What All Would You Do for Someone Who Is Helping You.

Be proactive about picking up chores around the house. Ask her what works best for her--what things she'd like to do, and what you can do.

If she has kids, offer to babysit for her from time to time. She will need some time out of the house for her own privacy. She will also need time IN her house with her own privacy, so clearing out for a few hours each week would probably be nice for her. (I say this as someone whose MIL lived with me for almost 2 years--2 STRESSFUL years where I really just wanted some privacy from time to time.)

Please don't feel like you are lost. You are ONLY 23. My baby brother just moved out of my big brother's house a few months ago, and he's 25. My other little brother will probably be living with my parents forever, and he's 27. You have done a brave thing for yourself and your son, and your sister knows that. That is why she is helping you--she wants you and your son to have strong and happy lives, and she loves you.

In addition to cleaning.....
I would give her family some space. Not sure if you have your own room or not??? But give them some alone time as a family. For example, find something else to do at times when her husband/boyfriend gets home ro leaves. Don't always watch tv with them, etc. Just try not to disrupt their nomal........ :)

Sometimes we find ourselves in the position of giver , sometimes receiver.
Receive right now. With gratitude.
Gratitude might be a verbal expression, and it might also look like keeping the house clean, cooking, and doing laundry. In other words, continue to care for your family as you always have, and include her & hers (if she has a spouse & kid(s) as well.
From your posts, this has been coming for awhile.
All the best!

Always try to remember she's doing you a favor.
Do you part to help out and to pay toward the expenses of living there - food, utilities, etc.
Give her (and family space) and try not to be too familiar - it's her house.

Also - is there an exit plan?
If not come up with one.
Realize this can't be an open ended arrangement.
Come up with a time table for when you will move out and then stick with it.
Save up for the plan!
Although you might want a small treat for yourself every once in awhile, don't be making extravagant purchases or taking vacations when you have a goal (your own place) to save up for.
Keep your belongings from taking up too much of her space and when you move out - don't be expecting she'll store things for you indefinitely.

It's not an easy situation, but if you are careful and courteous you might still be friends with your sister and her family when it's time for you to leave.

I think the best thing you can do as a house guest is to make yourself useful, without being asked.
When my MIL stays with us she will just pitch right in. If there are dishes in the sink, she'll put them in the dishwasher. If she sees the trash is full, she'll take it out and put in a new liner. Those kinds of things seem small but are much appreciated.
Good luck with this move, I have a feeling that, as hard as it is, it's for the best.

When my son was younger I let a friend stay with us. It turned out to be another mouth to feed, person to entertain, etc. I would never do it again. However, if one of my siblings/cousins needed a place I wouldn't think twice. I know they would help out. Little things go a long way. Watching the kids so she can go out w/SO once in a while. Buying something you know she likes once in a while (fav coffee, pretty polish). Bringing home a rental movie you know she would like to see. Don't worry- she wants you to get on your feet, so don't break yourself. I do have a friend that is a self made extreme couponer. I would let her stay w/ us so she could teach me the ropes!

1) Be grateful in your attitude (sounds like you are).
2) Give her family personal time. Like someone else said, don't always be on the sofa watching TV with them. If you have a room with a door, spend time in it when your sister's family is winding down in the evenings... read or journal or work on something--so she has private time with her family without cloistering herself in her bedroom. This may be very difficult with young children... but on the occasions you can, it is worth considering.

Along the same lines, visit parks on the weekend with your son, or go to the library, or something so that you give her time to breathe. Even happy couples/families have stress and difficult moments and need time to not be "on" and on display.

If you are able, you might consider offering one night a week where you handle dinner. Choose a day of the week, so that your sister can plan to have that night free of dinner worries. If you can, consider what night would be most helpful for her to not have to deal with dinner.

Most importantly, do what you need to do and stay focused on what you need to do to become self-sufficient/independent. For anyone who is helping someone who needs a place to stay, the biggest desire (in my opinion) is that the person accomplish what they need to to have a different situation. If that is taking a class, finding a job, whatever...

I admit I did not go back and read prior posts to see what has brought you to this point. But rarely is it a happy history that leads to moving in with someone, so I don't really see the need to know what it was... Focus on getting yourself together so you can move on independently. That is what they want for you. That is why she is helping. She loves you and wants the best for you. Now do your part to work towards that end.

I would sit down with her and tell her your plan.

"I really cannot express how much I appreciate your help. Here's what I'm going to be doing to get on my feet. While I'm saving money and working hard to get out of here, what can I help you with to make my stay easier on everyone?"

