Here's the situation. I am pregnant, exhausted and stressed. I need a break beyond a couple of hours here and there and I need it to be in my own home. In a few short weeks I will likely be returning to work after almost a year of being laid off and need a refresher before things get crazy there too. I have the opportunity to send my son (who will be 2 years old in just 1.5 short months!) to his grandparents for the weekend.
It would be overnight Friday and Saturday and come home Sunday. Because of the distance, one night really isn't an option. He knows his grandparents well as they have visited monthly his whole life. He talks to them on the phone, talks about them, etc. So his comfort with them is not an issue. As a family, we have been to their house and stayed their numerous times so he also is familiar with their house. They have babysat him here as well and have not had issues putting him to bed or anything negative.
My concerns are probably irrational, but there all the same! I'm really just mostly worried he will feel abandoned or that it's too long to be gone. I worry he will wonder where we've gone or eventually feel very sad without us there. He obviously can't be explained to that we are indeed coming back! I have the typical hangups that no one can do as good of a job with him as me (put him to bed the right way, feed him, etc. You know, the control issues :p ) but I think those I can let go of. He's not overly clingy or anything and is very extroverted. I'm probably going to be the only one with the problem, but I'm worried of course.... :/
I am looking for any advice or experience with when your little ones spent a weekend away. Curious others' thoughts on my situation and if I'm being selfish or if I'm overreacting.
Thanks!
Worried also because he's not used to being away from us - especially since I've been staying home with him full time- and that he's NOT been doing this since he was little or something. Sigh, I wish I could stop over thinking/worrying!
Do it -and do it often! I started with my first at 4 months and I would give anything if I still had the option of full weekends or long weekends! As it is, I'm still just thankful my MIL will watch them both overnight!
I used to stay with both sets of grandparents for a week at a clip when I was little. Mini-vacations! I LOVED them and loved being there. He'll be fine!!!
You're not being selfish at all. Send him. My son stayed with my parents overnight from the very beginning. I had to go back to work before I had daycare lined up, so he stayed with them for a week at a month old and had stayed overnight at 2 weeks old so I could go to the doctor. He has stayed with them on and off since then with the longest being two weeks at a time. I love my son, but there are sometimes I need a break! Don't be worried. He will have a great time getting spoiled by the grandparents.
I think it will be harder on you than him. Enjoy!
send him. absolutely no question send him. you need it. you deserve it. and you will never be ok with it until you do it. mine went to visit grandma almost bi-weekly (overnight) from infancy. it will be fine.
Go for it. My son started staying over with my parents as a toddler and now he is 6 and loves spending the weekend there. My 3 year old isn't used to it yet and gets a bit upset at bedtime but is otherwise fine. You can always call and check up on him.
My grandchildren stayed with me overnight as soon as two weeks old. (Mom couldn't get breastfeeding to work.) So they were always comfortable at my home and it sounds as if your son is as well with his grandparents and their home. Since he is not clingy and is very extroverted and they have babysat him I believe he will do just fine. Have them stick to the same bedtime routine you follow at home and send a favorite book or two and his lovey or blanket.
You on the other hand need to schedule a couple of things to relax you. A mani/pedi, a meal out and at least one of the evenings home relaxing would all be helpful. Your son is growing up, a goal for all us parents, and you are doing a great thing for him by giving him time alone with his grandparents. I have very special relationships with the grandchildren who began staying with me while young so I know his grandparents will enjoy this time as well. Breath, relax and he will be fine : )
BAHAHAHAHA! Oh, mama. He will have a GREAT time at grandma and grandpa's! You'll see. They will feed him ice cream sundaes for dinner, let him stay up late, take him fun places and buy him stuff. In other words, they will spoil him rotten! My kids always come back from grandma and grandpa's wishing they could stay there forever! Take this much-needed break and enjoy yourself. Don't worry about your kiddo, he will be FINE, and he and his grandparents will have a wonderful time together.
My kids both started staying with my mom or sister from the time they were really little. They loved it.
As far as someone not doing as good a job as you, they will just do things differently, that's all and I think it's good for kids to experience that.
I think it's the perfect age to begin trying this, especially with a new baby coming along.
My kids never thought of it as being "left", they were just getting special time with Nannie or Auntie.
It will be harder on you than it will be on your little one at first, but it gets easier.
My sister and I stayed with our grandparents all the time and we have such fond memories. I wanted that for my kids too.
It's natural to worry, but it's just two nights. Your son might really love it!
Yes, your concern itself shows you are exhausted, over stressed and walking a thin line. Be happy for an extended family. Don't keep those beauties all to yourself.
Do it.. It is a good time to also start doing this more often.
You are fortunate to have grandparents close by for your son.. Allow them to enjoy their grandchild.. and you need this time to recharge.
I used to see my grandparents.. every weekend. Only only lived a few minutes away.. I loved being there and many times, I was the one that wanted to stay there for the weekend.
Send him to your in laws or your parents whichever it is. take a deep breath and relax. It is not bad to send your little one away to have a breather. Ignore all the posters who say "I have never sent my little ones away" they are super moms and as such don't need their views validated. It will be fine for your little one to have a trip to grandma and grandpas and he will more than likely get spoiled rotten. Won't hurt him a bit. he won't feel abandoned. and you will appreciate him all the more when he gets back home. My inlaws loved having the kids over. started taking each kid for weekends when they were 6 months old no one ever felt abandoned.
When we went to HI our little one was almost 2...gone from Sunday to late Friday. Stayed the whole week with my parents. Your little will have so much fun. Take the break and enjoy some your time.
We talked to our kids while we were gone...and all they could talk about was we did this, we did that...gotta go mom we are going to do blah blah blah.
By Thursday yes they were missing us but that was five nights in. He will be ok.
