My daughter is going to be in my nephew's wedding in September. She is the flower girl. The wedding is out of state, so we have to purchase airline tickets for myself and daughter (hubby can't go because of work), 4 nights in a hotel and transportation, some meals, along with the flower girl dress and hair appointment. Needless to say, this little jaunt is costing us quite a bit of money. I don't want to say that I am kind of regretting our decision, because we really love our nephew and his bride to be, but I think it was a bit more than I expected it to cost.
Up until today, I completely forgot that we need to get them a gift....I am not asking anyone to judge my idea or think I am being cheap, because that is not it...just give me basic etiquite help....Do we need to give a gift? Had we not been attending the wedding, we would have sent a gift, a decent monetary gift, however, I feel like I have to be a little more limited to what we can give because we have spent so much already. And I feel really stupid that our gift will be much much smaller had we not gone. I almost feel that no gift would be better than a small gift....I don't know!
If you have any ideas or can give some advice, I would really appreciate it.
Thanks for all the great responses. I did find out that they have a "dream honeymoon" wish list and you can basically buy them a part of their honeymoon. They can honeymoon until next year do to some major changes(school/careers/etc) in their life and They are doing a cruise, so I can buy a portion of a tour, or a portion of their rail fare or just donate to their fund.
We are also on a tight budget and when my cousin got married, I just gave her a $20 gift card to bed, bath and beyond. She really appreciated it because she knew that we were tight and she was able to put it towards something she needed. If you don't want to do a gift card, maybe just get her something small but nice. I once bought a hand mixer from target for only $10 and it works great! I use it all the time.
Definitely give a gift. If you don't you will be remembering the feeling for years to come. You will feel bad about it. Just find out where they are registered at give them a small giftcard. They will appreciate it, and they will know the sacrifices you made to make their day special.
If it were me as a guest, I would still give a gift, even a small gift will be appreciated.
But as someone who is getting married and asking family to travel, we are not expecting gifts. I feel they have spent money on our wedding by traveling and them being there is a a gift.
I understand totally how you feel. I was in a wedding out of state as well and
airfare was very expensive and the hotel.. dress.. and so forth. I simply purchased a pretty silver picture frame from Nordstroms with a nice card and it was in a nice gift box.. I also took photos at the wedding and had one of the photos made into a card and sent that to them afterwards with comments on how special the day was and how glad I was to be a part of it
.. you could make that photo or use different ones and make them into stationary as well at your local photo/camera store.or make a photo calendar online at shutterfly with your fav pics.. OR.. frame one of the fav pics of the couple.. put that into a frame and mail that with a nice card that perhaps your daughter could sign as well. You have a certain amount of time to give a gift I believe.. you don't have to give one that day .. good luck!!
I don't think it has to be anything extravagant..
This is a great question, A..
And I know exactly where you are coming from, as both of my children are in an upcoming wedding, so I have purchased their clothing, and hotel. I am also hosting a bridal shower for the bride and getting her a gift for that. And this NOT a close relative to me (husband's brother and his soon to be wife).
Even after all of that, I am still getting them a gift same as I would had all of the above not occurred, or close to it. I am going to cut out my coffee drinking and lunches out for about a month, save that money, and get them something nice (spend about $75 on something they registered for, although normally I would spend more if we hadn't already spent all that money). That is what I do when I am in a bind like yours - save money from something else I would spend it on and use it for them. Call me crazy - I am sure most people don't do this!
There are a ton of ways you can cut out money and put it towards a gift.
- no nails done for wedding - do your own
- no eating out for a month
- cut back on groceries for a month
- make your own coffee and lunches
- turn the AC up at home
- don't buy uneccessary items for a few weeks
Now, I don't think the bride and groom would judge you for not giving a gift....but I just couldn't do it.
Good luck!
Yes, I think you should give a gift but don't give money. You can get something affordable that is looks and is nice.
Yes, I agree to give a gift. I know that some people really like the the framed wedding invitation, but honestly, I don't. I got so many of those that it was just overwhelming. Then I had all these mismatched frames and most of them were super fancy and I just wasn't going to put out that many wedding pictures in my home, I got rid of about half of them. Maybe that makes me sound ungrateful, but that's how I feel. I would do whatever you feel comfortable doing. You are spending a lot and I get that, and I'm sure your nephew and his bride will as well. Even if you can only afford $20 then do cash or a gift card. We raided our envelopes just before leaving on our honeymoon and were just as grateful for those small bills. I think even a nice bottle of wine or champagne would also be acceptable, it would be a fun thing for them to have and celebrate with. I'm also going to venture to say that they will notice if you don't get them something. I hate to think that all those brides out there are so petty that they just open gifts and forget where they came from. Not that I'm sure she has a running total of who spent what, nor does that mean that she'll be upset if you don't get them something, but I'm going to bet they'll notice. I know gifts certainly aren't required but since you're family, even though you're spending the other money, I think a small gift is still better than nothing at all!
