What Is Important to You Traditions or Being Flexible??

Balance, because traditions are a foundation, but you need to be just flexible enough for new people, etc,

Both....it depends on the circumstances....Shane has it right. Last year my "perfect" sister didn't get it all her way and let me know how she felt in her Christmas card. As a result, I didn't attend their "perfect" Christmas Eve and this year I spent Thanksgiving with people who actually ENJOY the holidays and do NOT critique them. I had one of the best holidays in a long time and intend to spend the Christmas holiday the same way.

I have learned to LOVE family and SOME friends from a distance.

Blessings.....

We are NOT flexible on our beliefs.. We feel you can not improve perfection..

Tradition!
I love traditions.
When everything is done the same way every year you know what to expect.You know what time dinner is, you don't have to figure out what you're having , there's no guess work.

Oh, this is going to be a long one.

I like, um, flexible traditions. That is, there are customs to look forward to, but they are customs adaptable to the situation.

I'll bore you with a long story. I had a college friend (college was long ago!) whose dad was managerial sort of person and a strict traditionalist. He wanted the Christmas he had - or thought he had had - as a boy, and everybody else went along with it. They got together at his house on Christmas eve, and at the stroke of midnight they had a full-course Christmas dinner. Then, Christmas morning, they'd have a huge breakfast together and then open gifts. It became more and more difficult when my friend and his wife had a family of their own and had to travel to help celebrate this way - and then travel for miles in another direction to be with the other side of their family the rest of the day. In addition to that, eating a huge, heavy meal at midnight didn't help anyone sleep, and a huge, heavy breakfast the next morning didn't help anyone either. But the father was adamant, and everybody went along with it because it was so important to him.

Then he became ill and was in the hospital for weeks. My friend's mother - a very quiet, very sweet lady - had to learn to manage everything herself. While she was learning, she decided to trade in some of the traditions. Her husband came home just before Christmas and she told him, "Dear, things are going to be just a bit different this year so you can enjoy Christmas while you get well." She had arranged for the traditional music and games, and then a very light supper at nine o'clock instead of midnight, and a breakfast much healthier than the usual fare. The gifts were opened in good time for the children's families to get on the road for the rest of their Christmas visiting. The rest of the family were delighted - and happier. What was the reaction of this micromanaging gentleman? "This is wonderful," he said, "I wish we had done this years ago."

At our house we try to make Christmas both workable and special. Our house is available for celebrating Christmas, but sometimes one or other of the children living in this area (they're all married) wants to have everybody come for Christmas at their house instead. Sometimes some of the children can't come, or don't want to. That isn't going to stop our Christmas from being happy. The menu changes, because there are a lot of good cooks in the family and they want to try different things - also, part of the family is vegetarian - but the grandchildren (and the grownups) can count on its being special for a special day. The house is decked out, and we try to have dinner at about the same time every year so people can know what to count on. Sometimes, when the roads are bad, we eat in shifts according to when everyone arrives! Thank heavens for microwaves! There are always presents and fun.

I do love tradition, but I want to adapt the traditions to the needs of the people celebrating. It's helpful when there aren't hard feelings that hinder looking out for the needs of everybody involved. My children and their spouses are now developing Christmas traditions of their own, and one day that might take them in another direction than being here. I hope I'll be okay with that, and be the sort of person who can enjoy the day even if nobody enjoys it with me.

I like traditions. Children especially thrive on routine, and traditions provide that routine. We do need to be flexible though in order to adhere to the traditions. For instance, our traditional Christmas dinner keeps us out very late, way past our kids usual bedtimes. So, instead of adapting our tradition to the kids bedtime, we adapt our kids to having a later bedtime at Christmas. I do find that over the years we have added to our traditions, but we very seldom drop traditions.

compromise. We try to be flexible in a compromising way. If we didn't do that then we wouldn't all be able to be together. One year we had Thanksgiving on friday because my son had to work on Thursday. The entire family agreed! It was weird and there was a sense of loss on Thursday, but on friday we were all together. When it comes to food we make favorites for everyone. There is always too much food but everyone gets to cherish their stand by favorites.

I think the middle is best. I have seen so overboard accommodations that it is stressful but then planning the fun out of something doesn't work either.

What I mean is I have seen so many adaptations that a family event looks more like six different family gatherings that just happen to take place at the same house on the same day.

Then again when you get so rigid in tradition that no one can make it well that isn't a family gathering either.

My family we go with accommodating what you need but not what you just want.

Flexible traditions are important to me. :) We had traditions, but it's not the set in stone, we eat this food at this time kind of thing.

