What Do You Do When Nobody Comes to a Party?

it's never happened to me, because i've never blanketed the community with invitations and expectations. my sons' parties sometimes involved not-super-close school friends, but ALWAYS involved their besties, with whose parents i directly communicated.
i just don't get the nuclear option for children's birthdays.
khairete
S.

I personally have never not RSVP'd to a party, but I suspect the reason many people do not RSVP has to do with the trend of inviting everyone to the party. When you only invite close friends to the party, the friends RSVP and come if they can. Real friends don't let you down. With these giant parties where all of the kids in the class are invited, whether they are personal friends of the birthday child or not, the invitation probably seems like a mass mailing or junk mail. We have only received a couple of those kinds of invites, as that really isn't the trend around here, and I did RSVP, but it did seem strange to call up a stranger to RSVP.

R.S.V.P. is a French term - "Repondez, s'il vous plait," which just means, "Respond [or answer], please." If you're having a party and just want to know who *isn't* showing, you write, "RSVP, regrets only." But, in general, an answer *is* requested, affirmative or negative.

Even the most casual party has logistics that take working out, and the number of attendees makes a difference. It isn't snobbish or over-demanding to want to know who's coming to your event or your house. (I know - you didn't say it was!)

Sometimes I have gotten myself in trouble by getting an invitation and thinking, "Oh, this is too much to think about now - I'll think about that later" (something like Scarlett O'Hara). Mistake.

So, when I don't RSVP, it means I'm being careless, and the host of the party has good reason to be upset with me.

Therefore... I decide right away. I don't like my friends upset with me. It's actually better to say no than to say nothing.

If I find I cannot attend something I promised to attend, I let the host know right away. He/she *needs* to know in advance, whether it's five days, five hours, or five minutes. (That happened once. The car broke down en route.)

These courtesies also applied when my children were children and were being invited (yikes!) all over town. A big paper wall calendar may be out of style, but it sure is useful!

Being "too busy" is simply not an excuse. It's a rationalization. Sorry, folks.

I don't blame your sister for being upset when she was a girl. That would break a child's heart. There are emergencies, of course, but not responding - much less responding but not coming - is usually a way of saying, "You don't mean much to me as a person."

RSVP means to RESPOND!!! Either way!
"Regrets only" means respond if you CANNOT make it.
Seriously, I cannot believe there are people that do NOT RSVP!
So.
Stinkin'.
Rude!!!!

To answer your question? I RSVP.

I am a stickler for manners which includes RSVP, hand written thank you notes, etc.

It is sad that people just blow off RSVP's to people. When I've had parties in the past, some which were upwards of $25 per person, I will email and make phone calls to ask for an RSVP. Basically, I say.. "Hello, ___ was invited to ____ party and I haven't heard if he/she plans to join us or not. Can you please let me know if he is coming as I am turning in my final count to the catering tomorrow". Most of the time I get a direct answer. It usually balances out because you'll have 2-3 that RSVP yes and then don't show for some reason or another and you have 2-3 that said no or never responded and they show up.

I feel badly for your sister. That would hurt for many years to come.

I fully agree with Laurie... this behavior is modeled. I do not have to remind my daughter (19 and living on her own but close by) to respond to an invitation in a timely manner or get a thank you note in the mail within 24 hrs of receiving a gift. Laurie is also correct that college admissions look at this behavior as well. My daughter is in her first year of college and they stress if a student says they will do something, they hold them to it because they are responsible to do what they agreed to do.

Good luck.

I always RSVP. Regardless if the answer is no or yes.

I always DO tell the Host, if some unexpected unavoidable plans changed that will change my kids'/our attendance to their party.

Because, it is just common sense.

AND, if the invitation clearly states, an RSVP "deadline" AND contact info. to respond to.

That is so sad. What a terrible thing to happen to your sister. It would break my heart if that had happened to our daughter.

RSVP means Yes OR No. You need to let the Host or Hostess know Every time.

They took the time to invite you or your child (which is considered an honor), surely you can take time to email, text or call? .

No excuses.

Let me give you an example of why this could be very important. Our daughter was offered the opportunity to interview for the highest Scholarship available at one of the Colleges she applied to.

As with all of her acceptance letters, she wrote a note.
She thanked the colleges and then if they needed to interview her, she also responded, yes or no. She did this by Note and email.

At this one particular College, after the in person interview, she was told this scholarship had been awarded to her if she was interested.

She thanked them and told them she would need some time to consider it. We went back to the hotel, she immediately sat down and thanked them in a hand written note, for their time and again said she would be in contact within a week.

