What Is Wrong with Me? - Trinidad,CO

Although I am years older than you, I could have written your letter about 3 months ago. I also have 4 children and work full time, my husband works odd hours. Although he is helpful, I carry the main load. Our marriage seems to be falling apart in front of me, and He didn't even notice. Finally I laid it all out for him, about not having the connection with him like I once did, not having the help and not being able to do it all. I had come to a breaking point. My husband was so shocked, I guess he didn't realize that I was feeling this way. So we had a deep talk and a few arguements, it took about a month. But he started helping more, we have gotten the kids involved in more chores (everyone lives there, everyone pitches in). I also have made a point to change my attitude. I had so much anger over it all that I forgot that my kids were a gift and to be thankful for the things I had.
I know its hard right now, because I've been there I came so close to leaving my husband, but it really is easier to fix the problem instead creating new ones. Good luck and my prayers are with you

Oh, T. I swear this could have been written by me, except I dont have a son :) I know exactly how you feel. My 30th birthday just passed too, I got a balloon and cup cakes. for my husbands 29th birthday I got him a plane ticket to Minnesota to see his family and 2 tickets to a Vikings game, (his b-day is before mine) I feel taken advantage of sometimes, I also dont have any girlfriends i can talk to, What if we became e-mail pen pals LOL. I think you are just over worked, and stressed. In my opinion things will get better, but you may need an outlet you can talk to so things dont have to get bottled up.

Most Moms feel this way at times to varying degree. Me included.

Perhaps... if you actually tell your Husband this... it may help a great deal, or show him your posting here.

The thing is, "Men" don't often think about how we feel or what we may be going through, personally. So unless you tell them... they also CANNOT read our minds. They are dense. My Husband actually told me this. He said Men don't think/vent/feel the same way as women and if the Woman/Wife does not say anything they think everything is fine. They don't necessarily "know" why we "grumble" either, unless we are direct about it. In a diplomatic way of course.

The point is: sit down with your Husband and talk about it. He probably does not know all this, that you have told to us here in your posting.

AND... another thing that can be a good thing, is weekly or monthly... have a family "meeting." Using it to touch base amongst everyone, conveying any goals/hopes/wishes/concerns in the household, and certainly with the Parents....and what needs to be done. AND, try to nurture a "TEAM" feeling about it... so EVERYONE is a PART of the family working together... and thinking about their role IN the family... not just thinking about themselves or their own things. MAKE everyone have a role in the family... and a chore/task to do... making the point that THAT is what "family" is. AND.. .when Mom/Dad are so busy with jobs etc., that ALL needs to pull it together and HELP one another. It takes EVERYONE. NOT JUST MOM. If not... then the tendency is that everyone is just off on their own thing... thinking nothing of what is beyond their own nose. AND, the kids certainly should be doing chores or something. If not....then what? AND Hubby too.

The thing is, something CAN be done about it. But it takes the ENTIRE family... and being on the same page about it.

I'm sure, if your Husband read this, and knew how you felt.... he'd be concerned about you. These are your most intimate personal feelings. I'm sure he'd want to know? Try telling him... it might make things happier all around?

And, the main thing is, don't lose yourself in all this... REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE and what your own hopes/dreams/interests are too. Tell your Husband... YOU need time for your own life and activities too. Right now, you do not.

All the best, take care,
Susan

make up a chore chart so everybody knows what they are supposed to be doing, and than make sure they do it, you are strong and powerful and they know how much they need you, if you need help you go get it, stand up for yourself, also, send your husband emails/texts/post it notes/write on his forehead telling him EXACTLY what you would like him to be doing when those kids go to bed, if you see him getting sleepy, give him a job to do to wake him up, the truth of the matter is if you don't go after what you deserve, you just won't get it.