What Have I Got Myself Into......

I am in the camp with the answer of just say "NO".

You do not owe her any explanations. NO is a complete answer.

"I'm sorry I'm not comfortable doing that."
If she gets mad well she's not really a friend, is she?

Just tell her you didn't get a prescription (whether you did or not). If it were me, I would slowly pull away from her. It sounds like she's not the kind of person I would get involved with.

my dear, i'm a little alarmed that someone who is an adult and a mother is struggling so with this.
what if it was another kid on the playground hitting your kid up for something? would you hem and haw and suggest he not judge and be polite and maybe just angst and go along with it?
i don't understand why you can't work due to her depression. is that mis-worded?
her anger and depression aren't your problems. you can be sympathetic and empathetic, but you don't have to take them on. it doesn't mean you can't be friends. being friends with someone doesn't mean you have to do depression and anger dances with them. good boundaries make for good friendships. her depression and anger don't mean you've 'gotten into' anything other than a friendship which you can handle in any way that is positive and healthy for you.
most of us have friends who have various degrees of anger and/or depression. who has a life full of pollyannas?
but i seriously question the maturity of someone who can't simply say 'no, that's not an option. do not ask me again' to someone suggesting that you sell her drugs illegally.
why is this even a question?
ETA i am astounded at how many are suggesting that you do indeed hem, haw, lie, and make excuses.
do not.
that's ridiculous.
a firm, no BS no. just no.
khairete
S.

No is a complete answer. Say it as often as necessary.

Please don't respond to her request with any vague answers, like "maybe", or "I'll see what they give me" or anything intended to placate her or postpone answering her. Don't play along by telling her you only got 3 pills, or they only gave you Tylenol. Speak the truth.

She has asked you to commit a crime, a felony. She is asking that you become entangled with her in criminal activity. You do not need to be polite when being asked to commit a crime. The crime of providing them to her would fall on your shoulders, and the crime of purchasing them would fall on hers. You would both be prosecuted, and its possible that your prosecution would be harsher. Sharing or selling prescription medications is a very serious offense.

Be very clear. Say that sharing prescription medications is a crime and tell her not to ask you again. And protect yourself. If you get the prescription filled, whether you take the pills or not, do not carry the bottle with you if you are around her (people in her situation can be desperate and she may try to steal it or physically take it from you) and if you have it in your home, keep it in a place that would be hard to detect - like behind your best wine glasses in your hutch, where it would be extremely challenging for a person to take the pills undetected (she'd have to open the hutch, remove the glasses, etc). DO NOT KEEP THEM IN THE BATHROOM OR ON A COUNTER OR IN YOUR PURSE. And make sure your daughter has no idea where they are, in case she asks her son to ask your daughter to get that new pill bottle, because "mommy's in a lot of pain and you can help mommy. Just ask [your daughter's name] to get one of her mom's knee surgery pills".

I am sorry that she has experienced the death of her baby. I can't imagine. But part of grieving sometimes involves asking for help, seeking counsel, etc. My son had a girlfriend once whose family experienced a horrible, unspeakable tragedy. He begged her to get counseling, to go to a grief therapist, or a support group, or to talk to someone - a doctor, a priest, anyone, and she refused. She attempted to "get over it" and became a very bitter and angry person. I wonder if your friend's husband has asked her to get counseling.

If she mentions the pills again, cut her off mid-sentence. Be crystal clear that you will not listen to her request, and that you will not discuss it. She might fly into a rage some day and blurt out that you (by name) told her you might sell her some pills, or that you would think it over, or something like that, and that could hurt you (legally speaking). If she is struggling with grief and depression, but seems to be seeking help and acknowledging her problems ("I get so angry sometimes, and I'm trying to remember the steps my counselor told me to follow when I feel that rage building up"), then perhaps you can be a helpful friend. But if she is not trying to get better, then you're not going to be able to take on that job by yourself.

She's not a bad person, but she may have become addicted to pain pills at some point. This is very, very possible. Some people have a genetic tendency towards addiction (like my husband), but many, many people do not and still become addicted to prescription pain meds. As a society we tend to demonize celebrities and politicians and others who have had to enter rehab for prescription pain meds, and that's unfortunate. It really could happen to any of us if we aren't careful.

My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He hasn't had a drink in 28 years. He has broken his hand, hurt his knee and had surgery since we've met. Every time he needs pain meds he tells his doctor that he is in recovery and he will not take most pain meds. He will take tramadol (I think that's the name of it), as it has different properties or something.

My point is, this is most likely beyond her control. She might not even realize it's a problem.

Chances are your doctor won't prescribe meds. At least not right now. Your doctor will be talking to you about the surgery and the recovery. Maybe you could stick with those topics. If she mentions the meds, you can tell her that you'll just be taking ibuprofin since you are not really comfortable with prescription meds.

With most surgeries like that, the prescription pain meds are really only for the first couple of days. After that most patients do just fine with tylenol or ibuprofen.

