Recently my kids have become quite slack on doing chores. Mind you (if you have read any of my recent posts you will know already) we are at soccer &/or baseball fields for games and/or practice 4 nights a week plus ballet and games on saturday mornings as well. My kids are 11, 6 and 4. They are all involved in sports of one kind or another plus church activities, scouts, etc. I figured that I spend about 5 hours (sometimes more) a week running just my oldest around and 4 hours for his sisters (they are on the same teams). Yes these often over lap but if just one was practicing per night, etc... that is how it would be.
So our schedule...... mon 1 1/2 + hour for game (includes drive time, warm up, etc) tues/wed 3 1/2 hours practice, thursday 1 1/2 hour game. Saturday usually from about 8:30- 1 (sometimes later) I am running somewhere. Baseball/teeball games haven't even started yet. So I have decided that because I do all this running for them every evening.... I get alot less done and more stress on me (when to eat dinner, bath and bed, etc).
I let the kids off on chores because they are busy but realize I am much much much busier now too and they for the most part have time to do chores. Is 1/2 hour a night reasonable plus the big stuff that takes longer (mowing, room cleaning, outside help) on saturday/sunday? Does this should reasonable or am I stretching them too thin with school work and sports plus free time too? I don't want it to overwhelm them or over work them but I do expect them to help around here. My youngest does the most chores because she is home all afternoon. That is not fair to her. Any suggestions, thoughts, etc would be helpfull. Thanks
**updated** thanks for the iput so far.... just wanted to add there is no tv, computer, video gamer time at all on school nights in our home even for the younges so that is not taking up any of our time. Keep them coming!
Well, with 3 kids all involved in something they will be busy but I am not taking it from them. Their activities are totally their choice and no individual child is over booked. Practices overlap that is why the long nights, etc. In the winter when they are not involved in a team sport my children are much unhappier and more difficult to deal with. So sports are good for their health and everyones happiness and sanity! They are not over booked as some of you suggest- I am! Scouts is every other week. Church Sundays and wednesday (not during soccer season). Anyway I talked with the kids and we agreed that they will do 10 minutes of cleaning up after themselves every night (we use the 10 minute tidy but it is run through the house and clean up your messes/stuff from every room) this we always did for regular chores during non-busy sports seasons. On the evenings we only have gamers or are home with will do an additional 15 -20 minutes of chores including trash out, loading dishwasher, dusting, room straightening, laundry away, etc. And An hour or so on Saturday of other bigger chores. Room cleaning, outside clean up, etc. They seem ok with that.
I do not pay allowance for doing chores but I do pay or reward for responsibilty. So doing chores without being told, nagged, doing extra then your assigned, good attitude about chores, etc. We will see how this works. School is almost over so we will be back to normal responsibilities soon. Guess this is just input and experiement for next soccer season!
Thanks moms!
10 Minute Tidy
Everyone in the house picks a room in the house, they can pick different rooms or all work together. Put on some fun music, set the kitchen timer and GO! But only for 10 minutes. Then STOP!
B.
Family Success Coach
I absolutely think you are not asking much for all that you are doing for them. For my family, we have limited the kids to one activity/sport at any given time/child, because we do feel that "free time" is just as valuable as "team time". They both play their part in teaching kids life skills. However, one very important life skill is learning how to someday be an effective adult. That means they need to learn from the start that there is work involved in family life. There is also work involved in making a living (i.e. money). So, each child has a schedule of "family chores" to do each day and I vary the chores daily so that each child does the chore sometime during the week. Then, we also have a "commission chart" where there is a list of other chores that can be done and we pay them based on the number of those chores they do that day. It takes approximately 20-30 minutes/day to get their "family chores" done each day. Sundays are their days off. Then each of the chores on the commission chart take approximately 10 minutes each if they want to earn some money.
Of course, we have our priorities. We always (with only occasional exceptions) eat as a family. Dinner time changes based on schedules, etc. But, we are all here. They get an hour after school to play, then it is homework and chores before they go to their sports/activities or play with friends. Regular bedtimes are important too, at least during the school nights.
Life is really about give and take. You can't have it all. Kids need to learn that also. So, they can "give" you help and "take" your time. Just like you are "giving" them time and "taking" (accepting) help.
I hear you on the over-scheduling. Although I've limited my 2 girls to 2 activities each, around this time of year things get so busy (what with ballet performances/rehearsals, end of year school stuff, etc). For us, it has been valuable to decide what our priorities are. For us, it is: 1) Family (eating dinner together, keeping rooms clean, household chores), 2) School work (homework, studying, reading), and 3) Sports and other activities.
