Two Little Cousins Are "Too Close"

Updated on June 09, 2008
D.H. asks from Dearborn, MI
7 answers

Hello everyone...This is a topic that's a little strange to me, but it comes up all the time with some people i know. I know of two little cousins, the boy who is 4, we'll call him Tom, and the girl who is 3 1/2, we'll call her Jane. Tom and Jane love to be around each other and enjoy each other's company reading, playing, everything. Yesterday, while out in a restaurant, tom and jane wanted to sit next to each other and eat in their own booth. All of a sudden, the parents turn around and Jane's head is rested on Tom's lap and he is playin with her hair. they both come from well raised families with very respectful morals and values, so i truly believe that they don't know any better and that their just discovering. But the father of Jane got very upset and told the mom that he will not take that kind of behavior and that one thing could lead to the next, while the mom of Tom said, take it easy, they don't know any better, their just discovering. The mom's of Tom and Jane are sisters. It's not the first time theyve gotten "comfortable" with each other. I really believe it wont go any further, they are too young and know nothing of the world. They do not watch things like this on television, and their parents do not do things like that in front of their kdis either. I wanted to know if anyone has ran across such an issue and if so, what was your reaction and how did you handle it? Should they mention it to the children? What would you do?

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for your responses...The reason it's such a touchy subject is you have to look at society these days...I'm not just talking about 2 or 3 year olds, there are teenagers out there who know way too much and I think this starts at a young age, before you know it, a child is 6 or 7 and they do know what things mean...anyways, it wasn't made a big deal from the parents, they left it alone...but thanks for the advice...it was amazing the different views i received...thanks again

More Answers

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A.S.

answers from Detroit on

OK - this is just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt, but I think they are fine and dad is way over reacting. Is the hair stroking thing something that you to the kids? I do it for my daughter all the time. My 3 yo daughter has a little playmate the same age and they do that kind of stuff all the time. They also fight over toys and aggravate each other to no end some days. They're too young to know anything sexual yet and are just being affectionate in the ways they have been shown. Id get a couple of books about child behavior and show him so he sees its natural because if he ever catches them playing doctor, look out! :)

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.R.

answers from Detroit on

The girl's dad is reacting in a parental, protective way, but to be angry is a shame, and of no use. I wouldn't ignore it so it'll go away, I'd tell them what the 1st responder said. We don't do that. These days in schools you're REALLY not allowed to touch anyone, so its just a fact you're teaching them. I don't think its a great thing, but its our society and the dad seems like an example of the mentality that any thing physical is bad. If you 4 parents could come up with a common plan and words to use with the kids and NOT sound angry or scared when they do touch, it will be controllable w/o damaging the poor kids! Go to the library or call a psychologist for educated advice the dad might respect more than your opinion.

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M.O.

answers from Detroit on

This is very interesting. I myself havn't delt with this issue in particular, but what I have delt with is my son who's going on 4 is VERY affectionate and sometimes kisses and tries to hug too many kids and sometimes boys too. He doesn't mean anything by it, but just is a happy, loveable kid. I did have to sit him down a few times and explain to him that sometimes kids dont like to be touched and kissed and sometimes their mommies and daddies feel like that too and you need to keep your hands to yourself. He's pretty much getting over that but as far as this scenario, since they are cousins and are probably around each other alot and are close I guess I wouldn't think much of it. They dont know about sex or what it means to have a girls head laying on a guys lap. They have no clue. I can see were the dad got worked up, but they are children after all. If they were a little older like 5,6,or even 7....ya i'd have a problem with that for sure. but this seems pretty innocent to me. Maybe just have a chat with the kids the best way you can and tell them that it's nice that they are so close and love each other, but sometimes they need to keep their hands to themselves.

good luck.

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S.R.

answers from Detroit on

This is a normal age for children to be very touchy-feely. Quite honestly, it is absurd to think they are engaging in behavior at this age that is morally questionable.

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A.N.

answers from Detroit on

i am sorry and this is just my opinion but i think its crazy to be worried about this at this age. i know you cant change someone else's opinion tho and if the dad is upset something needs to be said. but like i said i think its silly to be worried.

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D.H.

answers from Detroit on

Hi D. ~
I agree with the other mom's, they are too young to be doing anything really wrong. One thing, though, is that if a big deal is made about something, kids want to do it more, and hide while they do it. I would maybe tell the kids that they need to keep their hands to themselves, but I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it.
D.

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L.T.

answers from Detroit on

Oh puh-lease..... WHAT are they going to do, honestly?? You're talking about 3-4 year olds. In a couple of years they're going to run away from each other's cooties. You're going to do more harm than good by making an issue out of it. This is so ridiculous!

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