First off, let me say that my beautiful 9 month old daughter means the world to me. She is an overall happy baby, but she is very attached to me! She won't go to anyone else most of the time, not even her daddy, and when she does... well she cries for me shortly after. I am still breast feeding but I need her to be weened completely by Sept '09 ( my fiance and I are going on our honeymoon). I recently started to replace on of her afternoon feedings with formula, but she never finishes the bottle and then wants to nurse shortly after. Also, she is still nursing every 3 hrs at most... even through the night. Another challenge I am facing is breaking her of sleeping in bed with me and her dad. I put to sleep in her crib during the day, but doesn't go as long as when she naps in my bed. When I put her in her crib at night, she is up at least every hour if not more... and all she wants is to nurse and cuddle. If I refuse to nurse her, she cries for a prolonged period of time and wakes up almost immediately after crying herself to sleep. I am exhausted because of this, and I know my little Angel is too. Any advice you may have is appreciated deeply!
Thanks, J.
After receiving all of the great advice, my fiance and I have decided to only go on a weekend get away (3 days), for our honeymoon and then go on a longer trip later on. We initially wanted to bring her with us, but we have decided that we will leave her with my parents... who will be staying in a different resort from ours but right across the street for the duration of our honeymoon! :) As far as weening my daughter off of breast feeding, I am going to wait until she is a year. I really enjoy nursing her and she loves it too! I am going to continue giving her formula mixed with breast milk at night... to encourage a better sleep pattern. We have also began putting our daughter in her own crib (alongside our bed), for her naps. We are trying to get her in her crib at night also.. but we are taking baby steps. I realize it is going to take some time, and I don't want to rush her. Many of my friends and family members have gotten upset with me because I don't let my daughter "cry it out," but I don't feel like she understands why I am abandoning her, and that breaks my heart. I am going to start sleeping with her crib sheet (as suggest by another mommy), and hopefully that eases her into this difficult transition. I really NEED her sleeping in her own crib ASAP, for safety reasons, our upcoming honeymoon, and my sanity! Ha Ha :). I am hopeful that with patience, determination, and prayer, these sleep obstacles will be a thing of the past!!
With all that crying and protesting she may not be ready to wean yet. Would it be possible for you to see a lactation consultant? They might have other solutions for you or a smoother way to wean.
Read the dr. Sears books.
Don't be impatient at this point. Your baby is just getting ready to move towards solid foods starting now. She has the whole summer to get used to eating more solid foods and putting on enough weight which will help her sleep through the nights. By September, it'll be even easier and you will not have to precipitate the change, life will do it for you.
Think of the fact that your baby was inside you getting everything she needed without effort or thought just a few months ago. Why shouldn't she be attached to you now? Nursing on demand and sleeping with you is normal behavior for a baby that age, in my world. Having said that, sleeping more than one hour at a time would be beneficial for everyone involved. It seems that the goal of having her be weaned in a few months so you can be without her for a vacation is putting a lot of pressure on you. Maybe it's not worth it. Going without your baby might not be that fun for you either. Why not come up with an alternative? Then you can just relax and nurse and work on getting enough sleep. As for crying in dad's arms, I would smile at her reassuringly and not respond to her for a few minutes...gradually lengthening the period of time. If she sees that you're not upset or worried, she may take her cue from you and calm down. Of course, it's important that dad doesn't take it personally either, and is a calm and reassuring presence as well. Good luck!
If you haven't already got your self some sleep training books, I'd recommend "Good Night, Sleep Tight", by Kim West LCSW-C. This is a gentle, minimal-cry method. I liked that about it, but what I liked even more was how well it worked on my then 5-month-old daughter. I first got her on the recommended daytime schedule in her crib, which helped get her in her own room at night, and eventually, helped me break her of night time feedings.
My best advice is find a plan you're comfortable with and stick to it!! It usually takes about three days to make a change. That's a lot less time than the 9-months of sleep deprivation you've endured. It goes fast, and you'll be happy you did it.
Best Wishes, Hope you are sleeping soon!!
L.
