What He Wants Vs. What I Want

I can't remember how long you have been out of work but I am pretty sure he is aware. You have gone through this period without a plan and now you still don't want a plan. I can kind of see how your husband is frustrated.

You have known for all this time your current field has no jobs, yet instead of going back to school you wanted to play stay at home mom and bury your head in the sand. Now you are saying it would be at least a year before you could switch fields can you kind of see how he sees it as you already wasted a year, now you want to waste another year......

He is looking for a new job that pays more because you are not pulling your weight. I am sure he would love to stay in his current job but because you have no plan he is going to have to step up with more income.

You should take a class, get a plan, show your husband you can do your part. Maybe he will believe you and stop looking for another job. :(

I have to agree with Jo. Just pick a door and walk through it.

If none of the doors/options have anything glaringly standing out (take this class and you'll be a millionaire), then the only thing different between them is your personal happiness.

Which one would make you happier?

Pick that one and do it. :)

You know your economic situation better than anyone. Do you need a job to make ends meet?

Will it take a year of schooling for you to find another career and another job? If you need the money and are willing to go into a different career, then take the classes that will get you started.

If you are just not wanting to take another job and you need the money, then what are you going to do to make up the loss of income? To me, that means cutting back to reduces expenses, or finding extra income.

Talk with your husband. Tell him what you want to do and find a solution.

Good luck to you and yours.

Well - what are you waiting for in terms of developing a plan? You've been out of work for quite awhile so not like this just happened. Kind of reminds me of a good friend. She can pick how many days she works and sometimes her husband "makes" her start workign an extra day. Amazes me bc she's like a child. Her husband "makes" her bc they need the money! They're in debt! No one would have to make me work more if I was in her situation. Just like my husband wouldn't have to make me come up with a plan. I think it's refreshing your husband seems so responsible and plans for the future. You may be frustrated with your industry and that's understandable but get on with it now. It's been a long time. Yo'ure not the child. You should be an equal partner with your husband in all this.

Do you think this is in part due to how he processes things? He wants a plan, he follows that plan, he solves the problem? My DH is a list maker so one day when he was winging about how things didn't get done at home, I used his own list behavior on him - I listed everything I did all day long. And, gee, that didn't sit well with him because it made him feel like I was an employee reporting to him. I said, "That is how you make me feel. I need you to be understanding of my day and I will try harder to get some more of the things you want done accomplished, but if you want a model home, that will never happen without help."

So maybe you need to find a way to communicate in a way he understands. Tell him you do have a plan and that when he doesn't think your plan is "good enough" it tears you down. Your plan is to get a job. That IS your plan. Sometimes a job is a job and sometimes it is a career. It is OK if you take a job vs focus on your career right now, if that is what is best for you and ultimately your family.

If you feel pressure then it's time to be out there taking any job that will help ends meet. Going to school will not provide any income, taking a break will not bring in any income.

I wonder why you aren't finding work, I know that things are tight. But even nursing home need housekeepers, hotels need maids, even child care centers need help. I know that you must be trying to find work that pays more but I would imagine you are competing with people who have master's degrees and higher degrees than yours for these few jobs.

I suggest you go to the employment office every day and take any interview they can help you get. Finding a job that even pays minimum wage sounds needed right now.

Good luck in the job search.

Sometimes doing nothing is just as bad as doing the wrong thing. Right now, you are doing nothing. At this point you need to just get a job and perhaps take a class or two along with it. Your husband needs to see that you are doing SOMETHING to change the situation...right or wrong.

I get his frustration because I am the same way with my DH. He has been underemployed for years and just can't seem to get motivated to either go to school or find a better paying job. After many years of being the breadwinner, I have to admit to being tired myself...

Perhaps you are not getting the jobs because your training is inadequate. Learning new and marketable skills isn't a bad thing at all and if you are in the proper setting opportunities can and will open up.

I wouldn't take the classes to keep the peace. I would take the classes to better myself and perhaps thereby bettering the family.

My husband is always looking for a better job. Since he is a contractor in the HR sector with over 20 years experience there are times when he is working for some ridiculous amount of money and times when there is this low amount he is offered but he never stops looking and has only been out of work for six months straight but he was collecting unemployment. He actually made more than me in unemployment and I work a full time job.

Please put your emotions to the side and do what you need to do for the family which is get your training while continuing to look for viable work.

Side note: you may consider starting your own busines based on what you are passionate about which would be what? And who would be willing to pay your for your product or services and is that pay worth the sweat you put into it? Just some added food for thought.

A friend of mine's husband turned his love of exercise into a successful personal training business, he went on to take classes so he could offer physical therapy too. He has since hired a few workers and partnered with several doctors. He turned his passion into a business even in this economy.

What are you passionate about?