She did not accept the offer. She called them as soon as her decision had been made. This Person told our daughter, she had the best manners he had ever experienced. This is a College in Georgia, we considered this compliment high praise indeed.

I did not prod her, I did not hint to her, I did not tell her to do these things, This is exactly how she had always been taught to respond to people. Even as a toddler I had her scribble her name on a note thanking people.

She knew if she was invited to an event, she needed to let these people know one way or the other. If she felt shy about it, she could write a note, if she was not shy, she was allowed to call them and tell them her reply.

This can be taught, but you do need to talk about it and model this behavior.

I can not say it enough, manners could make the difference between you and a crowd of other people. Same fr your children.

I do RSVP, but will admit that I have been late in doing so in the past.
For my baby shower I had very few RSVPs and was nervous-but had a great turnout.
I recently threw a party for my brother and 3 people showed (with their 6 kids) out of the 50 invited. I got a few Facebook regrets the day of-which I thought was a little rude. I paid for food for thirty because of the lack of response and was trying to get the few guests to take whole pizzas home.

It's rude to not respond to an invite at all. I wouldn't do that.
I would feel TERRIBLE if I found out a party I was invited to had a zero turnout!

I always RSVP if my child will attend. If I don't, I presume the parents can figure out that my child won't be attending. I try to RSVP even when the answer is no but sometimes I just put it off and forget.

If I rsvped and then had a change of plans of course I would let the host know.

I will mostly RSVP but if I feel its a kid I know nothing about, my kids do not play with - mention-like- or have issues with. I will not be another "present" or body at that party.

what happened to letting kids learn there is a lot of disappointments in life? Its an early, HARD and painful lesson to be learned.

Your sister is not forgetting it cause NO ONE LETS HER FORGET IT. She never has had a good moment in her life since her 7th birthday? She is projecting her fear of rejection on to her kids. Thats not right.

This is a learning opportunity on how not to overreact to these types of things. Def please for the love of god, do NOT scold, attempt to educate, inform, or complain to those that do not RSVP or say they are coming. It makes you the kook and no one in the circle of your kids friends are going to want to do anything with you from now on. Let it slide. Hug your kids super tight and learn who you wont invite next party. They will get the picture and if they dont, then they are clueless.

PS: ANYONE, I mean ANYONE that does not take extra measures and holds, or plans for exactly the amount of people you SENT invitations FOR, are dummies if you ask me. If you send out 25 invitations, you better have room, food and stuff for 25 or more people. Its just given. Not everyone will reply, there could be hundreds of reasons that it didnt get back to you. If no one comes, oh well. You wasted money and you learn to scale back and do something else. Dry tears and move on.

I have only not RSVP'd to one party. It was a skate party for my dd's friend about 2 hours from home and just not I our schedule. I lost the invite so I could not call the mom. But I did make an attempt. Whenever I went over, they weren't home.

It seems so odd that people don't respond. Even weirder that they will show up after not responding. My crowd is still old-school and responds either way. In fact, if I miss the evite or snail mail invitation, I often get a follow up email or text asking why I haven't responded yet..and that I'm one of the last to respond. :) Maybe a little pressure is required. If we can't make it on the day of the party, due to illness, I call the hostess. I can't remember ever having to do that for kids' parties though.

My neighbor had this happen to her daughter over the summer, she cancelld the party and did it in sept when she could hand deliver the notes to her class mates.

Last summer I had a party for my 2 year old. I invited a few of her friends from daycare and no one called or showed. There were other people invited like my friends, but I felt terribel because 2 was the first year that my son had a partial friends party and his friends from daycare did show. There were lots of people at her party, but I still feel bad because all the kids there were 5 and up..

I will always call /email either way. Right now with a 2 & 5 year old, it is usuall stiplated with as long as everyone is healthy.

I give a deadline, RSVP by feb 6, then on that day, I emAil the slackers for their yeah or nay.

Alright moms, I will confess. I try very hard to RSVP to every single invitation and I think I do, but I also screw up. The kids' schedules my schedule. It happens. Only one time did we RSVP yes and then not show. Things were really bad for us right then and it totally slipped my mind, the kids forgot too. Most times they remember and they get excited but they did not (then) have a good sense of time and dates so we missed it and I was truly embarrassed and sorry. It does happen.

I try very very hard to RSVP and to keep people in the loop. I would be really upset if no one showed for my party!

