What Is a Reasonable Bedtime?

I don't have hard and fast rules. Bedtime is at 10:00pm. Sometimes things come up and the kids stay up past bedtime. Same with me. People are resilient and can make up for occasional lost sleep.

We don't do this...but doesn't everyone else record stuff by now? I know it is great to watch things right away, so hubby can go into work and know what is going on at the water cooler, but is this really what this is about?

Is hubby going to bed at 12:45? Perhaps he should. It will give him a better feel for what is going on.

There would have been World War III in my house if my husband had kept either of my kids up like this, and then slept late and ignored the consequences of my child's lack of sleep.

You need to start pulling your husband out of the bed the next morning and making HIM deal with your son's morning routine, regardless of how late he worked.

On the weekends is when they can stay up late. Give them that. If your husband wants to watch a certain game, tape it somehow.

Your son needs a real sleep schedule. He's not getting one right now - that's the reason he's awake an hour later.

9pm is a reasonable bedtime on a school night.
And by that - I mean lights out time.
I'd expect he was in bed reading at 8:30pm.
My husband would never do what your husband is doing.
In order for our son to do his best at school the kid needs sleep - and that's what is a priority for us.
Staying up to watch tv on a school night is not acceptable.
I'd be hauling Hubby out of bed in the morning to participate in the family morning routine so he can see what things are like when not enough sleep has been had and I'd do it every time he kept the kid(s) up.
The only way Dad gets to 'sleep late' is if he sees to it that the kids get to bed at a decent hour at night.

Additional:
Right - 'teaching him to be a man'.
Sounds like complete BS to me - I'd be ripping him a new one.
Hubby can be a 'man' and wake up with the rest of his family to deal with the full impact of his 'man lessons'.

Or - ignore it and let the kid sleep late too, start racking up the tardy points and start having trouble in school.
If Hubby DARES to ask you why it's happening, you can tell him you already mentioned the importance of sleep but he seems to feel 'being a man' is more important.

I'm wondering why your 10 year old is treated differently than the other two.
My husband sometimes lets our kids stay up too late and tells me it's okay, but I'm the one getting up with them in the morning and paying the price. I remind him of that when they're up too late, and he understands and gets them to bed. He doesn't fight me on it because he knows how difficult they are in the mornings to deal with. I would make him get up with them and sleep in myself, but it's even harder to get him rolling than it is them.

By the way, you're not being his parent by sending him a link or telling him your side. You're being a partner. If you want something to click, don't get up in the morning. Tell him he has to get the kid to school. I think you're being completely reasonable.

I think the issue is that while your husband and son get to spend a fun experience together (watching the game), you have to deal with the consequences of that choice (a grumpy 10 year old).

I think your husband should continue these special game watching nights with your son....if he agrees to get your son ready the next morning and transport him to school.

It seems like a good compromise.
Best,
T. Y

My 11 year old is in bed by 9:00. Lights out 9:30.
OCCASIONALLY 10:00 on a school night.

The thing is--your right. You know you're right. Your husband probably even knows you're right. We all know you're right.

BUT--your husbands habits aren't affecting HIM at all are they? Nope. YOU are the O. that has to wrangle an overtired kid out if bed, put up with his grump and drive him to school if he misses the bus.

You have O. important ace up your sleeve here: your husband IS home when kiddo is getting up & ready.

I propose you tell HIM that part of the deal for him letting kiddo stay up past 9:30 and enjoying a game is that HE can deal with his child the next morning and ensure that he is up and ready and at school on time.
This will be a VERY sharp learning curve--I promise.
Good luck!

Agree with previous responder, Ms Day. Going to bed at 1045 will barely give your son 8hrs if he falls asleep right away, which in unlikely. Heck research everywhere is finding that all people should not have any screen time at least an hr or two before trying to fall asleep.

Poor sleeping habits can lead to problems in all areas; health, school, emotional, etc. I can see an occasional late night for a game that your son is participating in but definitely not to watch a game on TV ... Especially if it is a regular season game, etc.
Get your son on a regular schedule lying down at the same time every night and he will wind up falling asleep faster too.

Good Luck

This would make me crazy too. One thing to add is my pediatrician recently told me they've linked sleep to height. They see growth spurts over Christmas break bc kids sleep more. And i guess there's other evidence. So if your husband cares about your son growing, maybe that info will help your cause. On a weekend once in awhile I'd bite my tongue but what your husband is doing isn't healthy. Hope it works out. I know how frustrating arguments like this can be.

your husband is right than occasional late night with dad is no biggie.
you are right that these occasional treats should not be on school nights, especially if your son is a morning grump (which i am so i feel for him) and very much especially when there's a test the next morning.
maybe you need to figure out ways of communicating other than texting each other?
khairete
S.

I loved B's answer and totally agree.