First of all, babies are supposed to be attached to their main caregiver...that is how natured devised it. KUDOS to you for nursing her and being attentive as you are. Both of my kids never slept in their cribs through the night and slept with us for a long time. What finally worked was setting up a small bed next to our bed with an attachable bed railing so that we had one huge bed similar to Japanese families. If you don't have a king size bed and can afford one, I highly suggest that you get one. I never had the heart to let my kids cry it out. Who will you be leaving your daughter with when you go on your honeymoon? You need to get your child completely comfortable with that person before leaving her with this person. Has that person ever babysat for you? Start now for an hour or so at a time so that it isn't too traumatic. I terms of weaning, start mixing your breastmilk with a little formula every day and add more formula by very small amounts every few days. Within a month or two your daughter will become used to the flavor of the formula without making her go through the trauma of both weaning and going to artificial formula. Remember, research has shown over and over again that children learn through touch more than any other way the first year of life and holding them (as in nursing) is the best thing you can do. It takes alot of very hard work and exhaustion now to settle into a routine but your child will grow up a secure person if you take care of her needs now. The human child has developmental sucking needs until we are 4 years old of age and therefore eventually transitioning to a bottle of water with a silicone nipple also helps. I kept one in my daughter's beds (water only- juice rots their teeth) for several years. My firstborn also ignored her dad for years and I know many people whose first borns were the same. When she is a little older (18 months or so) he can sign up for a parent/child swim class and that is a good way for them to bond without force. It has to come naturally. Laying down on the floor and reading to your daughter is a great way for them to become comfortable too or he can give her a bath. It is hard to figure all this out because know one ever tells you how things are really going to be because we are all different. Good luck.
You need to pump milk and slowly mix it with a bit of formula - gradually adding more formula & less breast milk to get her palate and tummy used to it. someone else needs to give her bottles while you are out of the room to get her to take it seriously.
Her crib doesn't smell like you & Daddy like your bed does - sleep with her crib sheet under your PJ's for a few days & have Daddy do the same to get the right scent and then put it in her crib. It works! The cry it out method only works if you follow a method - like Ferber or Sleep Lady and stick to it. She knows you'll give in so she keeps hollering to get you worn down. make sure she's eating lots of solid food for dinner so she won't wake up hungry.
Now - if you're weaning her just because of your trip - why not just pump and freeze your milk for her? How long will you be gone? Breast milk can be frozen for 3 months!
When you get back she'll be used to sleeping alone - poor BabySitter will be mighty tired though!
You'll get some nasty comments from some moms who don't believe in weaning or crying it out - hang in there.
My son weaned at 10 months because he chipped his front tooth and it cut me - he was loosing interest anyway and eating solids by the bowl full. No fuss - it kinda hurt my feelings that he didn't seem to miss it. He was ready - maybe your little girl isn't.
You really just have to do it consistently even though it is hard on all of you. She should be eating some finger foods by now like cheese anf fed some yogurt for her dairy and protein. She will catch on fast that if she doesn't drink the bottle you will give her the breast so just don't give in. Always put her in her bed and you could turn on a radio with some soft music to help soothe her or a stuffed animal or blankie.
hi~ i just read your request and your after response. you are so right on to not let your baby cry it out!!! there is a lot of pressure to do it. we didn't do it and our son is so cool and confident and awesome and he is a great sleeper now. don't worry about sleeping stuff until after 1 year. even the night nursing, my son night nursed until 1 year and then he just kinda of dropped them himself. there's also a lot of pressure to stop night nursing. just give yourself a break and don't worry about that stuff until 1 year, and by then you'll realize how much you over thought and over worried about that stuff.. :-))
Hi J.- It seems a little harsh to be weaning your daughter for an upcoming vacation. Nine months is really young. Babies are supposed to be attached to their Moms even though I agree it is overwhelming to be "the One" they are attached to! Maybe you could go on a weekend honeymoon and save the longer trip for a time when she's a bit older. You can easily pump enough to get you both through a couple of days. By that time she may be starting to self wean and she will be eating solids which will be nourishment as well as a distraction. As someone said this is a pretty short time in a kids life and you only get to do it once. Good luck!
9 months is a really critical development time. If your daughter still wants to nurse, I would keep nursing her. Then maybe at 12 months, consider weaning her. If it was me, I'd put off the trip. Babies need to be attached at 9 mos and I wouldn't force a "detachment" at this stage, it may have bad consequences later. I think if you need her to be out of the bed at night that is okay. Maybe take some naps with her during the day so she knows you are still there. But put her in a separate bed at night, even if it is in your room. But if it were me - I'd let the baby keep breast feeding at 9 months. It's the best thing for them.
I know at this point it seems like you have been nursing forever. =) Believe me, when you look back on it this period of time will have gone so fast! If you must wean her do it slowly, you still have a lot of time before September. Wean her off during the day first and then at night. Be patient. I know you are tired, nap when she naps. Realize that in the long term this really is a very short period in your child's life! Be willing to be tired, be patient and don't be too hard on yourself, or her. =)
