Bare with me, its kind of long and confusing...So the other evening we noticed a layer of glass on our front door was shattered. There was a small hole , then the shattering. So, immediately we are thinking BB gun. Well at 5:30 pm when I left it was not like that and I saw the neighbors kids walking around- not unusual (brother and sister- they are always wandering around unsupervised.). My husband gets home later that evening and finds the door shattered. Well, we assume we know what happened but oh well- we will fix it and move on. Two days later I talked to my other neighbor about it just to see if she saw anyone around or if happened to anyone else. (She knows ALL the neighbors.) She talked to two neighbors that we dont know and they both said "oh I bet it was "John" he is always walking around with a BB gun. So I ask my daughters friend about this boy cause she knows him pretty well- she said oh yeah he always has his bb gun outside. Later that eveing the firends 5 year old sister is here playing and she said what happened to your door and we say "oh looks like someone shot it with a bb gun" Her response " Hmph.. I bet is was "john" and she walks off.
So, last night we go to talk to the mom of "john" we tell her what happened and she says "john" did you do this, "no". According to mom he is not to have the BB gun out front but he confesses that he has just not on the day of the incident. She immediately says how much to repair it and we tell her. She offers to go in and get the money and we tell her to talk it over with "john" let us order the new window and then get back with her. She says well we cant know for sure if he did it, but put 2 and 2 together and it sounds like he did it" So she is willing to pay for it and we didnt even ask. My husband thinks its the right thing for her to do and she was quick to offer. Its 250.00!!! So, what do you think? Should we let her pay for it or just fix it and forget it. We have never met this women before and we have lived here 7 months. They live 3 doors down from us and the boy is in sixth grade.
Thanks for the input moms!
We didnt go to her house accusing john- just told her we wanted to let her know what happened and what we had heard. She was quick to assume he did it too- she seemed to have little doubt. My husband is a great people person and has a way with words. It was all very friendly .
I think 'Johns" Mother deserves to pay for the window and hopefully it will be the end of a child walking around freely with a freakin BB gun
What the hell is this mother thinking letting her kid walk around with a BB gun in the first place?
Wow, she sounds amazing for stepping up to take responsibility... hopefully it will open her eyes to stop her kid from going around unsupervised with a bbgun, whether he was the one who did it or not. I don't think I could take all the money, but if she insists, I would take half or work out a deal with her son to work it off.
Sounds like you have no problem, and a pretty good neighbor. The Mom had no doubt it was her kid, so most likely it was. She is willing to pay for it, so let her.
I would later send her a card, to say thank you. She sounded quite nice, and was quick to pay for it. She probably doesnt want any trouble either. A card might be a nice gesture to her.
If I were in your shoes, I would feel a little awkward accepting her offer of payment- BUT if I were in HER shoes- I would be mortified that my son did that and would insist that we pay for it(and have him work off the money he owed me for the glass). It seems as if that is what she might be doing to teach her son a lesson about being responsible- So in that case, I would suggest you graciously accept her offer, or offer to have him work off the payment by raking leaves or mowing your lawn for a set amount of hours until it is paid off.
~C.
She's doing the right thing and she obviously has a strong inclination that it was her son. It's generous and neighborly. Accept!
If she is a single mom, struggling to keep John in line, I would use this as an opportunity for you and your husband to mentor John. Have him work it off by coming down on the weekends and work with your husband on projects around the house. You could really have an impact on this young man.
I'd let her pay for it... 2 and 2 sounds pretty accurate, and most kids wouldn't acknowledge at first they did it...
Since you don't know for sure if he did it, then I would either not have her pay for it or at least split the cost with her and let her know how very much you appreciate the fact that she was willing to pay the entire cost. What a nice lady!
Wow, what a nice woman John's mother is! Sad, though, that he's being convicted of a crime he may not have done. At most i would take half for the window, and put up a surveilance camera, this helped solve our "mystery" as to who was shooting our cats with a BB gun.
Not only could a child be hit in the eye, but I remember an 8 year old boy that was permenantly mentally challenged because a bb went through his skull and pretty much performed a frontal lobotomy on him.
