My Ex-Husband and I have been Divorced a year now. We agreed that I would stay in the Neighborhood so that our Daughter can stay in our wonderful School District. I work Full-Time, and receive Alimony. The Alimony was only negotiated so that I could afford to live in the Neighborhood. I originally wanted 4 years of Alimony, so that my Daughter could graduate from the School she's in, my Ex threw a FIT, and threatened to stall the Divorce. I did not want that, so I agreed to what he wanted....2 Years of Alimony. I am now entering my final year of Alimony, and the homes in the neighborhood are now completely out of my price range. I just explained to my Ex that we are probably going to have to move, and he accused me of trying to take his Daughter from him. There is no way in the world I would ever do that. He was a bad Husband, but he's a really good Father to our Daughter. Relocating my Daughter is the LAST thing I want to do, but the best Jobs and home prices are about 45 minutes away. What do I do now????
Additional Info: I RENT the home I live in. My 1 Year Lease ended this May. It's Month to Month now. I tried to buy a home in the Neighborhood 3 months ago. The Financing fell through at the last minute, because I have only been on the Job for a Year, and my Alimony was only 2 years.
My Ex Travels for a living, and is gone 6 Months out of the Year. A 45 Minute Commute in Traffic would not be possible with a 9-5. I Need to make it to Aftercare to pick my Daughter up by 6pm. I would never be able to make it.
So....I have decided to move. I have no other choice. The Alimony ends in 1 Year, and commuting is out of the question (since my Daughter's Father travels 6 Mos. out of the Year). All the local jobs don't want to pay Insurance and Benefits, and purposely keep me at 35 hours per week. I can't afford a Hefty Medical Insurance Bill (Ex is taking me off of his Insurance today...which is only $45 bi-weekly), so I will have to go where I can get a Job. Thank you all for your input.
Can't you take a job 45 minutes away and do the commute for two years. 45 minutes when you have a 15 year old is really not a big deal. I've done 45 minutes + since my little one was 2. It's tough but the money is worth it.
You are divorced. And from what appears, you are bringing up your daughter, with your Ex visiting now and then. Am I correct?
In that case, your everyday life, your finances, and your daughter's future are way more important than your Ex's convenience to keep his daughter nearby. If you are satisfied with moving to another school district, I'd go ahead if I were you. If your Ex is really a good father like you say, am sure he'd understand eventually.
Good luck to you!
I ditto re hiring a lawyer. I don't know about TX, but in CA, either party can go back to court after the divorce has been finalized to modify spousal/child support and child custody/visitation.
Remind him this was "HIS" choice, that "THIS" is why you needed 4 years of alimony. Life stinks and his choice is making your choices now.
Tell him that you are more than willing to go back to court to renegotiate the alimony so that you can afford housing. Or he can choose have visitation on weekends.
I'm going to suggest you talk to a lawyer asap!
I don't see any need to go to the expense of talking to a lawyer. Either your ex agrees to modify the divorce agreement to allow another 2 years of alimony or you move. He created the situation when he insisted on only 2 years alimony. Now he has to live with the "natural consequences" of his decision.
Ignore him. Find another place. He's just jerking your chain to upset you. You move wherever you can afford and don't worry about what he says. As long as you don't move out of state, you don't owe him even a heads-up.
You worry far too much about what your ex thinks, honey. Stop worrying about him and do what you need to do.
When it comes right down to it, if you can not afford the area you live in you can not afford it. You have to do what you need to do in order to best care for your daughter. If your ex still complains tell him that if he had wanted you to stay in that area he would have agreed to the 4 years.
If he's a really good father he will come see his daughter no matter where you move. If he wasnt a jerk you wouldnt be divorced. I think it keeps surprising you that he's a jerk. Go where you need to go. Dont even talk to him about it. He's not part of your life anymore. You say you'll never deny him his daughter, so they will continue their great relationship. No problem, just him having a hissy fit and you getting upset by it as if you're still married.
Are you renting a house or do you own a house? If you own a house, have you checked into refinancing so that you can get a better rate and a lower monthly payment. If you own, do you still pay PM I insurance that is required when you don't have a 20% downpayment? Have you currently paid your mortgage down so you could drop the PMI? Home prices are going up all around the metroplex so your ideal location may not be as ideal as you had thought. Tell us more about your rent/own situation and maybe others can offer more suggestions.
He's a jerk.
Thus... you need a Lawyer.
Plus, he is an irrational resentful bully of a jerk who wants retribution.
And he is irrationally emotional about it.
And, he does not want his daughter, to move.
