Question About Guns in Houses

What you described is a tragic accident and sadly no level of gun safety education or age of child would have prevented it.
As gun owners there is a level of responsiblity the owner has when guests are over - especially little guests (or even teenage guests). And this gun should not have been out with others present - period.
That said, is it overboard asking - no. But as someone else pointed out what will you do/say if the answer is "yes." additional consideration, do you consider pellet guns, bb guns - guns? May need to clarify with folks when asking:)

Nope, b/c you won't care about the answer if there is ever an accident.

But my question to you (and any other moms out there) is - what would you do/say if the answer is "Yes, we have guns in the house"?

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I will say this though: when my kids were little enough for me to still need to worry about them playing with guns (well, their friends really, not my own kids because they were taught at very young ages all about guns specifically to take the mystery away from it & therefore the likelihood of them touching them when they shouldn't be) they never would have been allowed to spend the night at someone's house I didn't know well enough to already know whether or not they had guns in their house. Does that make sense?

Maybe a little. I remember your post about the sleepover. It may be a bit overboard, but we all have those trigger things...those things that freak us out. I have a friend who is terrified her son will choke. Until recently, I was afraid my kids would fall into the pool and drown. Another friend I know is terrified of the doors being left unlocked and her son getting out - he's seven. We all have our things.

The question may need to be, "Are any guns in the house secured?" We have guns in our house. But they are locked in a gun safe (only the husband and I know the combination). Each gun has a combination trigger lock. Every single gun is in the safe, the guns do not come out when children are around...especially other people's children. The ammunition is stored away from the guns. I have two uncles who died because of guns. One was murdered. The other was accidentally shot in the head by his best friend. He died. They were looking at a gun that was supposed to be unloaded and the trigger got pulled. We take gun safety very seriously in our home. I might be surprised, but I don't think I would be offended if the guns locked away, kept you away.

Along with vigilance, you need to teach your daughter about gun safety. Not to handle a gun without adult supervision, what to do if she sees a gun, etc. These talks need not be to make her fearful or afraid that there is a gun in every room, but merely to inform her and give you peace of mind.

The thing to consider is, are guns in the home ok if they are properly stored? Or do guns automatically mean your daughter can't come over. That's a personal decision for you. And you also need to think that some people may lie to you about guns in the home...another reason to inform your daughter.

We have guns in the house. If you asked me I would answer you honestly and be perfectly OK with your decision to not let your child stay at my house!

Your child, your rules!

Overboard? No, not if it's important to you. The next obvious question becomes, though, if there is a gun in the house do you allow your child over there?

I grew up in a house with guns. My father had a hand gun and three rifles. I knew where they were kept and they were not a "secret" or a "mystery" to me or my siblings. We knew not to touch them and we knew to respect the damage that they could do. When we were old enough, my father took us to the gun range and taught us how to handle a gun safely. No one ever asked my parents about it and it never crossed any of our minds to even talk about them.

My point here is that you are far better off in the long run teaching your child about safety and making good choices than you are to keep her away from everything. Your post makes it sound as though every home in America is loaded with firearms. I grew-up in FL and it's pretty common there, but as her parent you can make the choice to teach her about what to do if she's at someone's house and they want to show her their dad's gun... or you can keep her away from them.

The situation you are referencing is sad and tragic which is why it made the news in your area, but it's really not common.

I don't think it's going overboard if you feel it's important to have that information. How will you handle the info?

Also, (and not to send your anxiety through the roof) once you find out there is or isn't a gun in their house and how they handle that.... what about the next door neighbors? Kids driving by in the street? the other kid invited to the sleepover whose parents DO have a gun and he brought it to show off?

And what about all the other issues? Will there be older kids there? Do the parents have alcohol in the house? Is there an older brother having a sleepover the same night (*sigh* sadly.... true scenario and not a question I thought to ask), is there a dog or ferret that she'll need to know how to engage with safely? Will they have unrestricted access to the internet after the parents go to sleep? etc etc etc.

