What Areas of Child Rearing Have You Taken Strides to Ensure Are an Improvement?

I wish I knew what the right path to enlightenment was!

Seriously, as much as I don't like my mom most of the time, having a competition with her and my father about who the better parent is just seems..well....off the path.

My parents provided a wonderful environment to grow up in. I can't top it. My parents weren't very patient. Neither am I, but I try to own it (which they didn't). My parents weren't very involved and didn't take us places often - I am highly involved - volunteer in school very frequently, den leader for cub scouts, girl scout leader, room mother, field trip chaperone, sign them up for classes and camps they want when I can, etc. But my parents, other than being impatient, were loving, smart, successful parents. My dad worked hard, but always came to our concerts. My mom stayed home and usually had fresh baked cookies, bread, etc. waiting for us. They taught me about fairness, caring, and how to be a good person. They weren't perfect, and once I learned that they're not supposed to be, it became a lot easier to love them even more and not resent their mistakes. Having my own kids has helped me see how hard their job was, too. There are little improvements I can make, but I could never surpass them.

Much more stable- probably even boring to my kids! Once they got in school, we never moved out of the district.
Big city living- not that it's better but much more access to opportunity.
SAHM- same as mine

Could never match access ability to nature. I grew up in the country/ and Dad was a greens keeper. I lived on the course before it was high class!
I wondered the land before it had greens and fished in the ponds and knew its secrets.

My mom taught me how to live frugally. My mom and dad taught me how to work and not be afraid of it. I always had chores to do.

My dad like to tease and I never allowed teasing in my family. My dad used to compare my brother and I to each other all the time. It made us enemies. I used to dread when report cards came out. I would always be asked why I couldn't make straight A's like my brother did. He was asked why he couldn't be like me and take care of his things. My dad and mom were only children and wanted to have more than one child because of all the disadvantages of being only children. The just didn't know how to raise two children. I never compared on child to another. I rewarded my kids based on their achievements and never asked them why they couldn't be like on of their siblings. I could have because one of my kids was valedictorian and one was salutatorian (#2). As a consequence, my kids are friends as adults.

I can't ever remember my mom or dad telling me, "I love you" until I was 21 and returning from college for a holiday. My dad told me, "I love you" exactly once in his life and he later told me "Men don't tell other men that you love them". I told my kids "I love you" almost every day.

Those are just a few of the changes I made. Good luck to you and yours.

Ah, here's to reactionary parenting. Promising not to do those things which you were subject to.

Some of that has already backfired on me. My MIL, who was instructed not to BF more often than every 4 hours, told me that my baby was hungry as often as every hour. It left me exhausted, and the baby gassy, hungry, and uncomfortable, and perhaps colicky.

From that point on, I decided that I would temper all well intentioned advice and rules by also listening to my gut.

Even at this early age, I try to make sure that I tell my son that its ok to feel ------, but its not ok to act -------; or its ok to think ------, but its not ok to act ----------. Trying to create a vocabulary in which I validate feelings and thoughts, but correct behaviors.

My mother's approach was much more indignant.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Just for the sake of argument have you considered that your "improvements" are actually a step in the wrong direction? I ask because the one thing that nagged at me raising my kids was that I would not know if I had found the correct formula until they were adults and at that point there was no going back.

I have raised two adult children who are successful and continued the same course for my younger two so I know I did improve. Can you say the same?

I am looking at your list and at least half are not better than when I was a kid, it is far worse.

Without a lot of details: I ensured that I was relatively emotionally healthy before having children.

My mom has untreated borderline personality disorder and personality disorder with tendencies of narcissism. (That's the new clinical name for what used to be known as narcissism.) Suffice it to say, because I did a lot of healing before I had my son, he will grow up in a far more safe, loving and 'typical' house than I did.

My mom had me when she was 20 and ruined her marriage by cheating on my dad while I was in utero. He was devastated and basically just left.... I met him when I was about 14. So, my waiting to have a baby until I was 36, and in an established, loving relationship with a good man was also an improvement.

