Upcoming Overnight Stay

When my daughter stayed with Grandma the first time I just keep telling her how much fun she was going to have. She loves painting her toe nails and playing with make-up (something mom and dad don't let her do, but Grandma does) so we talked about how Grandma and she would dress up, do their hair and nails, put some lip stick on and "paint the town" which really meant eat some mac 'n cheese with the fancy plates and then watch a new Dora dvd. :)
I just got her excited for her "special big girl overnight"and didn't really focus on mom going but more that she was having a fun and special time to bond with Grandma.
She was fine, she started running off with without a kiss and I had to yell after her "mommy wants a kiss" she was totally fine about the whole thing after I made it fun for her.

When I was little I stayed with my grandparents for a few days, and my mom left me a little present to open every day that she was gone I LOVED it! I was so excited to open the presents I hardly noticed she was gone,

Make a plan to have her stay over now with something fun she can do with grandparents like a little craft project. This way she can see that it will be fun. Dont stress about it she will be ok.

I have to agree with Page, you are telling her too far in advance. My daughter had to spend a week with my inlaws last summer, and we brought it up 3 weeks before she had to go and all I heard for two weeks was "what if i miss you so much I cry?" "What if I get scared at night?"..and on and on... Once she was there, she was fine with it, and had a blast! This summer, she is going down there from mid June to Mid August. Since this is taking a bit of planning with the grandparents, we have spoke with her about it, and she got excited, then a few weeks ago, the "what if" questions started popping up. I quit talkign about it too much with her, and if she askes, I just tell her she will be able to call us whenever she needs to, and if it gets too bad, we will pick her up. If you are anxious, she will be too. Make it sound fun. Perhaps even arrange a weekend night a couple weeks before your trip for a "trial run" with the grandparents.

I had similar concerns. Even when we were going for just a few hours, my daughter would cry and tell me not to leave. Kids that age really don't untderstand the concept of a few hours vs. a day! My mom always said that as soon as we left, she was fine! Keep reassuring her that you will be back soon and tell her all the fun things she'll do with her grandparents. None of it will seem to matter to her but reassurance is the best you can do. She will be fine!

Try not to worry and keep telling yourself that this is good for all of you! It is important for your daughter to see that you and your husband enjoy spending time together. You're doing the right thing!!! :)

Have a great time!

If possible, do a least one trial run before you go away. you will enjoy yourself more if you know she is fine without you--and it will be better for both of you if that first time is not when you are trying to enjoy yourself. You don't want to spend your first night away worrying about her. If she has done it before, it will be less of a big deal for both of you. I agree too, don't talk about it too much beforehand. You are just freaking her out and giving her things to be anxious about. The other thing is to make sure you pack any comfort objects from home or anything that may be part of her normal routine. I can understand your anxiety, my son is 5 and is having is first night away (other than the night his sister was born) next week. He's ready for it, but I am not sure I am.

Yeah...you are going away!! Good for you two for realizing you need to go away together. YOU NEED IT!! Don't stress out that she is going to be miserable and you are going to somehow damage her. She will be fine. Get the creative juices flowing and do some special things for her and have her pick out her clothes and special stuffed animal or blankie(or both) that will keep her cozy when she misses you...especially at night.
Some things we've done for our kidlets when we go away.
*let them go to the store to pick out a sleeping bag
*make a "special" pillowcase together with puffy paint.
*pack some family pictures and put them in one of those
cheap photo books.
*Make a note for each day that you are gone for grandma
put under the pillow each morning before she wakes up.
*have a treasure(pencil,stickers,lollipop)that grandma
can put under the pillow as a suprise from you two.
*Have grandma call a couple times before you leave and have her talk about all the fun they will have together...don't focus on her being sad or let her talk about being sad...keep it all on the up and up.

Have a great trip!!!

I think you are starting a little far in advace telling her. I would wait until a day or two before or even the day of and let her pack her things to stay the night. That way she gets to bring her favorite toy and I always bring one of the blankies from my daughters bed. I have a 9, 3 & almost 2 year old and have had to stay in the hospital for a few days when my boys had surgery. We just go about our normal business and I drop them off and tell them we will see them later. I leave it up to my sister to call if she thinks it won't upset the kids and it never has. Don't tell her you will be right back, just tell her you will be back in a few days. That way a little later she doesn't get upset that you are not back because you told her a little later. The less nervous you are the easier it will be on her.