I'm in the "educate your kids on all sorts of stuff so that whatever they encounter they can deal with" camp.

I'm not wreckless and I try not to have a 'throw caution to the wind' attitude, but I have settled into a "You can wrap them in bubble wrap and put them in closet (I'm tempted, daily) but if a plane lands through your living room she's still gonna get in an accident" mindset.

But I digress...... I wouldn't be offended if a parent asked that question (and I don't have a gun in my house).

I like SB's answer - if gun safety is your thing, then you should feel free asking.

I would have no issue asking who will be home or who is expected to be at home when my daughter is playing at a friends house. My fear is not so much guns as it is uncle creepy weirdo who is crashing for a few months in the room in the basement.

It's not the gun but the owner you need to be concerned about. I grew up around guns. My dad and uncles were big time hunters and my dad did trap and skeet shooting. My dad had tons of guns in the house BUT... he was also extremely safe about his guns. He never had a loaded gun in the house and always cleared the action of every gun as he put them away, just to make sure they were empty.

If my child was invited to a home for a sleep over and I didn't feel the parents were responsible I wouldn't let her or him go. It doesn't matter if they have guns or they drink too much and have a lot of lit candles (could start a fire) or they have guns, or they have a pool or a trampoline. If the parents are not responsible your child could be in danger whether there is a gun in the house or not.

We have guns, but they are kept in a locked gun cabinet.

I was always honest about it. Parents seemed fine knowing they were under lock and key. Of course there was no reason for the guns to be out at the parties, so no problems.

Ultimately, asking is your decision and what you feel is right for you. If asking will give you peace of mind about letting your child stay somewhere new then ask, and who cares what anyone else thinks?

It's going to be different for everyone, everyone has their own way but for YOU, and your family, I think asking is best. You dont want to be sitting there all night until she comes back thinking "what if, what if" it will drive you crazy.

So next time, ask, and dont let anyone make you feel bad for doing it either. There is nothing wrong with it, it's just your preference and peace of mind.

You are a smart and responsible parent for being concerned about this. I am the bereaved sister of a brother who was killed over 22 years ago in a 100% PREVENTABLE gun accident in our neighbor's home. Our neighbor and his oldest son had gone target shooting and left their rifles on the basement coffee table. The man said he thought he'd made sure to unload both of them, but he'd missed one of the bullets. A day or so later his younger son and my brother were playing down there and found the guns. Being 11 year-old boys, they started playing around with the guns and our neighbor's son accidentally shot my brother. He died instantly. And yes kids, the neighbor's son had been taught about gun safety and had even taken the Eddie Eagle class sponsored by the NRA. For those of you who are naive enough to think that your child would never touch a gun, think again! This was no freak accident. It happens every day in this country. So yes, I ask every parent who invites my child over and I always will. I say "I have to ask you have any firearms in your home." If they say yes, I ask how they are stored. I have never had anyone be offended, and if they were, I really wouldn't care. I know firsthand that some gun owners are not responsible or that some stupidly believe that if they just teach their kids not to go near it, they won't. I'm not willing to take that gamble.

This is completely a personal decision and/or choice, we do have guns in our home, alwayz have had, alwayz will have.

If you asked me about the weapons in our home I would be honest with you, so would responsible parents. That said, if it made you uncomfortable to have your DD come to our home I would understand. Our job as parents is to do the VERY BEST for our children in the way we deem to BE the very best. I would suggest that perhaps my DD could come to your home to visit.

FYI-Gun safety classes are taught in most states for children/adults age 10 (sometimes 12) & over, it is my personal belief EVERYONE, regardless of whether they intend to use them or not should take advantage of a class. Accidents with and without weapons happen everyday, cars, animals, etc. unfortunately those that happen with weapons are more ' newsworthy ' to the media.

I agree with Melissa. Teach your kids about guns. Go over the safety issues and how dangerous they can be. By teaching them you are removing away the mystery about them. If they know about them, the curiousity will not be there.

