What Could Be Causing My Step Daughter's Extreme Anxiety Around Adults?

Kids react to situations like this when something is wrong. Please get this child into some counseling so that she can open up and talk about anything that might have happened to her.

I'm not saying she has been molested or anything BUT her reactions seem extreme to the point that they are not allowing her to do normal things.

Not to worry you or anything BUT this is typical of kids that are being abused by an adult. There would likely be someone in that group that reminds them of that abuser.

One lady I knew would feel immense fear in groups until she finally realized that bald men freaked her out. Her abuser had been bald.

Another friend would have that creepy sensation in your skin when anyone touched her left forearm. No matter who it was, stranger, hubby, child. Her abuser had been her piano teacher and they'd sat on her left side. Touching her left forearm to correct her and then eventually move to her left thigh and so forth.

One friend had been abused by her father but only her breasts...at church when he was the bishop, at home when he was reading a bedtime story to her, on the way to school when she sat up front and no one else could see what he was doing. She has no feeling in her breasts to this day and can't be part of a congregation to attend church.

Therapy, even play therapy, for a short time could help her show what's been done IF IF IF anything has happened. It probably hasn't but it's worth seeing what happens.

Is this new? If not, please Google "highly sensitive child" and "introverted child" and never make her feel bad about herself. I would be curious what the teachers at school observe too.

When I was younger between the ages of 10 and 11, I was molested.. That said, I was more put off by the predator (my foster father) and although I was still an outgoing child, certain aspects of me did change. Example, from that point on, I wore a big HEAVY coat, even when it was scorching hot outside (so notice if you daughter's clothing choices change) .. two, I tried to stay away from the person as much as I could.. meaning, if just he and I were alone in the house (something for which I feared) I'd sit outside on the front lawn until someone else got home.. also, became more defensive, especially after I told on him but no one believed me, so I began to swear a lot more than I ever did in my life.. therefore, look for changes in your child's words and tone of voice.. sounds like little changes, but I didn't do any of those things until I was molested... now, maybe your daughter wasn't and is just shy as people have stated..but look for subtle changes and not just obvious ones .. I believe or bodies don't lie.. her posturing has changed in that she FROZE in place.. that to me says something is up.. she may not even understand why she feels as she does .. could be something very subtle that might happened.. one example for me.. when my foster would prey on me, one thing he liked to do (and this is gonna sound freaky) but he's get this sensual look (I didn't know at the time what that look was) but now that is how I would describe it, then he's gently lick his lips .... as you can imagine, I was so young, I didn't know what the FK to think, but my body would shake and I would get very anxious and try and get out of the house before he could do something..
I know, sounds weird as hell.. but it's all true... maybe someone did or said something so subtle that even your daughter doesn't know what happened, but her inner-being does.. not trying to freak you out.. but hey. this stuff can happen..
just keep your ears and eyes open... could be nothing... could something..
I wish you and her the best..
keep us posted

She may have social anxiety. I would have my husband talk to his ex about getting her some supportive behavioral therapy.

My SD was like that. In our case, it was mainly due to lack of direction from dad & bio mom. No social
graces were taught like if someone says "hello" to say "hello" back. She was shy and didn't make friends easily
until high school when she was in groups with repeated exposure to the same people. So I would just say model
the behavior you want to see, have dad simply say "when we walk into family events just wave & say hello". Then let
her sit nearby you both (my SD sat on my lap for entire parties. It was fine with me.). Remember they are a product
of divorce which is never easy and you don't know what goes on in the other household. Counseling is always a good
idea in these situations. It's most likely social anxiety. I'd ask her how things are at her other household? Does
the other parent have a significant other? How is that person? How is the relationship btwn that
person and SD? Just be kind, nurturing and keep an open dialogue.

You need to google selective mutism, read about it and see if it sounds like ur daughter. My son has it and social stuff is really hard for him but only with certain people. And yes, it sounds like something could have happened with an adult that has scared her. But remember that doesn't mean someone hurt and her perception could be different than what really happened.