D.B.
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What can I do if my two step kids want to stay with me and not their mom? My son is 9 and I've raised him since he was 2 months and my daughter is 7 and I've raised her since she was born. Their mother is with some guy that they don't like, they say he's mean and keeps them away from their mom when he's around. He gets mad and yells at their mom and she in turn gets mad and takes it out in them. I know this is true because he made her mad last week while, she and I were playing board games with the kids and she took out on us. She wouldn't answer the phone because we were playing with the kids and she didn't want to answer and he got pissed. She spends all her time with him and not the kids, my daughter has asked me to call the cops because she's never there, my son is stealing and getting into troublr in school because he's around. I've tried talking to her about it and she just says that they have to get over it and they have no choice, thet have to do waht she says. I don't know what to do because the kids don't want to live with her and him. Both the kids want to stay with me and cry when she caals for them, my little girl has even said that she wishes I was their real mother and my son today cried and told me that he's told his mom that he doesn't want to be around this guy and that he doesn't want to move with them and all she said was tough and she didn't ask him what he wanted. He's getting into trouble in school and she's having nightmares and crying herself to sleep. What do I do?
Thanks everyone for all the help. I really needed the advice and I didn't want to seem like the bad guy, I'm just so tired of all the crap from their mom and I was at my ropes end. Friday she sent me a text, telling me to get the kids ready she was coming to get them for the weekend. I haven't heard from her in a week and she sends me a text. I tell the kids that she said for them to get ready and they start to cry and they both sit in my arms and cry, I texted her back and tell her they don't want to go. She responds, she 's coming anyway, so I tell them to put on their shoes and get their coats. They continue to cry, so I try calling her like six times and she never answers, I text her and ask her to answer her phone, she says no, because she in a bad area. So, I text her and tell her the kids are still crying and that they don't want to be around him, she says they are going out of town and she's coming to get them and have them ready. So, I tell them that they have to go and they continue to cry and my 16 year old son goes into his room and crys because his brother and sister are crying, so I tell her to just go have fun and let the kids be happy for just this little time and listen to them for once. She tells me NO! and she's coming to get them. I try calling her again and she doesn't answer and they sit and wait for 3 hours and never shows, never calls and never answers the phone and I still haven't heard from her. I have to go to the school in the morning and talk to my 9 year old's teacher and I'm going to talk to her and see if I can get some kind of advice and help. Thanks again and if there's any more advice I would love to hear some of it.
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Document everything, Dad needs to take the responsibility for getting full custody. Good luck! Biology doesn't make a parent, behaviour does.
Their dad needs to talk to his attorney and try to get placement. This will mean going back to court and an investigation. It will take time and money. She may clean up her act and make it appear that the boyfriend is gone until it's all over. She is not going to want to give up the child support or have to pay child support. You can do a background check on him but remember Ted Bundy would have come up clean on a background check before he was finally arrested, and he murdered something like 40 women. Quite often abusive men, sexual predators and serial killers come up clean on background checks. So just because he may come up as clean doesn't mean he really is. I doubt if you and your hubby can get temporary placement while an investigation is going on but you can try. Whatever you do --- don't give up.
Has your husband talked to his ex? I would think he would have to do somehting legally. I'm not an expert though. Those poor kids. Selfish moms make me soo mad.
I don't want to be the one that heads down this path but.... Is he abusive? Could he have done something to the children? It seems to me a plea for protection from him. I know because I've been in an abusive situation as a child. I don't think you should force them at all, you have been there from day one practically, the person i refer to as my mother is actually my aunt but she treats me like her own and I don't doubt her care for me. See if you can get a background check on the man and if you feel uncomfortable with your children around him then I see no reason why you can't ask for that. This is a tough situation. I think the world is scary enough as it is why should we knowing put our children in a climate that scares them.
I wish you well and good luck.
Dad needs to apply for full custody.On the grounds that with her the children are not thriving.
I would do all you can to protect the kids. It sounds like he either physically or some how hurt/scared them and they are very fearful! They are running to you for help and their mom seems like a piece- She isn't taking her kids best interest into consideration. I would document everything. Everytime the children say something to you, document it- date,time, what was said etc. If they come over with bruises or any suspicious wounds--take a physical picture of it. Start talking to the courts and see what you can do from there. Good luck!
M
Dad needs to renegotiate at court. Document what the kids are telling you.
I agree Dad needs to step in and you need to document everything.
Also keep doing what you do. You are a great role model for them and obviously a good mom.
THEy know at your house everything is safe.
Talk to the school couselor to, or have Dad talk to them. Let them know what is going on at mom's house.
Let the children know if they ever feel threatened at her house by the boyfriend to tell the school authorities, that it is OK to do that. In the meantime contact Dad's lawyer and start trying to get them for full custody.
Good luck and God Bless.