I learned a lot about raising kids in the years I worked with them preceding my pregnancy. Mom? Not so much....

My mom went on to marry 5 times and have three kids plus any configuration of step-children.... There were times we didn't have enough money (or it wasn't spent responsibly) and I had ZERO opportunities for anything growing up. No extracurriculars, etc. College? Nary a whisper. We have chosen to have ONE child who will be able to live in a financially stable household. Things like *eating food* will not be a big deal. Going to the doctor when he is sick isn't a problem; being able to afford an art or science class to further expand his experiences and knowledge is wonderful. When he was younger, we could afford for him to go to a fantastic preschool and have good-quality care otherwise.

He has weather-appropriate clothing, healthy meals, a mom who will spend time with him, take him places, help him with his schoolwork (talk him through) and two parents who are mostly patient, loving toward him and each other, very consistent (both in life and in discipline) and who respect his childhood and need for security.

Oh, and I moved a lot as a kid-- went to 14 schools. We plan on living here in our house as long as humanly possible. :)

I could go on, but will leave it at that. There are a thousand 'better' differences in how we raise up our son and how I was raised. I'm thankful every single day for the opportunity I have to be his mom and to be the wife I am to my husband. I also realize that the bar was set pretty low, so it's kind of hard NOT to do better.

My kids life is TOTALLY different than mine growing up.

Me by the age of 13 I had lived in: Taiwan; Norfolk, VA; San Diego, CA; and Hawaii.

First marriage - child - My daughter (now 26) has lived in 3 countries...U.S., Belgium and Germany.

My boys have ONLY lived in one home.

I kinda miss the military life - well, not kinda - I DO. But that's life.

I can't complain about the way I was raised. My mother was NOT a touchy-feely mom. She was practical and VERY good at raising 3 children while her husband (yes, my dad) was deployed during war...no cell phones...no video chat...no e-mails....just in-frequent ship-to-shore calls and letters that could take weeks to get to us. My mom is a GREAT organizer, budget-maker and follower, and has her stuff together.

Religion? I was raised Protestant. I got more conservative growing up and explored different...went Episcopalian then Russian/Eastern Orthodox.

Are there things I am doing differently than my parents? hhhmmm...I am more touchy-feely than my mom (and only in the last 10-15 years has she gotten to hand-holding with me in public)! :)

Now that my kids are older - my husband and I would like to take them to other countries and states to explore and learn...so in that aspect?

I believe I am raising my children right! I get compliments on them and their behavior many times...

My parents were 20 when I was born. My grandmothers were 20 when my parents were born. Well, technically, all the women were 19 nearing 20. I was 36 (two months from 37). I spent my 20s reasearching life, the part of life that takes place without husband and children. I recognized and discussed and gained understanding for the generational patterns in my family and sought to make informed and deliberate decisions where possible.

My main focus with my child is not to give him what I missed solely because I missed it. I focus on KNOWING him so I can give him what HE needs. If you didn't get enough hugs as a kid and you smother your non-hugger kid with hugs (hmm, say that 5 times fast), then you're doing that strictly for yourself and likely raising your kid to repeat the cycle of giving his kid what he wishes that he had--a parent who didn't hug so daggone much.

There's sometimes a fine crooked line to walk, and I can't always see it, but I consider it my job to look hard for it and pencil it in myself if necessary. I put my attention to just knowing him and what works to help him learn. Understanding that when he's uncooperative and whiny that means that he's hit a tired wall and needs me to just pick him up and put his head on my shoulder helps me to be patient and know that he's not just being a brat. I know to have him pick up his toys before it gets that far if I don't want us both to be in a fiery ball of frustration.

While there are things that I might vow to never do with mine, I think about the fact that at my current age, my parents had a 19yo and a 14yo. We were a close unit. We had a homecooked meal every day. We had fun together. No extracurricular event went without parental attendance, mainly my father because he had more flexibility. That means that when I was "on program" with my kindergarten class, my 25yo father was in the audience. That just seems so young to me right now. I hope that I have the energy to give all that to mine.