I would still give a gift. Maybe something sentimental, rather than expensive. Like a framed copy of the wedding invitation.
I just read something similar in Dear Amy in the newspaper. She said it is still proper to give a gift.
yes, but something not expensive. they are sure to understand this is costly for you but it is nice to acknowlege the milestone with a gift. at my wedding, someone took a great snapshot photo and framed it and mailed it a month later. it was 5x7 and not expensive, but i love it and still have it up in my dining room. depending on the venue, i once got a historic black and while photo of the lodge my friends got married in and had it framed- they have had it up for years as well.
go to a thrift store or antique store and find something silver or crstal. you would be surprised to see what is there. really. polish and clean it up and you will have a really nice gift.
Are you crafty? You could monogram hand towels, or get a glasses frosting kit and put their monogram on a set of wine glasses.... I would definitely go the inexpensive route, but try to personalize it a bit with a touch of me. Or perhaps you have a hard cider or wine that is good from your region that you could give them? Inexpensive and says you.
I totally understand where you are coming from! You are already wracking up bunches of money just to attend and participate in the event. If you are able, maybe you can come up with a creative gift that isn't so costly. I remember when I got married and we did get several gift cards and lots of framed items. I was grateful for all of them and, frankly, overwhelmed since I am not one who enjoys the spotlight and being on such a receiving end. However, I do remember the kind things people did for us as gifts. One woman arranged for some chocolates and a cheese dish to be sent to our honeymoon suite upon our arrival-- a very nice and welcome touch. I never wanted anyone to spend bunches on us or go broke due to gifts so I hope your nephew and his bride will understand this as well. Best wishes and happy wedding!
Yes, you still need to give him/them a wedding gift. The etiquette is still to give them something even if you have to put out a lot of money for his wedding.
Have a fun time.
S.
I think you should still give a gift. If you can't afford to give a gift right now that you can feel good about, it's fine to give a gift later when money is less tight due to the expenses of the wedding. For example, if they registered for something like china, you can check a month or two after the wedding to see if there are any place settings left and buy one. Or you can get something that's sentimental - we have a lovely blanket that someone got us at Things Remembered that has our names and wedding date. It wasn't expensive but is still beautiful and something we have in our room. Someone else got us a great picnic basket/cooler that was really cool and we still use that pretty regularly. A personalized silver photo frame also makes a nice gift. Personalization Mall has some really cool gifts that are sentimental and reasonably priced, as does Red Envelope.
I was the only one in the family who loved antiques. Going to a family wedding I brought the bowl my great aunt gave me out of her collection. It's a family treasure. I had some teaspoons made of silver. Old long time in the family and I gave them to a cousin who got married.
A few summers ago the daughter of a friend of mine whom I had known since she was born got married. I gave them a special woven china tray from one of my travels in Eastern Europe.
Family heirlooms even those of cloth a wonderful presents in the family.
Since your daughter is part of the wedding AND you guys have travel costs, you don't need to give a gift. Plus, I don't think they will notice that you didn't give them a gift and even if they do notice, they shouldn't be offended. If you must give a gift, just get what you can afford. They aren't going to be comparing size or value. HTH :)
Gifts are not required but it sounds like you would feel weird if you didn't give something.
Yes, you are attending the wedding so you should give a gift.
I am in the exact same position, A.. Both of my children are in the wedding. It's out of state also, dress/shoes for my daughter, hair, suit rental for my son, 5 nights hotel, meals, etc. It is costing more than I had orginally anticipated. I feel badly saying that I'm almost regretting the decision, although know it will be a wonderful time. I am going to still give a small gift costing $25 or so.
Have to say you still have to give a gift but I'd keep it small. A close friend gave me our wedding invitation framed (not a particularly expensive frame at all I think but it fit the look of the invitation really well.) She gave us other things too but that's the one I really remember and appreciate often bc I see it. It's really one of the best wedding gifts I got and I bet it cost $20...
At my wedding, a friend, a professional musician, played and sent me a nice card and told me his playing was the gift, which I thought was perfectly fine. His mother, also a professional musician, also played in the wedding, got us a gift, and hosted a shower. Point being, since your daughter's role in sorta a gift, I'm okay with sending them a nice card and leave it at that. Or if you feel guilty, give them a gift card ($20) or a photo of them and your daughter in a frame and call it a day. Granted, she's not playing an instrument, but she's also not going to drink a lot of alcohol at the reception.
These things get crazy expensive. Only do what you find comfortable. You don't want to be mad at yourself later on.
Do you sew? My grandmother made us a wedding quilt and it is the only wedding gift we still have and cherish. She even had all my aunts and uncles write a message of good will on it.
