Weening Advice for 3 Year Old

I agree with others that you need to tell her the truth. Making up stories (such as the "owie story or no more milk) only backfires later in eroding trust in this most precious relationship.

Difficulties like this are wonderful teaching/ learning opportunities. As in any tough situation the best way is to listen and acknowledge her frustration and anguish while remaining firm about how things are. You show compassion and she gets to deal with reality.

I also agree that it's a great idea to substitute something positive. I weaned my daughter from night-time nursing when she was three. I transformed the nursing times to rocking and cuddling times. So we still had that closeness and maybe I would sing lullabies but stayed firm on the no nursing once we had established it.

Ok, I'm actually going to answer this and just put it on the table. Three year olds are usually still not on the breast, unless in a third world country that has no food. Just like you weened her off during the day, do the same thing at night, but don't lie to her. Tell her the truth-she is big girl that needs to eat regular food and can get through the night all on her own. Let her have an end of the night snack and make it a routine. Let her pick the goodie from some nutirious choices YOU have provided. Tell her you love her, always will, and that's why you are going to help her with this. Celebrate when she has accomplished this feat. Make her feel good and proud that she has done this on her own. Nothing feels beter than self sufficiency. Being a parent is tough and only gets tougher. If you can't be strong now about breast feeding at 3, what are you going to do when she is 16 and wants to run around with her friends? I say, Go cold turkey and get some sleep. You will both get through it easier than you think. Good luck!

Hello, First of all I want to thank you and congradulate for nursing for three years! So many people in our culture are not aware of the benifits and wean way too early.

They say that there are two phases to weaning, withholding & substituting. As you are withholding your milk substitute alternative milks as well as other forms of emotional nourishment at the time most needed

It is better to wean person to person rather than person to thing. This may be a time when the father takes on a more significant comforting role during bed time.

It sounds like you have been weaning gradually which is great, weaning is about releasing not rejecting. Some children take a long time to wean naturally,especially if you have a history of allergies in your family.

Nap nursing and night nursing are usually the last to go. So now you have to come up with something equally convincing, something to add to your bed time routine, some other sort of comfort.

Think of weaning as broadening your relationship.
I really appreciate you honoring your child's process and needs. Many people do not realize that rushing a child through weaning increases their risks anger, agression, habitual tantrums, anxious attatchment and less ability to form deeper and more intimate relationships.

So congrats you have helped your child be a more independant person, experience less anger and radiate trust.

I know I don't really have any answers but I just felt like reaching out to support you!

Meghan

I went through the same thing. First I weaned her from the middle of the night feedings. I told her that after a certain date (a holiday) we were going to stop middle of the night nursing. When that date came I gave her a star sticker for each night she didn't nurse and a prize (some small little toy that I wrapped up, but you could also do an outing to a special place or whatever she is interested in). If she woke up, I'd ask her if she was thirsty and if she said yes, then I had to get up and get her something to drink. It was a pain, but you could leave a leak proof cup with a drink in her room. She would also put her hand down my shirt for comfort to get back to sleep. Four months later I told her there wouldn't be any more nursing. She asked for it of course. but by then I didn't have any milk so I told her she could have something else to drink before bed. Often she wanted warm milk with cinnamon. You can also read The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning by Kathleen Huggins. It has a section for older children.

I spent a couple of weeks talking to my then 22-month old about baby animals and baby people, who grow and eat lots of food and then don't need mama's milk anymore. I told her that soon, I would have no more milk for her. I also had my husband put her to bed at night for a week, while I went out for my health walk. My daughter never wakes up at night (I used my husband to nip that night nursing thing in the bud when she was 6 months old - she cried a lot at first, but she cried with HIM, not alone, so she quickly figured out that night time is NEVER nursing time). After a week of having Daddy put her to bed (a few months ago, when she was 22 months), I resumed the bedtime routine with her. The first night, she said "Nappy nursy time mummy." I gently reminded her about the big girl no milk thing, and she said "Ok, nappy time mummy." And that was it! It doesn't have to be traumatic at all, as long as you have a plan and a cooperative partner. Good luck! K. in El Cerrito CA

Try this, it's what many of my friends did and said worked: put band-aids on your breasts to cover your nipples, literally, and tell your child it has an "owie", or it doesn't work anymore. Yes, really, but my friends said it worked for them. I nursed my girl too, and she weaned herself though, at right about 2.5 years old. Maybe your daughter will go that route, but there's no predicting that. I would also explain to my daughter that she's a "big girl" now and pretty soon she has to stop. At this point, and age, it was more about it being a "comfort" thing... .than a nutritional thing. But yes it's not always easy. Each child is different. Good luck!
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

I night weaned my 3 year old over the course of the last three months. We had a dim light set to a timer. I told him that he could only nurse when the light was on. I started with it coming on at 3 am- then I moved the time bit by bit until it is now set for 6 am. Other things that helped were not wearing clothing that was easy for him to access, and telling him stories about the big boy who slept all night and only nursed when the light was on.
Congrats on doing the absolute best for your kiddo and nursing her for 3 years!!!