Also, B's advice is right on.

Just remember right now it's her turn to help you someday it will be your turn to help her.

That's the way it works.

Let her know how grateful you are, first. Often, we forget to share our gratitude and just assume that because people love us and know us, they know how we feel.

Second, make yourself useful and minimal at the same time. Do the dishes, and don't be a fixture on the couch, would be my best illustration of that.

Third, don't get stagnant. Come up with a plan, and a timeline you can execute it in, and then move towards it! If you need to save up money to get a place of your own, find a better job, daycare, whatever it is...work towards those things.

Good luck!

In addition to cooking and cleaning, contribute as much financially as you can towards other bills like power, phone, cable, etc. But even more than that, do your best to adapt to their habits so that your presence isn't throwing off their daily routine.

Figure out when they shower and plan yours around these times so they can continue to shower at their normal times.

Make it clear whether or not you'll be around for meals - especially dinner - so they aren't waiting for you or cooking for you if you have no plans to be there at the time they normally eat.

Don't invite people over; make plans to meet them elsewhere.

Clean up after your son - make sure he doesn't leave toys around. Make sure he's quiet when they are sleeping and that he doesn't disturb them in general. Of course he can play and be part of the family, but he shouldn't be disruptive.

During the times that you're all home together, have a good mixture of spending time with them and staying out of their way. You don't want to be around constantly invading their family time and privacy, making them feel like the have to always include you. But, you don't want to spend all your time in your room either, making them feel awkward or worried that you're feeling too much like you're a burden to them. So spend some evenings hanging out with them and other evenings staying quietly in your room.

Also, don't spend any extra money! Your sister will get VERY bitter if she sees you coming home with new clothes, spending a lot of money eating out, or just generally spending money that you don't have. If you need her support right now and can't afford to live on your own, then you need to watch every single penny and not spend when you don't need to. This doesn't mean you can't ever go out to dinner or a movie, but you really need to limit it. I know I would be really irritated if someone was staying with me long-term to get back on their feet, but then was spending their rent money on things they didn't need.

Finally, give your sister (and anyone else who lives there) the opportunity to keep an open dialogue with you. Tell them up front that you really want to be a good house guest and to let you know if anything you're doing is frustrating or annoying them, or messing up their routines.

I hope you're able to get back on your feet quickly.

I have a little sister and I would love nothing more than to help her if she would ever need my help. Big question is - what does she like help with? You should be frank and just ask her. For example, I prefer to do my own housework, regardless of who is visiting or staying with us. Communication is key! Good luck and just know your sister loves you and little sisters are never a burden!

Right now, you just do your very best to keep yourself together and make sure that you have what you need and your children need without making an additional burden for her.

I wouldn't make a huge gesture, but I would be conscious of the situation. We lived with my parents for 2 months after we moved from NY while our house was being renovated. They truly wanted to have us there, but it was a lot of extra people in their home... 2 adults, 2 children and 2 cats.

Things that we did:
- cooked dinner once a week
- kept our part of the house clean
- cleaned up/ picked up the house whenever it was needed
- made sure to eat meals together
- watched what they wanted on t.v.
- didn't spend much money on "fun things"... we wouldn't have anyway, but it seemed kind of rude to go out to a movie when we were living with them to avoid paying a short term rent and additional moving costs.
- spent time with them... played board games, swam in the pool, etc. It sounds silly, but actually enjoying the time we had together "under one roof" made it feel like something we were invited to do rather than a boarding house!

You could also:
- watch her kids occasionally so that they can have a night away from the chaos
- offer to keep the kids at that house so that she can run errands without the gang

Good luck. I hope this turns out the way you need and want for it to turn.

How nice & awesome of her.
Do what you can for her w/o monetary means (spending no $).
Help her around the house by:
-cleaning her house
-making her dinner
-keeping your are of the house tidy
-don't invite people over
-write her a thank you note (notice I did not say card? Sit down & put
into words just how thankful you are & how she is helping you out
immensely by opening her home up to you.).
-try to give her some room & privacy whenever you can (retire to your
room once in awhile so she feels like she has her house back, don't be
loud or intrusive, don't come home late, don't be loud).
-wash her car
-help her fold HER clothes. You do your own.
-when you have some extra money give it to her. However, little it helps.
-bring home some groceries fo ALL of you to share. Buy things you know
she can eat or likes.
-save $
-do your best to keep your job & excel.
All of these things will show her you are serious & appreciative. Good for her, good for you. :)