My MIL has always been negative..I've posted before that she usually is not a nice person but as weird as it is, since I posted the question about my Mom being gone, she has totally changed. We have spent the last 3 evenings with her. We invited her for dinner on Saturday because I was making lasagna .she is 100 percent Italian and she complimented my dinner about ten times..super surprise! Has anyone experienced such a change?
Thanks for the replies..I'm pretty sure she does not have dementia (or even the start of it). She just seems to have totally changed (thankfully). She use to favor my daughter and now her and my son are like best buddies.
Sometimes all you have to do is tell the universe what you want, and it will give it to you. It happens to me often!
It could be that it has just occured to her that you need a Mama figure in your life and she is in the position to be that person. If she is in a position where she is mothering you like she would mother her son and you are not fighting it, then she may not consider you competition for her son's attention. That's usually what it seems to be with MIL's to me: no one is good enough for their son or can do it like they can. Well, now she feels she is needed again.
I don't know, as I don't know the situation, but it seems to me that could be it.
I would just be thankful, love her, and accept whatever she has to give you in the way of positive support.
Yes, when my father developed dementia. He had hated me the past 7 years since he developed kidney failure, I've been his primary caregiver and it was as if he held me responsible for his situation. Now with the dementia we're buddies again, sigh.
I would be thankful for it and respond in kind. You responding and encouraging it will help it to continue. What a nice blessing !
I did in my FILs treatment of me, after I gave him grandsons.
Maybe she has noticed that your dealing with alot and since you don't have your mom with you she wants to step up and be there for you as your mom would be. Maybe your mom whispered it in her ear and gave her a change of heart :)
Make sure you keep letting her know how much it means to you and your family the change in her.
my mom changed when she got cancer a few years ago. I remember calling my aunt in total shock because my mom had told me she loved me. She also used to never care about sending my daughter birthday card or anything until my sister had a baby and now she does stuff for both.
I too have heard that personality changes can occur with dementia. Maybe your MIL just did some self-reflecting and realized how unfair she'd been to you before? Hopefully that's all it is :)
I guess it's not so important to question the why she changed but rather acknowledge the difference and praise her for it which will only reinforce the change and increase the likelihood of it continuing. For example saying something like, "Did you know, I really enjoy having you over to visit? It is so much fun! You seem to be in such a good mood lately." Notice you didn't mention anything about what you didn't like before but you are subtly setting the suggestion that when she is in a good mood, you like to have her around. Or saying something like, "It made me feel so good when you complimented my dinner the other night. That means so much to me. I am always a little nervous about my cooking because I don't know how it will turn out and I'm glad you liked it." If you really want to get close to her and if she is a good cook, ask if you two could cook a meal together sometime so you can learn some of her secrets and gain from her wisdom in the kitchen. That will be a priceless moment of sharing, plus she will feel so valued for her contribution and because you included her. Have fun with her! She may end up being your newest bff!
Yes, we still can't figure out what make my MIL stop being so awful. I just hope it lasts