Go for it! My son did his first grandparent weekends at that age and he did great! And when he came home I was so ready to see him and HE was actually willing to stop his Tasmanian Devil impersonation and cuddle with mommy for a bit!
One tip-- do NOT call to check on him, TEXT grandma or grandpa to check on things, sometimes they do fine-- until they hear your voice!
Try to make this like a mini-vacation for him. In my experience the grandparents tend to make visits like this extra special. My kids have always enjoyed a weekend away from mom and dad because they get to do the special stuff. It will be much more difficult for you to let him spend the night than it will be for him. Go over your daily routine with his grandparents and give them pointers for daily activities. Then relax. You are already at a high stress level and it sounds like you could use the break. Give him a special toy to take with him in case he starts to miss home. You are only a phone call away as it is. If he is not the clingy type then I think he will be fine.
You aren't being selfish. You are being a mom. No one does it better. Enjoy this mini-vacation. With two it's even more difficult.
All of my grandkids started spending weekends with me well before their first birthdays. Like you said, you will be the one with the problem, I bet your DS will be fine.
my sons always enjoyed nights & weekends away. Completely excited & happy to go!
Get over yourself! The baby and the grandparents will have a blast!
What are you going to do when you're in the hospital laboring, giving birth, and recouperating? Isn't that going to be at least 2 days? Go ahead and give this a dry run. There has to be a first time for everything.
When the baby comes, you will have two little lives to worry about, and a job, and the house, and this, and that. Better learn to let go of some stuff and quit worrying about so many "what if's" or you'll end up in the hospital with exhaustion, or be so unbearable for others to be around that you're head will end up spinning. Let go and let grandparents try their hand at having fun for two days with your son.
Dawn
It's like sending your little one out into the unknown. And yet it's not unknown, and he won't be lost. You worry because you're a mama! You'll just have to take the adventure and see what happens.
My oldest granddaughter spent time overnight with us when she was that age. The first time she was only 18 months old. I remember that she was fascinated by the "circular" layout of our house and just went round and round. When she stopped to examine anything, I tried to make sure it was something safe. I think she had a good time. (I was exhausted when she went home.)
Her second time was because she got sick, and her new baby sister, who had a heart problem, would have been in serious trouble if she caught the bug. So Big Sister had her fever at our house.
Since then she and her younger sisters have stayed here. Granddaughter number three was pretty mama-clingy and didn't start overnights as early as the others. Now that they're older, they are even more comfortable here, and their parents give them a call every couple of days. I think it's more for themselves than for the girls!
If your son were at my house, I'd try to keep him busy and interested in things. I would let him know that mommy and daddy will be glad to see him in a couple of days. I might even suggest that he draw a picture to give to them as a present. I would let him "write" an e-mail to you (acting as his secretary, of course) telling you what he's doing. If he starts really missing you, it will probably be the second night, and I would be able to tell him that he would see you the next day. Be sure he brings his favorite toy, his favorite book, and whatever he can't sleep without.
His grandparents won't do things exactly the way you do, but they'll do all right, and this will be a wonderful relationship-building time. It's good for you, too, because as your son gets older he'll focus more on friends, teachers, and other people instead of his mom. That's exactly what he is supposed to do. Our job is - eventually - to work ourselves out of a job.
You are not selfish... You are thinking realistically. Geez, you have loving family to help you.
Take them up on it!! Your baby will be fine, you will recharge as you need to. Take them up on it as often as they ask!!
What a great to have family who wants to participate and be involved.
Enjoy mama!!
Go ahead and do it...that is the only way you are gonna find out! And remind them that a 2yo can get away real quick...so watch him good in parking lots and make sure they keep their doors secured. Good luck!
oh, mama! do yourself a favor. send him. do the grandparents a HUGE favor. send him. do HIM a favor. send him.
time alone (really! he'll survive without you!!!) with grandparents is so sweet and special. the relationship blossoms in a totally new and deep way when parents aren't there. it's not abandonment, it's trust, both in the grandparents (who successfully raised kids, right?) and in your parenting of your child, that he's secure and loved and knows it.
and you need a break. it's a win for everyone.
do it.
khairete
S.
When my daughter was two she had to go live with grandparents because I was bed ridden in the hospital in preterm labor for three months.... She spend 3 weeks with my dad and step mom who lived 12 hours away and the rest of the time with my in laws who lived closer... Im here to tell you she had the time of her life :) they had WAY more time to give her attention and every time I talked to her on the phone she seemed excited..... of course they will miss you but YOU will miss him more.... TAKE this time and enjoy it!!!
p.s. I also was a stay at home mom so dont worry its harder on you than him :)
I really think it's too early for overnights with grandparents until after age 3 or 4. I read an article one time that said until age 3, the child doesn't really have the intellectual ability to comprehend that you are indeed coming back when you are away more than a few hours. To them, the situation is a permanent change in life as they know it. It might be sweet sorrow to the parents (you might wipe away tear before switching gears and enjoying the break), but it's just sorrow for the child. Time away may increase any insecurities he already has as you prepare for a new addition to your family. The last thing you want when your newborn arrives is a clingy toddler. Nurse Midwife Mom
So I realize your son is young and will not absorb all of it, but his listening comprehension is pretty good at this age. Tell him before hand that he is going to have an exciting adventure with grandma and grandpa. Play it up, talk about all the fun they will have. We call them spend the night parties, and how much fun it will be. If he asks if you are coming, no, mama is not invited, it is a special thing for just him! Wow, how fun! What a big boy to do such a special thing! Mama will be at home and she will be so excited to hear all about his big adventure when he gets home!!!
This REALLY does help your toddler - you are excited about it and that makes it feel safe and exciting for him too. Plus, it helps your anxiety about it to be pointing out all the good to you.