As far as would I ask the other parents if they have guns in the house unattended, I would probably ask just to make sure they are secured. Of course this all goes along with getting to know the other parents as well as I can prior to allowing my child to spend the night.

Overreaction is a matter of personal opinion, not an absolute truth. If someone asked me if I had guns in the house I would not take offense. Every parent has something that they fear or is very important to them and I think it's important to respect each other in that regard.

If you will be able to sleep better at night while your daughter is away, then by all means, ASK.

I think it's overboard, but for you it may not be. So you do what you need to do to sleep better at night or whatever. We have guns in our house. Plenty of them. Do we play with them indoors? Of course not! We are very responsible people when it comes to our firearms. If you asked me about firearms in our home: 1. You don't know us very well if you don't know the answer to that question 2. I'd tell you yes. I would assure you that none will be taken out of their safe place while other children are there.

This has been an issue for me, too. Living in Kentucky (the "most heavily-armed state" in the nation, believe it or not), the chances are pretty good that the answer is going to be "yes."

So what would you do about it? This is an answer I have been pondering lately. I think I've basically concluded that instead of saying, "Do you keep guns in the house?" I am going to be asking friends, "If you have guns in the house, I wanted to make sure that they are stored in a gun safe out of reach of children," or something like that. I would also make it clear that you do not want the guns around your children.

Studies have shown that teaching your kids about guns actually doesn't detract dramatically from their interest in guns, but I still think it's a good idea for you to set boundaries and expectations, such as, "If you see a gun, run and inform an adult immediately. Do not handle it. If someone else is handling it, leave the room immediately."

It's kind of an awkward conversation to have. I really agree. But in the end, I've personally decided that it is more important to have the conversation beforehand than to find myself afterwards wishing I had.

Its about being educated about guns and gun safety.

I would never ask if someone had 1 in there house, but we are a family that do have them. We have from day 1 taught our kids about guns and gun safety.

Good luck with your decision.

I think it is totally ok if you ask. You should also ask if they are put away in a safe and if they are loaded or not. We have a lot of guns in our house. My husband is a police officer, ex marine, and is an expert shooter. All of the guns are kept in a safe, locked, and unloaded with the key put away where the kids can't reach it. Yes, he does let our kids see the guns, and even hold them as long as he is there and of course nothing is loaded. He is teaching them safety and to not be afraid of guns and also by doing all of that he is taking away the "magic, ooh and aah" factor out of it. If you teach them the right way from the beginning, then you don't have to worry about it as much

I'd ask. I hate sleepovers because I hate being responsible for other people's kids and vice versa. They may not even think twice about something that I'm paranoid about. I lost my father and my sister due to being shot. My father worked in law enforcement and was shot on the job, my sister was picking someone up from a party because he was drinking too much and someone at the party dropped a gun and it went off. There were kids sleeping in this hous. It was an accident that an adult did. I'm more paranoid about drinking and guns since in both incidents the shooter (or dropper) were drunk. Most gun owners are safe but you need to double check things out. But still, it makes you think. How careful are people with or around your children. You can never be too careful.

I don't ask, nor do I plan to.

I also don't ask about other threats to life and limb (powertools, explosives, poisons, pools, etc.).

If I'm letting my son go over to someone's house, I trust them to either keep hazards away from children, or children away from hazards. I don't trust *everyone* to do so. Which is why before I could reasonably trust my son, I went over with him. Now that I can reasonably trust my son, these are conversations we have.

Are weapons an attractive nusiance? OF COURSE.

Do I trust my son NOT to be around someone jumping in a pool unsupervised, handling a firearm, setting off fireworks, turning on power tools?

Nope.

But I trust him to pause. And I trust him to think about it. Which puts the onus on him and myself.

On him to pause.

On myself to know the people and their habits that I'm sending him over under their care.