Our NORMAL Thanksgiving holiday involves making some fun little crafts the week before, a good breakfast that my husband prepares (often a guest or 2 for breakfast), then a nice morning/early afternoon walking through the Botanical Gardens (weather usually permitting), then I finish up dinner while the Cowboys game is on TV. We may have just the 4 of us, we may have guests. Dinner is something special, but not specific: honeybaked ham, turkey (roasted, fried, smoked, whatever), cornish hens, prime rib, once a lovely sea bass, crawfish stuffed chicken breasts, whatever. It's ready.....when it's ready. Approximately 5pm, because after a proper breakfast and a light little bite (or snacking on appetizers) for lunch, that is a reasonable, realistic time to sit down to dinner. The tradition for us is not the exact menu, but the fact that we're all sitting down together and purposely thinking and talking about things that make us happy. We'd love to have lots of family around, but it's not geographically possible. But we purposely call or skype missing family members, tell silly stories of Thanksgivings past, tell the story of the lepers from the Bible (only one came back to give thanks, and was then made whole), and discuss what we're grateful for and plans for the rest of this year.
We have a "tradition" of reaching out to some who have no family/friends around for the holiday, and providing supper to another family whether we know them or not. When dinner is finished and cleared away we just hang out. The kids may nap during the day, we will play games. We haul Christmas stuff down and put it in the front room (just leaving it in boxes, but it's there). I get with my friend and we "plan" our Black Friday divide and conquer strategy, which is funny. We let my husband make fun of us for it as long as he keeps the hot chocolate or warm apple cider flowing, because I know he's actually impressed and happy that we're able to get it all covered for good deals, even though he teases.
Sometimes, it doesn't work out: the weather is bad so we come up with a plan B for getting out and about a little bit, or whatever. We just roll with it and purposely enjoy the day, whatever it is. This year was a bit of a cluster: my friend went out of town to see her grandma, my husband was leaving town on Thanksgiving day (to move to TX, and we will follow this coming Wednesday), I didn't go Black Friday shopping. But we just went with it and made a different plan: I cleaned out the fridge and made a nice gumbo, we did have a ham and some "traditional" bits of dinner, celebrated a day early (who cares about the calendar date, it's more about the being together as a family and loving on each other), we had a couple friends come over to join us so we wouldn't be too lonely with my husband gone. "Traditionally" the day after Thanksgiving is that I'm gone in the wee hours of the morning doing Black Friday shopping while everyone sleeps, but I'm home in time for brunch. Then we decorate for Christmas, put the tree up, make cookies, watch a Christmas movie, go take naps, go to a parade downtown. That didn't happen this year since we're moving, but again, no sweat. We'll spend the first 2 days at our house putting the necessities together (beds, setting up baths and kitchen, etc) and then on the 3rd day, we'll start setting up our Christmas stuff. I even labled the Christmas boxes to go in the living room so the movers will put them in there for us.
I so look forward to being like MY grandma later in life! I DO want the family together, but don't really care about the calendar date if inlaws or something else keeps it from happening. I want crafts with the children, games for all, everyone to be involved in some of the food, I want laughter and joy, and a little time to reflect on the GOOD things in life---the IMPORTANT things in life. I couldn't care less about the exact steps on how that happens, I just want the end result to be good. I think joy isn't really the result of an exact recipe (strict traditions)but more on our attitudes.
I am MUCH more interested in traditions that have an actual meaning (a REASON to do it), and discussing that with the family. We eat at 3 because why? It has to be turkey because why? Bah, humbug. We have lots more Christmas related traditions, but again, quite flexible. We have movies we watch through the season, we make wassail, we get involved in some fun activities, we go to a parade and parties, we throw a party, we do go to church on Christmas Eve, we do give a Christmas book as a gift every year, we do read "the Christmas story" from the Bible at night, we do lots and lots (and lots) of things. But it's not so strict that it holds us bound, it's supposed to be fun.

My daughter and my BIL often work on holidays, so we are very flexible.
If we have to have Thanksgiving dinner on a Saturday morning because that's the only time everyone can be present, then turkey omelets it is.
If Santa has to come a few days early or late, he does.

I feel like I need to know weeks in advance what is going to happen, I hate when things are left to the last minute. My 5 ds has some issues with anxiety and this seems to make it worse for him when plans are changed at the last minute. My family has always done the same thing every year since I was a child...thanksgiving at my Uncle's house and then Christmas Eve with my grandparents and Christmas day at my parents. About 4 years ago I decided that I was sick of running around with a baby and made some changes. My family adapted....my dh's family did not. Everyone (both sides of our families) are invited to our house for Thanksgiving, I cook and everyone enjoys themselves. DH's parents are divorced, mine are still married. My MIL is the only one that doesn't come and then the Sunday following Thanksgiving we go to her house. I hate it, and wish she would come with everyone else. Christmas is a fiasco that takes 3 weeks and I hate every minute of it! It starts the week before and goes until New Years Day. This year I'm pregnant and due on 12/22 and my MIL can't seem to understand why I'm not planning to drive 2 hours to her house on my due date. She actually told me I was being selfish, ha! I invited his entire family to our house for Christmas day (hoping I won't be in the hospital) and my family is coming here instead of going to my parents house. My mom is still going to do the cooking, just moving the location for this year considering the circumstances. My FIL is being much more flexible...he said if we have to wait until February or just all come together once he is fine as long as he gets to see his grandchildren. I wish my MIL felt the same!