I always RSVP. I think it's seriously rude not to. I never assume that if I don't RSVP the host assumes its a no. If I don't get a response I assume the person forgot about it. Even if it's a small informal get together I let the host know either way. And yes, if things change I do let the host know as soon as possible. One of my sons friends had a b-day party and we RSVPd yes. However, we didn't have his baseball playoff schedule when I RSVP'd and normally there wouldn't have been a conflict at all so I didn't even reply with a maybe let me double check as there might be a sports conflict like I normally would. However, mother nature didn't cooperate and the schedules then conflicted. Baseball was his first committment and to his team so that comes first to him and me too. I let the host know as soon as I found out and it turned out with the weather the way it was several kids had the same conflict so she got with all the parents and came up with a date the most kids could attend. If no one had responded, the b-day kid would have been very disappointed and the kids who couldn't go would have been disappointed too. Definitely for my son it was. It was a win-win situation since we all let the host know as she then was able to reschedule.

Hi, AV:

If it were me, I would hold the people accountable for not show up.

I would the people who said they would come with this information:

1. What the 7 year old girl thought when no one showed up to the party.
2. What the impact was on her and other people.
3. What was the hardest thing for this 7 year old girl.
4. What needs to happen to make things right.

People need to be held accountable for not keeping their word.
Today, many adults and children are not taught respect for others.

I feel sad for this little girl's hurt feelings.
D.

Yes, I RSVP and feel bad when I forget and do it late. I would definitely call if my plans changed. People buy more/less depending on the head count and it's simply rude not to let people know!

RSVP to me means that I will let you know if I AM coming, but if I am not coming I do not contact you. But if I have told someone I am coming and then something big comes up (child is sick, not just a different thing you want to do) then you call and let the party giver know.
The dilemma then is to invite enough kids since a few will not be able to come, and not so many that if all come the party is too big.
Generally I would email all the moms in advance checking which of 2 dates a few weeks in the future would work best for all, and then pick one and send out the "official" invites. Using an invitiation website like Evite where there is a record for all to see who can and cannot make it also adds some impetus to actually show when you said you would.
I think it is very rude to say you are coming and then just not show, but it has happened to us.

Today people just don't respond. They just don't. So I plan my parties as if everyone is coming. I buy the same size cake and may or may not plan on ice cream. That's it. I do NOT give presents to kids for coming to my party. I think it's a fad that needs to go out of style.

If the kids come great, if they don't? I get to have cake for a few days. I don't stress out with destinations or pay a lot of money on something. If we do a place like Chuck E Cheese I take enough money to do it all. If no one comes I save a lot of money. We did a party at a local gym and only 2 kids came from the class. I invited church kids, neighborhood friends, and more outside of school so we still had nearly 20 kids there. SO if the school kids had come we'd have had fun. Since they didn't I saved a BUNCH of money.

Lower your stress levels and don't plan such an extensive party. DOn't only invite kids from school. Make sure they're not missed at all.

I did have one story like you're talking about. A cheerleader from the highschool invited everyone in her whole grade. She's popular and no reason at least some of them didn't come. Not one single person from school came. Her cousin from out of town was her only attendee. That's sad. She's a cheerleader and a "popular" in crowd girl. No one came. They all told her they'd be there too. Each and every person she talked to told her they'd be there. Even the geeky kids and nerds said they'd come. No one came. Not one single person.

I always RSVP whether it's a kid my son knows well or not. I think it's rude to not RSVP because when it happens to me it's irritating because I can't prepare for the number of people. RSVP means let me know yes OR no, not just yes. For those that don't RSVP either way, consider how rude this would be if you were planning a party. I've prepared for parties in the past based on the number of RSVP's received and not and ended up with a huge cake that stayed in my fridge for a week. When I do an invite I even include my email for RSVP so that they don't feel the need to talk to me directly if that would be a deterrent. What's more irritating is when family does this to you, but I can call and harass them.

When the kids were little it seemed there was an invitation a week to a birthday party, first holy communion, and any other kind of thing you can think of. I work and have volunteer activities, my kids had sports and other activities, and I always intended to RSVP - but it often got away from me. I'd put the invite on the refrigerator and it blended with everything else and all the sudden the party was yesterday. Most of the time I truly didn't know if my kid was going to go. If I knew for sure i'd call right away. Even then sometimes I'd forget.

Now I have a smartphone and set up appts with reminders 2 days before, then 1 day - even 6 hrs before.

We've been on the other side too -Had a Chuck E Cheese party and only 4 kids showed up - out of 15+ that were invited. Only 1 RSVP.

I think a better option these days with kids and parent's schedules so crazy that we should do something like RSVP affirmative only. Then we can know for sure tht the only people coming are those who've RSVP'ed and we can plan for bowling or a movie instead.