What Do You Say When It Is Time?

MY GREAT NIECE ENROLLED ME IN MAMASOURCE, AND I AM NOT
CERTAIN THE REASONS BEHIND HER BEHAVIOR. I AM AN 80 YRS
OLD GREAT GRANDMOTHER, PSYCHOLOGIST, STILL ACTIVE.....HAVE
HAD MANY PAINFUL EXPERIENCES IN MY LIFE, INCLUDING BEING
A 'BATTERED WIFE', LONG BEFORE THIS TERM WAS COINED. I HEAR YOUR FRUSTRATION, PAIN......MAY I SAY TO YOU THERE IS
SOMETHING MORE POSITIVE YOU MAY DO:
1) EVEN IF YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT GO FOR COUNSELING, YOU
NEED TO AND DISCOVER WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU WANT, AND THE
BELIEF IN SELF YOU CAN COMMUNICATE THIS EFFECTIVELY TO
YOUR HUSBAND. YOU NEED TO FINISH ANY UNFINISHED BUSINESS
BEFORE YOU WALK AWAY FROM YOUR MARRIAGE. AND, IF YOU DO
DIVORCE, IT WILL BE A FRIENDLY ONE. YOU HAVE A CHILD AND
BOTH OF YOU WANT TO 'REASON' WELL, THE CHILD IS YOUF FIRST
TO CONSIDER WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILD. SOMETIMES DIVORCE
IS, BUT HAVING A DIVORCE THAT LEAVES NEGATIVE FEELINGS
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. ONE GOING FOR COUNSELING IS BETTER
THAN NONE. YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO TAKE BACK THE POWER,
YOU HAVE GIVEN UP TO YOUR HUSBAND, AND, DO IT IN A 'HEALTHY' WAY.

N. ANDREW, PhD, E MAIL: ____@____.com

A little about me. I'm a 38 year old new Mother. My son was born one month early due to 1. stress 2.not getting enough blood to the placenta and 3. low heart rate.
I have been married for almost 15 years and I have caught my husband cheating on me for the 4th time that I know of. We owned our own business for 8 of those 15 years and it was good for the first 5 years. But after that things started going down hill. My Husband kicked me out of the house on December 18th and has seen our little boy a total of three times since he has been born. His girlfriend is way more important. It is not easy by any means but I can actually sleep at night and let me tell you with the right attorney honey you can to. If he wants to start his own business let him do it without you. My troubles didn't start until we moved into a small town because myhusband just thought we had to move the business. Then after that he started running with some people that he should have stayed away from because they too cheated on their wives. Trust me. Get out now while you can. Just tell him that he can't keep doing this because you all have a family to support and you need the money worse than you need a business to worry about. It is very hard to leave. But you can do it. I have been gone for almost 2 months now and yes I'm very angry at what he did but I do breathe alot easier and I do sleep at night. My son is the best thing that could have ever happened to me and yes it is going to be tough raising him on my own but with good support like family and friends I'm going to make it. I'm learning that slowly but it is working. That is probably not much advice but just know that there are people going thru similar things and hey if you ever need to talk even though I do not know you I can be a good ear and maybe give you some advice if needed. You can do it. i know this isn't much advice just mainly telling you what I'm going thru but that is just part of it. My life is a mess. But if there is anything I can do to help Please let me know.

I hate to see marriages end in divorce but I don't believe your husband is fulfilling his role as a husband and father in supporting his family. If your home and credit cards are in joint ownership, not only is his credit ruined but he may bring you to financial ruin as well. This appears to be a habit with him since you mentioned that you had paid off debts before. You must set your boundary to protect yourself and your son. Even if that means you are the one who has to move out.

If you still want to work this out, I believe you must contract with him to go to counseling for his poor financial decisions and any other issues the two of you may have. And it may be prudent to set a time limit.

As for what or how to tell him, I think you have your answer. It is now a question of your financial integrity. If you are looking for sound financial advice try Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace.

I pray your husband is willing to be set free from his financial bondage instead of throwing in the towel here. He is traveling a path of destruction.

Blesssings to you.

I agree with what has been said. I am a christian and a firm believer that marriage is a life-long committment. But I also believe that God would not want anyone to be in complete misery. It is time for you to give him the ultimatum (sp?)- counseling (marriage, debt, finance, etc...) or a trial seperation. Most times all we need is a kick in the pants. Hopefully this will work for you. I will pray for you and your family, and I do really hope that what is best for you and your son, is what will happen. Hope this helps!! God Bless you!!!

You need to go to Marrage Couseling alone you can check how you react to things. Also maybe if you started he will go a long with you. I think that maybe you to still love him but you can not found it under all your hurt and pain. I also belive that you would like to make things work are you would not have ask to go get help.

I would tell him wht you told us, that you love him but that you just can't do it anymore, that is it too hard with all the debt and him not working and not willing to get a job. You can tell him that it is not good for your son to be in an environment like he is. You can even tell him it's just a trial thing until he gets back on his feet and you can see where things go after that. I know it's hard but you need to do what is best for you and your son. Good luck!!

J.

hi H., there was a time in my marriage when my husband laid on the couch with the remote for a month. I came home from a hard day at work and told him, you either get a job or find another place. I wasn't supported a man.That was on a Friday and the following Monday he had a job.We've been married for almost 28 years and I musy say it was because of God. He held the marriage together when I didn't want to. Of course my husband wasn't trying to build his own business. Our situation is different than yours. He's diable now due to back injuries and surgies.I do work though. I pray that god will give you guidance and direction on this. May He open up a door for you.

I myself is going through something similar. Me and my husband run a business out of our home. In December we took a I big hit because of the ice storm in our area. I told my husband that one of us had to go back to work. He went and found a job. Now all he does is complain about it. I wish that I was the one that went and took the job. We still have our business and it is picking back up again but when more money is going out than coming in something needs to be done. I know that most relationships end due to money. It is the biggest burden on a marraige. I know that it is on my marraige. My advice is that you sit down and say ok we have to talk. Speak your peace. Let him know how you feel. You have to be honest with yourself and that means being honest with him. Tell him that a marraige is 50/50 and that he has to take care of his responsiblities to. Don't let him sweet talk you into someting you do not feel is right. I understand that money issues have to be dealt with right away. I hope that things workout for you. GOODLUCK.