Traditions are as such. But the "rigidness" of it, can very much so, be stressful. For some.
But, if your in-laws are old or elderly... then, that is probably why their traditions are very the same, year after year. As people get older, they tend to keep their routines/traditions, the same. It is LESS, stressful for them that way. Unlike younger couples/families... that always have to revamp their activities. Elderly, are more rigid or constant about it.
I have relatives like that: the SAME thing year after year, and the same foods, the same time, the same people, the same EVERYTHING... year after year. But I don't see it as "rigid." I see it as: it making it easier for others/other relatives, because then WE know, precisely what time/when/what foods there will be, and we don't have to think or guess about it.

And the other thing about Traditions is: is that, as children, MANY people/other kids/Teachers/other parents... do and will ask them "So, what are you going to do for Thanksgiving/Christmas...etc.????" And since the relatives or in-laws traditions are always the same every year... a child, CAN answer those questions comfortably and THEY know, what they are doing every holiday season. So, it is not surprising that your pre-teen kids, LIKE and appreciate, being with your In-Laws, because their traditions are predictable. And kids, like that.... and they then can answer their friends/teachers/others, when they are asked what they are doing or will do, for the Holidays.

Nothing is worse, than a child being asked "So, what are you doing for Thanksgiving/Christmas?" etc. and the child has no answer, because they don't even know what they or their parents are doing. It makes the child feel, awkward.

Myself, as the Mom, I do NOT like, when everything is up in the air at Holiday time. THAT to me, is stressful. I LIKE to know...what is going to occur and what we are going to do. I hate last minute planning about the festivities and the "I dunno..." type responses when deciding what to do.
The KEY thing being: that plans are planned ahead of time. No matter what that is. So others CAN PLAN their logistics about it, too.

But if dealing with the more traditional/rigid type gatherings, the other looser family/families... CAN say no or yes that they will be there. Or they can simply do their own thing.

The best traditions are flexible. Like drawing names for a gift exchange, a favorite recipe, or cheering for your favorite team after the meal. Are there traditions that have been dropped that you would like to revive? Or make new ones that can accommodate an ever changing family.

Oh, we are big on traditions. To a fault, actually. My family has lasagne, meatballs, and italian sausage every Christmas, made with my Grandma's recipe. It's wonderful. I've done it for my 34 years with this family and it's great.

But, our family is growning - there are a good 28 of us on Christmas day. In the past, we have done a $35 dollar grab bag, plus everyone buys for Grandma and Grandma buys for everyone, and it was ok. But in the past 7 years, with the next generation being born it's gotten out of hand. We want to stop the grab bag - the adults don't care about getting or buying a $35 dollar gift and - so we said let's just do it for the kids - they can pull each others names out and we can exchange gifts that way.

It literally takes us 3 hours to open gifts on Christmas day (we timed it last year). No one wants to participate in this. We'd rather visit and have fun and play games and enjoy each others company. Not sit there while another adult opens a $35 dollar gift that they don't want.

We brought this up to Grandma, and she called us scrooges. Apprently it's all about the stuff here. My sister (who is 30 and doesn't like change) started crying. Oh, FGS! So we're doing it again.

So my answer to your question, yes, traditions are very important, but things have to change sometimes to just accomodate reality.

I love Christmas Traditions. Whatever you can't deal with your husband should discuss with his family and insist on compromising.
Sounds like you just want to make the point that your family is better than your husband's family.

I wish I could say I was flexible.. but sadly the holidays is one thing I do NOT budge on. I remember telling my husband before we got married that I would ALWAYS celebrate with his family, but that there were traditions that were important to me and I didn't want to change them.

My only huge traditions are Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve & Christmas Day with my family.

I always, always, always plan an early Thanksgiving with my in-laws, and since my side of the family does Christmas Eve evening celebrations, I try to do "Christmas Day" either the morning/day of Christmas Eve, or the day before. In the times when traveling is necessary I just celebrate early with the in laws. They are ALWAYS invited to my side of the families events, however, which makes it less.... negative from their side I think.