I never fail to be amazed at how OK and WELL BEHAVED my son is when left in the care of others. Take a deep breath and look forward to your vacation!

Dear C.,
I am a SAHM of 7. I homeshcool and am with my kids 24/7. It is soooo important for you and your husband to have time together. The kids are never ready for this. We always express to our kids that because we love them and eachother so much that we need to go away. They always fuss as we leave, but 10 minutes later they are just fine. Some have a harder time than others, but it is so good for you and them. Keep this up 2-4 times a year and she will begin to apprecitate it. My oldest now 14 tells us to go away for the weekend. She says you need it and deserve it. It actually will give her stability to know that you love each other sooo much. Blessings and have a good time.
Stac

Aaaahhhh, I thought my husband and I were the only ones not to have gone away overnight until our daughter was older. =) We had our first overnight away from our daughter last September. Our daughter was not quite 3 yet and we had my Mom and stepdad come to our house. I think, if you can, staying at home really helps the child to cope with your absence (and sleep). We were only gone one night since it was our first time and our daughter did really well. I told my Mom to promise that she would call if anything at all went wrong this way I could really relax and know that unless I got a call everything was fine.
The last tip I would suggest is not to over talk it with your daughter. This will help in her not getting too upset before the actual time. I didn't mention anything until the week of and just said that Grandma and Grandpa were coming to stay with her for a sleep over. Then just reassure her that you won't be gone for long and will be back very soon. She'll have lots of fun and maybe let her pick out a special movie or two she can watch during her visit.
Good luck and have a great weekend with your Hubby.

You may be OVER-preparing her. Sometimes talking about something too much makes a kid anxious. Does she know her grandparents, and like them, even though she hasn't been to their house? If so, I would say, "you are going to spend the weekend with grandma and grandpa," and that's about all you need to say.

You are preparing her TWO months in advance!! That is definitely overkill. I would tell her ONE DAY in advance. All you are doing, if this is making her nervous (and she is probably picking up on your worry more than anything else), is giving her two whole months to obsess on what is a simple two day stay.

It reminds me of when my oldest son, who was maybe 5 or so at the time, went to the dr. for a booster shot, and the nurse asked if he was okay with shots. I told her, with my son present, that he was. He had never had ANY fear of shots. Well, the nurse proceeded to talk at my son for 5 minutes, telling him how this wasn't going to hurt, how he should do x,y, and z to prepare himself, blah, blah, blah, and by the end of the five minutes my son was terrified, for the first time in his life, of a shot, and screaming to get away. I believe you are doing what that nurse was doing.

Stop talking to your daughter about the trip. If she asks, tell her it won't be for a while. Then bring up the subject again, right before the trip, in a very matter of fact way.

You need this trip, and under no circumstances should you cancel it. Your daughter will be fine.

Can her grandparents come and stay at your house instead? She may be more comfortable in her own surroundings.

Maybe instead of doing a full night trial run, start with just a late night so that her grandparents get to tuck her in but you will be there in the morning. Then next month do an overnight where you pick her up later in the morning.

C.,

Do the grandparents live far away? If not, schedule several times before to have her go over to their house and spend time with them- then gently increase the time that she spends- so you could start with 1 hour and then increase it to 2 hrs and have her stay for dinner then 3 hrs,dinner and a bath etc. Incorporate some of her routine- whatever it is with her grandparents and then do a few overnights before the big weekend. As far as preparing her, let her know that she is going to go and play with grandma and grandpa- and that you will return at_____time. Don't give her too many details- just what she needs to know for that day to make her comfortable.

Good luck!

Molly

This is from the perspective of a grandma. Try out a one night stay prior to the weekend, just to give her the experience and to prepare you and the grandparents as to how she's going to handle the situation. Know that tears are likely to be part of the experience, but that she will survive... and so will all the adults!
Our granddaughters (3 and 5 years old) spent last night with us. This is not a first time stay for them, but when bedtime neared, both of them were in tears and wanting to go home. We comforted them and explained why they needed to spend the night, then had our routine of bedtime stories, drinks of water, and prayers, then calmly but firmly let them know it was time to sleep and that grandpa and grandma needed to get some sleep too. This morning, they are up playing happily, and waiting for their parents to arrive to pick them up later today.
Sometimes it's good for the parents to call and talk to the child during an overnight. I'd suggest for a weekend, you let her know you'll call at a certain time of day, once a day and talk to her. Then let your parents know they can call you whenever they feel a real need as well. (It won't do much good to let your child know you are avaialable when needed, because at three she'll "need" to talk to you every five minutes!) Just do what it takes to reassure her, and to help you and the grandparent's feel comfortable, then go enjoy your weekend.

