One thing that helps with good mothering is having had good mothering ourselves – those of us who didn't are at a disadvantage. I grew up knowing I never wanted to be a mom like my mother, and for many years I assumed I would never have kids because my upbringing was so dysfunctional. I knew what I didn't want, but didn't have any clear ideas about what good mothering would look like.
Even if our own upbringing was good, there's always room for new understandings. Fortunately, there are many wonderful parenting books to help teach the basics, if needed, and to fill in the gaps. They were my constant companions when I raised my daughter, and though the job I did was certainly far from perfect, it was a huge improvement over the way I was raised.
Now my daughter is doing an admirable job, and improving on my mistakes. I wonder if I'll be around to see how good a parent her 5yo son will become.
Here's a list of my favorite parenting books and websites to date:
Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Revised Edition: Birth to age 5. Produced by The American Academy of Pediatrics, this is an authoritative source for understanding a baby's needs and development.
Parenting Without Power Struggles by Susan Stiffelman, which is appropriately subtitled 'Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected.
Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD.,
I've also heard glowing recommendations for a book I haven't read yet: Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Kurcinka.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. My all-time favorite.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Dr. Harvey Karp. You can also watch a few quick videos about his approach: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... . He demonstrates exactly how he "speaks" the toddler's language so they know he's heard the need they are expressing. This calms them and makes it easier for them to cooperate.
The Science of Parenting – based on studies by brain researchers measuring the effect of different parenting techniques.
Also the book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, and the concept of Emotion Coaching, another term you can google for lots of useful information. (Here's one good link to get you started: http://www.education.com/reference/article/important-pare... .)
Nurture Shock, New Thinking About Children, by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman, a surprising exploration of why so much of what we believe about raising kids is just plain wrong. Also, two articles based on the research in that book: How NOT to Talk to Kids, http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ and LYING & ARGUING: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1122...
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp – attachment parenting, morality and discipline, tips and techniques
A couple more recommended by a woman whose wisdom I trust:
Taking Charge: Loving Discipline that Works at Home and In School" by Joanne Nordling. Helps you understand when your son is being 'disrespectful' and when he's just needing to blow off steam and vent. This book also provides corrections for misbehaviors that require us to find out where that behavior is coming from, and these corrections are logical and not punitive. In short, we are treating the cause as well as the effect. Another: Bruno Bettelheim's "A Good Enough Parent".