In the case of firearms, that means that they would be appropriately stored, and wouldn't be handled without my permission. I DO have a short list of people I would trust my son to TEACH about weapons (for example, firearm safety, or hunting)... but those are the self same people who would -as a matter of course- have me there at the time or gain permission ahead of time and they'd be handled appropriately at all times. (ex military, current police, serious hunters, etc.).

I wouldn't mind if someone asked me. Currently I don't have firearms in my home, but I have. And may, someday, again.

I don't think it's overboard. You can always say that you always let people know that you do not have guns in the home, and you always want to know if your son's friends do.

Dawn

I would tell you it was none of your business. If you were to ask me anyway. I would just tell you that it might be better for you to keep your child at home.

Then if you invited my child over I might start asking about what you watch on TV and limiting what you could have on while she was there, or what foods you have in the house, etc...of course guns are dangerous.

But are you seriously letting your child spend the night with strangers? I would not ever let my kids do that. If they are going to go over to a friends house I will have been in that home numerous times, we would have had playdates, we would have had meals together....the kids would never go to a strangers home to even have a playdate.

I would have told the parents that I would not let my child stay the night. Seriously, they could be pedophiles looking for their next target....

I dont think it's over board. We have 3 guns in our home and we have 4 small daughters and i would not be offended if someone asked me, infact i'd be glad to show them how well put away our guns are. In california it is against the law to store a loaded gun, you can store both the gun and the amunition in the same safe but the magazine/ammo cannot be in the gun it has to sit right next to it. i don't know what the laws are in FL but if they are like Californias then the person who accidently shot that little girl was not obiding the law. What a terrible accident.

Nope, not going overboard at all. I ask about guns with each new sleepover or playdate. Even with people I have known for awhile. The answers have surprised me (you think you know someone...). Personally, I do not advocate keeping a gun in the house and prefer it if my children do not play in homes that keep them. That said, I live in Texas and I am realistic. I know that the majority of the homes my kids visit contain some kind of firearm. While I do my best to check and appreciate the openness of our friends and neighbors in their willingness to show us where and how guns are stored, I have also taught my daughters what to do if they see a gun and about the serious danger involved. I have, on occasion, not approved of how firearms were stored in a certain person's home and, as a result, not let my child play there. Just as others have preferred that their children not watch a certain movie or game and taken their child from our care. I don't take it as affront to my lifestyle, I just see it as a difference of opinion and try to work it out so our kids can still maintain a friendship (play at a park, or stay and visit while your child is over and vice versa etc.) We all have our non-negotiables when it comes to how we raise our kids. If this is yours, then go ahead and ask! :)

Honestly, I don't send my children to people's homes that I don't know well enough to know if they have guns (or whatever it is I might want to know). And, I definitely wouldn't let them spend the night there. Guns are the least of your worries if you know the people so little. A gun issue would be so far down on the list of worries that a parent should be concerned about when entrusting another family with the care of your child. I think that we are somehow conditioned to think that responsible parenting is being a helicopter/overprotective parent. So messed up.

No you are not going overboard.

I have guns in my home, my 4yo has her own bb gun which is stored and locked away with all the others. My 9yo has 3 of his own guns and again they are stored with the rest under lock and key. Guns in one place ammo in a total different place.

Of course there are parents who dont teach their children about gun safety or keep the guns a secret and kids being kids are curious. If they parent you are dropping your daughter off to get snippy or upset then you dont want your daughter in their care. I know I wouldnt! Anyone who is educated in gun safety will be more than willing to tell you yes there are guns and will even show you or tell you how they are stored.

I would never think to ask anyone about guns. I guess I already know in my family and circle of friends who does and who doesn't bare arms. We do, but our children don't know it. They don't know we have them nor do they know that we even have a locked case in our dresser (that can only be opened with the code that my husband and I know.)
I don't think I would be offended if you asked about us having guns although I'd be hesitant to tell you if we did because it's not really any of your business or even something we tell anyone. If I told you that we did and you decided not to allow your child over for that reason, I think I would be offended because I would feel that you felt we were not responsible parents just because we own guns for the sole purpose of protecting our family.

