Wearing a Bra

My 12 year old started wearing bras last year. We went to Target and got some sports bras. We bought them a little on the large side so they are not uncomfortable. They are basically like a short tanktop with thin bra straps. She also started wearing anti perspirant after they had the health class in school about hormones and periods and body odor (separating boys and girls). They were sent home with samples of products, including some panti liners, pads, small deodorant.
Like others said, if you do not talk to her about why she needs to, some mean girls are going to point it out soon, or some boy is going to tease her.

honestly the ONLY way for her to probably lean is for her classmates/friends to point out that she is getting bo or that she is starting to point through her shirt.

Oh my god you are describing the creature sitting next to me, she is eleven as well. First week of school someone must have said something, she won't talk about it, all I know is she has showered every morning since, wears deodorant, and a bra ever since.

Oh, yeah, my favorite, I would make sure she was completely dressed in the morning then would go to the bathroom and take her bra off. It was like she wouldn't do it till she wanted to do it.

I simply told my daughter the truth.

A) Girls can be really mean and if she walks around with body odor they will comment loudly and to everyone and a nickname will follow and it will be a downhill slide from there. No one wants to be the kid that stinks.

B) She is beginning puberty and so are boys and if she walks around with her breasts not in a bra they will notice and she will, without a doubt, receive unwanted attention. They are more obvious when not wearing appropriate undergarments. Boys notice nipples. Gross but true. They will also comment loudly and to everyone that they can see your daughter's "boobs".

Bottom line, she wants to be noticed, but not for the wrong reasons that, at this age, could have disastrous effects.

I also bought really cute (but Wal-Mart or Target cheap) bra and panty sets that spoke to her girlishness. It was like her cute little secret and also made her feel more mature. I let her pick out the scent of her deoderant and bought a matching scented body spray. It helped.

I would sit her down and ask her what the deal is. She isn't smelling nice without the deoderant and she needs a bra. They ARE itchy and something to get used to, but if she wears it, she'll get used to it. Would she wear a sports bra? Would she wear a different style of regular bra (there's the ones with fabric cups, molded cups, underwire...is she in the right size?)? Did she choose them or did you?

My DH's friend is allergic to deoderant. So she showers often and I think in the 10 years I've known her, I've only noticed once or twice. If your DD gets a rash or simply refuses deoderant, then she must bathe accordingly. There were times we told SS in particular "you must take a shower." To this day I don't know what his chemistry is but I can pick out a towel he used, even if he took a shower. Ick.

I would rather have an uncomfortable talk with my child than have someone pick on her. Tip: Talking in the car can be easier. She doesn't have to look at you.

She'll be even more self conscience when her peers begin to notice and comment on the changes.

"Honey, you're not a little girl any more, you becoming a young lady and you need to start taking care of yourself. I know bras are sometimes uncomfortable but you can no longer go without one. The choice is up to you, remember to put one on and to use your deodorant or I'm going to become a horrible nag and bug you every day reminding you and watching as you do it to make sure you do."

Honestly, if she is still in an A cup I would not push the issue, but once she starts needing a larger cup then I would push it more. As for deodorant, simply ask her if she really wants her classmates to point out to her how badly she smells.

I think 'I Love My Boys' is right. Let her choose what she likes.

Then, I would talk to her about why you want her to wear both.....not so much that she won't smell or look better, but that you are trying to save her from the embarrassing moment at school when someone else decides she should have already done so.

Maybe allow her to try them out over the weekend so she doesn't feel so weird about it while at school?

Ugh....being a girl at that age is HARD! There are soooo many new changes and expectations....and having hormones on top of all that! GL to you both! :)

Reminds me of myself when I was 11. I just really didn't understand the need for such things. What had the most impression was a gym teacher pointing out that I needed deodorant and then going shopping with girlfriends my own age to purchase bras. Maybe have some aunts or teens talk with her about why these things are needed.

My daughter wears her bra to bed. I can't imagine that it's comfortable. I hate having to wear a bra so I sympathize with your daughter. She may be able to get used to the feeling of being restricted and unable to breathe properly (who invented these things?) or perhaps you can find a style that is less uncomfortable.

You daughter can also try wearing a sports bra, or a cami with built in shelf bra might be more comfortable. If that doesn't work how about baggy shirts in a thicker fabric that won't show that she's not wearing a bra underneath?

My D does not want to do either and she is ten.
She is not totally needing a bra yet, but close.
Embarrassing her would work, but I too am looking for a less traumatic way.

I don't think that my girls would refuse to wear one or deodarant.Was shr fitted for the bra?I hope it's not underwire either that would be uncomfortable for her age to wear.Did she help you pick out what she wanted to wear involve her in thos as much as possible including the deodarant fragrances.I just took my 9 yr old to his well visit appt. & well the perdatrician asked if deodarant is being used I said no not yet didn't see a need to yet well she said it's ok to begin or wait a while longer so i'm like OK if he needs it fine but if not yet then i'll wait awhile.But making sure that I involve my child in the picking it out part is a must.

Sit her down and talk to her. Ask why she doesn't want to wear them and explain to her why she should. See if you can find a good book about puberty to help her understand what's happening.
Take her shopping with you. Let her choose the bra and the deodorant she uses. Maybe if she has a little say in it, she'll be more likely to wear them.

My daughter started wearing deodorant when she was about 8 or so. I didn't have any of the issues you're going through. However, sometimes my daughter prefers sports bras instead of her regular bras. Maybe you can try that first, just to get her used to it.