I don't think you need to tell her that Mommy and Daddy aren't going away so far in advance. This will only scare her and make her really aggitated. What you can do to prepare is to try to schedule a 1/2 night trip at Grandma's first. You go out to a later supper and movie or show and then ask your mom to watch her and don't tell her until you get there that you guys are going out and that you packed her favorite things but you are coming back to get her but it will be really late and make sure that Grandma has a few fun things planned and puts her in her Jammies and puts her in bed and she may wait up for you but hopefully if Grandma reads to her she will fall asleep and then you guys pick her up late that night and next day she will understand that you will always come to get her. If you feel comfortable you can also try an overnight after that and pick her up a little later the next day and she will eventually understand that you will never leave her. It is also important on your trip that you call her at a certain time of the day or right before bed time(or a time frame)and Grandma makes a paper plate clock with the time on it (call the clock the special mommy & daddy clock) and she will wait and look forward to your call and this will help her while you are away and you won't have to worry as much as well and can look forward to a fun vacation.

When our kids are resistant, we kind of stop talking about it and make it no big deal. We'll say: next time we go to grandmas, you get to stay the night! That's going to be fun! Then, when we go to grandmas we get them busy doing something else and then either say see ya later! or we sneak out (depending on their mood and the level of resistance to the idea in the first place). Then, in the morning before we come get them, we call. Grandma is really good at wearing them out and keeping them busy, so usually it isn't a problem until we get them home- then there's always a day or two of weirdness as we get back into our routine. If they THINK it'll be a BIG DEAL, then it will be. Enjoy your time away!!

At age 3, she has a very different concept of time than you do. Telling her about something that is happening in July makes no sense to her and will panic her. My girls are three and they still struggle with what is happening two days from now. Stop talking about it. Do a trial run if you want. Important that when you do drop her off, say good-bye, give her a hug and then leave. No not drag it out!! No matter how much she cries or screams, you need to walk away. It will be very hard. Just know that the sooner you leave, the sooner the grandparents can begin distracting and playing with her. You will be surprised at how fast she adapts. If you are a mess, drive a couple of blocks and then pull over and have a good cry. But do not let your daughter see you be upset. You need to be a good role model for her. Good luck.

Hi C.,

Our children are 6 and 3. They have not stayed any where either. I think if we had support and a lot of family around, they may like it if I went with them first a few times.

They also love for people to stay at their house where all of their comforts are.

One time my husband and I did go away when my son was 2 and a half for the night, hence our daughter:) and he missed up dearly.

My mom came here. She has since had breast cancer and does not have the stamina and we have not had anyone to stay here.

I know you will get lots of ideas on this. I have friends who go to europe and are okay leaving kids with grandparents. ...I hope you can find ways to make it work for all.

I encourage you visit there and do a stay, make it fun..do not over talk it..let her pick a lovey and a few small new toys and movie to share with them. Maybe they like to do things with her.

Is there a room at YOUR house that the Grandmother can have a slumber party with her in? This way...the next time the slumber party will be at her house. This might help to create some excitement around it. If the Grandparent is ready and willing that is...good luck!

Dear C.,

Neither you nor your daughter will be prepared emotionally until you actually do it! When the time comes, you will cry and she will cry (your husband might even cry) and you all will be a little anxious. You will probably call the grandparents (too many times)…try not to because they will know where you can be reached and would call you if something was wrong.

So don’t labor over this too much. Next time you visit the Grandparent’s home, have them show her where she will sleep when she spends the night and ask what she would like to bring from home. When the weekend comes, make sure you have her favorite blanket, pillow, toys, story book, etc. Tell her you and daddy need some private time and she is going to have some private time with Grandma and Grandpa.

Don’t hang around too long after you drop her off. Try and stay upbeat…cry in the car and have a great weekend getaway!

Blessings…..