My kids, siblings, parents and in-laws all find my system all around appeasing. Luckily, my husbands family is understanding, but like I said, I think the fact that I have always invited them to my side of the families parties/get togethers is what makes the difference.

My kids LOVE that I plan multiple celebrations... they spend time with their cousins, Aunts, Uncles & Grandparents without feeling torn... no one rushing out half way through a celebration to go to another house... just being able to have multiple days of celebrations.

Sounds crazy busy, but it works for us. Stresses my hubby out, but he usually keeps his mouth shut since all he has to do is show up ;)

I like traditions that can be changed over time (flexible).
It's fun, amazing & keeps the old while introducing the new.

I love time-tested traditions like Santa, stockings, looking at lights, making gingerbread cookies or houses.

I think the flexibility is good (like the time of the get together, dinner fare etc.). Nothing worse than having my sister hanging over my shoulder telling me how to fix something or make something. But I just do it my way any way. She gets mad but the holidays are not about that. I just have to let it roll off of my back. She has a controlling personality while mine isn't necessarily "laid back" it's not controlling. I like the traditions

All in all, I like a little of both! I like looking back on my childhood & remembering some of the old memories and they changed over time.

traditional flexibility is the way we go. My kids expect to get new (prewashed) christmas jammies every year on christmas eve...that is a tradition that if i say we are not doing that this year they get upset. We have christmas morning here and go to spend the rest of the day with my side of the family. My inlaws never let us come there and they "do not leave the house on christmas day" so we spend another day with them. Basically we get to have several days of christmas. So as this is tradition- it is not anyway rigid. We have the same food but someone always brings a new dish or desert to the table as well. The place of my family get together changes sometimes too but it usually is at my grandmas.
The month of december the kids and i try to do christmas crafts that we can give as gifts, do service projects, read a christmas story a night...these are all traditions but if schedule doesnt allow for it. thats ok too- we will try again next year. I hope to continue the flexible traditions we have started as my children grow and move out to start families of their own.

We're very flexable and always have been. The kids know this and accept it as just the way we do it. Our family always works out plans enough in advance that we can tell the kids what's going on so they can easily answer the question if asked. We don't always celebrate on the exact calendar date if my brother, SIL and niece travel out of town to spend a holiday with her family instead of staying here. Sometimes we go to my parents house ourselves on the date anyway because they are here, other times we go and do something as just our immediate family. One Easter we did a drive around, sight seeing and walking on the beach day with just the 5 of us, just because. We've gone to Disneyland on Thanksgiving just because and had Thanksgiving a week later with family when they got back. The year my son was due Christmas Day (he came before) we had a whole plan laid out revolving around what *I* was going to be up to.
We have little things we hold to every year for holidays. But none of them have anything to do with schedule or food. Those things are up in the air.
None of us find it stressful. My parents prefer it to what it used to be like when I was a child. We drove all over the city to get to my mom's side for brunch then the other way to go to my dad's side for dinner with a break of dawn wake up at our house in the morning. There was never time to really enjoy everything. My parents were exausted and my dad was always grumpy by the drive home.
What is important is spending time with family. How and when it happens is far less important.

It is thru traditions that we honor our families' past, providing a foundation for their future.

Many of the traditions which my Sis & I enjoyed are still being honored by our children.

To encourage positive growth & the freedom to embrace current trends, we do add to our menu.....always honoring those heirloom recipes + trying new/unusual dishes. It's the best of both worlds!

To allow for time constraints & responsibilities, we alter our schedule as needed. For example, my Sis & her ex rotate their holidays. Each year, Christmas Eve/Day are flipped on custody....& we simply adapt to that rotation. Additionally, my Gma is almost 92 & no longer travels long distances. Christmas, regardless of the day, used to be at our home. Now we have ALL holidays/parties in StL....so we can be with her. Sooo, basically the faces are the same....but the location is changed. :)

We also enjoy 2 other family parties. My extended family celebrates the weekend before Christmas, & my ILs celebrate the 2nd/3rd weekend....depending on how the calendar runs.

With all of this traveling, it's a scheduling challenge.....but well worth the precious memories. YES, I love the holiday season! We just came off of 2 out of 3 days of traveling into StL for family events....& I'm raring to go again!

I tried to keep traditions with my family but it became to stressful, so we started a new one. Now we do the big Christmas thing with my family on Christmas Eve (inlaws didn't have a Eve tradition, unless you count staying up past midnight wrapping gifts)

We do Christmas morning at our house, and then the inlaws Christmas afternoon. The kids adapted well. The only tricky part was that my Mom does stockings, so it's hard to explain why they get stocking on Christmas Eve when Santa hasn't come yet. My kids just know that Grandma did those.