So, if we have a conflict between, say, a child not keeping her room clean and her need to go to ballet rehearsal, the child will be late and/or absent from ballet rehearsal until the room is clean. Period. Likewise, while it might be ok to miss one family dinner in order to go to a sports event scheduled at a weird time, it would not be okay on a daily basis, because family is the #1 priority. If a big assignment is due for school, the kids might have to miss gymnastics that night. If the teacher has lost her mind and given them 3 hours of homework, they're not going to bed late just to finish it (at this age, anyway). Once your priorities are clear, it's very easy to decide what's going to happen and when. I have also learned that although coaches will often say, "It's mandatory that you come to every practice," when I tell them that school outranks sports, and if my kids can't play, then we're sorry, but we're not throwing school under the bus for a cheerleading practice, the coach usually backs off and can respect our priorities.
It's so hard - I don't remember being this crazy over-scheduled when I was a kid?! My mom thinks I'm nuts driving my kids to all these practices and events. Maybe the solution is, we all just say enough is enough and make the decision to drop events and sports until we can all be sane again. LOL
What's a good amount of time for a busy Mom to spend on chores? Many hands make light work. Teach them to share the load, or you are going to be a slave to your family until you fall over in exhaustion. They can take out the trash, make their beds, put away laundry, set the table, load dirty dishes into dishwasher, put away clean dishes from dishwasher, and your older one is old enough to help make sandwiches and salads to help with meal prep. It's easy to find the time if the TV and computer don't get turned on till the chores and homework are done.
My schedule is similar to yours although I only have 2 kids, ages 9 (ds) and 6 (dd). When they get home from school, they have their snack and do their homework. During the week their chores include loading and unloading the dishwasher, keeping their rooms picked up, which sometimes involves my ds vacuuming their rooms, taking the trash out of the little trash cans the night before trash pickup, putting away any of their clean laundry (if I take it to their rooms while they're awake) and keeping their bathroom straightened up (dirty clothes in the laundry room and sink wiped down). It may take them 30 minutes max to do...depending on what their rooms look like. On the weekends, it just depends on our schedule, but it usually involves "tootsie roll patrol" in the back yard and then just helping me out with whatever I "ask" them to do, as well as what is listed for their week night chores. My dd is much more helpful than my ds, she will keep asking me for things to help clean well after I have released them from duty. Not only does their help around the house relieve me of some undue stress, which makes me "easier" to be around, I also believe that giving them specific chores during the week while having homework, extra ciriculars, dinner, bathtime, bedtimes, etc helps teach time management skills for later in life.
I'm sorry but your kids are too busy. I tried that once and my health almost suffered for it. Even my kids have suffered for it. Balance. Kids do need free time or down time to learn to adjust.
I haven't actually been able to put my idea to work yet but this will be my system for chores. Chores will be split into two groups daily chores like feeding the dog and weekly chores like taking out the trash or sweeping. Each child will need to pick a certain amount of chores for them to complete (this way chores don't become a punishment). And they won't be able to do X (maybe play video games for you) until they are done on the weekends. For extra chores done they can earn a reward like money or a trip to mini put put or something so your daughter who does more sees the benefits of working hard. I grew up in a house where we were not given an allowance we were expected to do our chores and my children will be raised the same. Hope this helps.
My boys are 8 & almost 6, and we have them do about 4 chores a day (more if they are disrepectful or misbehave at school) - on nights where we have 2 hrs of homework and 3 hours of soccer/baseball/track, they will do less. The chores we have them do aren't too crazy - emptying the dishwasher, taking out the trash, sweeping the kitchen floor, folding their clothes, etc. On Saturdays or Sundays we may have them help clean the bathroom or pull weeds or something more time consuming.
We also use chores as a way for them to earn time on the wii - one chore is worth 15 min, for a max of an hour a day. My oldest isn't allowed to play during the week, but my youngest is still in preschool, so he is home more during the day, and has more time to do chores and play the wii. It definately helps motivate them to do their chores, without a fight :)
anyway - hope that helps :)
~T.
You don't say how old the kids are... but in my view, if they want to participate in all the activities (do they really want to?), then they need to help you more around the house. I think that have 10-15 minutes of cleaning every day or every other day (set a timer so everyone knows :) is not at all unreasonable. Half an hour, though, might be, if they have homework. I think 30 minutes to an hour or so of help on the weekends is a great idea, when you all have more down-time. And maybe, in addition to scheduling more cleaning/de-cluttering, you could also occasionally schedule something fun for the family as a group, as a reward for everyone? :)
Of course, I'm operating in a vacuum a little bit here--my son is way too little to help with chores, and his dad is very hard to get motivated to help... So I'm probably projecting my happy (impossible) ideal unto you! LOL :)