Even if that is ONLY 45 minutes away.
And he won't listen, to you.
Thus, you need a Lawyer.
All of this is because, HE would only do 2 years of alimony.
Does he want you both to be homeless?
And, what the heck is he going to do, once your daughter is of legal age and can move to wherever she wants? Even if that is away, from him?
And she goes off to college?
Glamma:
You need to do what is best for you and your daughter.
If that means you need to move, then you need to move. You are not taking his daughter away from him. You are doing what you need to do in order to survive financially. He would not allow 4 years in alimony - so this is the consequence of his actions. He can't blame anyone but himself for that.
Talk to your landlord. Find out if you can rent to own the house you are currently living in. Never hurts to ask - the worst they can do is say no. If the home is already paid for - the landlord can be the lender and work it from there.
Good luck!!
Sounds to me like you need to stay grounded and ignore his theatrics. Plainly lay out what your financial situation will be when alimony expires income vs. expenses. The facts will show you cannot stay put and receive less money. Don't ask him for anything, just let him realize it's the reality. Find homes and jobs in the new location and lay out the figures for him to illustrate that you need to live there in order to maintain a reasonable existence.
You could just as easily accuse him of refusing to support you in a way that lets him "keep" his own daughter.
If you can't stay, you can't stay. If there a place you can go to make a living, then you have to go. If he wants a different scenario, he'll have to see what HE can do to help. What does he want you to do? Squeeze into a homeless shelter near him so he can see his daughter easily? If HE can find you an affordable local option, then you can consider it. But he shouldn't be forcing you to attempt the impossible and blaming you for this.
Sorry you are going through this.
Well... he's your FORMER husband for a reason. He lost the right to tell you what to do and where to live the moment you divorced him whether he wanted the divorce or not. Whether he pays you alimony or not. Your living situation is circumstantial and if he chooses not to understand that, then tough noogies for him. You've done everything you can to accommodate him and make the transition of the divorce easier on your daughter. Well, it's time to make the transition complete. Take this as a sign that it's time to officially and completely cut ties aside from being co-parents.
If he continues to cause problems with things like this, keep your contact with him to e-mails and texts so that you have a running record and paper trail that you can use in court if you need to. Refer to the divorce decree and custody order on everything as you're able to.
45 minutes? That's an average across-town commute.
Would you be able to put up a Room-mate and tell Mr. Wonderful it's none of his beezwax. Sounds like he set this up on purpose? Your daughter might not be totally open to the idea, but sometimes there are people new to the area, or in your church or students and need some housing but don't necessarily want much else.
I am rereading what you wrote and want to add this, although a couple of others said it in different ways. You are way too nice. You have to protect yourself and your daughter and quit caving into this man's wishes. He is a bully and has a lot of bark. Make him cut it out. I have a hunch that's why you wanted all of this over with and didn't wait any longer. You know if you look around this world, the nasty people seem to get what they want quite a bit. You don't have to be nasty all the time.. But you don't have to be his victim He works out of town, etc. are no longer great excuses. You are keeping yourself from having a possible better marriage, wonderful life, because you are still entwined in this jerk. I don't often say this, but that is what he appears to be.
He is reacting because he is afraid you will take his daughter away. Re-assure him that you feel it is in the best interest of your daughter to have her father in the picture and tell him what you told us. Even though he wasn't a good husband you do think he is a good father. Once you have calmed him down explain your dilemma and ask HIM for ideas.
Perhaps you can compromise somehow. You can live in an apartment or he can offer two more years of alimony. You can put his address for the school and drive 45 minutes to work. I'm going to bet most people in the metroplex already do that.
Are you renting or are you looking to buy?
I wouldn't think 45 minutes would be a huge deal legally - circumstances change. The alimony is going to end, and you need to start looking for a place you can afford. If he wanted you to stay in the neighborhood forever, he wouldn't have put a 2 year limit on the alimony. Seems sort of obvious that he'd be facing this situation at the end of the two years, doesn't it? What was he thinking? That you'd remarry or hit the lottery or get a massive raise? I'd give the attorney a call (with the understanding that, if you take up a lot of time, you'll be billed for legal fees) and see what your options are. Divorce and support settlements can always be renegotiated and modified - you can consider a mediator if you think you and your ex could agree at all and therefore be successful using one professional. It's so much cheaper than 2 lawyers, the judges like it because an agreement is reached elsewhere and just filed with the court, and both parties are more amenable to the settlement because they were a part of it. (Compare that with how you feel now, which is that you were strong-armed into agreeing to his two-year alimony demand.)