I read another response about teaching children about gun saftey at a young age. I simply don't think that is enough to protect children. They need to be locked away. My nephew had a father who is and always was a police officer. He would bring his gun home when he was off duty as most officers do. One day when my nephew was 16 and had a friend over the friend pressured him to to go check out his dad's gun (that my nephew knew the hiding spot for.) My nephew agreed... he gun went off putting a hole luckily in the wall and not either of them. When my S-I-L found the hole in the wall she was devastated because they'd always taught gun saftey and thought that their son was more responsible then that. So, just teaching children gun saftey isn't enough, guns need to be locked away where children have no access to them.

I'm big on privacy but I wouldn't mind if the parent of a prospective sleep-over child asked me . . . it would not offend me or upset me at all.

We have a gun in the house (husband is retired police and would NEVER part with it) and I would not be offended in the slightest if someone were to ask. We keep the gun locked away and we would assure the parent that we take guns seriously and are not careless with them.

I just asked a very close friend this very question. I grew up around guns and have a VERY healthy respect for them. My friend's son just got a 22 rifle at age 7 - I wanted to know where it was kept, where the bullets were kept - and if there was ANY chance the kids could get to it while playing.

Sorry but no reason to take chances...accidents happen and being safe and smart is the best way to avoid unnecessary tragedy.

I do not! and I will ask.

Nope not at all. I ask and no one has ever looked at me like I'm crazy...most people either say "oh I'm glad you asked, I ask that question too" or "that's a great question I should ask that too." A responsible gun owner will expect the question and respond with details about how they safely store their weapons or will offer that info, especially if it's obvious that there would be weapons in the home (if a parent is active in the military or works in law enforcement, for example).

I've found that with awkward questions, most parents are relieved that I asked first. I'm the mom who calls my teenagers' (young - 13 & 14) friends' parents and asks who will be home when they're there, who is staying if they're going to the mall, what level video games they have in the house (e.g. T is OK, M is not) and other things. Again, most people say "I'm so glad you asked."

Last year is the first year I allowed my 9 yo son and 12 yo daughter to go to a sleepover. I didn't have any problem with my dtrs sleepover, but did with my sons. I thought I asked everything, if they had access to cable and internet, what kind of video games they will play, if they were taking them anywhere, if they would play outside, if their pool is fenced, where they would be sleeping, what they were going to eat, who else was going to be in the house. But I didn't think to ask about guns...I will in the future. Whether they decide to lie or not, it is my duty as their mother to do as much in my power as I can to protect them. Now, I did not think to ask how OLD the siblings were. Ended up the boy had FOUR older brothers who decided it was fun to tease and torment my son all night long. He was crying and so relieved when I picked him up, I felt HORRIBLE! And I told him no more sleepovers until he is much older and he was ok with it!!! So you ask and do whatever you need to and don't worry about offending anyone else. Good luck!!!

L.,

Personally, I don't care if it sounds overboard or not---I would much rather be embarrassed or cause embarrassment for someone else--then to have my child be hurt/or worse. (I can't even say it.) It is my responsibility as a parent to keep my child safe no matter where he goes-- I wouldn't let him sleepover at ANYONE'S house that I don't know super well.---family included.

Don't worry about hurting people's feelings or going overboard. Its your child--you do what you have to do to make sure they are safe. GL

M

I definitely don't think it's stupid - in fact I think it's a great question. I never thought to ask about that, but there are soooo many accidents with firearms in the home. We all think about pedophiles and the like, but it truly never occurred to me to ask about firearms.

NO, but if they get all wierd just say its because of that story you wrote. We have guns in our house but they are always in the gun safe and we do not take them out for anything while kids are awake. The guns are at the other end of the house from their bedrooms.

I don't think that's going overboard one bit - I would ask! Poor Orlando girl! My daughters are 5 and 6 so no sleepovers yet but you better bet I'll be asking when the time comes.