My husband and I were invited to a wedding tomorrow. The invitation had no mention of our 2 yr old daughter so when we responded, we had planned to go without her. My parents were supposed to babysit her but they decided to go on their trip early (they were supposed to leave the day after the wedding). I'm wondering what the best thing is to do.
1. Go to the church ceremony with our child but don't attend the reception.
2. Don't go to the wedding at all since our child wasn't invited, send the gift to the couple and explain why we weren't at the wedding.
I'm leaning towards option 2 (Update: We don't know the couple well anyway. I don't have their number) but I'm having a hard time coming up with a tactful way to explain why we weren't going to be there. Thanks.
Thank you for all your comments. I couldn't get another sitter (some options were going to the wedding!) and my dear husband ended up not being able to go (long story) too so I'm stayed home with our daughter. The couple are nice people and I'm sure they will understand. I remember having a no-kids wedding and the people whose kids we were specifically trying to avoid brought their kids so I'm extra sensitive about bringing kids. The last wedding I brought my daughter to (she was invited), I was in the wedding party and my husband couldn't keep her quiet even though she is generally very mellow. He kept getting in the way of the camera man, trying to chase after my daughter. It was a hectic weekend as it is. I know how much receptions cost (I'm grateful for the reminders) and I feel bad because I found a way to get in touch with them AFTER the wedding was over. Argh! I sent them their gift today. Thanks again.
This is a difficult one. Some of my friends did not attend my wedding after saying they would. I really think they had no idea how much money we had spent for their dinners and appetizers. Note: they had less traditional lifestyles.
How close are you to the couple getting married?
That might be the determining factor.
Children/babies are never included in wedding invitations. Go with option 2, unless you can find another babysitter, but no explanation is necessary.
L.
I would contact someone in the wedding party and see if someone knows someone that can help you. Just not showing will make the bride mad. I guess if that isn't an option it depends on how much you want to have a relationship with the couple afterward.
I think it would be fine to say something like "I'm sorry we were unable to attend. Our babysitter had to cancel at the last minute and we didn't want our child to disrupt the ceremony. Please accept our sincerest apologies and congratulations on your marriage." This avoids any hint of blame that they didn't invite your child, and I don't think it says you have a bad child or anything negative about any of you. All children make noise, they want to move instead of sit still, etc, and most people will be very understanding of that (if only after having a child themselves). Good luck!
Get another basbysitter and go to the wedding.
If your daughter is not on the invitation then she is not invited. I would not bring her to the wedding. If they wanted small children in attendance they would have invited her. You could either pay a babysitter to watch your daughter while you attend( they have planned on you attending) or if you don't have a babysitter you can pay or money to do that then ask a friend to watch your daughter in exchange for you watching children for them. If that doesn't work then don't go and send the gift with a note expressing your regrets at not being able to attend. You do not need to go into details. You could just say that that you had something come up with your family.
Go with #2. If you aren't that close to the couple then it should not be a big deal. Send them their gift and explain the circumstances in a note about your child care falling through at the last minute. If they didn't want children at their wedding they will be glad you didn't bring her.
I would also lean toward option #2. It is the easiest way to resolve the situation.
Gillian,
Try to get another sitter first. If that's not possible, try whitepages.com and look up the bride or groom's name and give them a call to say your sitter fell through and you'll send their gift. If they don't mind if your child goes, they'll tell you then. But they are paying for your dinner whether you're there or not so a call to them would be courteous. If they aren't listed, think of a mutual acquaintance or friend who might have their number and go from there.
That said, I COMPLETELY DISAGREE with people who said young children are not welcome at weddings. I read all the replies and I feel bad the one lady's day was ruined by her thoughtless brother and SIL but it sounds like the child was welcome--the parents are the ones who behaved poorly. I think the others who said "no children at all" are being polite . . . some folks definitely do not want kids at their wedding but some people truly don't mind having children attend. The flower girl and ring bearer aren't hidden in closets until it's time for their duties and then put back, are they?
If you know your child would behave well during the ceremony and reception (and naps count as good behavior!) lol let that be your final factor in whether or not you look for a sitter, see if she can attend or decide that one of you will attend alone.
I think you're very kind to consider their feelings in this. Just know that some people would be more disappointed if you didn't go than if you ended up bringing a well-behaved child.
D.
oh no just saw this msg, oops.. i hope you decided of what to do... i would have informed the bride and groom that your babysitter backed out and had to go out of town earlier than expected and that u cannot come to the wedding.. and yes give them a gift as well...
I disagree with the person who said call and see if you can bring the child. NO ONE WANTS A SMALL CHILD at their wedding, unless it is a relative. It is not fair to the bride and groom and frankly not fair to the child as they are too young to behave in a ceremony. If you can get another babysitter go for it. If you cannot, then they would appreciate knowing that you cannot attend because they probably have to pay a caterer for your meal. Or, you go without your spouse.
