Is This the Right Choice???

Doesn't sound selfish to me. If you have someone to stay with her and want to work I say go for it. I understand the need to make "extra" money.

my husband and i had a huge fight over the same thing he was worried that we would not see each other so talk to him and see if you and him are ok with it tell him that you think you should so that you feel like are contrbuting to the family more then just taking care of our childern. After i said that my husband was ok to give it a try. He was afrid that the only real time we see each other is at night.

Hi M.!!

Wow it's been a while since you posted this request! I was wondering how things were going for you. How is your daughter doing?

I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to choose between being home with your daughter and contributing to your family's finances. I work from home part-time with a wonderful company and support team. If you're interested in hearing about that, you can go to my site, or just let me know.

I hope that things are going well! Maybe we'll talk soon!
K.
www.OurGreenerChoice.FourPointMoms.com

HELLO M.! I'M NEW TO THIS SITE AND READ YOUR E-MAIL AND WANTED TO LEND A EAR AND MAYBE SOME HELPFUL ADVICE. I THINK IF YOU CAN STAY AT HOME WITH YOUR DAUGHTER YOU SHOULD. EVEN THOUGHT IT'S BEEN 3 1/2 MONTHS SHE STILL NEEDS YOU MORE THAN YOU THINK. I HAVE NEVER PERSONALLY BEEN THROUGH THAT BEFORE YET,I REMEMBER WHEN I MADE THAT CHOICE TO STAY AT HOME WITH MY SON AND TO THIS DAY I DON'T REGRET THAT CHOICE. IN MY CASE HIS FATHER AND I AREN'T TOGETHER ANYMORE AND NOW I'M A SINGLE MOM IT'S HARD. I DON'T REGRET THAT CAUSE NOW I GOTTA WORK FULL-TIME JUST TO SURVIVE AND I ALWAYS HAVE ALL THOSE MEMORIES TO REMEMBER AND HE UNDERSTANDS WHY I GOTTA WORK SO MUCH. IT'S HARD CAUSE YOU ALMOST FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE LOST A PIECE OF YOU WHEN YOU MAKE THAT DECISION. I WENT THROUGH THAT AND WHEN I HAD TO RE-ENTER THE WORK WORLD IT SEEMED SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS I STAYED AT HOME MY SON IS 8 NOW. THE WORK WORLD IS GEARED MORE TOWARDS WORKING PARENTS NOW SO, YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT CHOICE BUT ALL I WOULD LIKE TO GET ACROSS IS IF YOU CAN AFFORD TO STAY HOME AND WILL BE SATISFIED WITH THAT THEN BY ALL MEANS DO IT. WORK WILL ALWAYS BE THERE AND YOU CAN ALWAYS GO BACK IN A FEW YEARS. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND IT IS SO GOOD TO KNOW YOUR CHILD IS BETTER. YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH ALOT NOT EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THERE CHILD HAVING BRAIN SURGERY SO STICK IN THERE AND I HOPE I COULD HAVE HELPED ALITTLE BIT TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

GOD BLESS YOU,
D. Z

Hi! We're military too and I was just wondering if you've looked into anything the base could help you out with as far as care for your daughter...
Also, the sugestion of working at home is a very good one!! You can still work the hours you mentioned, jsut from home. That way if your daughter does really need you you'll be right there!! I have a wonderful work at home company I work for!! You create your own schedule and work as many hours as you want! No start up cost or on going cost for that matter!!
I'll send you more details in case you're interested!!

M., i just want to say, i think you have done a great job with all of this. i dont see a problem, since your hubby will be home with her. it will also give you some down time. you have been through a lot and you also need to think about you. your not being selfish. I can't wait to see you & nyella @ a play group real soon. and if you need anything just let me know. Im home all day. and im not that far from you.

M....you need to think about yourself AND your family. If you are not happy, that is not a positive environment for your child to thrive, and she will not be happy either. Working nights may be really tough..and you may find that you do not have the energy you need to care for your daughter. I would suggest you consider all the pros and cans, but COMPLETELY understand the stress that a tight budget can bring!!As a Special Ed. teacher I would like you to know that many Special Needs programs can be wonderful and really help your child flourish. Most programs offer many services specifically geared to help your child get any special help she may need. Your daughter may also enjoy interacting with other children. YOU may enjoy being around other adults as well. Plus school may offer you another support system. I wish you the best!!
S.

I suggested the same thing to my husband, not for the same reasons as you, but to help cut down or even elimate day care costs. He also did not want me to do it. He pointed out that a child, or children, are not going to allow you to sleep during the day when they want to be active. After time a lack of sleep will very much start to wear you down, then it will kinda defeat the purpose of staying home to care for your daughter. Just an idea, that's what he pointed out to me!

Hi M.! I was suprised to see you posting on this site! First of all, I'd like to say congrats to getting your little girl home. I heard she had a ball at Heidi's yesterday. Second of all, I know how you feel about the whole "should I stay home or go to work for extra money" thing. Rich says that we are fine with me staying home but I still freak out about it once in awhile. Have you thought about looking into a way that you could work from home? You could still bring in some extra cash but you wouldn't have to worry about leaving the house...unless you really need to get out and take a break. Just remember, us "military wives" need to stick together and I'm more than happy to help you with whatever I can. Don't be afraid to ask. I'm always at home and if I'm not, I'm usually at Heidi's. Feel free to call me anytime you want even if it's just to vent.

S.

