Wedding Invitations - Forestdale,MA

Updated on May 04, 2010
K.D. asks from Auburndale, MA
8 answers

We have recently received several wedding and graduation invitations. Some are from people we haven't seen or talked to in a long time, others are from family (2nd cousins) and all are far away. What is the protocol for gifts? Does invitation always equal gift? I'm thinking of gifts for the family, but just cards for the old co-worker or sister of a friend. . .suggestions?

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P.N.

answers from Boston on

I wouldn't send a gift for the wedding of someone I hadn't seen or talked to in a long time. I didn't give a second thought to anyone was invited to my wedding but didn't send a gift, I wouldn't have expected them to do so. If I go to a wedding I definitely send a gift. Graduation you also don't need to send anything. My cousins send me invites to the grad parties of their kids who I haven't seen in an age. It's as much of an announcement of the milestone as anything else. I do tend to send them a small gift, but it definitely is not required.

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

No, if you don't actually attend the wedding or graduation party, you're not expected to give them a gift. That being said, if they were a close friend or family member and you just couldn't make it to the event but wanted to, there's nothing stopping you from sending them a gift. But certainly there's no obligation to do so.

C.K.

answers from Boston on

I've discovered (I am in my 50's) that sending a card acknowledging a life event is totally acceptable. If the person is truly letting you know about a wonderful event in their lives (and not just looking for a gift--monetary or otherwise) then they will appreciate that you have acknowledged it with a card and/or a personal note. If the intent is otherwise, then what do you care?

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

While many people now use invitations as pleas for gifts, they aren't, and you don't need to treat them that way. I think your first inclination is a good one, however, since you don't want to cause a family rift, even if you haven't seen them for a long time.

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

You are NOT required to send a gift to anyone...
Send a card and leave it at that.
LBC

D.B.

answers from Boston on

An invitation is just that - an invitation. People who are trolling for gifts can be ignored - you are under no obligation to send a gift. Your only obligation is to RSVP. So many people don't realize this that it has become customary for the hosts to enclose a reply card, already stamped no less! You can send your regrets and then decide whether to send a gift or not. A card is a nice gesture but actually not required by etiquette. However, if they are sending you notification of a significant event, it is really nice to send a card with your handwritten good wishes. Sending an email is NOT really okay in this sort of situation!

If it is an event you would have attended except for a conflict, then it's nice to send a gift. If these are people you have not seen or even especially been in contact with, then do not feel obligated to send a gift. Depending on the customs in your family, you can send a gift to everyone or just to those who are close and that you see frequently. Huge families usually don't send gifts to every cousin, but smaller ones or those with frequent get-togethers usually do.

Someone in the family should let you know where the wedding couple is registered. I make it a practice to IGNORE those wedding couples who themselves direct us to websites listing all their wants and wishes - I find it tasteless and offensive. If I want to know where they are registered, I will ask them or, more properly, I will ask the parents who are generally the ones issuing the invitation. Under no circumstances - and you can check Miss Manners or Emily Post for confirmation - should you consider it your obligation to send a gift, particularly if you suspect that is the only reason you have been invited!

However, if you accept the invitation, then you are obligated to attend - the family will have paid for your dinner in advance and set a table assignment. You should provide a gift if you attend, but please do not bring it to the wedding - send it beforehand or afterwards.

Graduation parties are a little more informal. If you attend, bring a gift or a check for the graduate. Usually they just want cash or gift cards. I think it is nice to give them a gift card to the college bookstore if they will be continuing in school - it lets them get some college shirts or other stuff. My son LOVED doing this. It was kind of nice for them to have a gift they could use later, rather than just cash they wound up spending during the summer. Or you can order a shirt or other items but leave the tags on so the kid can exchange them.

College graduations - they usually want cash unless they are setting up an apartment, and then a gift card to a store that supplies household goods would be nice.

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S.B.

answers from Savannah on

Definitely you are not required at all to send a gift. I had several people who were good friends invited to my wedding that couldn't afford a gift and I certainly didn't expect one anyhow. I invited them so they could share the day with my husband and I....not so I could get a gift out of them. I'd send a card and that would be sufficient enough.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

An invitation is just that, a request of your presence at their event.

Gift giving should always be done from the heart.

I would RSVP from the heart, send cards or gifts of congratuations from the heart. At bare minimum it would be appropriate to send a card of well wishes, even if you don't include some monetary or gift blessing. FYI for weddings it is considered appropriate to give gifts up to the one year mark. So if your reason for not giving gifts is due to the timing, you now have a full year to do just that for those people your heart tells you to give a gift to.

I hope this helps.

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