Weening My 16 Month Old

Hey Corey,
I'd like to add my voice in support of all the other advice you've been given. If your child is showing he's not ready to wean by still wanting to nurse in the night, then delay weaning. My daughter is 2 and we still nurse (sometimes even in the middle of the night!!! What a horror:)!) Now if the frequency of nursing in the night is becoming detrimental to your sleep (which for my daughter it was getting that way when it was still too often at night and i knew she didn't "need" to nurse and was more out of habit); we kept a sippy cup with water in bed with us/her and gave it to her when she woke in the night and eventually she got used to that and the sucking on the sippy seemed to help soothe her back to sleep. I try to remind myself to relish this time my girl and I have nursing because it's all going to be over very soon and we're never promised a second go round.
Peace
S.

someone else posted a request very similar to this to which I responded. you can see how I and others responded at the link below:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/6853949196953780225

Hi Corey,
I'll start with saying I'm in the same boat as you, but my daughter is 11.5 months old. She too wakes in the middle of the night and stands in her crib screaming. I've tried all the things you have, and the only way I can get her consoled is by nursing her. It's truly like an "off" switch. I have an almost 3 yr old, so I don't want her screaming at the top of her lungs for 30 minutes because it disrupts the entire house. Therefore, it's just easy for me to nurse her and usually we both fall asleep in the rocking chair and eventually I put her back in her crib and go back to bed. The light at the end of the tunnel for me is the same as what B.D. said below. When I weaned my first daughter, the night wakings ceased within 1 week. It was truly like magic. I hope this will work for me this time around, and hopefully for you, too. I figured I made it this long without a full nights sleep, what's a few more months, right? :)
Take care and enjoy your little one. It's not the worse thing in the world to be able to comfort a baby in the middle of the night. Oh, the power of a Mommy. (I try to see all the positives.)

I guess my first question would be, do you absolutely have to wean him right now? I nursed by son until he was 17 months old and originally I thought I'd just do it until he was a year and stop. Then that first year went so fast and I just couldn't wean him, I felt it was what he needed and by that point it was only a few times a day and not too stressful for me to continue. I kept wondering when I would be able to do it and then when we were down to just nursing in the morning, one morning he refused to nurse and I tried again the next few days and he just refused. He had basically weaned himself and I think it was me who was doing the crying! :) I always felt good about the fact that he stopped himself. Although emotionally it was hard, b/c it came as such a surprise and I wasn't ready, I preferred it that way.

So, I'm just saying that maybe if you're only nursing one or two times a day and you can deal with for a little longer, he may stop on his own very soon.

Ok, first of all, I do things a little bit differently than other people because I approach these issues with a training/behavioral style instead. I have a background in wild animal training and behavior. I know, sounds weird but it usually works. I weaned both my children at 15 months and it was sad to see that part of our relationship go but it worked. Every child is different, so you have to figure out what works best for your child.

My daughter was easy. I was feeding her for about 30 minutes at night. I started one night, just feeding like normal. A few nights later, I cut back the time by 5 minutes. Then a few nights later, I cut back again. It was making my milk supply go down and it was making it less enjoyable for her to be cut off. By the time we got down to 5 minutes, it was not worth it to her and she pushed me away, pointed to her bed, and went to sleep. That was it, done.

My son was a lot harder though because he really LOVED nursing. I tried the cut back method and he was not going for it. Fought me the whole way. I would go in and pat him on the back and he would get even angrier. So, I had to think a lot harder. I came up with the obvious, he is not hungry but he is waking up at 3 am out of habit and he wants to be comforted. So, it is not actually him that has to be shown how to go to back to sleep on his own but his stomach that has to be trained not to wake him up. I know a lot of books and people say "DO NOT PICK THEM UP", yea, I ignored that. He needs to get back to sleep without feeding, so his stomach does not grumble out of habit at 3 am and wake him up. So, at 3 am he would wake up, I would go in and pick him up. We would sit in the chair together and I would hold him until he fell back to sleep. The first night he was not too happy and I have to admit, I did not get a lot of sleep that night, but he finally fell back to sleep and I laid him back down. I did the same the next night and the next (each night him falling back to sleep quicker and quicker). By the fourth night, he did not wake up and slept through the whole night! I couldn't believe it, it actually worked! I let things alone for a while to get him used to sleeping the whole night and a month later, I worked on the bedtime feeding.

Don't always go by books or what other people say "not to do". You know your kids that best and sometimes, non-conventional ways work. Feel free to try either of my ways but you might also have to tweak it here and there to fit your child and their needs. I know when I felt like I was never going to sleep through the night, I just had to find something to comfort myself. I just kept telling myself that he is not going to be nursing at 20 years old! LOL It will eventually work itself out. Best of luck and I hope you find something that works for you!

Hi Corey,

Contact your local la leche league representative.

www.llli.org

Good luck. D.

It sounds like you are less interested in weaning, but that you want to mimimize getting up in the middle of the night. If that's the case, I wouldn't worry about the before bed nursing.

For the middle of the night feedings, have you tried substituting other things? Especially the 2nd nighttime feeding, I would try substituting water in a sippy cup and a lot of cuddling since it's unlikely that he's hungry then - more likely just wants comfort. Or go more gradually, and first substitute milk in a sippy cup, and if you can get him to take that, after a few weeks switch to water. This might be easier if your husband gets up in the night to give him the sippy and cuddle, since the temptation to nurse won't be right in front of the baby.

Good luck

HI COREY! Before I answer, I am wondering why you are weening him?
smiles,
L.

Keep nursing at night until you INCREASE his daily food intake greatly for at least a few days. He IS hungry at night, believe it or not. My daughter nursed twice per night until she was one when I learned form my sister in law she could have been sleeping like a rock through the night since three months old if I followed this advice. Sure enough, 3 days after I started feeding her more all day long, she didn't wake up anymore at night.

He's definitely got a habit, but the best way for him not to wake up at night is to be very full.

Even if he seems content all day, offer him more food. Not only a big meal just before bed, but ALL DAY LONG. Put in at LEAST a couple of extra snacks and meals. If he's totally stuffed, he'll refuse the food, but if he takes it, he's hungry. He doesn't have to show signs of hunger or crying to be hungry.

It will take a few days for his body to register the new "fullness" and he may stop waking up totally on his own. If not, cry it out will be easy, because he really doesn't need to eat. I would have a talk with your cousin, explain that for a few days to a week, you need to leave him to cry at night (AFTER you've been feeding him more for several days) and see if there is a way she can accept it, or stay somewhere for a week etc. Again, he may not even wake up anymore once he's more full.

This system worked for my sister's 12 kids, and my son has slept like a stone through the night since 3 months on this system. Good luck! You need your sleep! So does he!

Neither of my girls slept through the night until they weaned and that was at/after 2 years. What I found to be the least disruptive to me, my sleep, and the rest of the family was co-sleeping. You eventually get pretty good at sleeping through them nursing and because they are right there you do not have to worry about them crying.

Good luck!!

Dear Corey,
Congratulations on nursing as long as you have. It sounds to me like your baby is on his way to weening himself, as they do when they are ready! And it sounds to me like you are doing everything right. No one said it was going to be easy. I don't believe in letting a child cry. I agree that he is probably ready to eat more solid foods, so he doesn't wake up hungry, but if he does, don't suffer in the rocking chair!!!! Take him in your bed and enjoy the last of this chapter in your baby's life. Believe me, he won't want to nurse for ever.
:)
N