Let the consequences for hubby fall on hubby. Have no problem with kid staying up late but hubby must get kid up in the morning, mandatory not negotiable.

I refuse to suffer the consequences of your actions. LOL.

So of course your right. My husband and yours sounds a bit a like. This is what I would do....I would tell my husband every time he keeps him up late that he is 100% responsible for dealing with him in the morning and getting him out the door. I'd bet this would quickly resolve the issue ;).There is no good reason they can't finish the game watching the next evening - that's what DVR's are for. Also your son should be able to fall asleep easily if he is keeping him up late so I would really look at what he is eating and drinking .....sugar stuff with food dye?

Oh o guess your question was a reason able bedtime for a kid this age...I'd say 9 and adjust if he is still too tired in the am.

I hope this is helpful.

My 17 year old who is a Junior in HS goes to bed around 10-10:30. She knows how much sleep her body requires so we leave that up to her. We will suggest bed times for her but we have two younger ones besides her so once she goes downstairs (she is in basement) we don't really monitor. Only rule we have for her is her phone needs to be OFF every single night.
My other two kiddos are 5 and 7 and they are in bed every night by 8 and usually sleeping by 8.15-8.30ish. The only time we allow them to stay up a little longer is Friday/Saturday nights but their bodies are so adjusted to sleep time they usually can't go past 9pm.

Make hubby get up and get kid up when he is up past standard bed time, he can see the effect.

Curious as to why one of the three gets to stay up? That alone would cause issues in my house, especially if your other two are girls and only the boy gets to stay up and watch sports.

We let the kids stay up for special things too...like when the Patriots are in the Superbowl or the AFC championship, or the Bruins are in a series-deciding play-off game that isn't on west coast time. They don't really care about baseball, but I'll wake them up when the Red Sox are about to win a World Series because around here, you don't know if they'll see another one of those in their lifetime. So we're talking a few times a year at most in a great year.

There was nothing on last night worth having a child lose sleep over.

I think that on days your husband wants to do this, it's only fair for him to get up with the kids the next day, feel the pain himself (and no napping or going back to bed for him!) and see what it does to the morning routine. Maybe that will make him see that this isn't worth it. There are enough daytime games for your husband and son to bond over. For the late weeknight games? Your son can record and watch later if he wants to.

You're right.

Sounds like you found a solution assuming the ped will help you husband understand.

From your post, it sounds like your husband is a sports guy and want to enjoy the games with his son (Totally normal). He just needs to think about your son's development and how important sleep is for him (and everyone).

At 15 I would let him set his own bedtime and face the natural consequences of this choices. But at 10 he would have a school night bed time that would be stuck to. My oldest just turned 11 and my youngest is 9. We moved bedtime back a little this year with electronics off at 830 and everyone in bed with a book, then lights out at 9 (it used to be 8 for games off and 830 for lights out). We only allow the older one to stay up later on nights he has sports practice, and even then it is only as long as he needs to eat a snack and shower (we don't get home from practice until almost 9). Sleep for school is more important then Monday night football (or whatever sport they are watching), just record it and watch it later.

It's fine. Your husband is not your child to give a bedtime to and he's this child's parent. He doesn't need you sending him messages with notes and stuff in it. What are you going to do if he doesn't mind you about bedtime with this child? Ground him??? Really, he gets to have some say in his child's life too.

I am not that strict about bedtime and it's really not that big of a deal. I'd say that the other 2 going on to bed when dad and sibling are up doing something fun together is pretty impressive.

My point is this, everyone agrees with you. Your husband doesn't agree with you. Are you going to fight and argue every night about this? Are you going to divorce him over it? Are you going to go in and physically drag your child out of that room and toss them into bed?

What are you going to do about it when hubby refuses to agree with you????

What are you going to do when hubby refuses to mind you about bedtime with this kiddo??

That's my point. At some point you have to let things drop and accept it's not great but it's not the end of your marriage. If I nagged my husband about something like this he'd eventually tell me off and that's he's making memories with his child and to back off.

I let my granddaughter stay up on Monday evenings to watch Castle with me. She comes and sits by me and we watch it together. It's about the only time she'll give me the time of day, she's a tween and that says a lot.

That hour that we spend together watching a TV show is my favorite time of the week.

Your hubby is making a choice and you don't agree. What are you going to do about it?

The natural consequence would be to make hubby go wake kiddo up but if kiddo is up and off to school on those days with no big problems other than just being slow then I really don't see any issues that are big enough to fight with my hubby over again and again and again.

Kids need a consistent bedtime. Mine get up at 6:15 for school so on school nights, my 5 yr old goes to bed at 7 pm or before. My 9 yr old is in bed at 8:00-8:30.

If you 10 yr old is waking up at 7, he should be in bed by 9 pm. Tell you husband it's not negotiable.