I'd find a way to let them know. They will understand, and are too busy now to really even be disappointed. However, they have paid for a certain # of meals, and with you and your husband not attending, they would be able to allow some other guests to bring a date. (We did this with some of my husband's friends.) They will notice at some point that you aren't/weren't there and that would be rude of you to not call.
oh my dear gillian!
there is no need for tact here (although it's lovely that you're being so courteous and sensitive.) the couple will probably send YOU a gift for being smart enough not to bring an uninvited toddler to their wedding.
send a gift and have a fun afternoon without having to put on nylons.
:) khairete
S.
Option #2 difintely. Just tell them your babysitters cancelled at the last minute and you're sorry you were not able to attend. Send a gift with your note, and it will all be fine.
I think it is perfectly acceptable to send the gift and card. Inside the card explain that you planned to attend and would have loved to but at the last minute your child care plans fell through. You're being perfectly reasonable.
Hi, Gillian, Can someone else watch your daughter? Can one of you go? If you don't go, please try to figure out a way to let them know you are not coming; depending on what type of reception they are having, they could be paying $50-100/person or more!
Definitely call and ask if it's ok to bring her. I'm sure there will be no problem and you never know, they may have assumed you WOULD be bringing her and when you only RSVPd for two people that may have made sense to them since they may assume that she would most likely sit on your lap and eat from your plate. Who knows... And you'll never know unless you ask.
I wouldn't hesitate bringing my 2 year old to a wedding I was invited to - if they invite me, they should know I come with a child as well....and then you can congratulate her, and look around the room to see if there are other kids going to the reception as well....sit in the back and be prepared to leave if your DD cries. I'm sure she wouldn't mind having a little guest at her wedding...however, if you really don't want to go any way, she probably won't notice who is and isn't there during the ceremony...weddings are so busy and fast any way and she has more things to worry about than who did/didn't show up (I still don't remember half of my wedding day haha). You could drop by the reception site to drop off the gift and sign the guest book and then leave before food is served. Send a little note saying how beautiful she looked, etc and she will never know the difference.
Thats a tough one at this late date. If there is no one else in the area that you'd trust with your daughter - - I like the idea that someone mentioned about one of you going. I agree that taking your daughter to the ceremony would most likely be a disaster, she isn't at an age where sitting still or being quiet is likely. If one of you is comfortable going, then the couple wouldn't feel like you dissed them ... since I know how much weddins cost these days, it would be hard to swallow two empty plates at the reception.
You are really nice to be so sensitive to the wedding couple's feelings! How about only one of you going to the wedding, the one who knows the bride or groom best? You could go to the reception long enough to get thru the receiving line and explain why the other person isn't there. I would NOT bring the child to the ceremony, that would be the hardest thing for a youngster to sit thru quietly, and you don't want to be blamed for "ruining" their wedding video! Good luck and have fun, whatever you decide to do.
We had a small wedding in our home. My 2 year old nephew cried the whole time during the cermemony. I was upset that my brother or s-i-l didn't take him outside once he started. Whenever we look back at our wedding video we can't even hear the preacher or ourselves say our vows because of the crying. Our special time was ruined. I wanted to stop in the middle of the ceremony and ask them to go outside. I love my family but it sad that our special day ended like that. I'm sure you have more class and would leave if your daughter started crying but please don't risk your daughter crying at the wedding...and you having to get up during the ceremony! It is unfair also to expect a 2 year to sit still and be quiet all that time. I think since you don't know the couple very well they wouldn't be upset if you explained the situation. I also like the suggestion that just one of you go. Good luck
If these are people you know well then I would call them and explain that you cannot come b/c your sitter is no longer available. If they do not mind if you bring your child then I am sure they will encourage you to come and bring the child along. If you do not know them well enough to call then I would not worry about not being there and would do exactly what you suggested and write them a nice note explaining that your sitter canceled last minute and you were not able to make it and send it along with the gift.
Best Wishes!
As soon as possible, call the bride/groom and let them know that you cannot attend the reception because your child care plans backed-out...even if it is very late notice. This is very important for both food numbers and seating plans. Eventhough it is very late, definitely try to contact someone.
You can either attend the ceremony with your child assuming it is not during nap time/potential cranky time or opt to not attend either event. Definitely call about the reception ASAP.
I would find a way to get in touch w/ a friend or family member, they will know if kids are allowed or not. Maybe she just didnt know your childs name to put it on the invite.
If you chose not to go then I would just state exactly why you didnt go. Since your childs name was not on the invite you thought no kids were allowed and your babysitter cancelled last minute.
Weddings are such a pain! I got married last year and some of the etiquette is still fresh in my mind. If you don't know them well I would say not to go and send a gift. If your child isn't on the invitation, it means they're not invited. If you brought yours, others would wonder why they couldn't do the same. Obviously if you knew them better, you'd probably have their number and you could easily call to let them know the situation, but that's irrelevant here.
Hey, it's raining anyway. There's no tactful way to tell them anything. Just the facts-that's all you need. Send the gift, write in the card and tell them your babysitter fell through. That's it. They may later say, "oh you could have brought her." Easy to say now that it's all over.
Enjoy your night in with your girl!!
