all that goes with living among it.

It makes me feel good to pay it forward. I don't have lots of money to give away but I do little things like let someone in when driving, give a coupon to someone in a store, help someone struggling with their kid etc..

I daily try and be a better mom. Each day I try and learn from my mistakes the previous day and then try to do better the next day.

I try not to nag or complain at my husband. He hates it, so I try and bite my tongue and bring things up at proper times, in a nice calm manner.

i have always had a streak of 'selfishness' that probably looked pretty bad when i was a young mother with 3 jobs, a hardworking husband and 2 little boys. but i've never lost my identity to parenting or work, and i don't think that's such a bad thing. i've always carved out time for me and my 'stuff.'
certainly there were years when i didn't do it enough. i cringe when i think of the pissiness and impatience and occasional dismissiveness i exhibited. but when i had a little breather it always made me feel better, and consequently the family feel better.
be a little selfish. if that means paying for daycare one or two afternoons a week to give you an afternoon to putter, or shop, or lie on the couch with a book, do that. maybe it means that you sacrifice some family time, having your dh take a sunday afternoon's kid duty by himself while you go for a hike and take yourself out to lunch. the next week he gets it. use your friends and family.
taking 'me' time looks different for each person. figure out what you really need, bone-deep. then think about what it would be like if your child had this deep-seated need. what would you do to provide it for her?
then do that for YOU.
khairete
S.

Being able to be me. I am a woman, a wife a mom and a true friend. I try to remember that and keep things in that order. I am independent and self-sufficient yet I let hubby be the bread winner provider. We do talk things over and through now but that was not always the case. It took hubby having to have several medical issues to realize what life is all about. He now does things for me that I had dreamed about but nevr thought I would see happen. When he was ill I put him above all the things I wanted to do to make sure he was cared for and had a speedy recovery. If anything were to happen that he did not recover I knew that I had done my best and would feel not guilt or remorse.

My children are my life but my life is not my children they are a part of me. I would back them to the end of the world with what they wanted to do. Early on I told them this is their life and I would not force them to be things I wanted to be as a child. They have turned out to be very successful in their own ways and pay their own way forward.

When I worked and now I try to do something special for someone each day whether it be a free report or a repair on clothing. It could possibly be paying a person a complement on their appearance or holding the door for an older person. Pointing to a child that the mom has lost so that she can fetch the child.

As a woman we have so many facets that we can draw from and not get pigeonholed into one set area. I take time for me and do not feel guilty about it. If I don't do it no one else is going to worry about it and see that I have that time. When the kids grew up and moved out I did not have the empty nest syndrome as others because I had a life and could continue on to do what I wanted to do.

My friends mean a lot to me. Many relationships go back to childhood and some are as recent as 10 years. We may not talk weekly, monthly or quarterly but when and if they are needed they are there. Some of my friends live around the country in different time zones and in Canada.

Just stop each day and look at the sky and marvel at a beautiful sunrise or sunset or a cloud formation and be thankful for the day and being a part of life.

Lately at work people have said that I make a big difference. It may be that I don't see it but that they know that I care because I ask about them and how they are doing and listen intently to them. Some of the students stop by now for a nugget of advice on life and living (college students 19 to 24).

Try to plan your workload daily. If you know that you have to do diapers put them in on a calendar for x times a week. Schedule your laundry and bathrooms for a certain day. Basically break down what you have to do into managable routines. It takes about a month but it does work. Also do the same for meals and you can have a night off and a leftover night. Once the routines are in place you have more time for the things you want to do for your family and yourself.

The other S.

PS You will have time for a hobby.

For me, I think it's that I practice tolerance and acceptance and empathy.

I have learned that in order to have any peace and tranquility in my life. I have to accept the things I can't change or that I have no control over. have learned to tolerate things that I don't necessarily agree with and to accept those things. Intolerance, like anger and holding grudges, takes a lot of energy, energy that I don't have!

I also practice empathy. Learning to step back and really trying to put myself in someone else's shoes goes hand in hand with tolerance and acceptance. I can feel sympathy for people rather than anger.

I think these are the traits that make me me and what makes me a good person for the most part.

Good question for self-reflection!

There are some wonderful answers here already. Allow me to add: keeping a sense of humor. So many people these days take every second of themselves and their kids lives so seriously. This doesn't mean ignoring or belittling problems, but it does mean seeing things(when possible) from a lighter side. In other words-laugh a little! Instead of bragging about your kids' prowess in everything from sports to academics to music, why not see the humor in their lives and in yours. I have a friend who wrote a great Christmas card. She is super close to her kids, who are doing wonderfully, but she managed to inject a little bit of "poking fun" at herself: "My kids all had an undefeated season in soccer this year...meaning they defeated nobody. Ever. Once. This Year." It was so cute and so funny, and it made me realize that this sense of humor and fun really was part of what made her and her family so special. So there you go-smile and laugh and the world will smile and laugh with you. It really does make for a better person. All the best.