Wedding Invite

Updated on April 30, 2013
S.G. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
18 answers

I received an invitation to my nephews wedding. The envelope was addressed to my husband and myself. I suppose I should assume that means that only my husband and I are invited, but I do want to check to be sure if my boys are included or not. It is an out of town wedding, and obviously it would be easier to take them with us, and we would stay in the area for a couple of days vacation. Is there a nice way I can ask without sounding like I am fishing for an invite? My other option would be to ask if they know anyone in their town who could watch the boys during the wedding.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You know, if I was doing wedding invitations I would never think to add each individual person in the family. I think that's a lot to expect anyone to do.

I'd call and ask a family member. When I was addressing invitations to my wedding I never thought of anything more than whether to put Mr. and Mrs. XXX or by Ms.XXX or other.

Call sister/brother and ask them. Tell them you're planning on spending a few days and you need to make plans as to whether the kids are invited or not. Then ask them if they can offer any suggestions as to a good babysitter.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.N.

answers from Madison on

I would pose the question looking for a sitter and see what happens. Explain that you want to extend the visit for a vacation with the kids, so you will be bringing them, so need someone to watch them while you are at the wedding. They may end up inviting the boys, they may not. Either way, you are not "fishing" for an invitation.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Sorry kids not invited. I would ask nephews Mom or his siblings if they knew of anyone that could babysit. Do not bother your nephew with this issue.

6 moms found this helpful
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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

The wording means that kids are not invited. If they were invited, the invitation would say you and your husbands name & family.

This is hard for out of town guests, and I think it would be fair to contact the family in that area to ask what everyone else plans to do for child care during the wedding, and see if maybe you can get in on it too!

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M.T.

answers from New York on

If the invitation was addressed to "Mr and Mrs Robert Hunter," than the children were not invited. If they were, it would have said "and family" on the envelope. You can ask them if they can help you to line up a babysitter because you don't have anyone to care for the kids back home for a weekend, or you could bring your own babysitter with you. I remember going along with my babysitting families when I was a teen a couple of times when they went out of town for a weekend for a wedding.

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K.C.

answers from Denver on

I would assume it's no kids. But, of course, there is the possibility that when you call to ask about babysitters, they'll say "Oh, no, please DO bring your kids to our wedding!"

Good of you to NOT assume you can just bring your kids. Lots of people these days seem to think kids should be allowed EVERYWHERE!

5 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

They way it is written.... the invite is for you and your hubby.. (NO kids)

I would call someone involved with the wedding prep and ask about options for child care during the ceremony and reception. You are more than likely not the only ones invited who also have children not invited.

Depending on the answers I got... I might use the child care option I am given from the couple OR I would get a sitter to keep the children at home and have a quick getaway with hubby.

4 moms found this helpful
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H.G.

answers from Lancaster on

There is no reason to call and ask. If the invitation was addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" then you and your husband are the only ones invited. If it said "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith and Family", then the kids would be included. There is no grey area here. If you plan to bring your children with you for the trip, you'll need a sitter. It's OK to call the family who lives in that area and ask who they might recommend. I, personally, would leave the kids at home with a trusted family member and enjoy a short romantic trip with hubby. Just my 2 cents. Enjoy.

3 moms found this helpful

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

With no "and family" it means the invitation is to you and your husband only. Of course it would be appropriate to ask whomever is footing the bill for the wedding if there are any child care arrangements available for the time of the wedding and reception.

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H.T.

answers from San Francisco on

Did you ever send out wedding invites, especially to extended family, and within a certain # of guests due to budget constraints? I did- and even though it's been 9 years I still recall looking up all things etiquette as to how to address invites based on whether they included 'And Guest' or "And Family' it was agonizing to make the cuts!
So forever and always since that, I will pay attention to the addressing of the invites and RSVP accordingly.
So, likely it's just you & hubs who are invited. If you still want to clarify, I'd ask another family member who can be trusted to inquire on your behalf, not the bride or groom.

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B.P.

answers from Cleveland on

Just call and ask. Say it didn't say on the invite if kids were invited as well and you want to check so you can make arrangements

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

unless it says you and hubby and kids then it is maybe an adult reception. my son got married 2 weeks ago. other than his siblings children there were no other children invited. weddings cost a lot and they didn't want to host a lot of kids. I would do like previous posters said and call your sister / sister in law and ask about a sitter to stay in the hotel with your kids. you might be surprised and they say oh no little johnny is invited. but don't be insulted if not.

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

I'd assume it's just for your husband and you. But you could still call your nephew and say "just wanted to make sure if the boys are invited or not" and let him go from there. I don't think he'd be offended or feel weird - in fact he'd probably appreciate an opportunity to explain it.

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S.S.

answers from Dallas on

I would call the mother of the groom (I'm assuming you're related to the groom since you said it was your nephew) and ask. I have seen and/or received several wedding invitations and helped send out plenty and never addressed them to every single member of a family. Usually, if the invites are being done per "etiquette", they should be noted if it is an "adults only" affair. If it's not noted, the kids are probably welcome, but make that phone call and be sure!!!!

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Z.B.

answers from Toledo on

Call your nephew's parents and just ask nicely. I'd be surprised if they didn't already know, but if they don't, they can call he and get back to you.

While I suspect most people know that if the kids are included the invitation would probably have said "and family," this is a generation that is not nearly as formal as previous generations, and it is possible that the bride didn't know to include that phrase.

Also, as a bride I refused to address the invitations as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" and addressed them as "John & Susy Smith" or "Susy and John Smith" if she was the person I knew.

I find "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" to be insulting, as I did not suddenly change my first name to "John" when I get married. I might be "Suzy Smith" now and no longer "Suzy Jones," by my name is not "John." I didn't suddenly lose my identity.

Sorry about the rant. Just give your nephews parents a call and say, "Just want to make sure we're clear, the wedding is for adults only, right?" If the kids are welcome, the parent will probably say, "Oh no, definitely bring the kids! We want them to be there."

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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

I would call the Mother of the bride (or groom, which ever you are related to) and ask if this is an adults only affair. It's a fair question and does not sound like you are inviting your children along.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I guess where I am from we do things different. Unless the invite said specifically it was an adult only affair we would assume that the kids were more then welcome, as they were to our wedding (we did not address invites to kids, it is just normal to expect a family will bring their kids unless asked not to). But where I am from weddings are still considered family affairs, an event to bring two families together, not just some fancy party for adults.

I guess I would just call and ask point blank if you are unsure.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think it's ok to ask, making sure that you frame it in such a way that you are NOT fishing for an invite. Call them up or send them an email, saying "I just wanted to double check to see whether the kids are invited or if this is an adult-only wedding. We certainly understand if they are not; we just need to make arrangements for them so we can still come and celebrate with you."

At this point, don't ask them about local babysitting. Find out first whether they are invited, and worry about arrangements later if they aren't. If you have family near where you live, it might actually be really nice to leave the kids home and have a getaway with just your husband. My cousin got married a couple of years ago and the kids weren't invited. I struggled with what to do, since I was nursing my then-10 month old and she hated bottles. But, I decided two nights away with just my hubby was important to us, and she would be fine since she was on solids by then and wouldn't starve. It turned out to be a great weekend (despite the pumping breaks) and I'm glad we left them home.

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