I would have no problem taking the money because BB guns are simply not seen in the city very often. I am 45 years old and have lived in a lot of neighborhoods with plenty of kids. Our windows have never been shot or broken in any way. People assumed it's him because seeing a child with a BB gun these days, unsupervised, in the city, without parents around, is simply unheard of.
I'd let her split it, or let John work it off by cutting your grass next summer.
Let her pay for it.. better yet I hope SHE pays then makes her son "work" to pay it off. If I were her I'd do the same thing, I'd INSIST! Let her pay, it was obviously her kid that did it, don't sweat it!
I think what you're talking about is circumstantial evidence.
Although it might be possible or probable that is was "John" no O. saw him do it and he says he did not.
I wouldn't take $250 from someone because you, your husband, two neighbors and a 5 year old *think* it *must have been* John.
ETA: She may have seemed "eager" to pay but she might just be mortified that it *could* have been John......I probably would react the same way too, and whip out the checkbook...you may not have gone to the house "accusing" him, but that's probably what it felt like to her!
Maybe let her pay for half? Although, I see your point of not wanting to make her pay if her kid didn't do it. She must know something or she wouldn't be so quick to pay for it. Maybe she doesn't know for sure if her son did it, but maybe she knows her son has a tendency to not follow the rules (have bb gun in front) or has a tendency to lie about his wrongdoings.
How old is "John"?? The fact that he was walking around with a BB gun with young kids concerns me more than the broken window... :-( Too many sad accidents with guns :-( Even BB guns....
Tough one. I don't think I could take the money unless I KNEW for a fact he did it. I think I would approach it as more of a, "we really appreciate your offer to pay for it but, don't feel right about it not knowing if he truely did it" and then voice your concern over the child walking around the neighborhood with the BB Gun. Maybe this will open her eyes to Jr. maybe not being responsible enough to have that BB gun. Better your door than another child's eye. I would tell her if she finds out that he was shooting it and may have shot your door, you would prefer to work something out where he had to work off the money doing jobs at your house.
I think the mom would be thinking that $250 is a lot cheaper than CPS or the cops if her 6th grader actually shot a PERSON with that BB gun of his, wandering around un-supervised. I have an 8th grader and I understand the age he is at and getting a little more freedom, having a BB gun, etc... but to misuse it (which is also pretty typical for that age, when no one is looking) in a way that is SO dangerous (what if it went through the glass and hit someone inside your house??).... Mom probably realizes that SHE needs to get a better grip on what her kid is doing. I'll be "John" doesn't have the use of his BB gun for quite some time after this. $250 might be a cheaper price to pay than his graduating to a more powerful/dangerous weapon and using it to an even higher destructive level (slashing tires with a pocket knife, etc?).
Also a lesson for John... if he DIDN'T do it, (small small chance) then he will have learned that breaking the rules sets him up to catch blame without recourse.
Let her pay. She knows he is guilty!
M
I would not take the money.
Unless you found a bb in your hallway, with all the broken glass, it's only circumstancial. The 5 yo assumed it was John, because you prompted that your window was shot with a bb gun, which she knows John has. (What would her response have been if you had merely stated that you didn't know what happened... you just came home to a broken window).
As someone else mentioned, you can instead express concern for a child walking around with a bb gun (whether he's shootting out windows or not). [Though maybe that's not as big a concern in Texas, where firearms are more common.]
I think if she's offering, I'd take it. You didn't ask her for it. She obviously feels it's likely enough that her son did it that she feels responsible. If "John" is old enough, I might have him do odd jobs around the house until it's paid off - really teach him a lesson.
I'm curious as to how that introduction went when you went to ask her whether her son shot your window...
Not having proof that he did it, I probably wouldn't have approached the mother to begin with. That could have gone an entirely different direction!
if he did it there would be a bb gun pellet.....personally i couldn't take the money.........in my eyes you prompted the 5 yr old
It is a nice thing for her to offer to pay it. Get the money and fix it. Then tell her that you would like to talk to her and John together. If you are nice to both of them and say things so that he can understand, it might help. He needs somebody to tell him how dangerous shooting a bb gun can be!
I think that you should also tell her privately that he should have to work for her doing lots of chores to make up for the money.
If you don't get the money, he might not learn a lesson. He needs to learn a lesson, specially right now after he shot your house!