She probably needs to see a therapist. I have no idea how to weave that into the conversation, but if you can, you might want to let her know that you are concerned about her and wonder if she would really benefit from talking to someone. I can't imagine the pain she is in. She probably wants the pills in order to escape.

Just flat out tell her it's illegal to either sell or buy prescription meds and you cannot jeopardize your family by doing that. That's the truth and end of discussion. All of us have problems. Maybe you are with her so you can be a positive influence in her life. But if it gets to be too much for you or her problems start to get you down, then feel free to distance yourself from her. Good luck.

Just like this "No".

If she cannot get a prescription form her doctor then she has a problem and you shouldn't give her any pills (no one should be sharing their prescriptions, ever). Sounds like she still needs help dealing with her loss and addiction.

I can't imagine the pain of burying your child. I had a friend who lost her daughter at the age of 19 to cancer. You don't ever get over that, you just learn to endure and survive. Sounds like she knows she has issues and I believe she is medicating herself.

You don't have to be polite. Just say "No way am I going to do that!" "I can't believe you would even ask"!

Period end of discussion. If she presses, press back.

I don't understand why everyone is afraid to say "NO". Its a perfectly fine word and conveys our intentions nicely. Can't say "oh, I didn't understand what you were saying". No is NO.

Do you feel comfortable talking to her husband? I'm concerned about her daughter and the care she is getting. There is more going on under the surface here.

You could simply say "okay" and then when the time comes, tell her that you only got ibuprofen. Don't think too badly of her. Prescription med addiction is an epidemic, I bet you would be surprised at how many people are addicted to pain meds. I'm talking about professionals including doctors, CEOs, etc. The addiction happens quickly, before people realize. They start taking the meds for legitimate reasons, but in a matter of days, they are addicted. I am a recovering addict and I NEVER take pain meds. I am all too familiar with addiction and how quickly it happens. A few days of pain is much easier to deal with than trying to break an addiction.

I think you need to back away from her and tread very carefully. Do not have her visit you when you have your medication, and in fact I would stick to park playdates and other public places. She is likely addicted to or abuses pain meds and on top of being depressed (you did not say how old her infant was, PPD may also be a factor), this is more than most people should handle. If it comes up again, I would nudge her toward talking to her doctor about her health, as buying/stealing/getting your Rx is not going to be a good thing for any of you. Under no circumstances should you give in to her attempts to get some from you.

IMO, there's judging someone and then there's being realistic about their flaws.

The loss of a child has nothing to do with illegal behavior.

So is it ok for her to rob a bank since she lost a child? Is it ok for her to steal a car since she lost a child?

I never understand why people hesitate about what is right or wrong when it comes to alcohol and drugs.

It is illegal to take medication that is not prescribed for you. It is illegal to buy medication that is prescribed to someone else. To take a medication that is mind altering (pain meds) that is not prescribed to you or taking it more then it is specifically prescribed is abusing that substance.

Please see this person for who she really is.
If a person cannot be trusted in my house or around my kids then that is not a friend I need to have.

There are therapists, hotlines, psychiatrists, support groups, websites, churches and books to help a person with a loss of a child....and she chooses illegal medication.......ya, this is not about the loss of her child.

ETA: while you contemplate this friendship, please do not let her drive your children anywhere.

Tell this woman that it is illegal, therefore you aren't going to sell them to her. Also, I wouldn't be too sure about seeing her any more

This is a case of "just say no ." If you do not enjoy the friendship, that's another "just say no." I understand feeling sympathetic to her situation. I would be. However, I doubt I'd spend much time with her because doing so would bring me down. In my younger years, I might have spent time with her because I'd think I could help her. Now, I'd know I couldn't.

I started counseling in my 30's because I was depressed. The counselor suggested I read a book on co-dependency. Since then, I've seen all the ways I felt responsible for others happiness and ways I needed certain people so I'd be happy. From there, I learned about boundaries. As Suz T. suggests, I wonder if you could benefit from considering your boundaries and if they benefit you or if they're more about what other people think and do or need.

I suggest you consider why you are friends with her even though you doubt who she is and how she fits in your life and now you question her values. I suggest, based only on this post, this friendship is uncomfortable for you. You are the most important person in this relationship. Does this friendship give you pleasure? If not, I suggest this last incident is telling you that your relationship is not beneficial for you.

You can be "school" friends meaning you're friendly at school or when you run into each other. I wouldn't spend more time trying to figure her out and how to help her.

This is not judgement. This is you taking care of you.

I can see why this has become so uncomfortable. Some great answers below. I agree with those who say you should not engage in a discussion about medical issues or pain meds with her. If you say no, you already know that she is going to get angry, so there is no point in going down that road.

I agree that you should not have her over at your house at all if there are any medications anywhere - and maybe you should start to distance yourself from her in general. Don't make a big deal of it - just be "busy" a lot. Your kids don't play together, so it should be okay in many ways. If she pesters you about your knee, just say that you don't want to dwell on it or talk about it. If she continues to pester you, you COULD say that the discussion of you engaging in illegal activity (selling drugs) upset you - but she might also start arguing with you or say that she was kidding. But the point is, you don't feel comfortable with her, do you?