M., in my opinion, I would wait a little longer if I was you! Your daughter had brain surgery only 3 1/2 months ago, and although she may seem fine...she still needs to know that you are there for her right now! I say give it a couple more months, just to make sure that her recovery is going well. Then, as odd as it may sound, I would involve her in your decision to go back to work. Children are very honest, and if you ask her she may surprise you and say she's okay! Or, she may say she needs you to be with her...like I said, children are honest and she will tell you in her own way how she feels about the situation! Let me know if you need help with child care, should you decide to go back to work! I wish you peace in your decision, and I pray for your daughter's full recovery!

My Goodness! When will you rest/sleep? Consider working from home if you are concerned with family finances and your husband carry all the weight of that responsibility.

www.StartMyHomeBusiness.net offers a legit home business that you can build to whatever income you desire.

M.- it sounds like you are doing a great job in helping your daughter to heal. I work with adults who have brain injuries and helping them get back to work or school. One resource you should know about is the Brain Injury Association of Maryland- they are a great organization and a great resource for any questions about professionals out there to help with various areas. We live in such a medical mecca and there are alot of experts in our backyards... If you want to call them, their phone number is ###-###-####.

We talk about the first year after brain injury being so important in someone's healing which seems to be in line with your plan of returning to work. Keep on doing what is best for all three of you and certainly that might change as time goes on.

If there is anything I can do- please send me a note. I pray your daughter continues to heal well from her injury. God Bless.
K.

If you are Blessed to stay at home with your children instead of working, I say do it! If you are placing a financial strain on your family by not working, and your daughter is definitely doing a lot better, I could see your reasoning behing going back to work...it's not because you truly want too, but it's because of the financial strain you are under by not working.

Hang in there...God has a plan!

Good idea. My husband works permanent midnights. It is a bone-crushingly awful burden on a family even when there aren't financial difficulties. If you guys can work together to economize until the baby is better that's a good solution.

But look into respite care for you both and look into getting out together some times, too.

It is definantly not selfish, but i would worry bout your wellbeing. Is a partime job a possibility? It would give you a chance to make extra income while not burning you out. Just a thought. Best wishes.

I think it depends on you. I don't think you are being selfish - you are trying to do what is best for your family. This is the big question - in what role can you best help yourself and your family? You mentioned one motovation to going back to work being the added stress on your husband's shoulders because of more strained finances. Is that stress going to be transferred to your shoulders if you take on the night job? Sleep deprivation is tough and can make you run down and miserable quickly which is stressful on you and also everyone that you are around. Plus it can make you more likely to catch illnesses which creates another stress. If this is the case and you feel you need to help reduce the financial stress from your husband, maybe there are other ways than taking on a full-time job outside of the house...Finding ways to reduce spending here and there can add up and make a big difference overall. Maybe there is a part-time job you can do from home - some moms have taken up ebaying or other things they can do from home to pick up extra $$. If neither of these is enough, you could even combine and see if you can be within your means with just the 1 salary. Try to think outside of the "box" and maybe you can come up with a creative solution that will work for all of your concerns. Talk to you husband about helping you to finding a way to reduce or add to the family finances.

I think if you can, stay at home. Every day is so precious, and it must seem so much more so after such a scare. Staying home can save money in many ways, everything from not having to spend money on commuting and having work clothes, being able to cook more vs. going out or getting takeout because you're too tired after work to cook, clipping coupons, making things you need around the home or gifts for people yourself rather than buying everything, etc.

Hey M.! It's H.!
I just wanted to tell you, you have done an amazing job with your daughter. She has come so far in such a short time. I know a lot of people are saying stay home if you can, but you also need to hear what's in your heart. Staying home is great, but it's not always for every mom and child. You know you daughter is a handful and having a little extra help and socialization might actually be better for her. You have been so dedicated to her, and will always be... it's not selfish at all to want a little time to work and claim another identity for yourself. The healthier you feel, and do things to keep yourself sain, the better it is for her in the long run.
You know where I am! Love to see you again!

Hi M.. First let me say that it sounds like you are doing an amazing job with your daughter. You should not for one minute think that you are being selfish. Follow your heart and you will do the right thing. What is right for me is not necessarily what is right for you. I'm a stay at home mom and I love it, but it is HARD. If you feel like you need to go back to work to earn some "extra" money and get some adult time then I think that is what you should do. I can't imagine what you have been through in recent months and I give you all of the credit in the world for being at home with your daughter when she needed you. Give yourself a break and do what you think is best. Have you considered going back to work part-time?

I wish you the best of luck and from the way it sounds, your family is going to be fine no matter what you decide.

Hi, M.. I know how you feel. I have two small kids ( 3 year old and 3 month old) that I have been home with full time since my first was born. We were doing okay, but after buying a house and having the second child, things have gotten tougher. My husband, too, has a lot of stress from trying to carry us all by himself. He works a lot so he is not home as much as we would like and he is very tired. My situation is that I do not want my children in daycare, nor could we afford it even if I wanted to send them. I recently accepted a job where I am going to work full time, from 11pm to 7:30am. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I have to try it. My husband will be home with the kids while I am working overnight. My plan is to try it and see if it works. If it does, it will help us out financially a lot. If it doesn't then: 1) I will have made some much needed extra money for however long it lasts, 2) I will have helped support my family for a while and 3) at least then I will know that I tried. So for you, I say go for it. Will your husband be with the kids while you work? If so, at least they are still with their parent. And they will form a new type of bond with Daddy. I worked part-time evenings for a while last year and it was great to see my husband and daughter with their own little routine! Good luck and let me know how it goes. Take care.
Heather