Dear C.,
Your daughter will not feel abandoned as long as she can't pick up on any guilt that you are feeling about "abandoning" her. She's going to be with Grandma and Grandpa. Do you know how special it is for kids to have that time? Instead of feeling like you're doing something bad, think about how important the bond between her and her grandparents is. She'll do special stuff that YOU don't get to do.
My husband and I travelled a great deal as a requirement of his employment and at first it was scary. But believe me, my kids were like..."Ummm, see ya later mommy. Love you! Catch your plane now". Of course I called my kids, and my parents always took them to the airport to see our plane come in and we'd have dinner at the airport. The whole thing was an adventure for them.
Since it's the first time of you and Daddy being "away-away" you might consider letting your daughter one night with them between now and then so they can have a "slumber party". You're not going anywhere, you'll be home, it's HER special time. Let her get acclimated to the idea with you not going anywhere.
I think if you start talking to her about plans a couple of months in advance, that just gives her more time to get anxious and worked up about it. That could foster the Mommy and Daddy are LEAVING me fears.
Maybe Grandma and Grandpa can come and have a surprise outing that just her and they get to do...(Chuck E. Cheese, the park, ice cream sundaes, whatever) and then you can be happy to let her go. You really do have time to help with the seperation anxiety thing.
At least on her part.
I remember vividly the first time my husband and I went out of town alone after my son was born. All we did was talk about how much we missed the kids the entire time. (Well that's not ALL we did, wink wink), but the point is, the kids didn't miss us half as much, and to me, that was a sure sign that they felt safe and trusted that we would be back.
You and your husband go! Have a wonderful time!
It won't hurt your daughter one bit. I swear it.
Best of wishes!

Hello C.: Let me say that I have several grandchildren from both my own birth children and my foster children. Honey, the hardest part of this is always on Mommy.
My sweet daughter-in-law, was beside herself when she left her little one the first time and I tried reassuring her I had never lost one before and I was not going to start with hers! She kept calling me until SHE FELT BETTER.
I got the joy having the baby here, She and my son got some time alone to strengthen their relationship.
I have one daughter that will call a dozen times to make sure the windows are locked.
I know they all trust me but your children are your most precious gift and it only makes sence that you need to be comforted. Note I said you need the comfort.
Sometimes I call the kids and have a NANA SLEEPOVER for all the children at once. (Guess it is a mother's revenge to have her kids all worrying at once just like I did over them)ha ha smile! So understand that all the practice in the world will not do much good if it is still uncomfortable for you. Being a Grandparent is the most important job I have now. I absolutely love being a mother but this Grandmother stuff is all heaven. So as long as you are putting your loved one in loving arms all should be just fine. I do have one suggestion that you may already be doing. Have your little one "Call Grandparents". My 2 year old will call and just say Hi Nana, and then ask for her favorite Uncle. Or my son has her call her Great Grandparents just to recognize theor voices. I can proudly say that I am on several phones and have the blessing of having the kids have speed dial to call me just to ask what am I doing? I think that way they know the voice, the person and are just as much at home in either place.
This will be hard thing but you can do it! Have fun in the Great Adventure of Parenthood, Nana G

C.,
Maybe you should try having her visit them more prior to
the event, or have a dinner and movie out night, and she can stay there with the grandparents then too.
W. M.

I would have her stay over one night before then just so she knows that, even though you are leaving, you will also be coming back. Then she might be fine for the weekend in July.
I will tell you that the first time my husband and I went out to dinner with friends, I cried (my son didn't) and I called soon after we left!
You will do fine and she will do fine!

Sometimes it is best not to give too much info too early. I can tell by your post that you are feeling a little anxiety about leaving her, and if I can get that just from typed words, she is absolutely hearing it in your voice. Kids pick up our emotions really easily. If you have even the briefest thought about abandoning her, that is how she will feel. If you are totally ok with her grandma visit, she will be too. Best to just wait until the day before and then leave it simple and fun. "Guess what? You're going to Grandma's tomorrow for a sleepover! I know she has some fun stuff planned! What shall we bring?" Get her in on the packing. Favorite jammies, book, maybe even make a treat for Grandma. Plan to get there early enough that you can all spend some time together before you have to leave. Then when it is time, just say something like "Daddy and I are going out. Have fun with Grandma. Don't let her get into any mischief during your sleepover!" Tell her you love her, you'll call her at bed time and you'll see her in the morning (or whenever you'll be back). If she starts to get nervous or cry, just leave very cheerfully anyway. Don't feed her anxiety. I'm sure Grandma has dealt with nervous kids enough times to deal with it lovingly when you are gone. You may even find she has so much fun that she asks when she can have another sleepover with grandma!