Don't judge her - just don't enable her. Chances are, she will move on to someone else and have a brief, intense friendship with that person, garnering sympathy and hoping to score drugs. If you feel you want to take action, you can contact her doctor by phone or by letter and inform him/her that your friend has asked to buy your pain medications from you, that she likes how she feels, etc. The doctor cannot talk to you, but he/she can listen. It may not make much of a difference - people like your friend often "doctor shop" to move around and find new ones. It may also be a big cry for help - hope that someone will give her more attention because of her depression and need to numb herself. So in that sense, telling someone is helpful.

I'm not sure I would draw a line in the sand here - I'd just pull away. But if she's in your face about it, you may not have a choice and you may have to pretty much lay down the law.

You are not 'judging' her, you are putting together the patterns you have observed in her behavior and drawn the correct conclusion, namely that she has major issues going on. Most likely, she has an addiction to prescription medications and that would explain the anger control problems. Your gut instinct to refuse to sell her your pain meds is absolutely correct--it would be both illegal and supporting her addiction, neither of which you should do. Yes, she probably will be disappointed and angry if/when she asks to buy your meds from you and you say 'sorry, I am using them and I wouldn't sell them to someone else anyway because it's against the law and dangerous to take unprescribed drugs.' However, you won't be losing anything by saying that. It's unclear to me that you still want/need to be in this friendship--you're not describing a rewarding connection in your post. I know you feel sympathy for her for her losses and struggles, however that's not a basis for a healthy friendship. Perhaps you can express your concern to her about the depression and anger issues (often a by product of depression) and suggest grief counseling to deal with the loss? That would be a kind thing to do. You are not responsible for getting her to seek help, however.

ETA: AV has a point about being non-confrontational in what you say to her. If you can suggest that she see her doctor or get started in some kind of mental health treatment without bringing up the pill addiction, I think she is more likely to listen to you.

Is she currently being treated for her depression? A lot of folks don't realize that flaring anger can be a manifestation of depression. So can seeking self-medication as a solution. Sounds like that's what pain pills might be for her. She sounds like she is addicted, but it is likely her depression is the root of the problem. Your friend needs help. Is she already seeing a counselor? If so, is the counseling relationship helping? Sometimes what is needed is a new counselor. You cannot be the substitute for that. Is that a conversation you can have with her?

And while you can continue to be her friend if you wish, know that you cannot save her from herself. Nor should you help her feed her demons. Do not sell her your meds! First of all, after knee surgery, you're likely to need them yourself. (If she is at your house after your surgery, hide your meds. I'm not kidding. Put them somewhere unlikely, not in your bathroom.) Secondly, they are the last thing she needs. Tell her you were only given enough to last you for a few days and that you need them. Tell her that you were given Motrin. Tell her that it sounds like she should see her doctor about her perceived need for pain pills. (It sounds like she IS in pain, but psychological pain as opposed to physical pain. It can be treated, but not with pain pills.) Or tell her that you wouldn't be comfortable with the idea of selling your prescriptions to ANYONE because it is illegal to do so.

Got to love mamapedia. It lost my post so here it goes again not in the same words but close.

She is hoping that you will take pity on her and somehow you will "share" your pills with her and she has told you that her doctors won't prescribe pills and there is a reason. Don't become her "drug dealer". Tell her no in very firm wording. If she continues to carry on, I would call anonymously a child agency so that they can look into the welfare of her other children due to her "grief" and get her help.

I would probably distance and then terminate the relationship. All she is going to do is pull you down into a negative world and you have enough on your own plate. Seek out other friends that have things in common with you or a hobby so meet other people.

You can't save the world and in this case it is true. I know you feel sorry for her loss but that's as far as it goes. Let it be and let it go.

the other S.

I had two knee surgeries in the last year...I needed those pain pills!

Since you are friends why not tell her you are very worried that she is trying to medicate herself by illegally obtaining prescription drugs. Tell her you want to help her get help. Drugs are not the answer. (I know... I buried my son...he passed away when he was 17 days old).

How about "I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable.". If she has a mental health issue, try not to judge. However is she gets angry with you, that's her problem - not yours.

That's so sad. Some people learn to somehow go on after losing a child. They do not ever get over it, but learn to function. Sadly it sounds like she has not. If you could, try to be s real friend to her. As far as meds, if she asks, you did not get any. She needs some help poor thing. Heartbreaking.

Just tell her the doctor didn't give you any pain pills, whether you actually get them or not. I realize it might be a lie but I would put it in the realm of white lie. In my dealings with people like this, if they truly have a problem, the will badger you relentlessly- even if you say no. It's just not worth it. Not to mention it's illegal. Honestly, do yourself a favor and just dodge this one.

Tell her it's illegal to do that and that you won't discuss it any further. You should probably start to back off from this friendship. Answer texts/calls more slowly, tell her you're busy when she wants to get together...Hopefully she'll take the hint.